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 Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 2:15 am
Good chapter Seaphron, though the negotiation was very confusing and a bit out of detail, I also found the Mario Kart references really out of place. that being said the chapter is good but you can only do so much at the near beginning of a story when your characters have yet to be established in depth and numbers. I cant wait to read chapter after chapter of this story mrgreen .
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Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 2:23 am
I just found it a bit strange that they were on a flying asteroid, walking and talking normally. The Mario Kart thing was kind of strange, but kind of neat, too. I liked how Allwing was asleep.
I also like how Trenn has his own distinct personality. I don't see how a bomb-omb could smile, though. It all just seemed kind of farfetched to me, but then again, it really should.
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Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 6:37 am
@Tats - Glad ya liked t.
@Mune - Yeah no problem, thanks for adding mine to yours.
@Aku - Yeah I was just looking at that. My mistake.
@Sauvie - ^ towards the negotiation, but yeah just trying to switch up the transportation.
@Fish - Why would they not find it normal I mean, they live in outer space do they not?
Yeah he just kinda comes naturally when writing his character. I really didn't think about that at all. I was thinking of Teleghost's Krackers thread, and remembered a picture of him smiling at the time. So once again my mistake.
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Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 8:02 am
Good chapter. Ummm Just to point something out but you can just smile with your eyes put a mask on and smile look at the eyes you will see a marked difference. Unless you try not to that is.. I used to help severely Handicap people who could not smile with their mouths but you could tell by their eyes and body language.
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:33 pm
That is a good point as well Ms. Godstone thanks!
New chapter will prolly be out with in the next couple hours. I am about two pages into it.
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:35 pm
I hope I am awake to read it . 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 4:47 pm
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 4:52 pm
"GOOD GOD!"
I like that line for some reason. Anyway, I enjoyed the chapter. I don't have much to really comment on in particular.
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 4:55 pm
Quote: as Sauvie went and began to unleash fury upon the boulder. xd
Awesome chapter, dude. Keep it up.
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 8:10 pm
Denko with Tatsuman and Sauvie, in a chapter involving my favorite game ever.
AWESOME
Great chapter though, everyone seemed pretty well in character. I love my Megaman-esque weapon, too.
BUSTER CANNON GO *pew pew pew*
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Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2007 8:21 pm
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Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 6:33 am
Thanks everyone, glad you all are enjoying it.
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Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 7:02 am
I loved the chapter.You seem to be getting back into your stride again.The way you have written this so far,shows that you feel better about this story than the last couple you wrote. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2007 8:56 am
How's the new chapter coming along, Seaph?
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Posted: Thu Oct 18, 2007 9:32 am
~Waits impatiently for the next chapter~Yes when is the next chapter coming?
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