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Wah! crying I have to spork this, so dibs are mine. Haven't actually read it yet but OMG the summary screams canon-rape and there's MansexxRoxas non-con.....*dies*

here Not right, so wrong.

*revives thread* gonk

I am the Grim Reaper of dead threads ninja

...

-goes to find something to spork- 8D

I hate sporks, I do... just because it hurts people...

But RikuOC writers will never come NEAR here, so it ain't hurtin' anybody! (and if does I apologize ten-fold crying )

I'm bored. ...*evil grin*

Bamboozled! written by person I don't really care about.

Disclaimer: The ONLY thing I own is Shaxlend. This story is somewhat similar to She’s the Man, in a way.
Riku: Well, at least you don't believe you own me...
Sora: crying Thank god.
Kairi: She's the Man? ...I'm already scared.

Ch. 1 – Welcome, sir.

My name? Shaxlend. My gender? Female… that is, for now. I know what you’re thinking, “WTF.”

Riku: You apparently don't read minds, because I thought, "This story's gonna suck."

I am going undercover as a boy, to trick Riku to come back to darkness.

Sora: Apparently she's... going to change gender magically. Not just dress up like a boy and remain a girl. Oh no. "She's a real boy!"
Kairi: ...that was a terrible Pinnochio reference.
Riku: Agreed.
Sora: Shut-up and continue the spork. ¬¬;

How rude am I? Well, apparently you don’t know me.

Sora: Of course we don't know you! You gave us your name and gender!

Well let me give you some background before we start… (Her info. is in my profile.)

Kairi: Whoa. That was a lot of information right there. I think my head just exploded from all that... learning.

As we all know, I live in the World that Never Was, before that I was hidden in Radiant Garden or Hollow Bastion; whatever name floats your boat.

Riku: ...I didn't know that you lived in the World that Never Was... or that you were... blahblahblah-ed...
Sora: "Float float float my boat, quickly down the stream... frantic'ly, frantic'ly, frantic'ly, frantic'ly, before OCs get to meeee...."

Well, when Organization XIII rebelled, they stole his experiments and took the others and I to the World that Never Was. After that Keyblade Master defeated the Organization, Maleficent took over the Castle and we all became her minions. Of course, I was her favorite minion.

Kairi: Hold up, I'm lost.
Sora: So am I...
Riku: I think the author's trying to say.... ...*five minutes pass* ...that's she was a damsel in distress.
Sora/Kairi: Ooooh...

I was never raised with love.

Sora: Neither was I. I was raised with my mom and dad.

Just the experimenting from Ansem the Wise and Vexen, and, of course, the teasing from the other members. The only family I’ve ever had, were the other experiments. We’re not humans; we range from fairies to gnomes.

Riku: Since when were there gnomes and fairies in Kingdom Hearts?! This isn't Harry Potter or WHATEVER.
Talking hat: Sora is in Hogwarts! Riku is in Slytherin! Kairi's in Hufflepuff!
Sora: *beats hat with Keyblade*

Of course, Ansem the Wise and Vexen wanted to study the differences between our hearts and human hearts.

Riku: Oh, that's right, I forgot. Ansem the Wise was a b*****d who couldn't leave a good experiment alone, even after he realized that he caused the Nobodies to like... start destroying the entire universe. And... wasn't Vexen killed by Axel? You were there, Sora! Tell them!
Sora: ...I don't remember.
(KH:CoM reference in case you didn't catch it. xD )

About being the favorite… I’m a fairy and a mage.

Kairi: And here I was, just thinking you were a normal girl about to become a real boy.
Riku: *laughs*
Sora: How come it's funny when SHE says it?!

I’m a VERY good mage at that. Having said power, Maleficent likes to use me to fight. Even though she hasn’t chose anyone for me to go up against, she uses me for training.

Kairi: Training for... what? A Pokémon battle?
Sora: I bet she's level 3 and her only attack is SHRIEK.

The training for what she had in mind, well, now I know she’s crazy.

