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 Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:16 pm
Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 it wuz okay but i wuz nvr into.... most ppl look at me funni when i say im a fan of tragedies... Its jst that nothing really portrays the full depth of an emotion as well as a tragedy...to me that is... I agree with you there. Most of my stories end in tradgedy. I'm trying really hard not to have them all end in suicide or death. I've been changing a lot of them. I've got eternal enslavement, 10 thousand years spinning in a void of nothingness. Stuff like that. ah...i jst think that loss is one of the few feelings that anyone can understand at least to some degree with todays society the only thing ppl can truly comprehend is loss...its a sad thing sometimes but think, s**t sells...look at newspapers...the news...bad s**t attracts ppl...its a strange thing...you have to search for good news while everywhere you turn bad news is posted in every possible format...its the reason that tragedy sells....i enjoy it cause that loss allows me to feel a deep feeling of sadness...i dont get really sad...before my ex the last time i cried wuz when i wuz so young it didnt matter...tore my chin almost off...i had one tear...like the commercial with the NA looking at the litter on the highway...and that wuz only cause my mother wuz so worried about me...other than that the only thing that made me cry wuz my ex and that wuz because some really bad s**t happened and i couldnt help and my worry and sense of hopelessness made me break down. It's true that everyone can relate to loss in one way or another. Whether it be loss of a mentor/loved one, or loss of something that isn't tangible. I remember the two times I felt loss to the point where I knew it would change my life forever. Once was when I was diagnosed with bipolar. When they told me that, I knew that I would forever have to depend on pills to live a semi-normal existance. Or at least to function. And even though I'm still haunted by the disorder, with help from my family and close friends, I'm able to push through. But when I discovered I'd never be allowed in the military, my entire life plans had to be thought-over. That was when I decided on being a writer. That was when I realized that I wasn't just good at writing. I was meant for it. It was my calling. The other loss was a lot more recent. I lost my Great Grandmother AND my band director, John Hickey, in the same year. Not to meantion, I'm no longer a juvenile, which makes things REALLY weird. It's like being cast from the safety of an air bubble into the open water with no chance of getting to fresh air before drowning unless I learn to swim in the next five seconds. Everything becomes new when something changes, and once that hits you, then, and only then can you begin to grow. hhhmmm i completely understand you situation and point of view. I would say that im sorry things have happened the way they did but im not... if things hadnt of happened the way they did then you wouldnt be the you i know and i wouldnt have a good gaia friend like you...wait...*looks at friends list* eek OMFG! your not on my friends list! *adds* okay there...like i wuz saying i completely understand you now. I myself only have anxiety, paranoia, and OCD to deal with...oh and sleep apnia...but you get used to them...the only things out of those that bother me are the panic attacks and the stop breathing in sleep thing...those jst suck...especially now that i have no one to really lean on...i would look for another but im not yet ready to trust again like that and wont be for a few years...hell i got along fine with it for the last 17 years before i can get along with it now. but yea dont let anything keep you back or down. go with the flow and follow your dreams and you shall soar to heights that were before unimaginable. @Chubby: whats wrong with "TALKING"? My sister had that same problem when she slept. Me.....I'm an insomniac. Were it not for meds, I wouldn't sleep for weeks on end. Oi! I understand. Getting into another relationship now would only worsen the situation. You need to give yourself time to heal. My brother's shortest wait after losing a girlfriend was 7 months. Before that it was usually a year or two. I recommend you stay close to friends and whatever happens happens. And I'm glad you're one of my friends. If you do need help with anything, don't hesitate to PM me. None of my other friends do. ^_^ I like to think of myself as a camel. I help people carry their problems. It makes it easier for them. Anyway.....have fun! That's what's most important.
