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 Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 2:14 am
Why am I thinking about engagement? Being engaged is a serious thing. And why do I have a feeling that he really does plan on doing that serious thing in the near future? Maybe I should subtly hint that I want to wait a lot longer than six months. I mean, I love him to pieces, and maybe sometime in a few [or several] months I'd want to get engaged, but right now it's way too sooooon! Gaaaah. Now I mean, I wouldn't object to ... what, a promise ring? Or something? Because that's not at least as serious -- my family would kill me, my friends would be like "wtf?" if I got engaged so soon. Screw their opinions, I know, but still -- I'm rather hesitant about the idea myself. Way too soon. I mean, what if stuff goes wrong in three months? Then I'll have been engaged and then break up? Egh. That's no fun. Well, not that breaking up is EVER fun, but, it just seems so much worse when you say you broke off an engagement. Engagements seem so "final" despite the fact that I know it's not the actual marriage and I know engagements do break off ... and so do marriages. Marriages aren't final anymore either, but I guess deep down in my heart I'm old fashioned and a hopeless romantic and I really only want to do the marriage thing once. Bleh, but anyway, I guess I need to subtly drop that idea and drop it fast, since our six month anniversary is on New Year's and yeah, he has hinted about doing something "really special." @___@;;; Eeeeek.*flails*
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 8:06 am
Why can't I find anything else credited to her? I know the name isn't exactly uncommon, but...
It couldn't be the same girl...
Ah, so it isn't. I thought the voice sounded different.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 11:47 am
Urbane Sirius Silverstar BRIAN REGAN BRIAN REGAN BRIAN REGAN! Eee. And the numbers are in - my orchestral score is 15 pages, with legal-sized paper. It's so beautiful. D:
surprised
I want to hear!
Oy, I recounted - it's 17 pages. Yikes. xd I wish I could get an actual orchestra to try it! I'm not particularly proud of what I've written [was originally a last-minute piano solo] but I've been working on orchestrating it for the last 2 months, so I'd love to hear the results regardless.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 5:18 pm
I'm thinking.... that for only being gone 7 months, I feel SO lost on here right now. Cars?! Cash?! Weird evolving things?! Crazy other things that just confuse me and make me feel like a crazy old cat lady that's been told she has to learn to use this new-fangled thing called the internet or die?!
neutral
I think I'll go away again, now. See you in a few years, Gaia.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 7:13 pm
HOLY ******** s**t I HAVE THE INTERNET!!! ....for the time being.... gonk
I am getting so ******** sick of the phone company, the phone has been out since the 30th and very iffy internet, and they haven't ******** fixed it yet.
Dad has called them three times now and there was suppose be a phoneman sent up, on tuesday, but he didn't and then thursday, and then today, and never ******** showed up!!! scream
On other news, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! mrgreen heart
I got the best ******** present, that I've been wanting for years now.
Mom and dad got me an iPod Nano, which is sweet, since I've been using a 10 year old sony walkman CD player, that's had a lot of abuse over ten years. sweatdrop
Now, I need to go and finish up my Christmas cards, while I still have the net for the time being. emo
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 7:16 pm
Kilana Why am I thinking about engagement? Being engaged is a serious thing. And why do I have a feeling that he really does plan on doing that serious thing in the near future? Maybe I should subtly hint that I want to wait a lot longer than six months. I mean, I love him to pieces, and maybe sometime in a few [or several] months I'd want to get engaged, but right now it's way too sooooon! Gaaaah. Now I mean, I wouldn't object to ... what, a promise ring? Or something? Because that's not at least as serious -- my family would kill me, my friends would be like "wtf?" if I got engaged so soon. Screw their opinions, I know, but still -- I'm rather hesitant about the idea myself. Way too soon. I mean, what if stuff goes wrong in three months? Then I'll have been engaged and then break up? Egh. That's no fun. Well, not that breaking up is EVER fun, but, it just seems so much worse when you say you broke off an engagement. Engagements seem so "final" despite the fact that I know it's not the actual marriage and I know engagements do break off ... and so do marriages. Marriages aren't final anymore either, but I guess deep down in my heart I'm old fashioned and a hopeless romantic and I really only want to do the marriage thing once. Bleh, but anyway, I guess I need to subtly drop that idea and drop it fast, since our six month anniversary is on New Year's and yeah, he has hinted about doing something "really special." @___@;;; Eeeeek.*flails* Haha, I was in the same situation a year and a half ago, and I still start flailing around when I think of engagement. (Plus, I'm not even out of highschool yet. And you think YOUR boyfriend's jumping the gun? :D) Don't start panicking too much, Kil. :3