Sora: ... well DUH she's crazy. I mean look at her! She's green!
Shrek: I'm green!
Sora: ...you're also crazy.

So now, I am standing here at a table, with a contract in front of me, and a pen in my hand.

Riku: But how are you writing all this then if there's a contract in front of you?
Sora: She's writing this story on the contract, duh.

I roll my eyes at the paper, “Well doesn’t give me much a choice, does it?” Maleficent did her cackle, “My dear, you know how much I admire your strength, but I own you.” I scoff, “If you admire me; why is the other choice, death?” Her face turned cold, “Because I am telling you to do this.” I throw the pen down, “So what is the contract for!” She picks up the pen, “If you fail, this is a reminder of how you will pay.”

Sora: Whoa! She's totally schizophrenic(sp?) Or else there's a lack in paragraphs.
Kairi: I sure wouldn't argue with someone who could potentially kill me.

I skim over the contract once more; I read aloud at one part that caught my eye, “Said patron is required to… change appearance for the success of said task!” I cringe as she chuckles, “Do you think you would be able to trick him as a girl?” My eyes widen, “A sex change!” She laughed once more, I’m telling you, I’m going to kill her one day, “No, no; just your hair and wardrobe. Now please, sign the contract.”

Riku: Still talking to herself, I see.
Sora: She's not becoming a real boy, then?
Kairi: ...apparently not. If you're going to kill her one day, why not just do it NOW?
Riku: Then she'd never get a chance to meet... THE SEXY RIKU.
Sora/Kairi: -_- Of course.

I sigh and sign it. After the signing, she sends me backs into the dungeons where everyone else resides.

Sora: DUNGEON?! SWEET! Let's play a game called, "Find as many treasure chests as you can!"
Kairi: But this is the non-playable level. Just a cut-scene.
Sora: ...dammit!

My best friend, a mermaid named Melody, asks me, “What did she want?” I sigh as I sit on the edge of her pool, “I’m going on a mission.” She gasps, “You’re… leaving the castle?” I sigh once more, “It seems so. Remember Riku? Well I have to spend a year at this school as a boy, to trick him to come back into darkness. Her eyes widen, “A whole year? When are you leaving?” I look away, “Tonight.”

Riku: And then Shaxlend kisses Melody in a fiery passion, and they have really weird, twisted sex in Melody's private pool!
Sora/Kairi: *inch away slowly*
Riku: -_- I was kidding. ...I hope.

Everyone knew all about the Keyblade Master, the Organization XIII, and the whole battle because we heard the stories.

Sora: Sweet, I'm famous!
Kairi: O_o Were there hidden security cameras in the castle or WHAT? The only survivors that witnessed that battle were you and Riku... and you guys went back to the islands!
Sora: They played the game. DUH.

Now I’m on a gummi being sent to Destiny Islands Day School.

Kairi: I prefer to ride Jello Lines, thanks.
Sora: Day school?! We're not preschoolers!! crying

However, it’s a boarding school and I’m rooming with Riku.

Sora: How come I'm not rooming with my best friend?!
Riku: They kicked you out of my room after they caught us... um... *cough,* remember?
Sora: Oooh yeah... that was fun.
Kairi: Please keep this conversation for a time when Kairi's not here crying ;

I keep telling my self repeatedly on the way there; Be a boy, be his best friend, bring him home in the summer, and you’re done. Oh yeah, and don’t be caught. How the hell would I be caught? I’m skilled, no really, I am.

Riku: And I think you're lame. No, really, I do. After being away from my home and being a slave to darkness for what... two or so years, I'd like to chill for a while, thanks.
Sora: I wanna go to the dungeon and find some treasure!
Kairi: You could be caught in the ... I dunno... THE SHOWER. You never read REAL shojo manga, have you? ¬¬

I’m in the school dorms; I struggle my way through the crowd of boys in the hallways. I avoid fly items, fighting teens, and other things until I make my way to Room 482.

Kairi: WAIT. How did you get from the gummi to the dorms so fast?! Maybe I should take Gummi Lines next time...
Riku: I wonder if by fly items, she means zippers or the bugs...
Sora: Fighting teens, because there's about two every five feet.