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Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:47 pm
Yea i dont go to sleep like normal ppl...i have insomnia...i go to sleep only when i can no longer stay awake...thats it there is no "you know i think im tired its time for bed..." no i will feel tired but sleep will evade me until i pass out from exhaustion...its not that bad i do like the night and stuff like that its jst that no matter what time i go to sleep if i sleep in past noon i feel like s**t and will vomit for the rest of the day...so...i try to wake up at the very latest 11am...its due to my allergies and some such bullshit...mucus flow into my stomach and what not...im glad that i can actually go outside during th spring months without a puke cup and a box of tissues jst to make it to another house....i have jst too many allergies...my immune system is shot...im serious the whole family gets this one cold and everyone is jst down...me? im in the bathroom puking my guts out, high fever, and what not it gets so bad i started puking blood and had to go to the hosp to have a pill shoved up my a** to stop the vomiting so i wouldnt quote "burn out my esophogas."....yea that sucked....though that kind of happens everytime i get sick...my friends joke about how i could turn the common cold into cancer...so i punch them....but they are only joking cause i do the same to them...we are cool like that...we all have off subjects that you dont joke about but other than that its free for all....its fun....
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Platinum_Behemoth252 Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 7:58 pm
Platinum_Behemoth252 Yea i dont go to sleep like normal ppl...i have insomnia...i go to sleep only when i can no longer stay awake...thats it there is no "you know i think im tired its time for bed..." no i will feel tired but sleep will evade me until i pass out from exhaustion...its not that bad i do like the night and stuff like that its jst that no matter what time i go to sleep if i sleep in past noon i feel like s**t and will vomit for the rest of the day...so...i try to wake up at the very latest 11am...its due to my allergies and some such bullshit...mucus flow into my stomach and what not...im glad that i can actually go outside during th spring months without a puke cup and a box of tissues jst to make it to another house....i have jst too many allergies...my immune system is shot...im serious the whole family gets this one cold and everyone is jst down...me? im in the bathroom puking my guts out, high fever, and what not it gets so bad i started puking blood and had to go to the hosp to have a pill shoved up my a** to stop the vomiting so i wouldnt quote "burn out my esophogas."....yea that sucked....though that kind of happens everytime i get sick...my friends joke about how i could turn the common cold into cancer...so i punch them....but they are only joking cause i do the same to them...we are cool like that...we all have off subjects that you dont joke about but other than that its free for all....its fun.... Just ask Chubby. I piss her off to no extend when we RP. She's like my brother. Can't stay up long. So I end up having to go to bed when she's tired. So I usually take my meds then and feel refreshed in the morning while she's groggy from "lack of sleep". I've gone WEEKS without sleep before. No thing.
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Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 9:03 pm
Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Yea i dont go to sleep like normal ppl...i have insomnia...i go to sleep only when i can no longer stay awake...thats it there is no "you know i think im tired its time for bed..." no i will feel tired but sleep will evade me until i pass out from exhaustion...its not that bad i do like the night and stuff like that its jst that no matter what time i go to sleep if i sleep in past noon i feel like s**t and will vomit for the rest of the day...so...i try to wake up at the very latest 11am...its due to my allergies and some such bullshit...mucus flow into my stomach and what not...im glad that i can actually go outside during th spring months without a puke cup and a box of tissues jst to make it to another house....i have jst too many allergies...my immune system is shot...im serious the whole family gets this one cold and everyone is jst down...me? im in the bathroom puking my guts out, high fever, and what not it gets so bad i started puking blood and had to go to the hosp to have a pill shoved up my a** to stop the vomiting so i wouldnt quote "burn out my esophogas."....yea that sucked....though that kind of happens everytime i get sick...my friends joke about how i could turn the common cold into cancer...so i punch them....but they are only joking cause i do the same to them...we are cool like that...we all have off subjects that you dont joke about but other than that its free for all....its fun.... Just ask Chubby. I piss her off to no extend when we RP. She's like my brother. Can't stay up long. So I end up having to go to bed when she's tired. So I usually take my meds then and feel refreshed in the morning while she's groggy from "lack of sleep". I've gone WEEKS without sleep before. No thing. Without the aid of lots of soda and sugar products i cant do more than 4 days without passing out....