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:55 pm
A Fatal Fairytale Kilana Why am I thinking about engagement? Being engaged is a serious thing. And why do I have a feeling that he really does plan on doing that serious thing in the near future? Maybe I should subtly hint that I want to wait a lot longer than six months. I mean, I love him to pieces, and maybe sometime in a few [or several] months I'd want to get engaged, but right now it's way too sooooon! Gaaaah. Now I mean, I wouldn't object to ... what, a promise ring? Or something? Because that's not at least as serious -- my family would kill me, my friends would be like "wtf?" if I got engaged so soon. Screw their opinions, I know, but still -- I'm rather hesitant about the idea myself. Way too soon. I mean, what if stuff goes wrong in three months? Then I'll have been engaged and then break up? Egh. That's no fun. Well, not that breaking up is EVER fun, but, it just seems so much worse when you say you broke off an engagement. Engagements seem so "final" despite the fact that I know it's not the actual marriage and I know engagements do break off ... and so do marriages. Marriages aren't final anymore either, but I guess deep down in my heart I'm old fashioned and a hopeless romantic and I really only want to do the marriage thing once. Bleh, but anyway, I guess I need to subtly drop that idea and drop it fast, since our six month anniversary is on New Year's and yeah, he has hinted about doing something "really special." @___@;;; Eeeeek.*flails* Haha, I was in the same situation a year and a half ago, and I still start flailing around when I think of engagement. (Plus, I'm not even out of highschool yet. And you think YOUR boyfriend's jumping the gun? :D) Don't start panicking too much, Kil. :3 Oh man I went on a spaz last night. I was half asleep when I wrote all that crap. xd But added to the fact he keeps hinting at "something special" for our six month is the fact that he HAS asked me what I would do if he proposed. @_@; So yeah, I'm just like, derrrr, spaz tiem nao pls? I'm probably just overreacting, I kinda doubt he's gonna actually propose this soon since we have discussed the fact I'd like to wait longer, but I dunno, something keeps lurking in the back of my mind and scaring me and driving me crazy. My mind is waging an all-out war. ;-; Most of me is like "SUER 2GETHER 4EVAR ILU BB~!!!!" but then the other part of me is all rational and pessimistic, "feh, is it really gonna last that long? D:" SIGH DILEMMA. I guess I don't have to worry until he actually does something, though. When we're apart, I can rationalize us ... being apart. I can vaguely imagine the fact that we might not always be together -- I don't like it, but I can kinda picture it, I guess. But when we're together, I don't want to be apart, ever, nor can I imagine not being with him. I don't know what it is. Comfort factor or something? Not sure. Though right now, even though we're apart, I do kinda feel like I don't want to be separated from him. Sigh. I don't understand all these emotions I guess; everything's getting so serious so quickly. All my other relationships have been online, and now that I have someone tangible, someone I can be with everyday or most everyday or whatever ... everything just feels so different. I thought I had a lot of things figured out with my time in online relationships -- and to an extent, I did have the emotional parts figured out alright. But now that it's real, it's just .. so different. Of course it is. D: I knew it would be, I guess, but I don't think I thought it'd ever be this different. Like I said, most of me can picture us together forever; but parts can't. Doubt comes with all new territory I suppose. I'm putting way too much thought into this so soon. Then again being on my period doesn't help either. x_xI guess I have a lot in me that needs out. I don't have many people to talk to anymore, or I'm always with the boy so even if I had time or people to talk to, I wouldn't do it in front of him. Sorry for going so LJ/emo-ish, but yeah. T__T So confused, so much crap that needs to be let out.
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Posted: Sat Dec 08, 2007 9:57 pm
Poor Haji. I've lost track of how many times he's been utterly skewered on some long, sharp object or another.
