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 Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:29 pm
Komlon
Length and Pacing: Your length was pretty nice, not too long, but not too short. But, maybe if you put more spaces between paragraphs..then i wouldn't need my reading glasses to read your post.
Grammar: I caught some spelling corrections, mostly on what Lenair has explained. Remember, don't be afraid to use Microsoft Word. I mean, i used Microsoft word for my test and i got a pretty high score. Just keep that in mind.
Personality: I loved the personality in this. It shined through your post, on how he thought, felt, and battled. It went great, i guess that is your strength.
Use of Environment: I also loved how you described the beach setting, i think that was pure genius. Its probably better than everyone using the dome setting, almost like how i used Wonderland as my setting. And the crab setting was pretty cool too. But i couln't help but think that the scene when he gets to the beach reminded me when Ariel from Little Mermaid walking up on the beach for the first time. Wow i have such a wierd imagination. Heh. Maybe you could of put a little more details when he entered the ocean.
Details: The details were pretty well served, the setting, the personality, and the crab as an oppenent. Maybe at the last scene there could of been a little more details. But overall, i think this post was probably a little over average.
6/8
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 10:25 pm
I would say I was a lazy bum. sweatdrop
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Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 12:37 pm
Senquis (Miki):
Length and Pacing: Your post was a good size and the pacing was pretty good. The "action" seemed a bit slow but that's ok ^>^.
Grammar: You have a great vocabulary. The only thing is the font. Its suppose to be only thoughts in italize, and everything else in normal font. Coloring is ok, but it doesnt make sense why you would color only thoughts and not speech.
Personality:There wasnt much range of personality but I dont mind that because you were true to your character throughout the whole post. I can tell that Miki is obviously not ruff or pron to battles.
Use of Environment: I thought it was nice how the plain dome arena was used for the musical benifit of your character.
Details: There was only a little bit of physical discription of you and your oponate. However, you did use discriptive verbs.
Notes: I like how Miki didn't win.
7/8
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Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 1:00 pm
Komlon:
Length and Pacing: It was a good length. Your pacing was off. It seemed gramaticly that your tend to write in a way that seems like your starting and stopping every scentence. I'm sure that doesnt make sense so let me explain.
Example (not from your test, this is a dramatic example): Rene looked up. Rene smiled then she took a step fordward. And Rene clapped her hands, but she noticed there was dirt on them. So Rene went to go wash her hands.
It doesnt flow. If you get red on the "then, and, but, so." and reformed them with some better verbs and discriptions of the nouns it would sound much better.
Grammar: What I just talked about combines with grammar. Also some of what you wrote was a little hard to fallow. Such as the ending.
"He looked at him to see how it had gone, but couldn't read their expression." It would be his not thier.
Personality: I couldnt even tell what Komlon's personality was.
Use of Environment: You used the surroundings pretty well.
Details: You were ok with details. Try and be more discriptive with better words. Such as:
"The black shirt finally came off"
I know you just described it as tight fitting but you could eliminate that previous scentence and instead write
"Komlon stuggled to rip lose from his form-fitting charcoal tee."
Notes: I don't get why you said he was getting nausea twice. He already had it. And then he threw up eventually. Nausea doesnt go away then come back then finally happen. Maybe not.
4/8
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Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 1:21 pm
((This is the 4th test I've graded ^>^))
IkumiAngel (Hana):
Length and Pacing: Good length. Your pacing was perfect.
Grammar: I didn't notice any spelling errors. Your punctuation and formation of scentences was good.
Personality: You could have added a bit more personality. However I did see Hana's personality come through when she first entered the battle dome. After that the only personality seemed to be when she shrugged and at the very end.
Use of Enviorment: Since your character uses earth element, you were able to use the enviorment to Hana's advantage, but also to a hinderance with the roots and with her crashing into a tree.
Details: You described Hana's actions very well, with how she moved her fan about and such.
7.5/8
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 8:47 am
Wow...I'm happy with the grades I got so far. Thanks to all the judges for taking the time to do this. I'm so curious as to what my last scores will be... gonk
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 8:05 am
Is it too late for me to sign up? sweatdrop
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 8:07 am
Yes. It is. You'll just have to wait for next month and be one of the first to ask for a spot. ..that should work. Indeedy. Yup. I'm just gonna shut up now.
