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 Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 9:27 am
Quick notice -
I don't know about you lot, but I'm getting a little tired of looking at our first post and seeing 'description coming soon' there.
I would write up a description and fix that, but I've been suffering from writers' block recently, so...
I wonder if one of you might like to help me out?
It doesn't have to be a long description. You can use Deathly Hallows as a template for how it's supposed to look. Just describe the common room as though a new student was coming in for the first time.
Hey, you could even make it a collaborative effort!
Either post it here or send it to me via PM.
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Posted: Sat Jul 25, 2009 11:47 am
OMG, I'm so on it!
I love writing.
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 2:14 am
On no! The thread's dying! *tries to revive thread*
I'm not very good at writing, though if needed I'm sure I could come up with something. Where did all the first years go? [[And I hate timezones for making it so that I'm normally online when nobody else is.]]
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 8:50 am
Emilyanne wanders back into the common room after making sure her belongings are in their proper places in the dormitory. She notices that the common room is rather quiet, but makes her way across the starry, midnight-blue carpet to the few people still left in the room.
"Where did everyone go? I know they're not in the library quite yet, as finals haven't begun."
((I could write a description if you need me to, but I think Sam has it under control. What timezone are you in? I'm EST.))
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 9:11 am
Cocosam: Do you mind if I re-post your description here? We could make revising a group effort.
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 10:41 am
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:40 pm
Lyra turns at the sound of an unrecognized voice. "Oh hello. You must be a first year. I'm Lyra. Welcome to Ravenclaw. How are you liking Hogwarts(/Ravenclaw) so far? Settling in nicely, I hope?"
[[I'm in the New Zealand time zone, whatever that is. It's 19 hours ahead of PCT, I think (at the moment). It's currently about 7:30 am Tues, July 28.]]
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 1:12 pm
cocosam You walk up the winding stairs and reach a wooden door with no door knob and a brass eagle knocker. You knock on it, and it asks you "What came first? The Phoenix or the Flame?" you then answer the question and it swings open. You enter a beautiful wide, circular room. Floor-to-ceiling windows curtained with heavy dark blue and bronze material. The windows show a beautiful view of the surrounding mountains. The domed ceiling is painted with a night sky with thousands of stars. There is a large fire place with a blue fire crackling in it. Study tables are placed around the common room, and large comfy sofas and chairs are centered around the fire place. Large book cases tower against the walls, with thousands of reading possibilities. A large white-marble statue of the House's founder, Rowena Ravenclaw is also placed in the common room. Her diadem reads, "Wit Beyond measure is man's greatest treasure." As you tread into the common room's blue carpet, you realize that you have truly entered the Ravenclaw common room.
Anyone want to make a contribution?
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 1:13 pm
Also, we have a new Deputy Head and Prefect!
Deputy Head: Lyra Elizabeth
Prefect: Cocosam
Congratulations!
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 1:21 pm
Yay for the new deputy head!
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Posted: Mon Jul 27, 2009 5:12 pm
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Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 2:03 am
And for the new prefect! Congrats Sam.
Thanks, Miranda and Sam.
As for the description, I think it's very good. Much better than I could have done, by any means. Don't think there's anything I'd like to contribute. Though one little thing seems not quite right to me: "As you tread into(?) the common room's blue carpet..." I don't think "into" is really the right word, since you don't tread into a carpet. And should the "Beyond" be capitalized?
Hmm, what about possibly adding something about students, so that it doesn't seem so devoid of people? Maybe they're just milling around, or reading, or talking, or playing some sort of game, whatever.
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Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 9:28 am
Thank you Lyra!
Yeah, I think the students would be a good touch. :/
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Posted: Wed Jul 29, 2009 7:51 am
I believe you may want to add a prefect to guide the new student(s) through the door for the first time. Remember, this is a brand new first year entering the Ravenclaw Common Room for the first time. No matter how clever, no tired, slightly overwhelmed eleven-year-old will be able to correctly answer a question like "Which came first, the phoenix or the flame?"
Especially if he/she isn't quite expecting the question to come from an eagle-shaped doorknocker.
And if you feel something should be changed, go ahead and copy the writing, change it, and highlight your changes in blue so we can see them.
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Posted: Wed Jul 29, 2009 7:59 am
You walk up the winding stairs and reach a wooden door with no door knob and a brass eagle knocker. You knock on it, and it asks you "What came first? The Phoenix or the Flame?" you then answer the question and it swings open.
You enter a beautiful wide, circular room. Floor-to-ceiling windows curtained with heavy dark blue and bronze material. The windows show a beautiful view of the surrounding mountains. The domed ceiling is painted with a night sky with thousands of stars. There is a large fireplace with a blue fire crackling in it. Study tables are placed around the common room, and large comfy sofas and chairs are centered around the fireplace. Large book cases tower against the walls, filled with thousands of reading possibilities. A large white marble statue of the House's founder, Rowena Ravenclaw, is also placed in the common room. Her diadem reads, "Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure."
As you tread onto the common room's blue carpet, you realize that you have truly entered the Ravenclaw common room.
--
As shown above...
Edited the two words Lyra pointed out, plus I chose a couple of spots to break the paragraphs up. Also repaired a few punctuation points, such as adding a comma for "...House's founder, Rowena Ravenclaw, is..."
The second paragraph feels a little long and a bit clumsy. Any ideas to tighten up the wording?
Look at the sentences and word clusters in red. They could be fixed to flow better. Input, anyone?
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