Welcome to Gaia! ::

That makes more sense. I was thinking it reversed the last part of the word and put it on the front for some reason.

Like google - le = goog + el on the front = elgoog

Then the same for sexttub. Then again that would explain the extra t.

Why am I over thinking things so much?

This is a monolouge me and some friends did back in high school... thought you guys might lol a bit or be wierded out.

Cherry Bizare

[A small country store. LOPAHIN, a merchant, rests on a stool behind the counter. FIRS, an old man, mumbles incoherently to himself as he sweeps up. There are crates of cherries everywhere and a sign which reads “Cherries for Sale...CHEAP!”]

LOPAHIN: You’re a good worker Firs, old man. I don’t know how I ever got along without you. You’ve been quite helpful this past year. Very helpful indeed. You’ve missed a spot. Very good. Thank you, Firs.

[FIRS says something, but not a word can be distinguished.]

I remember when I was a lad of fifteen, I used to sweep up for my father--he kept a little shop in those days. One day, I missed a spot. Father was furious. I’ll never forget that day. He took a broom and shoved it up my a**. Right up my a**! I remember quite clearly.

[Enter GAEV. He rushes to the counter.]

GAEV: Lopahin! I must speak with you! It’s urgent!

LOPAHIN: Not now--I’m in the middle of a story.

GAEV: But it’s urgent!

LOPAHIN: Where was I?

[FIRS mumbles.]

That’s right--the broom!

GAEV: [Spots an empty bookcase.] Ah! There you are!

[Rushes to the bookcase.]

Oh! Beloved friend! Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of here! Lopahin, how much do you want for this bookcase?

LOPAHIN: In a moment.

GAEV: Name your price!

LOPAHIN: Where was I? It’s so hard to remember after one is interrupted! Oh, yes!

GAEV: [To the bookcase.] Are you well, my friend? Oh, dearest bookcase! Faithful companion! How I’ve missed you! You mustn’t hate me for leaving. I always intended to come back for you! You must believe that!

[A large pile of cherry crates crashes to the floor as EPIHODOV Enters. Cherries fly everywhere. FIRS mumbles something and begins sweeping them up.]

EPIHODOV: Sorry, everyone! Sorry! Don’t mind me. Every day some misfortune befalls me. I don’t complain. I’m used to it, and I wear a smiling face!

LOPAHIN: Ah! Good Epihodov! I remember, when I was fifteen I once knocked over a crate of cherries in my father’s store. I remember quite vividly. He took the crate and shoved it up my a**. Right up my a**! I was shitting splinters for weeks!

[EPIHODOV trips over his own feet and crashes into the counter, splitting his head open.]

EPIHODOV: There! There, you see! I’ve split my head open! How do you like that?!

LOPAHIN: The usual?

EPIHODOV: Yes, and a few extra bandages this week if you don’t mind.

LOPAHIN: Certainly, my friend!

GAEV: [To the bookshelf.] Friend? Friend?! Hah! They know nothing of friendship! You and I--we know of friendship! Always true! Never faltering! No, no ... don’t cry. Hush now, little bookcase. [Sotto voce.] Don’t worry ... I have a plan to get you out of here! Shhh! They’ll hear you!

[LOPAHIN hands EPIHODOV a box of bandages.]

LOPAHIN: Bandages, there you go. Anything else?

EPIHODOV: Perhaps a little extra gauze? And some kind of disinfectant for minor cuts and bruises?

LOPAHIN: Of course.

[LOPAHIN hands EPIHODOV a long strip of wrapping guaze.]

Cut off what you need. I’ll look for the alcohol ... or perhaps some Neosporin Ointment!

EPIHODOV: Whatever you think best, dear friend.

[LOPAHIN rummages through his shelves. EPIHODOV measures out a length of wrapping gauze and picks up an axe to cut it. GAEV begins to fondle the bookcase.]

LOPAHIN: Hydrogen peroxide? I seem to be out of alcohol. You cleaned me out last week.

[EPIHODOV raises the axe and cuts off his hand.]

EPIHODOV: There! You see! I’ve cut off my hand! It’s really quite remarkable! One thing after another!

[FIRS mumbles something and sweeps up EPIHODOV’S hand. He begins wiping up the blood.]

LOPAHIN: Thank you, Firs.

[LOPAHIN pours hydrogen peroxide on EPIHODOV’S hand.]

EPIHODOV: Ooh! It bubbles!

GAEV: [To the bookshelf.] Now listen carefully. Don’t be alarmed, but...

[GAEV lifts his shirt to reveal a small pistol.]

I won’t use it unless I have to, so ... remain calm. If you act suspicious, they’ll know something’s up, and then we’ll have to come out shooting! Take a deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath! You’re going to give us away!

LOPAHIN: What’s going on over there?

GAEV: Stay back! Stay back or I’ll shoot!

[GAEV points the gun at LOPAHIN and EPIHODOV. FIRS begins dusting the bookcase.]

I’ll use this if I have to! Now...we’re going to walk out of here nice and easy. Nice and easy, understand!

[GAEV lifts the bookcase and moves towards the door. FIRS dusts it as they go, mumbling to himself. As he reaches the door, GAEV slips, and the gun goes off--shooting EPIHODOV several times in the chest.]

EPIHODOV: You see! Didn’t I tell you?! One thing after another! But I don’t complain. I’m used to it!

[EPIHODOV falls to the ground, dead--blood spurting from his chest. GAEV shields the bookcase from this bloody scene.]

GAEV: Don’t look! Please! You don’t want to see ... Oh, don’t be angry with me. I couldn’t stand it if you were angry with me. They drove me to it! Try to understand!

LOPAHIN: You killed him.

GAEV: Yes! I didn’t mean to, but I must save this dear bookcase! It has been with me since I was a small child! It is my only true friend! Isn’t that right, dear bookcase.

LOPAHIN: Oh, dear Leonid Andreyevitch. What a tragedy! This particular bookcase is not your bookcase at all! Why, I know the bookcase you speak of--it was sold to a traveling salesman the same week your dear boring sister left us!

GAEV: No!

LOPAHIN: Yes.

[Pause.]

GAEV: Then ... this isn’t my bookcase?

LOPAHIN: Not at all. I purchased this bookcase from three sisters who claimed to be moving to Moscow ... although I don’t think they were really moving anywhere. They talked of nothing else, but it seemed a lot of empty gibberish to me.

GAEV: [To the bookcase.] You fraud! You led me on! You’re not my bookcase!


[He blasts the bookcase to pieces.]

I believe a man should always be prepared to kill himself. That’s why I carry a gun.

[GAEV shoots himself in the head.]

LOPAHIN: What a bloody circus.

[Pause. FIRS begins to clean up the mess.]

I remember when I was fifteen, the circus came to town. I wanted to see the circus, but my father thought it frivolous. I remember quite vividly. He took the whole circus and shoved it up my a**. Right up my a**!

[FIRS continues to clean, mumbling to himself incoherently, as the lights fade to black.]

Guess which one I was.

rofl rofl rofl

You are okay by me.

Ewwww... Mushrooms.

You are no longer okay by me.

Cauliflower, mushrooms, asparagus, ZUCINNI!


DELICIOUS! though I like sauteed better.

It looks like a** salad.