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Platinum_Behemoth252 Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 3:20 pm
Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Yea i dont go to sleep like normal ppl...i have insomnia...i go to sleep only when i can no longer stay awake...thats it there is no "you know i think im tired its time for bed..." no i will feel tired but sleep will evade me until i pass out from exhaustion...its not that bad i do like the night and stuff like that its jst that no matter what time i go to sleep if i sleep in past noon i feel like s**t and will vomit for the rest of the day...so...i try to wake up at the very latest 11am...its due to my allergies and some such bullshit...mucus flow into my stomach and what not...im glad that i can actually go outside during th spring months without a puke cup and a box of tissues jst to make it to another house....i have jst too many allergies...my immune system is shot...im serious the whole family gets this one cold and everyone is jst down...me? im in the bathroom puking my guts out, high fever, and what not it gets so bad i started puking blood and had to go to the hosp to have a pill shoved up my a** to stop the vomiting so i wouldnt quote "burn out my esophogas."....yea that sucked....though that kind of happens everytime i get sick...my friends joke about how i could turn the common cold into cancer...so i punch them....but they are only joking cause i do the same to them...we are cool like that...we all have off subjects that you dont joke about but other than that its free for all....its fun.... Just ask Chubby. I piss her off to no extend when we RP. She's like my brother. Can't stay up long. So I end up having to go to bed when she's tired. So I usually take my meds then and feel refreshed in the morning while she's groggy from "lack of sleep". I've gone WEEKS without sleep before. No thing. Without the aid of lots of soda and sugar products i cant do more than 4 days without passing out.... LUCKY! Missing all that sleep is one of the things that triggered my bipolar. I was born with it, mind you, but it didn't FULLY become apparent until later on in life.
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Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 3:58 pm
Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Yea i dont go to sleep like normal ppl...i have insomnia...i go to sleep only when i can no longer stay awake...thats it there is no "you know i think im tired its time for bed..." no i will feel tired but sleep will evade me until i pass out from exhaustion...its not that bad i do like the night and stuff like that its jst that no matter what time i go to sleep if i sleep in past noon i feel like s**t and will vomit for the rest of the day...so...i try to wake up at the very latest 11am...its due to my allergies and some such bullshit...mucus flow into my stomach and what not...im glad that i can actually go outside during th spring months without a puke cup and a box of tissues jst to make it to another house....i have jst too many allergies...my immune system is shot...im serious the whole family gets this one cold and everyone is jst down...me? im in the bathroom puking my guts out, high fever, and what not it gets so bad i started puking blood and had to go to the hosp to have a pill shoved up my a** to stop the vomiting so i wouldnt quote "burn out my esophogas."....yea that sucked....though that kind of happens everytime i get sick...my friends joke about how i could turn the common cold into cancer...so i punch them....but they are only joking cause i do the same to them...we are cool like that...we all have off subjects that you dont joke about but other than that its free for all....its fun.... Just ask Chubby. I piss her off to no extend when we RP. She's like my brother. Can't stay up long. So I end up having to go to bed when she's tired. So I usually take my meds then and feel refreshed in the morning while she's groggy from "lack of sleep". I've gone WEEKS without sleep before. No thing. Without the aid of lots of soda and sugar products i cant do more than 4 days without passing out.... LUCKY! Missing all that sleep is one of the things that triggered my bipolar. I was born with it, mind you, but it didn't FULLY become apparent until later on in life. hhhmmm so because you spent so much time awake you actually made your bipolarity more severe quicker? kind of like when ppl are isolated for long periods of time they can develop dementia? if so quite interesting...