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 8:20 am
Why do I always gotta be so durn late for everything? gonk
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 8:23 am
...maybe it's because it started before you ever got here? o.O;;;
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 8:29 am
Kaitae ...maybe it's because it started before you ever got here? o.O;;; hmm... that coooould be it...... o.o
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 8:32 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 8:45 am
Keila
Length and Pacing: Tsk tsk. What a dissapointingly fast fight. I wanted to see if Keila could actually land a hit on mister baldy. But however, the other parts seem to flow well enough.
Grammar: Akward sentances here and there :/ . If you re-read it im sure you will find the akward sounding sentances too. Like what i do to all other testers, I greatly urge everyone to re-read their posts.
Personality: You seem very good at describing Keila's personality and fear while she was fighting. Also a lot of doubt was within her, it gave a good feel of the character because of that. Good job here.
Use of Environment: lets see. Metal sphere, iron plates, and thats about it. A good enough job on how the attacks sort of look, but oh so confusing when trying to follow along with how the surrondings look. Make sure you tell the reader more about room, and if possibly make the battle sequence easier to follow.
Details: Brown bangs obscuring her vision, thats a good one. Not enough surronding damage though. But a most interesting way to end a fight. The visitors badge was a nice touch too.
Personality was amazing, but everything else had faults within them. I expected much better then this from you Keila :/ . But your improving from the Rps im in with you ^^. Keep it up Keila!
5.5/8.0
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 9:06 am
Seyla
Length and Pacing: I remember Sakura Ai's post being shorter then yours. You probably match up with Leniar's length right here. A very nice history of your character in the first part of the post. That really kept me into reading the rest of your fight. A very very beatifully paced fight too i might ask, and good places for paragraphs.
Grammar: Very itty bitty picky grammer errors (That only Leniar would be able to pick out) but what i also saw was a few redundant sentances. Especailly with all the You see and alls. but nothing standing out horrible that are noticibally effecting the post.
Personality: MM MM! Loved the personality of Seyla. Uncontrollable flame and all. The First part of the post was diffently a huge plus on personality for your part. I noticed how the rage of the battle also changed Seyla from a shy gurl to a somewhat more frantic fighter gurl. That was kewl too. Also loved the extra lil characters here and there. Such as the Push door person. XP.
Use of environment: Waiting room, military clock, pushing doors, and icecaps with a huge metal door for the enemy. Loved it! Cold enviroment! Very fitting for the match. Next time make more stuff break though XD!!! hehe. Thats always fun.
Details: When i was reading along, i pictured the Ice maiden melting after being burned up by the flame you summoned. but instead she turned into ashes. That confused me greatly. But then again you never mentioned that if she was made of Ice or not. ::shrug:: You could add some sound effects too. Like a defeaning crack! or something like that. Those won't hurt, but they aren't that nessacary either with all the desciptions of the battle you put in. MMMM pain.
Honestly this diffently had a lot of thought and work put into it. So im going to spoil you. XP. Good Job Seyla!
8/8
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 9:30 am
Taqune
Length and Pacing: A more then average length. Pacing was actually pretty good. Not much to say here. You have a good fight coordinated at the right speed.
Grammar: This. ::sucks air:: was particulary not good at all. Very very confusing dialogue and movements. I sometimes got confused with Taqune and the Cat creature itself. I could point out what you have done wrong with the test itself but i will just put it like this. Proofread. Please proofread. Next time i see your test i will be hoping it already has been proofread XP. Then ill start nit pickin.
Personality: Alright for speaking out loud dudes! Nothing like that to keep a fight on fire you know? Taqune however didn't seem to have a well defined personality within this fight though. Yeah a fight is probably not the best part to show a person's personality knowing they will get caught up fighting and all, but some thoughts in his actions would be nice. I would love to see whats going on his head when he got eaten.
Use of environment: So lets see. Octagon metal room. Cat that seemingly sheds into a metal cat. mm. Needs more. Very good ideas but just not enough detail on the enviroment. I wanna see what the enviroment itself does when you created such a powerful sound wave and such. Maybe a dent in the ground? Or even the walls to the judges crack a bit?
Details: Needs more cowbells. (J/K) XP. As the Fight was seemingly very well coordinated I really hoped that i could see wounds on Taqune develope and such. And wow. that must be one huge Tiger if Taqune was able to survive after being eaten and have blood and bones splash about. Im guessing he turned Neko form after getting eaten to fit? That part was greatly confusing but a good idea. And I don't think.. the judges would like it if the students die. FYI O-o;; i certainly wouldn't.
Proofread. Proofread is important XP.
3.5/8
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