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 Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2014 11:19 pm
Stranger Than Fiction
What begins as bemused interest slowly turns into charitable laughter slowly turns into benign, unsettled stares slowly turns into genuine discomfort.
Serah doesn't care for the most part, she's already heard (or maybe seen) much worse given her body language, but she's distant, she's elsewhere.
Emil began squirming in his chair at the introduction of the students, and stood up part way "to check the perimeter- be back soon- no need for worry."
Aly's clinging tightly to Jerome who's wrapped himself around her- as the story goes on they disengage, they scoot farther apart.
Talia's staring at her hands, which are slammed down to her sides tight.
Jordan's sending the entire group worried looks for their reactions (is it "these poor things" or "this is the future of deus?")
...
"Yer so full of s**t." It's Chel who breaks the silence- she's the only one who can. Eyes snap on her and she takes a deep breath. The truth is that the story hit her a lot harder than she let's on. There's something else- something else behind her eyes, but she has to play social facilitator. "Yeah okay everyone we're on a mission with ********' Hannibal Lecter- make sure to tie up garlic around yer tent and don't invite him in." She rolls her eyes and the group laughs.
"How are you not freaked out by that?" Aly asks, tugging Jerome's arm tightly.
"'Cause Jack's a lyin' piece of crap. He told me 'bout that mission alright, and all they did was get lost for a while." The group laughs again. Chel looks at Jack, almost with a motherly scolding look. Don't scare them like that.
"Ugh we have to do something happier now-"
"Truth or dare?"
The group fades into another topic, Jack's story is brushed aside. Chel stares at Jack for a long time before looking at the fire again.
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Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2014 11:28 pm
Words in Silence
It's gone dark and the fire's out, embers flickering. Jack is on watch while everyone sleeps. Chel gets up because she can't pretend to sleep any longer.
She leans over him, chest pressing into his backside and arms wrapping around his collarbone. She puts her nose into the side of his head and says nothing. There is nothing she can say. She only has two hands and nothing to offer. The universe would be her gift if she could give it, but all she has is her hands.
I'm sorry and I still love you.
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 2:01 pm
Stranger Than Fiction
He's wrong. It's not even ten minutes, it's two.
He cackles like he had been called out on an elaborate prank, but he doesn't say a word more. All he needs is his impish smile and swatting motion at Chel for spoiling it after all. But he takes pleasure in the uncomfortable silence, the uneasy glances, the brief moment of fear. One day these trainees might have a story just like his. One day they might try to tell it and learn what it's like to be unable to move on so easily, to find out just how hollow it feels to watch others act beyond the constraints of the tale they give.
He wants them to feel scared; he wants to shake their world for a moment, even if it's just a small tremor.
And now that he's said his piece, he fades into the background once more. He can't look at Chel for more than a few seconds, and even then it's never quite in the eye. The fire is easier to focus on as the others move on: it flickers, cracks, and hisses with an ignorant delight he feels compelled to watch.
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 2:46 pm
Words in SilenceHe's spent the majority of his watch trying to understand why he had decided to speak up at all and wondering what possible outcomes were coming his way the next time he saw Chel: he could only come up with thoughts for the latter. He hasn't said everything, he hasn't mentioned what specifically was done to them before the cavalry arrived, or how he Mr. Thorough and Brutally Honest never put it down in an official report, of how god damn satisfying it felt to kill and eat Fred, and he feels these details are important—but maybe she's figured out at least the last part. She seemed able to read people better than he could. The fire has hypnotized him. He has a stick in his hand ready to shift the pile around before adding it in. The way the fire curls around the wood and carves ember runes into it moments before the heat forces the twig to snap apart feels strangely satisfying to watch, even with Owain's discomfort hovering in his head. There's something beautiful in the destruction, in repurposing matter back into energy so that it might feed something else. (He remembers the heat of the sun, the hiss of the horseman, the flare of pain as the student shocks him and asks where what who why, the bite of metal into his skin, the blank look of shock as Fred's head collides with anything and everything, the warmth of blood as it pumps out almost eagerly to greet him.) When her arms come around him, then, he tenses because for a split second he thinks someone is aiming to strangulate him, fists ball, head jerks, breath hitches—and then a pause, a shaky exhale, a slump of his shoulders. He doesn't know what she thinks, and even then he's afraid to ask for once. In a way he wishes she'd get mad instead. Argue that he could have found a different way. Call him out on his psychopathic response. Instead she's giving him sympathy (maybe even pity, though it didn't seem her style) and he's never known what to do with that except shun it. But tonight cold fingers grasp one of her arms in acknowledgement; he didn't know he needed an anchor like that until the moment of contact. There is life still there in him, even if it's listless and deeply introspective, and even if he wears a most melancholic look. Eventually his head tilts against hers, tired but not sleepy.