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 1:39 am
Kilana Oh man I went on a spaz last night. I was half asleep when I wrote all that crap. xd But added to the fact he keeps hinting at "something special" for our six month is the fact that he HAS asked me what I would do if he proposed. @_@; So yeah, I'm just like, derrrr, spaz tiem nao pls? I'm probably just overreacting, I kinda doubt he's gonna actually propose this soon since we have discussed the fact I'd like to wait longer, but I dunno, something keeps lurking in the back of my mind and scaring me and driving me crazy. My mind is waging an all-out war. ;-; Most of me is like "SUER 2GETHER 4EVAR ILU BB~!!!!" but then the other part of me is all rational and pessimistic, "feh, is it really gonna last that long? D:" SIGH DILEMMA. I guess I don't have to worry until he actually does something, though. When we're apart, I can rationalize us ... being apart. I can vaguely imagine the fact that we might not always be together -- I don't like it, but I can kinda picture it, I guess. But when we're together, I don't want to be apart, ever, nor can I imagine not being with him. I don't know what it is. Comfort factor or something? Not sure. Though right now, even though we're apart, I do kinda feel like I don't want to be separated from him. Sigh. I don't understand all these emotions I guess; everything's getting so serious so quickly. All my other relationships have been online, and now that I have someone tangible, someone I can be with everyday or most everyday or whatever ... everything just feels so different. I thought I had a lot of things figured out with my time in online relationships -- and to an extent, I did have the emotional parts figured out alright. But now that it's real, it's just .. so different. Of course it is. D: I knew it would be, I guess, but I don't think I thought it'd ever be this different. Like I said, most of me can picture us together forever; but parts can't. Doubt comes with all new territory I suppose. I'm putting way too much thought into this so soon. Then again being on my period doesn't help either. x_xI guess I have a lot in me that needs out. I don't have many people to talk to anymore, or I'm always with the boy so even if I had time or people to talk to, I wouldn't do it in front of him. Sorry for going so LJ/emo-ish, but yeah. T__T So confused, so much crap that needs to be let out.
Yay, she DID respond - I'm glad she's not angry at me still.
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 7:56 am
Kilana A Fatal Fairytale Kilana Why am I thinking about engagement? Being engaged is a serious thing. And why do I have a feeling that he really does plan on doing that serious thing in the near future? Maybe I should subtly hint that I want to wait a lot longer than six months. I mean, I love him to pieces, and maybe sometime in a few [or several] months I'd want to get engaged, but right now it's way too sooooon! Gaaaah. Now I mean, I wouldn't object to ... what, a promise ring? Or something? Because that's not at least as serious -- my family would kill me, my friends would be like "wtf?" if I got engaged so soon. Screw their opinions, I know, but still -- I'm rather hesitant about the idea myself. Way too soon. I mean, what if stuff goes wrong in three months? Then I'll have been engaged and then break up? Egh. That's no fun. Well, not that breaking up is EVER fun, but, it just seems so much worse when you say you broke off an engagement. Engagements seem so "final" despite the fact that I know it's not the actual marriage and I know engagements do break off ... and so do marriages. Marriages aren't final anymore either, but I guess deep down in my heart I'm old fashioned and a hopeless romantic and I really only want to do the marriage thing once. Bleh, but anyway, I guess I need to subtly drop that idea and drop it fast, since our six month anniversary is on New Year's and yeah, he has hinted about doing something "really special." @___@;;; Eeeeek.*flails* Haha, I was in the same situation a year and a half ago, and I still start flailing around when I think of engagement. (Plus, I'm not even out of highschool yet. And you think YOUR boyfriend's jumping the gun? :D) Don't start panicking too much, Kil. :3 Oh man I went on a spaz last night. I was half asleep when I wrote all that crap. xd But added to the fact he keeps hinting at "something special" for our six month is the fact that he HAS asked me what I would do if he proposed. @_@; So yeah, I'm just like, derrrr, spaz tiem nao pls? I'm probably just overreacting, I kinda doubt he's gonna actually propose this soon since we have discussed the fact I'd like to wait longer, but I dunno, something keeps lurking in the back of my mind and scaring me and driving me crazy. My mind is waging an all-out war. ;-; Most of me is like "SUER 2GETHER 4EVAR ILU BB~!!!!" but then the other part of me is all rational and pessimistic, "feh, is it really gonna last that long? D:" SIGH DILEMMA. I guess I don't have to worry until he actually does something, though. When we're apart, I can rationalize us ... being apart. I can vaguely imagine the fact that we might not always be together -- I don't like it, but I can kinda picture it, I guess. But when we're together, I don't want to be apart, ever, nor can I imagine not being with him. I don't know what it is. Comfort factor or something? Not sure. Though right now, even though we're apart, I do kinda feel like I don't want to be separated from him. Sigh. I