|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
 Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:15 pm
"Okay." She let him make the pallet anyway he wanted to and nodded then stepped over him adn locked the door, runing it easily enough. As the symbols faded, she walked back over and brushed her lips across his cheek. "Sweet memories, Mykorian. I'll wake you up in plenty of time. Promise." Settling down with a smile on her face she curled onto her side. A few moments passed and she leaned down and lightly shook his shoulder. "Mykorian? Are you in reverie yet?" Her head popping over the side of the bed. "Do you reverie with anything? I can get you a stuffed animal or a special blanket or anything."
It was hard to leave her son with her older son but some things were more important and her marriage was one of them. Watching him she gathered that he wasn't going to be attempting reverie anytime soon which would indeed leave them ample time to talk since she doubted she'd be able to either. "This is all sorts of things. It's not just you in this state of mind. It's you and me and the way we've been acting lately." She glanced up at him and knew all the hurt was ripe in her eyes. "You don't even act like you love me anymore."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:41 pm
The first time she had seen it, it indeed had been glossed over...mere points of high emotion that was his own as opposed to the full experience that this was panning out to be. And none of it was a vivid pretty sight either. In face she was sure it would make most stomachs turn at the sight. But she found it more disturbing how he was...indeed as he had always claimed, a madman controlled by the lust of battle and of a sword, working only for himself and not for anyone else. Okay sure...it was a horrible and particularly disgusting thing...but did that cause so much eternal hate? Especially when Malik had indeed been slain...and that was a particulary hard thing to experinence for her. She never liked the thought of Malik dying and well...now she got to see it in all it's bloody and merciless glory. It was perhaps the emotion and the rage in the act of one killing the other that caused one to pause. It was quite obvious that Malik was going to die with that blow...and yet Rainmare had continued to hack away.
But as things faded away and she pulled her hands from his, she merely rested her hands in his lap for a moment with a frown as if thinking. Getting up she paced the floor then, mumbling something under her breath. "What is it..." I couldn't be something like that that was still so petty. And no Malik shouldn't be excused for it, but in all defense he had an excuse. Malvolence, not Malik was the one who fought there, and drove to such length. Pausing her pacing a moment she threaded her hands through her hair and closed her eyes in frustration, shaking her head. "I don't get it!" It was petty! It was selfish! It was in the past! Malik had gotten his just desserts, he had died that day! He wasn't that man anymore and yet Rainmare only saw as much! And for what reason?! Was his own pride making him that arrogant! Okay...now she was more upset over the whole situation. Not to mention she hadn't given herself a moment to let what she had just seen sink enough for her to personally deal with. It wasn't easy to see someone like that when you were close, but the other issue was foremost on her mind.
He turned a look over his shoulder. "No, I'm not. It's hard for me to do still when I want to. Just gotta let my mind drift really." But he shook his head at her questions. "No, I'm fine. I'm used to it being lonely and quiet when I go to reverie every night. Dont' worry about it. This is more than I'm ever privilaged too really. I'll probably have the best reverie I've had in a long time thanks to this. It's nice just to hear someone other than me breathing in the room."
He was up out of his chair in a split second it seemed, the chair falling over from the sudden movement and the position it had been in. His voice slightly riaised and a frown set into his features. That was probably as close to anger as he would ever outright get. "That's a lie!" He seemed a bit surprised that he had indeed reacted like that to her statement of him lacking love for her, and a little put off by his own reaction for a few seconds before it seemed he was trying to gather himself somewhat. Okay...let's be a bit honest. "I never get any time with you anymore, I'm always last in line. You can't say I don't love you because you're too preoccupied to see if I do or not." Still trying to defend against that accusation as if it was a death sentence he was trying to deny.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:12 pm
Malik got a slightly confused look on his face.
"what were you looking for, what don't you get?"
this was getting a bit frustrating. Something had triggered her need to see that, and now she was muttering about 'what is it' and saying she didn't get it. She was looking for something, but what.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:17 pm
That was rather sad, wasn't it? Yes indeed. She didn't think about what seh did next, just gathered her blankets and pillow and settled down beside him, curling up within them and patting his cheek lightly. "Now you'll have even better ones."
