Welcome to Gaia! ::

^_^ glad that you found it dear.

i love St. Patty's day, provided i don't go downtown. ninja

anywho, randomness time! ^.^ heart

one of the thoughts i have been having lately is a sort of expansion on an old belief of mine. a simple philosophical thought.

all of the drama and trials we go through in this world are trivial. in the grand scheme of things, we are completely insignificant, in this huge and wondrous Universe that humbles us completely. in comparison we don't matter, we would be arrogant to an ungodly level to think that we're even noticed by anyone or anything outside our tiny little solar system.

and yet, we are made up of the very same elements and particles as all that stardust and space-matter that humbles us. we are made of all the same stuff as everything around us, great and small. of all the same stuff as a universe who's very existance still baffles us. just like that very Universe we live in, we are Miracles.

we are Insignificant little Miracles, and that's all we are. but we are all that.


it's thoughts like these that i miss having. my little random bouts of philosophy. these moments make me feel truely at home, truely myself. to have this relapse into my old interests of understanding, my interests in Science (particularly Biochemistry and Astronomy) makes me feel comfortable for the first time in a very long time.

all these weeks now i've been stressing out too much, having nightmares, focusing on all this human stuff. i realy needed to have this calm feeling, to be reminded of that sense of simultaneous insignificance and universal connectedness. that sense of simultaneous individuality and one-ness with all. i feel like sharing these reminders with other people now, just loving on them and telling them these messages. perhaps i'll write a song or two, or maybe i'll just graffiti. who knows.

anywho, i just wanted to get this written down. i think it's time for something like that.

sad i'm sorry Dragon... anything i can do? maybe make a memorial for him?


also, i have yet another thing to share.

is Destiny a Script for us to follow, on this Stage we call our World? or do our Choices determine the outcome of our Destinies? are there any Prophets who can tell us what our relationship to Destiny is? are we the Makers of Destiny, or is Destiny our Maker? or are we our Destinies embodied?

these are thought that have been plaguing me recently, but which have not been made easily graspable until tonight. i guess it always seems to choose it's own time to be ready, these thoughts of mine. xd

i've been going through alot of stress lately, and had some intresting string of events occurred. as it stands, i've had some issues to work out with Shan, which we are still in the middle of. things are looking up-ish, but there is no way to ignore the damage... however, it does have it's positive effects.

i've been given a sort of task, which has actually proven to lead to some much-needed personal development. i have been focusing alot on "being myself", which, ironically, has been a very strange thing for me. it feels so different. hahaha! xd

this development has helped me however to overcome alot of problems i have had all my life, as well as to help me grow in areas of understanding as well as self-control. it's had a surprisingly powerful influence on all aspects of my being. i am glad for it.

i have also come to another interesting development. this would be the tearing down of a philosophy that i have held close to me for years, and which has been a part of my moral identitity during all of that time.

you see, i have believed that Fear was a useless emotion, one that was not needed. Fear represents an illusion, a self-destructive lie to oneself. it overcomes you by convincing you to give up. i have believed that that is pointless, because if you are going to fail anyway, why not still try to win? why not put up a fight? Courage would be the act of continuing on despite Fear, but if you have no Fear than you need no Courage. and thus, Courage would be just as useless as Fear.

but i was wrong. because i could never realy live without Fear, n matter how much i tried. even knowing and believing in it's pointlessness, the fact that it is a lie, didn't get rid of it. i was left with only the choice to either continue to deny and ignore the fact that i couldn't eliminate my Fear, or to accept that perhaps Fear does have some purpose after all. what exactly that Purpose is is beyond me, but i guess that's part of what this post is for.

all this ties together with the concept of the Self, the Ego, one's Personality... who are we? how do we determine who we are? how do we know we are who we are for sure? by what method do we determine our identities?

i came to a theory a while back, that perhaps Identity is realy nothing more than Name and Profession. perhaps we determine our Self by what name we respond to and what role we play. it is said that in life we as people wear many masks, many faces, many "selves". it seems we are completely different people from group to group. in one circle of friends we are, say, "Zack, the weird D&D kid who talks online and doesn't comb his hair", while in an entirely different circle of peers we are "Twi, the talkative Drunk who is an authority on the construction of Music", and in yet another social circle we are "Master, the sensitive-yet-protective Slave-owner who needs affection and company".

could this Theory be true? is that all that determines who we are? are we all interchangeable people, with many personalities, many identities? or is there realy some solid definition of "Self"?

anywho, please discuss this rather large and comprehensive topic freely and openly.

Oh! And I'm clinically insane! xD
yay me >.=.>
I've got a split personality that I never was aware of until recently! xD


Makes it kind of awkward for me that the "other" is a girl. >///>" (Not to be interpreted pervertedly)

Her name is Jay and from what I can gather, she only comes out when I'm on the computer (can't understand it either)... that's all I know so far xD I'll introduce you all to my "other self" in the future, maybe xD


Kind of explains those blank periods in my memory while on the computer, at least

heh... xd good to know that you are now aware of said other self. i know from experience how bad it can be ignoring the split.

o_O;

meh... all this seven Sins business is bullcrap in my opinion...

But still.......... Really awkward for me >///>" I'd regain control at some of the worst times, get, like, 3 seconds glimpses and lose it again... Dx

I'd say help me, but so far, it hasn't been a danger to either of us. a couple close calls, but I'd suddenly get pulled in before it got too far, like there's a third hiding in there, like a referee or something. Plus we're aware of each other now, so that helps.


I hardly understand it myself, but it's true. The only proof that she exists is through IM messages, where I'd suddenly get pulled in to chat with friends she made herself, so we actually set up a system to let her friends know who's talking..... (PS, her nickname is Kitty, even though there's already a Kitty here, so just bear with her, please))



Kitty: Hi hi ^-^ I kinda snuck a peek and decided to say hi ^-^



Dragon: Oh yeah, she's a giggler.........