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 3:08 pm
Truth or Dare
Chel picks dare every single time. By the end of the night, she's done a handstand for an entire round, she's jumped into the river (and is soaking) and eaten food combinations that shouldn't exist (and oddly, liked one of them).
It's better than telling the truth.
As she's getting her water for the night, Aly points a dramatic finger at her. "You have to do a truth!" It's not for he whole group, it's just between the two girls.
Chel grins and says, "Awright pigtails. Better be a good question."
"Do you like Jack?"
She gives an exasperated sigh. "Yeah no s**t. S'not a secret."
Aly looks very confused and relatively disappointed- like a popped balloon almost. She had clearly been looking for more embarassment and secrets. "So then it's unrequited romance?"
"You'll have to ask him that~" she dodges the question. The smaller girl looked over at Jack hesitantly, remembering his story despite Chel's debunking. Chel grins and whispers in a dramatic voice, "Better get to sleep- he might eatcha."
"Oh my god," Aly responds. She loses the hesitation on her face, but Chel can tell it's still there, buried deep down. Chel's done her best, but it's not enough. "Well whatever. Night!"
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 3:36 pm
Words in Silence
Chel tries to think what to say.
It's okay. But no, it's really not. What Jack did was unforgivable and wrong.
You did what you had to. No, there were probably other ways. He chose this.
It must have been lonely carrying this. Jack wasn't burdened, not with loneliness.
You're not broken. Maybe he is.
I didn't know. That's not his fault.
Her fingers weave in between his hair and she combs as she thinks. The fire is what holds their conversation, the fire absorbs all of their various thoughts.
Are you okay? Of course he isn't. Or maybe he is. Either option is terrifying.
I still love you. He knows this.
Dramatic ********>. Now is not the time for jokes. Maybe it should be.
Kiss him? I want to, if it helps. Tenebrae is what stops her.
What else have you done? She's in no place to barter information.
Would you do it again? Probably.
Do you want to be alone? She can't leave him. Not now.
The tents are too close for any conversation she wants to have. They can't leave because Jack's on watch. China's mountainside is enormously expansive, and yet she feels trapped in a very small space. At least the other groups members have been asleep for hours. It's the very peak of night when only those who can't sleep are awake.
"M'sorry." They've been in silence so long that her voice sounds strange. She looks at the fire idly, wondering what he's seeing in it.
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 5:24 pm
Words in SilenceThe silence breaks and he closes his eyes. He knows he doesn't deserve the comforting motion, but he holds onto it as much as he does her arm. "No snarky insult?" he asks softly after a moment, half hearted dryness and genuine surprise. "No punch to the face? I know you expressed an interest."
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 5:59 pm
Words in Silence
"You'd like that wouldn't you?" she snarked right back. But Chel isn't angry, she's just sad. Very, very sad. There's a sinking feeling in her stomach and she's well aware of what it is, but it's a very new feeling so she expresses discrete caution with it, as though it were a glass orb that if dropped, would shatter. "Naw, I don't think nothin' I could do would compare to how much yer probably kickin' yerself."
"I guess I just ... of all the guys I wasn't expectin' you to be that guy." She slumped until her chin was resting on his shoulder. It would have looked like a very awkward, uncomfortable position for her to be standing in if anyone walked by, but everyone was asleep now and Chel didn't particularly care how she looked. "I mean jeez where ya even start with that one? M'not mad or digusted I'm just kinda ... well sad." It was posed to Jack more as a question than a statement. As if he was going to sort out her feelings for her.
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 6:23 pm
Words in Silence
"Yeah." Jack doesn't know which part he's answering.
He didn't apologize for using Cass's body to live through the fake trials, he didn't apologize for turning Chel in, and he isn't going to apologize for doing what he had to for survival; all free were what he thought was the right course of action at the time. It didn't mean those decisions haven't weighed on him, one way or another. It's one thing to theorize the best possible path and another beast entirely to traverse it, to look back and remember that every step was a conscious decision he must be held accountable for.
He starts to feel the beginnings of uncertainty fill his chest. Sadness, acceptance of the facts, disappointment, sympathy—he doesn't know how to handle any of it from someone he actually cares about. So he keeps his eyes closed.
"M'not expecting you to be okay with that, so...S'your turn now." His mouth twists a little. "I never put it on a report, but I imagine if you did I'd get a hearing, probably cuffed just like you at the very least until they're sure I won't take a bite out of someone else, berate me for any other reports I might have conveniently forgotten information on." People had been cuffed for just violence, as evidenced by America if Peyton's information was correct, and Leslie had to have an armed incarceration with a bracelet until he was let off the hook. He could imagine an excuse like "incapacitated and dying of hunger" would seem incredibly petty next to legitimate reasons like "red eye made me do it."
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 6:37 pm
Words in Silence
Chel stood up straight, stretching herself out and then went around to the front of the chair. She didn't sit on him as she had done so comfortably last night, but instead kneels onto her knees, taking both his hands in hers. Had it been another lifetime, it might have looked like a knight to a prince.
