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 Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 11:22 pm
Ne ne, Jolly loves you, it's a good thing. ^^
Why is it the source of the problem? I can't be jealous 'cause I don't understand love. I'm an idiot, ne? That's all I'll ever be, and mybe best the way it is.
Good point. But it'd be nice if I could talk to you guys more. Unfortunately bed time and school gets in my way. Dx
I wasn't talking about romance love . . . But love in general. Going Christmas shopping with friends . . . That first fight where you both end up blurting out at the same time; "I'M SORRY!" . . . Though, my fantasy ways are jacked up.
Eno, I thank you for such a descriptive way of putting it, I feel exactly that way, yes.
I'M SORRY! KADDY! [/ Stapples mouth shut ] TTxTT ( I just wanted someone to talk to for once. Sorry. >.< )
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 11:26 pm
-Facepalm- I let my emotions go crazy, there.
I apologize.
But you are upset, Hani.
And alright, stop. You are not an idiot. Far from it, in fact.
You're an incredibly amazing, clever, funny, creative, sweet woman. I'm so glad I've met you.
And I'd be willing to bet my life savings that everyone else who has met you agrees with me.
Uh. Here. [Look.]
You can kind of see the zig-zag part, aha..
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 11:28 pm
I'm so sorry Kaddy... *sighs, curls up*
You're welcome, Silent... I'm just putting the way I feel about it, and I have a way with words...
I feel like we're not being released right now, we're just getting pulled closer to the abyss in front of us... I can't understand myself when I'm like this. I can't understand anything at all... I'm lost in a sea of existence.
Why can't I just pull myself out? I'm pretty sure I'm not depressed medically or whatever, but right now I can't cheer up even in the slightest.
... I think I'm the closest to tears I've been in a long time... *sighs, buries face in a pillow*
That looks great Kelbel.
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 11:40 pm
I'm upset . . . But, I'm over thinking different things. I think I'm tired perhaps.
Lovely picture, like always. ^^ I asume you have an awsome camera for such a colorfully light picture. Did you take it now? No offense, but you look a little sad in it.
[/ Curls next to Eno, bringing Kelbel with me ] I'm going to sleep before I start bawling and making the situation worse. I'll leave you with the last of my cheerfulness for tonight though.
-------------------
I suck at swimming on dry land. xD I'm in a swimming class . . . And we're running, and junk. I don't remember signing up for that! Dx
I'm going to make a one shot for 6927. Crack or lovely? ( New word for realistic and lovey-dovey. ) Tell me tomorrow at seven bob . . . >.> We . . . Don't have a bob here.
Silent's gone mad, so mad . . . I'm meeting the Mad Hatter tonight at Wal-Mart to get cookies for the March Hares birthday party in Russia! =D
---------------------
Alright . . . Good night, I love you all very very much. [/ Hugs and kisses ]
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 11:40 pm
I can't say anything else. I have nothing left.
I don't think I've ever been this disgusted with my own ignorance.
Maybe it's because you don't cry too often. You feel the need to cry, deep down; but maybe you're afraid to.
I used to be like that. Up until last winter, I hardly ever cried. And then everything changed, you know?
I felt as if, hey, maybe I should stop being such a recluse and talk to someone. Get a friend who will listen to my problems.
That might not have worked out originally.. and I might've just ended up crying empty tears-
but I feel that I have comfort with people, now. Especially, well, you guys.
Maybe you could feel the same, Eno. Maybe you just need to cry.
I took it a few hours ago, aha. And hm, I.. er, am upset?
My camera is okay; it works better outdoors, though. It captures light very well.
Thanks, aha..
Um. I prefer fluff, but you should do what you want.
Night, hon. Sleep well.
(I was trying to drift from the topic; it obviously didn't work.)
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Posted: Mon Aug 17, 2009 11:48 pm
I hope Silent's dreams are as sweet as this conversation has been bitter. We love her too, lots.
I don't know how to get myself to cry... my friend died... I thought I couldn't cry because I didn't know her that well...