don't understand all these emotions I guess; everything's getting so serious so quickly. All my other relationships have been online, and now that I have someone tangible, someone I can be with everyday or most everyday or whatever ... everything just feels so different. I thought I had a lot of things figured out with my time in online relationships -- and to an extent, I did have the emotional parts figured out alright. But now that it's real, it's just .. so different. Of course it is. D: I knew it would be, I guess, but I don't think I thought it'd ever be this different. Like I said, most of me can picture us together forever; but parts can't. Doubt comes with all new territory I suppose. I'm putting way too much thought into this so soon. Then again being on my period doesn't help either. x_xI guess I have a lot in me that needs out. I don't have many people to talk to anymore, or I'm always with the boy so even if I had time or people to talk to, I wouldn't do it in front of him. Sorry for going so LJ/emo-ish, but yeah. T__T So confused, so much crap that needs to be let out. Mine did the same thing around our sixth month anniversary, and the "something special" was his favorite hoodie. x3; Maybe you should get some happy pills to maul the pessimistic side of you? It might calm you down for a while, if nothing else.
That could just be first year dating bliss, or something. Joey and I never argued, at all, about anything remotely serious... until sometime after the one year, I think. x_o Hey, maybe putting so much thought into it now will help you later. :3
Don't worry about it; everyone ends up needing to talk sooner or later. What would happen if you tried talking to him about it, do you think?
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 9:18 am
Most of the people I went to high school with are married and have children. This is perhaps awkward.
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 10:52 am
@ Pasta: Well, I know relationships can work spontaneously as well as they can work out in the long run -- just as they can fail spontaneously or fail in the long run. The whole "if it's meant to be, it'll be" thing, I guess. *shrug* I just have to keep a positive outlook and hope for the best. Things have been great so far, and I guess if they continue this way then I don't know what I'm worried about. I guess my main worry is that it's moving too fast for me.
@ AFF: Yeah, the "something special" might just be a nice gift, a nice dinner, or just something like that, I'm probably just overreacting. xD I've never been one for medication, and on the whole I'm not really like, super depressed/anxious/worried/pessimistic, it's just a small part of me. The logical part, I guess, that just wants to keep me guarded and safe. I've just always been guarded to an extent, and unfortunately that guardedness leads to me being pessimistic. Like, if I keep a sense of dread in me, at least if something goes wrong, I'll be slightly prepared for it.
And well, we have argued over some pretty serious things -- and we've had a few big issues/fights. Our relationship hasn't been the picture of perfection -- but we've overcome the issues we have come across and I feel it really has strengthened our bond. He feels the same way. It's also helping us work on becoming better people, with ourselves and just in general, we're trying to work on arguing over stupid stuff less and such. Unfortunately we tend to bicker over the stupidest things, but we're changing that. xD Aside from the occasional fights (which most people have, and it's not like we're really yelling at each other, it's just bickering really), things are going really well, though I kinda fear it is because we're still young in the relationship. D:
And try talking to him about what? Being scared of engagement/marriage so soon? Well, we have talked about it when he's been weird enough to ask "what would you do if I proposed?" I told him I thought it was way too soon. As far as anything else, well, I'm usually pretty open to him about what's on my mind. He knows I have hesitations about the future, that I worry that I'll mess up the relationship and he'll get tired of me and so forth, but he always tells me not to worry, bursts into the cheesy "you're the best thing to happen to me, ever, and nothing's gonna change that, you're a rare catch" etc. So I try not to worry, because I do want this to work out for the best, and I try to believe all his cheesy lines. ;_;
Holy god I really need to start putting this crap on my livejournal instead of bugging you guys with it. xd But I do appreciate the input. heart I feel kinda alone right now. *hugs all around* Like I said, I don't really have anyone to talk to. IRL, the only person I'd consider talking to is my roommate and we seldom have time alone -- we're always at work or her boyfriend is here, or mine is here, or whatever. That and she never really understood me fully, so I guess I don't think I'd get that great of advice from her in the first place. She's good to vent to, but not so good with the advice thing. Online, well, I've pretty much lost touch with all my old online friends, or I'm never around when they are, so I don't have anyone to really turn to. ._.; Or, like I mentioned before, I'm at work or with the boy a lot and I'm not gonna sit here and talk to someone right in front of him (unless he's preoccupied with a video game, then I don't mind so much XD), but it also comes back to having no one really to turn to. c_c; I win!
