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 Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 5:36 pm
Island of Moreau I'm still not convinced Marshall has done enough cage rattling to dissapear him away to the Island. I know he's not the confrontational type...so maybe one of his lawyers pushed him abit? Again, you have all the good BG needed, but unless Marshall was considered a real threat to Feral Labs publicity would they pack him away. ...YOU'RE KILLING ME, ISLAND!!! GRAH!! (<---Scream of Determination)
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 9:25 am
Lycaea Island of Moreau The list is amusing, but I don't think you quite understood what I meant. The idea of Moreau purposely going out of his way to FIND his enemies and get revenge has been done. Moreau didn't keep a list of everyone who made fun of him (god that would be long). My idea would be, she was one of Val or Chert's lackeys. Then, perhaps, Feral Lab would be offering a 'scholarship' that people at AA could sign up for to go a exclusive celebrity-style rehabilitation program on a tropical island. Perhaps she would sign up there. Then, if Moreau happened to recognize her name when going over the people who applied, he would choose her, amused at the twist of fate. She would still need a "legit" way to get to the island - not just a kidnapping. Very rarely does Feral Labs do straight up criminal kidnappings. Thats why there are more decietful ways they usually go about it. Well, I'd intended the list to be minor offenders that he wouldn't seek out, but wouldn't mind experimenting on should the opportunity arise. If I revised it further to not be a full-on kidnapping, would it work? I see what you mean. Essentially what we were sayign that yes, as long as she gets on Moreau's "radar" (like we said, through the AA meeting) without him having to go dig her up/see what happened to her, than that is fine smile
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 9:32 am
lilwerewolfgirl <3 ide like to get a recheck on mine if i may.. I edited a few things (Such as HOW they got to the island and a lil of his description. As well as i decided on backwings. ) Official Critique RequestGaia Username:lilwerewolfgirl Character Name:Edger Chadick Serum Animal(s): Stellers jay ( + Serum 114 for back wings ) Quest Thread: http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=2475605Omg.. *just got a killer idea of making Edger deathly afraid of birds* xD;;; I like the addition of the multi-racial background, first off smile And the revised background sounds more plausible as well for a way to get them onto the island - especially the primary interest in Lenore, and Edger being a conditional. Lenore's conditions might pique their interest, as well as their need-case in fleeing their mother combined with their lack of other ties. 
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 9:47 am
[ .Jade Nymph. ] Official Critique Request Gaia Username: [ .Jade Nymph. ] Character Name: Dai-shu Chai [This is debateful, but probably what I'm going to stick with.] Serum Animal(s): Great Grey Kangaroo Quest Thread: [x][I'm thinking of making the rehab offer combined with a learning experience thing, like being a temporary part of the staff and learning the tricks of the trade. This might be if maybe after Dai gets her legs back, she gets to work for Moreau or something. But the rehab thing is just fine by itself.] I'll mention again that the first name is unlikely to be realized significance from the staff, given that it is in Chinese and none of those that administer the serum speak the language - and a coincidence would be a bit much. I like the background with the pressure from her parents to excel in the only means that they saw her having - and her not being talented in it. I'm a bit confused about the part where it says "Dai was sent to Stanford to complete the rest of her college time and passed as at least third in all of her classes" Do you mean she was ranked at least 3rd in all of her classes, or that she passed only a third of them? If the first, at such a university as Stanford that would be an amazing accomplishment, especially as starting out you usually take a wide variety of classes - including math, to fulfill basic requirements, as well as the fact that freshman classes can be HUGE. If the latter, it's unlikely that she would still be in Stanford. I'd encourage you to keep building on the idea that she DOESN'T Excel where her parents want her to. Standford is a prestigious university, but entrance CAN be bought to explain that, at least. And dump of a college? I'm confused. Also, what did she major in? If she's going after her master's degree, she's got to have a passion for what she's doing, or be bored out of her skull and nose-deep in work. But either way, it can very much shape a person's outlook and way they think about things given they have to do so much reading into the field and it takes up so much a part of their life it becomes part of their identity. I also noted that you described out the physical and mental progress through her change - keep in mind that you can't dictate to the artist exactly how the change progresses physically, though you will have more control on the mental side-effects. Though as far as being staff AND a subject, no can do. The only way that happens is if someone's staff first and then screws up and gets sent to "The other side of the fence". Or, rarely, IC development where a character piques the interest of a higher-up. But even then, they're not usually working in the labs. Moreau's a control freak.
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 9:54 am
The revisions make the character a lot more consistant, and seem to pull her together to be a good canidate :3. Feral Labs has its ear to programs like foster centers, and since she turned 19, she'd no longer be a ward of teh state and have to be adopted - but they could offer her a trip out without legally adopting her.
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 10:12 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 10:27 am
M Official Critique Request Gaia Username: M Character Name: May Halloway Serum Animal(s): Spinifex Hopping Mouse Quest Thread: [Thread] The character sounds fine, M smile Straightforward with some definining characteristics. Keep in mind that when she's brought to the island, it would be very experimental treatment, so that she could be disappeared - with the warning that there might be adverse effects or possibly even fatal ones. She sounds fine, and nothing needs to be changed, but a couple of questions come to mind: What kind of dog was she given, out of curiousity? What were her goals - she's near HS graduation age, and art is just a hobby for her - where was she wanting to go with her future? How often do her attacks strike her usually? It sounds like you've set her up for some good RP opportunities (obviously the mouse issue, mayhaps running into the Dude's cat which bears a striking resemblance to a cat from her childhood, etc)
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 10:40 am
I like the character! It's nice to see a character that's past his prime - and would add a good dimension to the island. HE's got a lot of personality and seems like he could be very dynamic. Who's Bukowski? *Bricked* I like his quirks, and the pet names thing. And he's got a well-thought out history that ties him to the age he was from. And every time a question popped up in my mind I was about to ask, I find it answered later in your profile smile I would be curious about the book when you think up what it's generally about - or at least concerning what sort of field/discipline/etc - and if it's a novel, philosophical piece, social commentary, etc
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 10:49 am
Alex Fistier Official Critique Request Gaia Username: Alex Fistier or Dark Doll (Main) Character Name: Alex Fistier Serum Animal(s): Beagle Quest Thread: Click! ^^ A couple of notes: Go more into his backstory. "His parents were evil?" Being why they gave him up for adoption? Giving a child up for adoption is a HUGE decision. Was the mother an unwed teen? Was he not the child of the father? Were they not financially ready for a child? I also notice that his current location is "Durem, Gaia". The Island of Dr. Moreau doesn't take place on Gaia (a separate world from the real world) but what could be the real world. It seems unlikely that Alex would have been in so MANY different sports, and the MVP of ALL of them. AND a Straight-A student. Also, he's only 20, so while he could be in college, he wouldn't be old enough to go for his master's. Usually, also, when someone is going to the medical field, it's a special track. Additionally, you have him being from Paris, but most of the subjects and sports you have him participating in (football, for example) are very Americanized. I'd reccomend doing a spot of research on French orphanages/etc and it might even give you some inspiration to build into his character. Currently he's feeling a little flat. You dont' go into how you visualize him getting to the island, which is alright given sometimes certain contests pre-specify reasons, but try to keep in mind how he'd get into Feral Labs's radar. Also, you give some generalities about his upringing, but now how he felt about any of these things. How did not having a family effect him?
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