But the incident with the other friend, that one I just talked about earlier... She is my confidante, the one I can talk to, the closest friend I have irl. When she flatlined, I was texting with her boyfriend... he said she was dead and that he needed to go kill himself. I went for a walk so I wouldn't be seen freaking out. I never did...
Kelbel isn't ignorant anymore than I am knowledgeable...
I think... this is the kind of topic you can't just drift away from. We all tried... I think this topic forces itself on you, and you have to just bear it until it decides to leave.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 12:01 am
-Puffs out a sigh- Kelsey loves Hannah. More than she can express with words.
Goddammit. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
Right after Hani said she was crying, Kelbel went for a 'walk' out to the woods.
And she screamed at the sky. For a minute straight.
So, Eno, you just have self-control, I guess. I don't know. I'm sorry, I can't exactly think clearly or rationally.
Pff. I'm incredibly ignorant. And I go one about how I hate people like that.
People who are so oblivious they can't even tell when they're hurting someone? Ha, I guess I hate myself, then.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 12:09 am
I wish I could lose my self control sometimes. Or apply it where I want it. You want to freak out, to cry, to scream, when something like that happens. The worst I could do was say loudly "She's dead." And it even sounded rough, and cold. Like I was telling some idiot "She wasn't worth anything anyway..." It's like my emotions have been sealed or something...
We all hate ourselves, or part of the person we see in the mirror. And that kind of ignorance-- everyone has it. Everyone makes that mistake at one time or another. What's important is if you regret it... and you really do.
*sigh* Eno's going to go to bed, he has a job interview in the morning.
He's going to have nightmares now, he thinks, but since he almost never remembers his dreams or the emotions attached you won't hear about them. Loves you... So sorry I can't leave on a semi-happy note like Silent did.
Oh, and before you blame yourself for said nightmares, it's not your fault or Silent's, it's this [x]ing shroud.
I feel bad for Kevin, he has to mod our depressingness.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 12:20 am
Denial, possibly? Like, not really- you understand that she's dead,
but there's something in the back just telling you that she's not really gone?
That's exactly how I was when my mother was comatose. And that's exactly what I said.
And.. I guess I was just in such an awful state of denial. But I have no idea. I can't even remember my exact feelings. They were so mixed.
I don't know; is that maybe how you feel, as well?
I don't even know what I've become; I can't stand this.
I feel.. selfish. And idiotic. And whenever I look into a mirror, I just look a little more like my mother. Day by day, inside and out.
I'm disgusted with what I'm turning into. Becoming anything like that woman is my worst fear in the world.
And that fear is constantly becoming a dismal reality.
Goodnight, hon. Good luck, tomorrow.
Love you. It's okay. Sleep well.
Aha, well, although I find this whole charade to be my fault, okay.
.. Poor Kevin. =/
-Edits- Okay, now it's almost five in the morning.
And Kelbel still can't sleep.
Yay~
-Edits.. again- 6:09 am.
Kelbel still hasn't had any sleep.
Woo, and she has to go shopping in an hour and a half.
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:37 am
-scratches his nails on a chalk bored- Ah refreshing.
Modding report. Kevin is glad he mods in the morning, it protects Cheshire from having more anxiety attacks.
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Kevin Regnard Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:01 am
-sighs and mutters- Morning...God, what a terrible night...
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:03 am
-pats back-
Its ok now no depressing crap while kevins around ^3^
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Kevin Regnard Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:07 am
Heh...that's right, at least I've got Kevi to count on to cheer me up a bit. They just made me all depressed too and I couldn't take it.
Anyway...how's Kevi this morning?
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:10 am
I can deleted this thread and make a new one -laughs darkly-
Creaking like an old man as usually. There's really no good updates this morning so I decided to pick up a shoujo for awhile.
Kaddy bored ne?
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Kevin Regnard Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 6:14 am
Nah, dun delete it xD That'd be no fun~ I can usually put up with stuff like that, but last night I just couldn't take it for some reason...maybe because I sort of had some of the same problems in the past and didn't wanna talk about it?
Kaddy is bored...and she's gonna have to go help clean out the car soon >.>" Kaddy needs to read more manga...no...Kaddy has to get busy with her summer reading >.<" But who wants to read freakin' Jane Eyre?
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