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 Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 3:27 pm
(I'm also bored. :3)
As Rosuto reached the Nurse's Office, he couldn't help but stay at the door to listen to the conversation. It looked like Hatomi was beating himself up again, but there was nothing Rosuto could do to stop him. If he walked in right now, it would probably make him an eavesdropper of sorts, and his senpai would most likley not like that. Besides, he could probably find some kind of truth from Hatomi that he wouldn't know about when his senpai knew he was there.
For some reason, he was very scared. His life was just starting to get better and he didn't want things to go back downhill. He wondered if listening to what was going on in the Nurse's Office would just make things worse, but it was too late to turn back now. If he wanted to find anything out, it was either now or never.
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 6:12 pm
The nurse looked at Hatomi for a moment. "Hatomi you may beleave no one cares for you, but your wrong," The women said softly.
Hatomi sighed, "Tch I used to think no one did. I was a fool to think that way....I couldn't help it though."
"Was it because of that man you call your father?"
"...."
"Hatomi it's best to talk about it to someone, at least try ok? I'm here to listen I am also the student counsler around here I can help you vent some of those feelings you have pent up inside you."
"Yes.....I know. I just....I feel like even though I moved out....he still has controll over me."
She nodded, "I've heard that lately you've stopped your violent act against the students around here. Is it also because of him?"
"No...I could care less if that man shows up at my house one day and kills me. Besides he's part of the reason why I acted the way I did towards people, though another reason accidently tipped the iceburge to my behavior like that......I was wrong to do so."
"What do you mean Hatomi?"
Hatomi looked away not meeting the sensie's eyes, "There was a boy named Rosuto and he was my best friend when growing up. I had told him long ago that I hated gay people and never once gave him a reason as to why I hated them......One day he confessed to me and I felt odd about it......I geuss I miss took what I truely felt for hate towards him and a sudden hurt ran through me at that time......But I was wrong. I told his parents and they threw him out, I ruined his life and so he disappeared for a few years If my memory serves right," Hatomi took a breath, "I couldn't beleave how empty I felt afterwards. I was so confused and the more I thought about it the angerier I got about it. So I turned against all gay people, but it was wrong of me to do so. Around that time my father....he....He forced me out of his house." The nurse noticed Hatomi was struggling to to stick to the truth. She knew this was leading some where but where exactly that was she did not know. "So now I was living on my own and one day Rosuto shows up out of the blue. I was oddly releived some how, but the anger I had built up had pushed me to hurt him. It wasn't until...." His jaw locked on him and he was forcing back tears which the nurse noted.
"I was walking home....I didn't know why i felt like I wanted to go to his house to pick on him some more, but when I got there the door was unlocked and I felt confused so I envited myself into his home. Which happened to be the Haunted house that I once used to stop to look at on my way to my own home. He fixed it up pritty well. But anyways.....I walked around till I came upon his bathroom....he was there....pale...looking so peaceful as though he was asleep, but.....the blood was what got me.....it had felt....I don't know like someone had placed a vise on my heart and was squeezing it. It hurt some much and I paniced. I saved him thank god, but it made me realize......that I didn't hate him. I loved him.....and I Loved him back then too....I was just to stupid to notice what it was." The nurses eyes were wide, but she stayed silent.
"I'm just like my father.....Hurting people. I hate myself for it.....But he wasn't the only one who tried. Others I had picked on had tried and succeeded without me knowing they had done so....I was unaware people had died because of me....and it's all my fault. If I had just accepted what I felt....If I had just noticed what it was...none of this would have ever happened and I would only stew in my dark past, without causing pain to the one I truely loved."
"Hatomi I don't understand, what are you talking about....your Dark past?" She turned his face to her and she looked him in the eyes. The tears hnad spilled over and wetted his cheeks and she swallowed thickly as the unspoken words snapped in her head. "He didn't......" Hatomi didn't have to say anything. It explain alot though as to Hatomi's uncontroled anger during school. It explained his attitude towards gay people, and adults. It explained why he preferred being alone and not to get close to people. An untamed pattern of emotions due to Physical, emotional, and mental abuse caused by none other then Hatomi's father. He didn't trust people and it took him a while to trust and when a trust was lost it was hard to gain back. But in turn he must have known how Rosuto felt too now that was why he was beating himself up over it.
"I'm just like him....I hurt people and I can't take it back," fresh tears spilled over, "I want to change, and I want to get close.....but each time I try I feel worse. I keep hurting the one I love and I feel like I can't help him. He's hurting inside because of me. He can't trust anyone because of me. He's alone because of me. I hate myself to the pits of hell, for the s**t I did to him," he tored his head away from her hands, "maybe my father was right I am a worthless son and I don't desrve any kindness from anyone."
"Your wrong Hatomi," She hugged him. "He's wrong you dserve so much more and so does Rosuto. You've both had rough lives that no one should have to go through and if it wasn't for your father then none of this would have happened Hatomi."
