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phoenixianCrystallist Crew
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 Posted: Mon Sep 08, 2008 7:47 pm
xd The only spat of money-giving I saw with my friend was basically the same reason, actually. Sibling with kids needed money otherwise the kids'd be out in the street. She said outright she didn't care if her brother was living in the street, but she won't see the kids living out of a cardboard box. But anyway...
I don't know if I'll have enough money to come with you on the road-trip, but if I do, feel free to kidnap me! ^o^ Maybe getting away from Omaha for a while will help me out. o_O Dunno what I need help with, I just know I need to get away. It's been YEARS since I've been out of state. Not counting crossing the river. Iowa's not really worth mentioning, since I could WALK there. >.>
NEGATIVE BANK ACCOUNTS SUCK. I know, I've been in the red a few times myself, but that's mostly just because I'm terrible at money managing. But I'm getting better. I still haven't figured out the secret, though. I'm keeping careful track, and my money still manages to trickle away even though I'm TRYING to save up for a laptop. crying
...
Wait, what, I'm awesome? o_O HOW'D THAT COME ABOUT WITHOUT ME NOTICING?!?!
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Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 12:41 pm
Um...Because I said so? XD
But yeah, I'm trying to save up too. Not for a laptop, I got one of those years ago. But for another car. So I can high-tail it out of here. Wow that sounded so hick in my mind...ugh....Anyway...
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phoenixianCrystallist Crew
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Posted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 3:25 pm
*is a hick, thanx ^o^*
Yeah, I should be saving up for a car, but with gas prices making EVERYTHING ELSE skyrocket into oblivion, I'm just going for my laptop and glasses, and after that, college. >< I need to apply for grants and things...
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Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 2:34 pm
*sighs* Guess what? I got a boyfriend...I should be happy about that idea...right?
So, I had met the guy at an anime convention last year, and met his again through the couple I was hanging out/sleeping with. We started talking, liked each other a lot, and decided that we wanted to be boyfriends.
...why doesn't that sound great to me?
I think it's a matter of yes, I do like him, and a lot too, but that's it...I like him, nothing more. He's the nicest guy, pretty cute(to me at least), and around my age...but with that(and much much more) I don't really feel...anything.
I think I saw a chance for a boyfriend and said OMG PICK ME! without actually considering how much I'd like him...
It's a recent thing, so I'm going to try and see how it all plays out, give him(and myself) a chance and such but...i think it's a case of 'if I don't like him like that, I don't want to just keep leading him on and hurt him more in the end'...
You know, none of these things I talk about when talking about guys is ever pleasant...so I'm just going to say I LOVE YOU ALL! has the little happy note at the end of the emo-ness
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AldrickZearse Vice Captain
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phoenixianCrystallist Crew
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Posted: Mon Sep 15, 2008 5:14 pm
Byne, Sasuke is emo, you aren't. oO I understand perfectly what you mean, even though I've never actually dated anyone. There were plenty of people (of both genders) where I knew I loved them, but I never knew if I loved them enough, you know? I could never tell if my feelings were deep enough to call them my beloved, and eventually those feelings resolved themselves into simple, if strong, friendship and affection for the person--but never outright romantic love. Every time I thought I might be able to fall in love with a person, my feelings never got farther than intense crush--and worse, with one exception, they never knew. Because I was always scared that if I tried to make the relationship more than it was, and it didn't work out in the end, that I'd lose that person and the friendship that I treasured with them. I always told myself "It's enough that s/he's my friend, I can live with just that," but deep down, always, always I knew I wanted something more. I desperately want someone I can live with, laugh with, cry with, and at the end of the day, honestly say "I love you" and have the words returned. It's even getting to the point where I'm wondering if I will ever find that person, or if I'm doomed to search for love the rest of my life, and never find it. I know I should admit my feelings to someone when I think I might be in love, but the fear of rejection, or worse, losing that person as a friend always stops me. The only reason one of my previous crushes knows I had that crush on him was because a year after I had gotten over him, he crushed on me, and I had to shoot him down because I simply didn't feel anything more than friendship and brotherly love for him. I truly believe that if I do find someone I can love with all my heart and soul, then the feelings I have won't die down, and eventually I'll build up the courage to confess, but until that happens, I'll just repeat the same cycle of crush-deny-repeat over and over again. ... Wow, I'm sorry I just rambled about myself there, when I'm supposed to be helping you out. o_o I guess I needed to get that off my chest. What I was trying to say was I know how you feel, and you should tell him how you feel before you make the same mistakes I have. If anything more can develop between you two, then confessing how you feel won't shove him away. But if not, then know you'll always have a shoulder to cry on in me. Heart, man. ~Mizu
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Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:58 pm
Aw, thanks Mizu...but we decided to just be friends for now. Though, I will admit I'm a little worried that he thinks it's definite that I'd get back with him, when I'm not so sure...