*scuttles off and curls up in a corner somewhere* D:
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 10:59 am
I wish I had a big aluminum drum to kick the s**t out of. Today is not going to be a good day until it's over.
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 11:49 am
Kilana @ Pasta: Well, I know relationships can work spontaneously as well as they can work out in the long run -- just as they can fail spontaneously or fail in the long run. The whole "if it's meant to be, it'll be" thing, I guess. *shrug* I just have to keep a positive outlook and hope for the best. Things have been great so far, and I guess if they continue this way then I don't know what I'm worried about. I guess my main worry is that it's moving too fast for me.
@ AFF: Yeah, the "something special" might just be a nice gift, a nice dinner, or just something like that, I'm probably just overreacting. xD I've never been one for medication, and on the whole I'm not really like, super depressed/anxious/worried/pessimistic, it's just a small part of me. The logical part, I guess, that just wants to keep me guarded and safe. I've just always been guarded to an extent, and unfortunately that guardedness leads to me being pessimistic. Like, if I keep a sense of dread in me, at least if something goes wrong, I'll be slightly prepared for it.
And well, we have argued over some pretty serious things -- and we've had a few big issues/fights. Our relationship hasn't been the picture of perfection -- but we've overcome the issues we have come across and I feel it really has strengthened our bond. He feels the same way. It's also helping us work on becoming better people, with ourselves and just in general, we're trying to work on arguing over stupid stuff less and such. Unfortunately we tend to bicker over the stupidest things, but we're changing that. xD Aside from the occasional fights (which most people have, and it's not like we're really yelling at each other, it's just bickering really), things are going really well, though I kinda fear it is because we're still young in the relationship. D:
And try talking to him about what? Being scared of engagement/marriage so soon? Well, we have talked about it when he's been weird enough to ask "what would you do if I proposed?" I told him I thought it was way too soon. As far as anything else, well, I'm usually pretty open to him about what's on my mind. He knows I have hesitations about the future, that I worry that I'll mess up the relationship and he'll get tired of me and so forth, but he always tells me not to worry, bursts into the cheesy "you're the best thing to happen to me, ever, and nothing's gonna change that, you're a rare catch" etc. So I try not to worry, because I do want this to work out for the best, and I try to believe all his cheesy lines. ;_;
Holy god I really need to start putting this crap on my livejournal instead of bugging you guys with it. xd But I do appreciate the input. heart I feel kinda alone right now. *hugs all around* Like I said, I don't really have anyone to talk to. IRL, the only person I'd consider talking to is my roommate and we seldom have time alone -- we're always at work or her boyfriend is here, or mine is here, or whatever. That and she never really understood me fully, so I guess I don't think I'd get that great of advice from her in the first place. She's good to vent to, but not so good with the advice thing. Online, well, I've pretty much lost touch with all my old online friends, or I'm never around when they are, so I don't have anyone to really turn to. ._.; Or, like I mentioned before, I'm at work or with the boy a lot and I'm not gonna sit here and talk to someone right in front of him (unless he's preoccupied with a video game, then I don't mind so much XD), but it also comes back to having no one really to turn to. c_c; I win!
*scuttles off and curls up in a corner somewhere* D: *Hugs* heart Like I said before, I know sort of what you're going through. A lot of what you say sounds so familiar. xD; All of my RL friends live back in Hawaii so I really don't have anyone I can run to when I need to vent, I mean I can still try to talk to them over the phone but with the time difference and all it's hard to get a hold of them. Plus it's not quite the same thing. u_u; And like you said, when you're around them all the time, kind of hard to talk about them. ninja
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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 11:54 am
I just feel weird for being so confused about everything. ;_;
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