"No....he's always right...." the nurse didn't know what else to say. This damage was deeply rooted and she couldn't change it, but someone who was close to him could if they tried, and his gang tried really hard to do so even though Hatomi never noticed it. You could say he was thick headed about it.
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 6:32 pm
While he was listening to all of this, Rosuto wondered if perhaps there was a way to help Hatomi get over the dilemma. It seemed that all the stress from an abusive father and the sudden shock of an attempted suicide caused him to crash and now he thought there was no way he could be forgiven. It was probably going to take a while, but Rosuto wanted Hatomi to absolutely feel forgiven. It's not wrong to feel guilty about the whole thing or anything, but he should at least forgive himself little by little at a time.
Suddenly, the bell rang that signalled the end of lunch time. Almost reluctantly, Rosuto hurried away towards class. He would have time to think about helping Hatomi later. For now, he needs to survive a finally normal day of school. On the way, however, he was bombarded by praises and questions from some of Hatomi's former victims. It seemed that they were amazed that Hatomi finally changed and now they wanted to know if Rosuto had anything to do with it. A few people even wondered what happened to his wrists after seeing the bandages there. It looks like the day was going to be long.
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 6:41 pm
Hatomi whiped his tears away with the back of his hands, "Thank you Sensei," He got off the stool, pulled aay from her embrace and bowed, "but I must go now." He walked out into the halls slowly, avoiding any contact with people right now that he was friends with. Some of the students he had been picking on cautiously stepped away unsure if he was going to snap and jump back to his old self again. Hatomi flinched inwardly at that and he kept silent his eyes trained on the ground as he walked to his next class. Thank goodness the day was almost over and all he got out of it was a couple bruises well hidden now and a few busted knuckles.
When he walked into his class the teacher looked up and looked at him, "Hatomi what happened?"
He shrugged and said "I fell." He pretended like it was nothing, but in truth the teacher happened to live a few houses down from his parents and she had always suspected something was wrong. Not only that, but she had seen the way Hatomi was treated by his Father, she could only imagin what happened when he had been living in that man's house. The question was, what happened to his mother and why hadn't she seen her lately. She let him take his seat and wait for class to begin. Students mumbled and a few who had seen the speculation knew he had lied to cover for his father. He looked out the window and spased out waiting for the class to begin.
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:17 pm
As he entered the class, the teachers had asked about his wrists, but Rosuto said nothing. He didn't want them to know about his attempted suicide. It was already enough that they saw him like this. Come to think of it, wasn't he still a bit pale from the blood loss? Maybe whoever had noticed would just think it resulted from yesterday's beating if they didn't catch on that it was all an attempted suicide. It didn't matter now, though. Things had changed, so he might as well go along with it. Since his misery had stopped so quickly, it might be hard to get used to everything. Now that he thought about it, he felt as if he was just having a dream of some sort. A sweet nightmare, perhaps. The good part was that his problems had been mostly solved and the bad part being a deep cut in his heart.
'Things could have been worse,' Rosuto tried to convince himself. 'I could have actually died yesterday.' But of course he didn't. The practically impossible had happened that day, and it was something that even Rosuto himself couldn't dream of. Hatomi had suddenly had some change of heart, probably from seeing him at the brink of death, and decided to rescue him. Rosuto was sure that the senpai he knew for the past two weeks would have just left him for dead, but somehow he was wrong. A part of him was glad that he was wrong, but another part wished he wasn't. If Hatomi had never seen him, at least he wouldn't be beating himself up right now.
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Posted: Sun Jun 20, 2010 10:52 pm
Hatomi barely listened to his class, only catching key terms that he needed to know as his mind drifted over and over again. He didn't know why, but he wanted to be with Rosuto. If he couldn't make his own life right then he would at least make Rosuto's better right? He knew it was going to be hard. He had lost the other males trust a long time ago and it would take time to restich what they used to have. A soft smile lit Hatomi's face and some of the students who had been eyeing him durong class blinked a few times and startged to whisper amongst themselves. Hatomi had never smiled, well not a kind loving smile at least. His past ones were normally fake and full of twisted hate and promise of pain. But right then they had all been surprised and to be quiet honest alot of people liked the change in Hatomi. Hatomi yawned after a while as he waited for the bell to ring once again for the final class of the day of him. He had passed most of his classes early taking most of them online so he could get out of school faster. He didn't like large groups anymore like in the past. Now he felt like they could see through him to what lay beneith and he didn't like it.
Hatomi's mind wandered back to Rosuto. He knew he shouldn't beat himself up over it. He could read Rosuto's expression each time he hurt himself or spoke about it. He didn't care if he himself got hurt, he just wanted to make the other happy again. To make things right again like when they were younger. Running a hand through his hair he sighed softly. The twing in his jaw intensified reminding him on why he himself could never be happy. He then thought to himself. How could he hold himself together? How could he not brake under the emotions and feelings that threatened to over come him? How could he keep himself afloat over the darkness? The cliff was there and all he need is jump right? No he didn't want to think that way. He didn't want this life anymore. Rosuto showed him how prescious it was, but he felt like he was falling to peices and being set adrift without a paddle.
