Zelyhon
AzurePaleSky
gonk What a... not-so-fun evening. It's ending with me questioning friendship, and I hate that. When something can undermine that...
Friendship questioning is never good, especially if it's a close or old friend.
What happened?
This may take a while..
gonk Here it goes!
All right, so when I first came to uni three years ago, I felt really alone. I couldn't connect with anyone, etc etc. And then I met someone off the internet who went here, liked evolution and Nirvana as much as I did. He lived with his gf in an apartment nearby. Fast forward a few months, we became fast friends, I moved in (they offered), I lived there for a year, grew anxious/depressed because he kept saying how much he loved me but he wouldn't leave the girlfriend, and stuff like that. So I finally moved out! (You guys may remember me bitching about this from a year+ ago.)
So then it was the middle of my second school year here, and I was finally on my own... back at square one, with no friends around here besides my boyfriend at the time. And then I became good friends with this girl in my classes. It was fantastic, we had a lot in common and stuff... and then this summer she went to Bolivia to do archaeology. Yay for her, she loved it.
Ever since she's been back, all she ever talks about is the people she worked with and how much she misses them... that's fine, I understand that. Now it's been six months since she went, and that's all she still talks about. She constantly complains/tells me how to drive (and yells in the car, getting me all anxious).. she's also been telling me I need to get a job before graduating (like selling coffee or stuff like that. I tell her if I can get away with not working, it's better to not and just concentrate on my schoolwork. And whenever I try to defend myself she puts me down, saying no one will hire me without ever working before (although I did TA over summer and have worked with professors for a year and a half doing things that are actually related to my field). She always has to be right though and never listens to me.
I love her but at this point all I feel like I'm getting is negativeness.
And the reason why tonight was blah... me and another good friend got her presents/took her to dinner to celebrate her birthday in a few weeks (we won't be here so we're celebrating now) and we go back to another friend's place and she just complains about how she wants to get laid. She had been dating this guy in South America, but he hasn't emailed her in a while, and while I told her that's not good, she kept defending him. Well, she got drunk at the friend's house, told me to drink (I kept telling her no, 'cause I'm driving... dur) and then went about finally saying that she should move on and how she hated the guy. Now I feel bad for her, but I went through a similar thing, waiting for a guy many months and then just realizing he didn't want me although he said he did. So she's quite drunk, and then she just starts silently crying and won't really respond to me and my friend. She just wouldn't let us leave before, but as soon as she wanted to go we went. I'm just pissed off... we all have shitty times, you know?
I think I sound like a really bad person here, or made her sound like one... but we're not. I'm just sick of it. After dropping her off I just cried for a bit 'cause I didn't know how to deal with it... I thought that we'd be great friends for the rest of our lives, but I see now that all she does is complain about life here and how everyone's spoiled and how much she misses the people she worked with in Bolivia. And it's like, what the hell am I?
And so I thought I had made so much progress, from feeling really lonely to living with the OCD male roommate who made me feel awful to finally advancing and being able to make good, long-lasting relationships with others. But now I'm doubting that too....
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