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Nat walked over to do as he was instructed, though raised an eyebrow as she spoke. "Oh really? I'd love to read them sometime." He said in all honesty. "I do write music, but its nothing special... it stopped having meaning for me for ahwile... which is... sad." He sighed, pushing buttons. "I could use some inspiration that doesnt come from a bag." he chuckled.

Nat skimmed through the various songs, his face neutral but eyes dancing excitedly across the pages. Though when he reached the last song, he furrowed his brow. He blindly reached for a chair, setting himself down at the kitchen table, reading and rereading it, taking it in a moment.

He said nothing for another moment or so. "...Teagan..." he looked up at her a moment, her eyes locked onto hers. "...this is... breathtaking...." He blinked a few times to make himself look away and back to the paper. "You...you wrote this...? ....wow...thats-" he shook his head a little, smiling so lightly as his eyes glittered, going over it again.

"It's.... just amazing..." he skimmed it more, before going back through the journal. "All of these are really..." He flipped to a few that had caught his eye, still smiling. "You have a real gift Teagan..." He nodded, meaning every word. "you'll have to sing for me sometime..." He added, closing the notebook as if it were a done deal.

"I'm sure you sound lovely..." He assured as he stood to fetch the corn. "With lines like those? Psh, you would have been a hit back at old Star Dust for sure! Roxy and I used to be the crowd favorite. Man the gigs we'd have jsut at that place alone! We'd over crowd everytime! You can bet the ol coot runnin the place loved that! I swear though, that girl had a velvet voice and magic fingers on the guitar! She didn't belong in the streets ever. She belonged-" He stopped arubtly.
He was going on and on about an old lover, one he had just seen hours before after never wanting to see her again. He glanced back at Teagan for a reaction. "I'm...sorry..." He murmured, turning back to attend to the corn.

Nat felt like an idiot. He had never felt guilty or stupid for bringing up an ex before until just then.
Though he felt maybe he oculd play off it. "She is perfect....for Damian..." He sighed, rubbing his face a bit. "She was a prostitute you know..." He added, looking up. "Had...crazzy emotional baggage. A real spitfire personality, as well as in bed..." He blushed slightly, looking down. He wasn't too proud of that one.

"...I had known her since we were teens. We sort of had this bond, coming from similar backgrounds. Though she didn't have a family like I did. My mom sort of adopted her at times, telling her she could stay and eat with us but...Roxy wouldn't." He furrowed his brow, sighing. "She knew things were really tight with us...and didn't want to add a mouth to feed for my family. So she said she was getting enough to eat and live on her own, even though I knew very well she was starving and alone." He frowned, feeling slightly angered by her independence.

"I sort of looked after her like a little sister. I think thats what she viewed me as too...a brother. When I found out what she was doing for money, I tried to talk her out of it, saying we could work together to survive. I could take care of her and keep her off the streets in more than one way.." He shook his head. "...But I knew she wouldnt stay off the streets... I tried everything but nothing seemed to work until-" He rubbed his head.
"I told her I loved her." He had this guilty look on his face like that was the moment his life started going downhill morethan it already had been.

"Im....still not sure if I meant it or not. I thought I did, but- When she looked at me with those eyes...and whispered it back to me, tearing up I-" He seemed to stare off into the distance. "I got scared...." He swallowed a little, looking down. "She was willing to give it all up and be with me forever, just because of 3 little words....and I got scared. I couldn't support the two of us. I knew that... I also was afraid of commiting myself forever at that time...we were so young..." He seemed to choke up a bit.

"It was the first time she let me touch her... intimately... She was so beautiful... I remember lying there, watching her sleep so peacefully, my heart breaking as I concocted a plan... I-....I ran...." a single tear ran down his cheek. "I may have said I was going off to better myself for the both of us, but- I was just running away..." More tears fell. "I watched her... she was pushing her way through the crowds of the landing pads, crying out to me. I just watched her get smaller and smaller... until she was.... gone...." Nat broke down right then and there.
He let out a sob as he burried his head into his hands.

He had never sat and replayedewverything in his mind before, let alone tell someone else what happened but there it was, all out in the open for Teagan's ears only. "That look on her face! That agony! I put that there! I play like I'm the victim when She's the one who's been hurting for so long!" He cried more, banging his fist on the table angrily. "All because I was some scared little boy!"

Nat tried to quit crying but it just wasn't working. "I-...Before she was...e-engaged, I-...She still wouldn't h-have me back..." He cried a little more, shaking his head. though after a moment, he calmed down, just feeling confused. "Whats worse it...I still wasn't sure if I did want her back...or if it were jsut guilt... I dont know if we ever were in love..." He rubbed his head vigorously, having that terrible feeling he was on a thin wire over a cliff, and htat he was hanging on for dear life, but couldnt seem to get a grip on anything. Just a freefall tightness in hsi chest that made him feel sick.

Raquel was a victim of his selfishness, and now Teagan was probably disgusted with him. It was all just too much on his mind.

Nat managed to calm himself down, looking up at her now. He listened to her story, realizing they did have a lot in common.
When she was done however, he reached over to lay his hand on hers, finally having his full composition back. "...sounds like we were both two foolhardy kids who didn't know what they were getting into..." he frowned, though looked her dead in the eye. "We were just too young to know what to do..." Keeping that in mind had kept him from going utterly insane.

Ecspecially since he knew Raquel agreed with him after some time had passed.

"You are a saint..." He smiled to her, shaking his head, now taking her hand with his other as well, giving it a squeez. "You cant be called a liar if you didn't know what you were talking about... trust me..." He soothed, eyes softening up as he stroked her hand.