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 Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 12:48 pm
She was kicking the tree... ah, I guess I could say 'Aki groaned as she kicked the tree'
I'll go edit that, Thanks!
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Posted: Fri Nov 17, 2006 8:39 pm
Sweet Riceball "5.. more... kicks..." Aki groaned as she kicked the tree the last 5 times. Sigh... this is for the training... She thought as she fell down while she slowly made her hand to her slightly damaged ankle. Aki pondered upon the midnight sky, hoping to see a moon. ..."How could there be no moon?" She asked herself, narrowing her eyes and getting up slowly. Finally, she heaved a big sigh then limped back to her house which was perched up on a hill. Someone had grasped her by the arm, Aki paused. Then she turned around very slowly, to see it was her father that had grabbed her. "Father... what are you--" "Why are you here so late at night?" He inturrupted with a worried face. Aki shook her head, then smiled a small smile. "Let's go back to the house then, shall we?" Aki suggested firmly as she limped slowly to her what is called, home. Unsure of what brings tomorrow. I hope this is good enough! I'm kind of new at this... Passu! ^.^
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kouri-chan_xx Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 7:23 am
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Posted: Sat Nov 18, 2006 8:27 pm
No village yet.
Charecter name:Sinshi Rye
It was late. Rye crept his room into the study hall. He did his study the best at night.Rye quickly glanced around the room notice things that were out of place. Something was wrong here. Rye dove behind some crates to hind himself. He was more of someone who accesed the suition first.. Rye heard foot steps off in the distance. Getting louder by the second. Rye silenty waited for who or whom ever to get undernath the crates. As quick as lighting he pushed the crates on to.....
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Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 2:38 pm
angelshinobi No village yet.
Charecter name:Sinshi Rye
It was late. Rye crept his room into the study hall. He did his study the best at night.Rye quickly glanced around the room notice things that were out of place. Something was wrong here. Rye dove behind some crates to hind himself. He was more of someone who accesed the suition first.. Rye heard foot steps off in the distance. Getting louder by the second. Rye silenty waited for who or whom ever to get undernath the crates. As quick as lighting he pushed the crates on to..... It's not that bad. ^^ One thing I did notice is that all your sentences start out exactly the same. "Rye...." Try mixing it up. Add some prepositional phrases or even just the word "he". It'll keep your post from getting so boring.
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Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 2:40 pm
oh okk. really cus i use to rp in 1st person.
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Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 2:50 pm
It's fine. ^_^ Just try to vary your sentences a little. If you'd like, you can even look at the more literate posts. See how they switch things up. Study their style and all that. XD But I'm just being picky. Even as it is, you're still good enough to pass.
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Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2006 2:51 pm
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Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 7:53 am
Nimble, soundless feet danced across the hard wooden surface of a training room, avoiding the tall, hay-stuffed sacks that were her enemies.
"Faster, Epiphany! At this rate, even a turtle would surpass you!" The deep voice of her Sensei barked at her, urging her to push her body to its limits. Creamy orange-brown hair flew in frenzied wisps around her face as she dodged the mock-enemies, and a determined grin spread across Epiphany's face as she spied the opposite end of the room, where the small green tape marking the finish line was. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her Sensei following along, staring idly at the stopwatch in his hand. She came to a sliding halt as she passed the finish, her hands on her knees as she huffed and puffed for breath.
Was that good enough for it? I've been RP'ing for a while, but I don't quite know your standards.
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Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:35 pm
GhosttownBaby Nimble, soundless feet danced across the hard wooden surface of a training room, avoiding the tall, hay-stuffed sacks that were her enemies. "Faster, Epiphany! At this rate, even a turtle would surpass you!" The deep voice of her Sensei barked at her, urging her to push her body to its limits. Creamy orange-brown hair flew in frenzied wisps around her face as she dodged the mock-enemies, and a determined grin spread across Epiphany's face as she spied the opposite end of the room, where the small green tape marking the finish line was. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her Sensei following along, staring idly at the stopwatch in his hand. She came to a sliding halt as she passed the finish, her hands on her knees as she huffed and puffed for breath. Was that good enough for it? I've been RP'ing for a while, but I don't quite know your standards.
Good job. Pass.
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Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 10:41 pm
BOOM!The genjutsu once again backfired on poor Yoshi. ok one more time Yoshi thought before trying the evil genjutsu again. Wait for it 1...2...3Boom!!"Ok maybe i'm thinking about this wrong...Got it!" yoshi exclamed. Imagine all my friends in danger and the only way to save them is to do this genjutsu Yoshi thought. 1...2...3 "YES I DID IT" Boom!
is this good?
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Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 7:34 am
lonewarrior666 BOOM!The genjutsu once again backfired on poor Yoshi. ok one more time Yoshi thought before trying the evil genjutsu again. Wait for it 1...2...3 Boom!!"Ok maybe i'm thinking about this wrong...Got it!" yoshi exclamed. Imagine all my friends in danger and the only way to save them is to do this genjutsu Yoshi thought. 1...2...3 "YES I DID IT" Boom!is this good?
Your literary skills are a go! Just try not to have one word actions like Boom!
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Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 10:26 am
no village
chara name:zephel
zephel was exhuasted of doing the same jutsu over and over again but he wasn't gonna give up that easly.He got up since he was sitting on the ground taking a quick rest. He took a deep breath and began doing the same hand signs again.He felt the bucket of water he brought with him moving as thte water bgan swirling around and it began to come out of the bucket.zephel got excited that he was finally doing it but he got excited t wrong place at the wrong time.The water settled back to the way it was and zephel sat back down."just gotta practice a bit more and i think i can pull it off, but for now rest."He sighed and laid down on his back.
((was this too much?))
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Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 10:41 am
zephel693 no village chara name:zephel zephel was exhuasted of doing the same jutsu over and over again but he wasn't gonna give up that easly.He got up since he was sitting on the ground taking a quick rest. He took a deep breath and began doing the same hand signs again.He felt the bucket of water he brought with him moving as thte water bgan swirling around and it began to come out of the bucket.zephel got excited that he was finally doing it but he got excited t wrong place at the wrong time.The water settled back to the way it was and zephel sat back down."just gotta practice a bit more and i think i can pull it off, but for now rest."He sighed and laid down on his back. ((was this too much?))
Very wordy. (@_@) Try to use a little more sentence beginning variation instead of using "He, Zephel and The" for the beginning of each sentence. Let' try again, love.
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