"I'm not turnin' ya in. Ya know I don't care about-" Her speech stops as her eyes fall on her bracelet. Her mouth runs dry and she's back in the infirmary, metal clasped around her ankles and the retraints are rubbing her wrists raw-
The grip on his hands becomes almost deathly. She tried to start again. "I'm not gonna do that." There's a momentary pause, because now she's seeing Hanna's face and she's wondering if this is the right place for her. Her grip loosens and her eyes fall down, she can't meet his gaze anymore.
It's her mother that she sees next. Chel thinks about all the times she made a mistake, and the number of times she was met with retribution, with disappointment, with sadness, with anger. There's a softness in her voice that came from a place she locked up deep below her hair dye and her piercings. "I'm really proud too. Not of what you did, I mean ... that s**t's ******** up, but you ... I mean you still hold yer head really high too, and you did it carryin' all this s**t. S'gotta be worth something, even if it's just my pride..."
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 7:29 pm
Words in Silence
He opens his eyes when she takes his hands and straightens up in his chair. The image isn't lost on him, though some of her words are. He hears something about proud of you but it doesn't resonate in his head the right way, makes a ringing noise that eludes comprehension with white noise. He doesn't understand. It isn't something that should be happening, and yet it is: he doesn't understand.
It's just like when he told Ian the story, but worse: Ian had accepted him for who he was (whatever that meant), but Ian also isn't in a position where exacting revenge would be expected like Chel is. This is a prime opportunity not only to rub his face in the dirt, but to put a dent in his career life, call him out on his bullshit (not just on what had happened but also the hypocrisy of turning her in while keeping incriminating information about himself tight-lipped), and maybe even cut ties with him entirely if it's disturbed her so, and yet here Chel is saying no and I'm sorry and I'm proud of you and he swears something short-circuited in his brain because he just can't understand.
"But you do care." Jack picks up the slack and keeps her hands from slipping out, and he's reminded of the time he caught her wrist in the infirmary. He's confused, wary, uncertain, and a host of other things he shouldn't be so openly showing, so he sticks to the part of her answer that he can attempt to make sense of. "So why not?"
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 7:41 pm
Words in Silence
Chel's jaw tightens as he asks her to say something that could very well threaten them all. She's paused for a moment as she has to think about how to word it.
"Any rules ... about what I'm supposed to do or- I don't care about enforcing .... rules?" She lets out a frustrated breath of air while her eyes remained on her bracelet, waiting at any moment for it to blow up because of what she was saying. It wouldn't have mattered to her so much if it did blow up (it was a long, long time coming), but Jack's hands are wrapped around hers and she can't let him go with her.
She tried to word it a different way. "What I care about is that you're safe ... I mean I'm a really shitty caretaker and most of the time I'm the one being babysat," she laughed a hollow sound and continued. "But putting you in a pod or whatever goes ... against that rule. And that one goes around other rules."
Tenebrae tries to remind her of her place and Chel whispers I know, in the corner of her mind. But she can't bother Jack with that right now.
"So ... that's why. I guess." Her lips are pursed into a smile and she says, "Stop makin' me say embarrassin' s**t!"
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 7:57 pm
Words in Silence
He considers her answer for a long while and is very sure he hasn't felt this strong an urge to kiss her since the night they got drunk. It's an irrational response to a still irrational explanation, an unfiltered gut response that strikes like lightning and is controlled through sheer force of will.
At length he squeezes her hands and gently tugs her forward. It's getting too weird to have her kneel like this, even though he knew he shouldn't be inviting her into his lap again. "And while you do that, who watches you?" he asks lightly.
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 8:14 pm
Words in Silence
Chel complied with Jack's tugging and wonders if this is just a game to him too. If he's just using her to get some sort of sick physical need out of the way, and if he'll shun her again the moment she says the wrong thing.
< There is a 64.7% chance this is the case. >
Chel thinks in terms of 35.3 or she will be a heap on the floor again, crushed beneath a broken plate.
She settles the same way she sat last night, she needs nothing to change no chances taken. "I dunno," she mumbled, fitting somewhere under his chin. "I watch me." Which is really what it comes down to. No matter how much Chris, Dawson, Abbi, even Jack attempt to guide her, she will always feel like she's a strange sort of island, impervious to fixing. "M'just not very good at it I guess."
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Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2014 8:45 pm
Words in Silence
"And yet here you are saying you can keep someone else safe," he points out, letting her accommodate herself before he secures his hands in her pockets again. It's a safe zone, even if it's not technically neutral. "It's like you thrive on not making sense." She can't see, but he's almost smiling. "Or, to put it another way, you really like trying to play hero." It isn't just him, she was alone trying to get the ghosts' attention away from the others earlier too.
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