I sigh as I slam the door behind me, no one here yet. I take the bed on the left, it’s right next to the window. I quickly unpack and settle myself in, and then I look at myself in the mirror.

Sora: Maybe RIKU wanted that bed!
Riku: Naw... not really. I don't want the sun in my eyes when I wake up.
Kairi: Go look at what you've done to yourself, fugly, that's right.

My hair has been put under a wig; my new hair is just surfer hair. It completely clashes with my feminine face.

Kairi: If you're gonna crossdress, just cut the hair! There's no way you would have gotten away with a wig in Malificient's grip. Unless you got some secret power with your hair... then it's completely understandable. -_-

It wasn’t easy to have the male body. I couldn’t just strap back my breasts, they weren’t exactly small. I had to strap them back and wear a body suit that padded around the stomach to make myself look even. This was going to be a long school year…

Kairi: Then you're probably SUFFOCATING. I bet the reason why you're boobs are too big anyway is because you're a freaking tub of lard!
Riku: That was a little harsh.
Sora: With so much padding, who NEEDS a bra?
Riku: *raises eyebrow* How would you know?
Sora: ....STFU.

I turn immediately as the door slams open, standing there is a pile of bags with two legs. A muffled voice can be heard, “Anyone want to help?” I rush over there and take some of the bags to reveal a face I’ve only seen in pictures, Riku. He was rather cu-

Sora: Cuckoo! biggrin
Riku: *glare*

Riku sighed, “Thanks, what’s your name?” I gave him a smile, “It’s Shax… um Shax.” He looked at me strangely, “What’s up with your voice?”

Riku: See! I'm so smart, I'll have this figure out in two minutes!

Oh s**t, I forgot to use my boy-voice, “Oh, um… ahem, I recently had a cold?”

Sora: She cussed, Mommy!
Kairi: O_o I am NOT your mommy.
Riku: Come on, I'm not that stupid...

He understood, this kid used to be part of the Dark Realm? We didn’t talk that much, he just unpacked, and I wrote a letter to Melody.

Riku: I BELIEVED it?! O_O;
Sora: How is she getting the letter to Melody? :/
Kairi: ...she's sending it by owl.

I jumped slightly at the sound of his voice, “Writing to your girlfriend?” What the ********? I’m straight, man. Oh wait, he said that to Shax.

Sora: Schizophrenic! I KNEW it!

I gave him a smile, “Uh yeah, let’s go with that.” Riku sat on my bed next to me, “Is she hot?”

Riku: ... I don't sound like that!

Uh, I’m not going to say if my best friend is hot or not. Riku continued, “Do you have a picture?” s**t, I didn’t. I have a picture of myself though, which I showed to Riku. “She’s sexy.” I felt the heat rush to my face, he think I’m sexy?

Riku: ...maybe I was just horny at the time, I WAS in the room with a fugly fairy/mage... ...Sora, do I sound like that when I'm horny?
Sora: No, you sound more like, "UHHHHH... GOD, I LOVE YOU SORAAA... UHHHH--"
Kairi: Not in front of Kairi, please!! >///<

Riku seemed nice; he kept the conversation going, “First year here?” I nodded. He continued, “Ah, it’s my fourth.” I asked, “So you’re a senior?” Why the hell would I ask that, when I know everything about him? He shook his head, “No, junior. I got held back.” I replied, “Oh. I’m a junior too, I missed the cutoff date.” What a lie, I was always home schooled, I’m pretty damn smart.

Riku: You were home-schooled... in a dungeon.
Sora: Dungeon-schooled?

Just then the door swung open and a kid with a huge smile leaped in, is that? The keyblade master! I hear he’s a good fighter. He pointed a thumb at himself, “Hi Riku! Hi… you! I’m Sora!”