Then there's the fact that one of my friends was talking to me. He asked how the bf thing was going, I told him what happened, and he literally said "...oh...well, then how about a date?"...and I decided why not and told him yes.
So...my life is getting weirder for me...Love you all even more now!
-Byne/Aldrick/Joe
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AldrickZearse Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 3:56 pm
maaaaaaaaaaaaah, I wan my mommmy!
I know it sounds so immature, but her times been eaten up so much i hardly see her. She's either too tired to see me, too busy..or her stupid sister keep ruing any plans I make with her!
uugh i hate her!!!(my aunt) I hate her I hate her i hate her!!
I'm tired of feelign sorry for being born, tired fo feelign guilty for being the offpsring of my father, tired fo feeling sorry for being raised and having money spent on em to eat, tired of feleing like I did some crime in living in my own home, tired of feeling guilty for just..just- JUST BEING ALIVE!!!
MY FATHERS A GREAT MAN DAMNIT! IJUST BECAUSE NONE OF YOUR MARRAGES WORKED DOESN'T MEAN MY PARENTS SHOULD OR DO HAVEPROBLEMS!
She be-littles he's flirting, his ideas, his decitions, she treat my da dlike crap, and me as well. And ever since i was little it's been liek I was the chian that kept mom fomr leaving him before she had to start wokring for a living!
Like thatsa crime or something?!
Excuse us for not being rich and having everything hande dot us!
I worked so hard, so hard to get the cash to go for tea, i reserved a day..a dn waht happens?... my aunt re-arranged for some shitty blood test for both ehr andmom to have.. that MOM doesn't need, but she HAS to do it, since her sister is too.. it's a SISTER thing-, and hence no outing for me and mom today.
I WISH SHE'D JUST GO HOME ALREADY!!!
*heaves*
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Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 5:46 pm
Enjiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!! *huggles* You make me cry! crying Worse because I dunno how to help you!
Just vent, sometimes it helps. oO
And keep trying to have an outing with your mom--out-stubborn your Aunt until you can spend some time with your mom, and keep letting your parents know you love them, even if they don't get to see you a lot. Maybe eventually they'll reserve a day just to be with you, and don't ever give up hope.
And just to tick her off and confuse her, be really freaking nice to your aunt. As I read on a bumper sticker: "Love your enemies. (It'll confuse the crap out of them!)" Even better, it works. I know from experience. twisted
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phoenixianCrystallist Crew
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AldrickZearse Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 3:45 pm
[Hello, my name is Joe, and I get stressed about EVERYTHING!!!]
-_-; It's true.
I mean, there's enough stuff happening in my own life(cell bill payment problems, dates that stand me up, my grandmother going to the hospital recently...and this is all in the past week). So...why do I have to try and help my friends with their problems?
The two friends I'm talking about are one is currently going through her mother and stepfather(I think, though she calls him dad...) divorcing, and another friend is dealing with losing her first boyfriend that she loved and then he was an a** after telling her he 'needed some time to himself'. Considering she saw him once every 2 weeks(maybe once a week if she was lucky)...well, yeah. So I end up talking to them, helping them with anything they might need...and get myself stressed out even more.
Doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping well lately, and my mother came in this past weekend(she sleeps in my room, cause my room is huge and has an extra bed, but her and my stepfather don't seem to consider the fact that I sleep during the day, so they keep coming in, rifling through things, and talking to the cats or someone downstairs or my seemingly unconscious form...UGH!). Love my mother, but I'm wondering if I'll be able to stand having her thanksgiving weekend...
Let's pop in the fact that I'm horny as all get out, just to spice things up a notch(seems a little adult back there...)
You know, let's also add in the fact that I've been forcing myself to eat lately, just cause I haven't been hungry(and I'm not anorexic >_<) and might be getting sick cause I haven't really been eating lately.
Maybe all this is why my family keeps thinking I smoke or drink or do drugs when I do none...*head/desk repeatedly* God I'm tired...someone let something good happen?
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Posted: Mon Nov 17, 2008 5:21 pm
*gives you a brownie* o.o; Good?
Sorry that you're having it so rough, Al. ._.
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Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2008 1:31 am
Byne Maleducato [Hello, my name is Joe, and I get stressed about EVERYTHING!!!] -_-; It's true. I mean, there's enough stuff happening in my own life(cell bill payment problems, dates that stand me up, my grandmother going to the hospital recently...and this is all in the past week). So...why do I have to try and help my friends with their problems? The two friends I'm talking about are one is currently going through her mother and stepfather(I think, though she calls him dad...) divorcing, and another friend is dealing with losing her first boyfriend that she loved and then he was an a** after telling her he 'needed some time to himself'. Considering she saw him once every 2 weeks(maybe once a week if she was lucky)...well, yeah. So I end up talking to them, helping them with anything they might need...and get myself stressed out even more. Doesn't help that I haven't been sleeping well lately, and my mother came in this past weekend(she sleeps in my room, cause my room is huge and has an extra bed, but her and my stepfather don't seem to consider the fact that I sleep during the day, so they keep coming in, rifling through things, and talking to the cats or someone downstairs or my seemingly unconscious form...UGH!). Love my mother, but I'm wondering if I'll be able to stand having her thanksgiving weekend... Let's pop in the fact that I'm horny as all get out, just to spice things up a notch(seems a little adult back there...) You know, let's also add in the fact that I've been forcing myself to eat lately, just cause I haven't been hungry(and I'm not anorexic >_<) and might be getting sick cause I haven't really been eating lately. Maybe all this is why my family keeps thinking I smoke or drink or do drugs when I do none...*head/desk repeatedly* God I'm tired...someone let something good happen? Aww... Al, sorry to hear about all that. ._.; I know how frustrating it could get to be going through so much emotionally, yet at the same time have to juggle other people's problems. And what's even MORE frustrating is that you take the time to help these people through their hard times, but yet they don't even take your advice, haha! Anyway... Honestly, Al, after reading this I could say that you're an awesome guy. To take the time to help others, expecting nothing in return, while at the same time struggle with your own personal life... I mean, that's very nobel of you. It's tough, I know, which is probably why I stopped talking to people at a skin-deep level because I grew tired of the same drama everyday, you know? You literally run out of things to say, that's how repetitive it gets... But what got me through the times where I struggled with my own personal life and the lives of others was talking to someone else, like my Youth Pastor or another friend, who's willing to do the same for you as you do for others. When it comes to sleeping habits, ugh... mine are terrible, haha! My biological clock it so off it's not even funny... The only thing I could suggest is to sleep at night, if possible, since everyone and everything else does the same. This way you could catch up with your sleeping. And who knows, maybe your restlessness is tied in with your appetite. Hope things get better for you, sir. You'll be in my prayers. 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 6:35 pm
Recently ive been getting heart palpatations, sometimes their bad sometimes their okay but the most annoying thing is they happen almost everyday. I've talked to my counceller about them but they tell me i need to relax, i have been a bit stressed with work and stuff... I dont know how to unwind...