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Platinum_Behemoth252 Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Nov 28, 2005 7:08 pm
Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Yea i dont go to sleep like normal ppl...i have insomnia...i go to sleep only when i can no longer stay awake...thats it there is no "you know i think im tired its time for bed..." no i will feel tired but sleep will evade me until i pass out from exhaustion...its not that bad i do like the night and stuff like that its jst that no matter what time i go to sleep if i sleep in past noon i feel like s**t and will vomit for the rest of the day...so...i try to wake up at the very latest 11am...its due to my allergies and some such bullshit...mucus flow into my stomach and what not...im glad that i can actually go outside during th spring months without a puke cup and a box of tissues jst to make it to another house....i have jst too many allergies...my immune system is shot...im serious the whole family gets this one cold and everyone is jst down...me? im in the bathroom puking my guts out, high fever, and what not it gets so bad i started puking blood and had to go to the hosp to have a pill shoved up my a** to stop the vomiting so i wouldnt quote "burn out my esophogas."....yea that sucked....though that kind of happens everytime i get sick...my friends joke about how i could turn the common cold into cancer...so i punch them....but they are only joking cause i do the same to them...we are cool like that...we all have off subjects that you dont joke about but other than that its free for all....its fun.... Just ask Chubby. I piss her off to no extend when we RP. She's like my brother. Can't stay up long. So I end up having to go to bed when she's tired. So I usually take my meds then and feel refreshed in the morning while she's groggy from "lack of sleep". I've gone WEEKS without sleep before. No thing. Without the aid of lots of soda and sugar products i cant do more than 4 days without passing out.... LUCKY! Missing all that sleep is one of the things that triggered my bipolar. I was born with it, mind you, but it didn't FULLY become apparent until later on in life. hhhmmm so because you spent so much time awake you actually made your bipolarity more severe quicker? kind of like when ppl are isolated for long periods of time they can develop dementia? if so quite interesting... Exactly. We thought that my behavior and hallucinations was just from lack of sleep. But even after sleeping pills, I only got worse. So we had to go to a higher power. That's right. We turned to an Arabian Head Doctor.
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 1:03 pm
Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Yea i dont go to sleep like normal ppl...i have insomnia...i go to sleep only when i can no longer stay awake...thats it there is no "you know i think im tired its time for bed..." no i will feel tired but sleep will evade me until i pass out from exhaustion...its not that bad i do like the night and stuff like that its jst that no matter what time i go to sleep if i sleep in past noon i feel like s**t and will vomit for the rest of the day...so...i try to wake up at the very latest 11am...its due to my allergies and some such bullshit...mucus flow into my stomach and what not...im glad that i can actually go outside during th spring months without a puke cup and a box of tissues jst to make it to another house....i have jst too many allergies...my immune system is shot...im serious the whole family gets this one cold and everyone is jst down...me? im in the bathroom puking my guts out, high fever, and what not it gets so bad i started puking blood and had to go to the hosp to have a pill shoved up my a** to stop the vomiting so i wouldnt quote "burn out my esophogas."....yea that sucked....though that kind of happens everytime i get sick...my friends joke about how i could turn the common cold into cancer...so i punch them....but they are only joking cause i do the same to them...we are cool like that...we all have off subjects that you dont joke about but other than that its free for all....its fun.... Just ask Chubby. I piss her off to no extend when we RP. She's like my brother. Can't stay up long. So I end up having to go to bed when she's tired. So I usually take my meds then and feel refreshed in the morning while she's groggy from "lack of sleep". I've gone WEEKS without sleep before. No thing. Without the aid of lots of soda and sugar products i cant do more than 4 days without passing out.... LUCKY! Missing all that sleep is one of the things that triggered my bipolar. I was born with it, mind you, but it didn't FULLY become apparent until later on in life. hhhmmm so because you spent so much time awake you actually made your bipolarity more severe quicker? kind of like when ppl are isolated for long periods of time they can develop dementia? if so quite interesting... Exactly. We thought that my behavior and hallucinations was just from lack of sleep. But even after sleeping pills, I only got worse. So we had to go to a higher power. That's right. We turned to an Arabian Head Doctor. ah well sorry to hear that...
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Platinum_Behemoth252 Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 5:59 pm
Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Without the aid of lots of soda and sugar products i cant do more than 4 days without passing out.... LUCKY! Missing all that sleep is one of the things that triggered my bipolar. I was born with it, mind you, but it didn't FULLY become apparent until later on in life. hhhmmm so because you spent so much time awake you actually made your bipolarity more severe quicker? kind of like when ppl are isolated for long periods of time they can develop dementia? if so quite interesting... Exactly. We thought that my behavior and hallucinations was just from lack of sleep. But even after sleeping pills, I only got worse. So we had to go to a higher power. That's right. We turned to an Arabian Head Doctor. ah well sorry to hear that... It was one of the best things we did. Dr. P is a good Doctor. She's kept me relatively sane.