Sora: Is that... Yes, it's me. -_-;
Riku: It's nice to meet you Sora! IN MY BED :3
Kairi: I thought we were sporking, not suggesting sex -_-;;

I smiled at him, “I’m Shax.” More people came in, well like three people. Sora kept the same giddy smile, “And that’s Tidus, Hayner, and Pence!” I gave a small wave and continued writing my letter. Didn’t they have any girl friends?

Kairi: Apparently you have one though.
Sora: Yeah, YOURSELF. Schizo!

This was going to be a long year.

Sora: It's over already? Darn.
Kairi: Don't worry, she'll probably update.
Riku: ...DAMN.

((And now, I'm off to sleepy land... *snore*))

BRILLIANT. xd

mwahahahahhaa! more, more, more!
.... more
awesome!

HAYCOCK GAVE ME PERMISSION TO WRITE PART TWO. So... Here I am. Writing it. c: HAR.

---

So there Riku was. Standing up and watching his 'Soaps. ...Sitting down wasn't cool. It'd make his butt look fat. Nobody wants a fat a**, so he stood. Besides, sitting down while watching TV is OVERRATED.

...

Meanwhile, Brittany was sobbing brokenly into her perfect little hands. Except she only shed one tear. If you cry more than one tear, you're out of the 'Sue Club.

So, after crying that one tear, Brittany got onto he feet, eyes burning in anger. So she promptly pulled them out of her head and dipped them into the ocean before placing them back into her head. She couldn't get angry at her ONE TRU WUV, so she decided to do the only think she could do.

Flirt with other men boy's.

Her first victum was poor, poor Tidus, who was sitting alone on the beach, bawling his eyes out for no apparant reason.

"KAWAII!!!!11" Brittany yelled, her eyes glossing over and little stars dancing above her head.

Tidus stopped in his crying for a moment to stare up at the 'Sue. And then he screamed. Bloody Murder.

By the time Sora and Kairi got there to investigate, nothing was left. "Uh durr, I can't find Tidus even though there's obvious foot-prints in the sand, and a trail of blood leading off to where they went!". Kairi just stared at him. And giggled. "Lol, you're so silly, Sora!"

Meanwhile, Riku had just finished watching his favorite 'Soap when he heard the cry for help. He couldn't care less if somebody was dying, but he went outside to check it out anyways. What he saw... made him laugh.

"OOOOH, TIDY-WHITEY~ I LOVE YOU SO, SO MUCH!" Brittany squealed, arms wrapped tightly around his waist as she continued to press herself up against his side. Tidus looked like he wanted to die on the spot. Poor guy.

Brittany had finally stopped fangirl squealing enough to see Riku standing there, rolling around in laughter. 'Aw! He's so jealous, he's dillusional!' She thought, waiting for Riku to look back at her before planting a huge, sloppy kiss on Tidus's lips.

...It was. The 'Sue Spell Kiss.

And Tidus instantly fell in love.

"OMG, I LOVE YOU, BRITTANY!" He cried as she stepped away, looking at Riku with a huge grin on her face. "I bet you're jealous now, HUH?!"

"...Not really, no." He said dully, wiping all the sand off his perfect back before looking back to her, boredly.

Brittany just sighed dreamily, fluttering her eyes at Riku before walking over to him. "Oh, Riku... I love you, can't you see? And I know, deep down, you really love me too." She cooed, outstretching her hands so that she could cop a feel of his MANLY CHEST.

Riku felt his eye twitch. "No. I don't. Leave me the ******** alone, already!" He hissed before turning on his heel and storming off to the nearest beauty salon. He really needed a good manicure to calm himself down.

"OH, LOOK KAIRI! WE FOUND TIDUS!" Sora screetched, pointing directly at said-blondie. Kairi just giggled loudly once more. "You're so smart, Sora-chan!!1" She squealed, clapping her hands together like a retard. Tidus just foamed out the mouth, dropped down to the floor and curled up; dead. 'Sue Kisses are also very fatal.

And Brittany? She weeped her one tear yet again, wondering how she could ever make Riku her lover.

---

I'm so stupid. 8D Sorry, Haycoooock.

I love you all nonsexually. <3

You guys have to spork/write more!