She blinked at his reaction and studied him for a moment. Well, he either still really loved her or was quite taken aback by her statement and the truth was hitting him square between the eyes. She believed it was the former, always had, always will. She just wanted him to show it. "You come home from work and lock yourself in your training room or start working on the accounts or something else. You don't even walk up to me and kiss me in the kitchen anymore. I spend my time with the children because you don't want to see me. We don't even make love anymore. We have sex with a bit of feeling. You used to touch me...hold me...whisper things to me."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:41 pm
Stress stress stress...that was all she was feeling for the moment. Okay, take a moment, breath and calm down. Taking a moment to yes literally take a breath, she pulled off her bandana and set it down on the nearby desk, one hand resting on the desk and leaning her weight on it for the moment. It was going to be her word against Rainmare's...and she was apaprently unreliable. And what if Kieran couldn't help? What then? A forced duel? Someone had to die? Piper shook her head, resting both hands on the desk and staring at it's surface a moment. Think. "It wouldn't matter if I figured anything out, it wouldn't help." And nearest throwable object got hurled against the far wall...would be a nice time to have a plate to break.
He blinked awkwardly as joined him on the floor...okay why was she abandoning her bed when it was perfectly fine, in favor of the floor? But he did know that he had to smile at the action...though it was still odd that she did things for him seeing as it had been so long since someone cared enough. "Thanks...hopefully you will too then. Because it wouldn't be fun if you didn't have good ones."
And now apparently it was all his fault. But it wasn't all his fault, he wasn't all to blame here. She had a part in this, so why was she just trying to shove it onto him. It was like he hadn't said anything at all and she was starting the crime list. "How can I do such things when you have a child attached to you constantly, you won't hold still long enough for me to get near you? Lately me and Zykariel in the same room causes nothing but stress for you, so I avoid the situation by going out from where he is, which is usually around you these days negotiating out races he's allowed to go to by your word. And we can't make love, because our bedroom is not our own. You insist that crib is in there and even when you did move it out...you went and sat in a chair next to it in the new room. Don't get me wrong Zahara, I love having a family and with you and I wouldn't trade that for anything...but when are you going to draw the boundary lines? You're all mother and no wife."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 8:52 pm
"No, but I don't think I'll have to worry about that. But if you have a bad one and you need a hug just shake me okay? I'm used to it when Lyssie has one." Thus snuggling down and letting her mind drift off which was fairly easy to do.
"I'm a mother!" she burst out and then resolved to let him get out what he needed or wanted to say. It was only fair. His words made her angry and she wanted to lash out just to hurt him but bit her tongue. "I'm tired of fighting with you and Zykariel. I'm tired of him taking advantage of me and I'm tired of you giving him the openings too. That's not your fault, it's mine. And Kelligrin is just a baby, Sevilin." Okay so she'd admit she was a little close to the child but she was so terrified of making the same mistakes. He had to understand that. Her firstborn had been denied her attention the first three years of his life and she strongly believed he was showing signs of that now. Perhaps in his more cavalier treatment of women and certainly in his tension with his father. "I thought you wanted me to put the kids first, to make sure they had everything they needed and they were happy. Isn't that what we discussed when Zykariel was little and we got married?" She felt like the game had changed on her and she was playing with a new set of rules, a set someone hadn't foreseen to give her a copy of.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 9:12 pm
"Giving him the openings to? I tell you when he's going to do it and you still let him. I know you hate what happened with him, but that's all in the past now. He's a strong boy now, you give him attention when he wants it but he also knows how you feel and wrong as it is, he still does it because you'll give to him." This was a hard conversation to have and he felt like he wasn't getting anywhere with her really. Frustration was something he didn't like. "Kelligrin is getting older, he doesn't want to be babied all the time." He took a moment to try and collect his thoughts before continuing, trying to be civil. "I did, and yes that's what we decided, together. And they are happy they do have everything they need...even then, you make nothing else matter but them. But that didn't mean that's all I wanted you to turn into. Just a mother. I need you too, Cafell damn it."