HE had heard many times on the news about kids suddenly snapping and killing alot of inoccent people and Hatomi never wanted to do that. He avoided people for that reason and he refused to get close, but he had some how and now everything seemed to affect him. For better or for worse he didn't know. Shaking his head he heard some of the others talking in class as the teacher handed out their home work. They were talking about him and his father. No surprise there, and soon the teacher would over hear and scold him for lying. Whihc she soon called him to the front of the class to speak with him. Hatomi ignored her though. He didn't like most adults even the nice ones. Anyone could be nice to your face and turn around and stab you in the back. He had witnessed it and had done it a long time ago to his one true friend. Now said ex-friend was his friend once more and he was trying to make things right for him again.
No more, he wouldn't hurt Rosuto anymore if he could help it. He walked back to his seat and started to work on the home work. Slowly going over the work questions and completing it before the bell rang. He looked out the window when it did ring and he got up and went out his class room door, to his last class. It was the only class he had with Rosuto, because most of the higher grades mingled their last class with lower classman just to get to know them if they were new.
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Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 2:04 pm
Time seemed to fly quickly and soon the last bell rang. It seemed that it was just about time, too. Rosuto wasn't sure how much longer he could last in school. He wanted to talk to Hatomi as soon as possible and perhaps help him forgive himself. It isn't supposed to seem that difficult, but if it's Hatomi, it could be. So far, there wasn't much progress, but who said everything had to be fixed in a few seconds?
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Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 3:07 pm
Hatomi felt tired, it was like his energy had just been drained away and he was glad the day was almost done. Good thing work wasn't today. Hatomi would have been working on zero energy if he had even tried too. Slipping from one class to another he crept to his seat in the back of the class. He had just this class left, but he probably wouldn't stay awake for it. It seemed boring to him and with the very little energy he had left it would be hard to stay awake during the class. He looked down at his hand and sighed then placed his hand on his cheek. Word travled to quickly from here to his house and he hated that fact. He couldn't wait till the school year was over so he could get the heck out of there and awaay from his family, but....He didn't want to leve Rosuto behind. He looked out the window as he thought about the things he'd done and said to the young boy. He hated himself for doing those things. In the end he found he was just like his sick twisted father, hurting the people around him without even thinking twice about it. Hatomi felt sad, "Well they always say the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree..." He mumbled to himself thinking no one had heard him.
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Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 4:02 pm
As Rosuto walked out of the school, he looked around very cautiously. He didn't want a surprise attack to overtake him. Before today, those things would happen often and he would be too afraid to walk around. It seemed that the trauma of it all had yet to leave him, and a few eyes looking fearfully at him seemed to predict that something bad was going to happen. Personally, Rosuto believed that something was going to happen to him if he didn't start leaving the school.
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Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 5:22 pm
Hatomi gathered his things and left the class room. He walked to his wall locker and pulled out some of his text books and placed other ones in they're place. Slipping the books he pulled out into his bag he slowly walked towards the front door and out with his unhurt hand in his pocket, not even bothering to wait for his gang. Besides they had other things they had to do.
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Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 6:10 pm
Rosuto was just about ready to get jumped on once he reached the school's exit, but so far nothing happened. The lack of events really bothered him. He was so used to being beaten up and everything that he was very scared and lost. He was more scared than lost, because he didn't know what was going to happen next. He used to always know, but now nothing was going on.
Suddenly, Rosuto forgot which direction his home was supposed to be. Everything was so unfamiliar and he wasn't sure if he knew where he was now. He needed help, but how would he be able to speak? Everything he used to know was gone now, and he was having trouble accepting that.
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Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 6:18 pm
Hatomi looked around and sighed, then noticed Rosuto, "Rosuto?" Rosuto had an odd look on his face that Hatomi hadn't honestly remembered him ever using. He walked over to Rosuto, "You ok?" He asked gently.
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Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 7:01 pm
As if in panic, Rosuto collapsed. His breathing turned shallow and soon he was sure that he was hyperventilating. Wait a moment. Where was he? Who was he? What was going on right now? He couldn't remember a thing and he wasn't even sure if he was still alive. Everything was just so off... so out of place. Just yesterday, he knew what was going to happen. Why was nothing happening now?
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Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 7:19 pm
Hatomi's eyes went wide, "what the....Rosuto," He rushed to him and caught him before he hit the ground. "Rosuto! Rosuto are you ok?! Come one speak Rosuto...." Hatomi didn't know what to do. The nurse had probably aready left at this moment, so what could he do. "Come on Rosuto...." He said slightly panicy.
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Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 8:06 pm
Rosuto was even more panicked when he saw his senpai. Why couldn't he just stop this act? He wasn't fooled. Nobody suddenly changes after two weeks! This wasn't right! What was right and wrong?! Why couldn't he just get a grasp at reality and accept the changes? What changes?! He didn't know anymore!
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