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 4:56 pm
no more weed no more weed, no more weeed, ******** that, ******** that!!!!
its been 2 hours since i got home, my mate fell concussed, and i couldnt do a thing, his friends where fine, their taking careo fhim, i hardly knew him, my taxi came, i took the taxi and got as far asway as there as i could. I did help though, i told them to keep him awake, KEEP HIM TALKING!
That was just one of my latest Trips....2 hours ago (11:30.pm)
Mind fog.
Hello,
my concentration, my memory, my sense of fullness, purpose, connection to people and the world: where have they gone?
I've had a tough year, I know. Had a total breakdown and dealt with it. Grew out of it, then felt depressed, full of despair and with obsessions about death. I dealt with that too, and also with a lost self esteem and confidence. Confidence is being rebuilt, and I see great improvements. Yet I still feel depressed from time to time, obsessing about ugly thoughts, with headaches, although most of the psychosomatic symptoms are gone. It's tough, but I know all of this can be replaced. What troubles me the most lately is the sense of not thinking well, and I think this is the so-called "mind fog". Though, sometimes I worry it's something more serious, as I forget things easily. When I start conversation with somebody, sometimes I go completely blank, and when I get angry, I get the feeling I'm almost going blind. Yes, I've been through a lot of stress, and now? When will I feel normal again?
Sometimes I make an extreme effort to think and concentrate about something. For example, I try to think about a project, and it's extremely difficult, like a physical obstruction, my brain doesn't want to go there. It makes me feel somewhat neurologically handicapped...
I hope this is going to improve with time. What do you think? Did anyone experience similar feelings?
Cheers.
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Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 7:31 pm
Fuu, I'm going to have to agree with an earlier statement you made: "no more weed." I don't think anything more needs to be said on that topic. The mind fog can be fixed. Are you getting enough sleep? Eating right? Keeping active? Any one of those is enough to bring a mental fog, and fixing it is as simple as getting enough sleep, eating the right foods, or getting up and doing something, depending on if you're... well... not doing any of those. sweatdrop How serious is your going completely blank in conversations? Is it just mild "OMG BRAIN FART" moments, or something more serious, like you just completely blank out for a while with no idea what anyone said? If it's just the brain farts, don't worry about it, it happens to me all the time. If it's not, then... I dunno. oo; Try some memory exercises, like trying to remember your friend's phone numbers or... if you've ever played the game Memory, you could try that. If not... well, PM me and I can describe it to you. n_n No sense wasting space if you already know what it is, right? And when you get angry and you feel like you're going blind, how do you mean that? Physically blind, or like blind to everything around you, like others' feelings or attempts to calm you down or anything? I know when I fly off the handle, my vision is tinted red and there's NO calming me down until I wear my anger out. As for your trouble just thinking, sometimes it's best not to, you know? It is possible to think too much, and your brain goes into automatic shutdown when you do. Just take a step back and don't think about anything for a while. Give your gears time to cool and they'll be ready to work again in no time. n_n I usually do this in the bathtub. Just stare up at the ceiling while up to my neck in hot water and soak for a while. It helps a lot, really. n_n If you're really worried about getting better, there's a really simple exercise you can do that helps out. Whenever you start to worry about it again, just tell yourself "but I'm better than I was yesterday, and I'll get better tomorrow," even if it isn't true. The mind works in weird ways, and if you can convince yourself that you are getting better, then you really will be getting better! n_n And if you ever need anyone to rant and rail at, or just talk to, you can always PM me or something. I'm always willing to listen, and maybe I can give you a giggle or two to brighten your day. I think I'll offer my first attempt now: 
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phoenixianCrystallist Crew
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Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:11 pm
Don't worry fuu! When I go up to England, I'll be your sympathetic lightning rod of problems! biggrin
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