Pausing a moment...whoa, had that word just come out of his mouth? No really it had? Saying that was more or less just like saying Lloth, which was equally bad. Seemingly recovering with a shake of his head as he tried to clear it. Giving an exasperated sigh, he rand a hand back through his hair as if trying to take a moment to calm down. Yelling, not good for the crazy right now. He didn't even really have the mentality for this right now. Why fight when compliance was just so much easier? Thusly he ran a ahnd over his slightly sunken cheek before looking to her again, "Tell me what you want, and we'll make it work."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 9:24 pm
She cringed when he mentioned what she did with Zykariel. She knew it was wrong, he knew it was wrong...hell Zykariel knew it was wrong and it still happened. It was like a compulsion for her. But she stared at him a moment as he got angry and then shut down. He'd done that before and she'd let him get away with it. Not this time. "Oh no you don't, Sevilin Inthara. Don't you pull away emotionally and make it all about me. It's not all about me. Obviously I've hurt you just as much as you've hurt me and I'm sorry for that." Pushing back the covers, she grabbed his hand and led him over to the bed pushing him down and resting her hands on his shoulders lightly. "Now, tell me what you want and what you need and then I'll tell you what I want and what I need. And then we'll make it work."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 9:43 pm
And apparently she was in charge...which if he was in his right mind he would of seen that he sabotaged himself into that on purpose. Remanents of old life craved old habits, looking for someone to merely tell him what to do so that the problem would go away. Order came to chaos when someone took charge and commanded things. Blood red eyes watched her a moment as she stood there, holding him where he sat and yet not at the same time. "I just...don't want to be at the end of the line all the time, evne when there really is no need for me to be so. I don't want to be put off till later all the time and then when later comes, it's too late." Shaking his head lightly, "I just need you. I'm not asking for all your time, or for you to always put me in the front of the line." In laymen's term he supposed he could just be called an attention whore...great.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Oct 03, 2007 9:56 pm
A rather profound truth was being discovered in Zahara's heart and mind at that moment. A truth most wives had probably had to learn for themselves after the babies came and life got busy. The truth was, she was a wife before she became a mother..well, in their situation she'd become a mother before a wife but it wasn't time to get into particulars and dissect things. Her husband still needed her to be his support and his helper, the same way she was there for the kids. She'd thought by taking the best care she could of his family and consequently him, she'd made him feel loved. Obviously that wasn't the case and was probably half responsible for their failing marriage.
"I can do that. I guess I do get caught up in the kids and I try to do and do and do for them because I want to be needed. But you needed me long before the rest of them came." It felt completly natural to slip onto his lap and rest her forehead against his cheek. "I'm sorry, Sevilin. I never meant to shut you out. All I want from you is to show me that you love me. Wrap your arms around me and kiss me the way you used to, sit near me because you don't want to be away from me. I want you to want to make love and not just choose to because I do. I want to know that you still desire me and that I'm still beautiful to you even though I've been puffy what, four times? Because as silly as it is, sometimes I'm still insecure...and you always made it better before. Do it for me again, okay?" Lifting her head to look into his eyes and she calmly read the emotions there. There was more to talk about but this was a big hurdle they needed to jump first.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 6:35 am
And as in natural of motions as ever, he slipped an arm around her waist as she made him into her personal sitting space. In usual Sevilin fashion though and unlike her most time, he merely sat and listened to what she had to say with a brief nod to what she listed off. This was another matter of compromise that they had to make among themselves. "You have to make a little room for me then. Kids get fussy when they have the attention first and I want to hijack it." trying to be as light as possible about all this, mind compartmentalized mind trying to deal with things that it couldn't quite grasp with his current state of mind. But he'd try.
"I do love you and you are still beautiful. Even when your puffy which you insit that you're not. And I can do all that...but, right now I just...." Right now was hard for him. He'd always been insane, literally, since he was small and could comprehend such things but he had made himself cope with and quiet it to stay alive. Eventually he had learned not to control it up to push it away and lock it up in his head, letting what parts of him that were still sane rule his daily life. Sometimes though...the barriers all slipped and things like this happened. He hated this, it was like he didn't even know what he was going to do next. Frustrating for a man who's life was ruled by strict order and routine for the most part. Shaking his head he closed his eyes and looked away from her. "Right now is just not good."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 6:49 am
And thus they were moving back into the other problem currently surrounding them. She felt helpless to deal with this but she would certainly try. Amazing that in twelve years of marriage and fifteen years of knowing each other, to the best of her knowledge, he'd never really regressed into this sort of behavior. There were times when he'd needed his space but he'd only needed it for a few hours and a bit of cleaning time and he'd been right back to her attentive husband. She watched him closely, reading his body language and watching him avert her eyes. He was afraid of what she might think...possibly even what she might do. Resting her hand against his unravaged cheek, she turned his face back to hers. "I know that. I know you're dealing with problems from the past and I know that upsets and frustrates you because somewhere we think we've conquered them all. There's a lot of hurt that was inflicted, a lot of abuse, Sevilin. I'm still dealing with it and I suffered a lot less than you." Chewing on her lower lip for a moment as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Are you afraid of what you might do with provocation? Is it just the bad reveries? Are you afraid you might withdraw from us to deal with it all? What is it you're fearing right now? You can tell me. I won't turn from you or laugh at you or take your kids away."