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Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 11:56 pm
Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Without the aid of lots of soda and sugar products i cant do more than 4 days without passing out.... LUCKY! Missing all that sleep is one of the things that triggered my bipolar. I was born with it, mind you, but it didn't FULLY become apparent until later on in life. hhhmmm so because you spent so much time awake you actually made your bipolarity more severe quicker? kind of like when ppl are isolated for long periods of time they can develop dementia? if so quite interesting... Exactly. We thought that my behavior and hallucinations was just from lack of sleep. But even after sleeping pills, I only got worse. So we had to go to a higher power. That's right. We turned to an Arabian Head Doctor. ah well sorry to hear that... It was one of the best things we did. Dr. P is a good Doctor. She's kept me relatively sane. good to know...i dont wanna have to have a friend end up like Ole Yeller...
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Platinum_Behemoth252 Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 3:17 pm
Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 hhhmmm so because you spent so much time awake you actually made your bipolarity more severe quicker? kind of like when ppl are isolated for long periods of time they can develop dementia? if so quite interesting... Exactly. We thought that my behavior and hallucinations was just from lack of sleep. But even after sleeping pills, I only got worse. So we had to go to a higher power. That's right. We turned to an Arabian Head Doctor. ah well sorry to hear that... It was one of the best things we did. Dr. P is a good Doctor. She's kept me relatively sane. good to know...i dont wanna have to have a friend end up like Ole Yeller... Or the Yearling?
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Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2005 4:02 pm
Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 hhhmmm so because you spent so much time awake you actually made your bipolarity more severe quicker? kind of like when ppl are isolated for long periods of time they can develop dementia? if so quite interesting... Exactly. We thought that my behavior and hallucinations was just from lack of sleep. But even after sleeping pills, I only got worse. So we had to go to a higher power. That's right. We turned to an Arabian Head Doctor. ah well sorry to hear that... It was one of the best things we did. Dr. P is a good Doctor. She's kept me relatively sane. good to know...i dont wanna have to have a friend end up like Ole Yeller... Or the Yearling? ...wait i dont think i know that one...
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Platinum_Behemoth252 Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2005 12:05 pm
Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 ah well sorry to hear that... It was one of the best things we did. Dr. P is a good Doctor. She's kept me relatively sane. good to know...i dont wanna have to have a friend end up like Ole Yeller... Or the Yearling? ...wait i dont think i know that one... It's like Old Yeller. Only with a deer. We found out about it on a movie called "Bye Bye Love" Kid: Dad! Can we rent the Yearling?" Dad: No, we are NOT renting the Yearling. We've seen it a million times. Besides, we all know what happens. The yearling dies, we all cry and we can't get to sleep at night." Kid: It's educational!
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Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2005 7:27 pm
Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 ah well sorry to hear that... It was one of the best things we did. Dr. P is a good Doctor. She's kept me relatively sane. good to know...i dont wanna have to have a friend end up like Ole Yeller... Or the Yearling? ...wait i dont think i know that one... It's like Old Yeller. Only with a deer. We found out about it on a movie called "Bye Bye Love" Kid: Dad! Can we rent the Yearling?" Dad: No, we are NOT renting the Yearling. We've seen it a million times. Besides, we all know what happens. The yearling dies, we all cry and we can't get to sleep at night." Kid: It's educational! WTF..? The Yearling? I've never heard of it.
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Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2005 4:00 pm
chubby_choco Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 Phanari Platinum_Behemoth252 good to know...i dont wanna have to have a friend end up like Ole Yeller... Or the Yearling? ...wait i dont think i know that one... It's like Old Yeller. Only with a deer. We found out about it on a movie called "Bye Bye Love" Kid: Dad! Can we rent the Yearling?" Dad: No, we are NOT renting the Yearling. We've seen it a million times. Besides, we all know what happens. The yearling dies, we all cry and we can't get to sleep at night." Kid: It's educational! WTF..? The Yearling? I've never heard of it. We rented it once to see what the fuss was about on Bye Bye Love. It was funny.
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