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 8:29 am
Malik watched her, and tallied things in his head. she was frustrated over something she couldn't figure out, wanting to see Kithcor. then it hit him. She was trying to figure out what it was that caused the elf to travel across planes to come after him.
"It's simpler than you think. you're over analyzing."
Keeping his seat on the bed, just turning himself to face her.
"I am personally responsible for the deaths of two hundred and twelve halflings and koada'dal at Kithcor. out of those, only three were able to be buried. the rest were decorations or used for trophies or well, eaten."
he kept his voice nice and calm, trying not to add stress.
"A legion is usually composed of around seven hundred members. as you noticed, the legion that my unit faced most of kithcor was Rainmare's. which means roughly a third of that force never went home in any form."
"Now imagine going home, and not being able to give those wives and brothers, mothers and fathers, sons and daughter, sisters..even the comfort of having a body to put to rest. He was there. he saw what I did. and not only does he carry that with him, but he carries the looks of the families he had to tell that there wasn't enough of thier loved ones to bring home to rest."
"Before, he had the solace to know at least that I was dead. that he'd struck me down so that monster would never be able to do that ever again. I imagine it wasn't much. A paladin takes great pains to be the shield. to be the protector of his people."
"Now he knows that I live. and not only do I live, but I have family. I have what I stripped so many others of in all forms. the monster has another generation to teach. the monster has been alive for who knows how long. how many more have suffered like they did at kitchor? Under the noble face, under the social graces, there's that monster."
a slight frown, running his hand through his hair.
"And I wonder if those thoughts are not far off. before, I fought for self-gain, for Neriak. Now I may fight for my family. but the reasons don't change the means. Am I still that beast, that monster...just adapted to a new enviroment. It's like my worship of Innoruuk. I went from hating everything, to hating specific things. I just focused it. Have I do that as a monster? have I simply focused the bloodlust and violence to a specific abstract group now? Before I killed for personal glory and desire. Now I would kill for the protection of my family and my lands. Is there really that big a difference between then and now?"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 2:57 pm
He didn't really know what answer to give her right off, not because he didn't want to tell her but because he really didn't think he knew the answer. Sure, there was the possibility of all of that happening but he wasn't sure it was anything specific. Things were all over the proverbial map and he didn't enjoy it at all. " It's just sort of all encompassing of everying and what ifs." Shaking his head lightly and merely sitting there with her. Well...at least one bridge had been crossed, at least he thought so. "I just need to watch myself so to speak, that's all I'm sure."
And now he was trying to soothe her with further explaination of how things were and how things go. "Sure it would of been something horrible to not have them back, but in the end it's materialistic. They'd still have their memories and the like." Shaking her head lightly, even the explaination didn't make things too much better for her. Though she could easily say that she was...stunned that Malik was suddenly agreeing with him. "Oh so that's how it's going to be? Now you're just going to agree with him. How about you just go stand in the middle of the damn arena without a sword and say 'come and get me'." She was not going to stand around and listen to him talk like that. "Yes it's different! And he killed to preotect those he cared about as well! I can't believe what you're saying to me!" Turning from him, she grabbed her bow and quiver and slung both over her back before heading for the door. "I am not going to stand around and listen to talk like this! My Malik knows who he is and where he stands..." Thusly pulling open and door and out of it, heading downstairs and out of the inn into the street. Why...enough, she was going to have to talk to the source of the problem herself, wasn't she? But right now...she just wanted things to be like they were...
|
|
|
|
|
|
Fractured Moonlight Captain
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Picking Up Stars Vice Captain
|
Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 3:28 pm
She believed he ws telling her everything he possibly could and she nodded. "We'll just be very careful. If you feel something happening though, please tell me if you can. Some surprises are just not pleasant." Nuzzling him slightly, she moved her hand down and lightly brushed her fingers over his stomach. "Stomach still all messed up?" She'd monitored what he'd eaten at dinner and had a pretty good feeling that he'd been so quick to get Kelligrin upstairs with her after the milk fiasco so he wouldn't have to eat anymore. "How about I give you a massage before we hit reverie? It might help."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
