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 Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 6:23 pm
ProtoXtreme Tahong ng kadiliman character name: Euklid here's my RP sample based to my true story: Euklid was born a rich kid, he had everything.... every thing that a man ever wished for. his mother was a wretched woman that cares about herself. His father was a great ninja who was the right hand of the ORIGAKI Clan he had a beautiful life with her girlfriend Denisee. she was born in the KUZUKI Clan which is the enemy of Euklid family.fate has bought them together. until.. denisee's uncle totem (an assassin trained to kill in order to live with his gang.) was ordered to kill denisee in front of Euklid's face. that night when she died Euklid can't do anything but to swear that he will get revenge to the KUZUKI clan after what happened to dear denisee. Euklid's parent's disagree.. there was no other way but to break the ORIGAKI rules. Euklid lost everything! and now here he is going to master the Art Of Ninjutsu and get revenge for her beloved love of his life. he trained and trained year after a year he pushed his soul to the limit and gained part of a dangerous jutsu that anyone did never learn. and thwas he has ready. the graduation exam. there he had his test up to the limit of a man can stand still he never gives up he had a flashback of the day of his tragedies. and remembered a sentence which is useful to him. "I Love You" At last the final results has come!! its time to know if he passed or not passed. Fate is guiding him.. his thoughts was saying something..... "don't mess up this time!" and he looked up at the top 50 who passed.... and he was at #28th. at last after a long loss of happiness he has regained his smile and has the will to continue of what hes gonna do next. Proofread your work and then we'll talk. Surething. 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:39 pm
character name: Euklid
here's my RP sample based to my true story:
Euklid was born a rich kid, he had everything.... every thing that a man ever wished for. his mother was a wretched woman that cares about herself.His father was a great ninja who was the right hand of the ORIGAKI Clan he had a beautiful life with her girlfriend Denisee. she was born in the KUZUKI Clan which is the enemy of Euklid family.fate has bought them together. until.. denisee's uncle Totem (an assassin trained to kill in order to live with his gang.) was ordered to kill denisee in front of Euklid's face.
that night when she died Euklid can't do anything. and got arrested in a misunderstanding matter. of course the Euklid's father had come to pick him up at jail,He told everything to his father about what happened and told about a secret place where everyone is going to be a ninja and learn the art of ninjutsu,but his father wont tell where it is and said. "if you want to know where that place is follow the beat of your heart" in a few days of sadness Euklid decided to run away.His parent's disagree..
there was no other way he could do but to break the ORIGAKI rules.
Euklid lost everything! and now here he is going to master the Art Of Ninjutsu and get revenge for her beloved love of his life.
on the road. he met his father and said " so you're sure about going to this place?" Euklid didn't answer and just walked that long straight road.
but before he walked away his father gave him a gold necklace and said
"here son. this is the last piece of our family heirloom break this and you can be where you wanted to be."
Euklid broke the necklace and was teleported to Amegakure (the hidden village of rain). in a mean time he became friends with the villagers and was being taken care of.. in the mean time while he was strolling found a training ground and beside it was the Academy of newbies trying to learn the Art of Ninjutsu. but in order to pass in that academy he has to learn 1 type of jutsu. at last he got his chances waiting in that Academy. And so he trained and trained year after a year he pushed his soul to the limit and didn't know that he gained part of a dangerous jutsu that anyone did never learn. and there he was ready. he had been accepted in the academy and came to the graduation exam. there he had his test up to the limit of a man can stand still he never gives up.
he had a flashback of the day of his tragedies.
and remembered a sentence which is useful to him.
"I Love You"
At last the final results has come!! its time to know if he passed or not passed.
Fate is guiding him..
his thoughts was saying something..... "don't mess up this time!"
and he looked up at the top 50 who passed....
and he was at #28th.
at last after a long loss of happiness he has regained his smile
and has the will to continue of what hes gonna do next.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:42 pm
there me is done proofreading
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:36 pm
Sorry to intrude Proto and Rin, just thought I should comment. I will gladly erase this post if you wish.
Tahong, I think what she meant was not to just proofread about the story but also about things like punctuation, grammatical errors, etc. Take a look at your first paragraph for example:Tahong ng kadiliman Euklid was born a rich kid . He had everything , everything that a man ever wished for. His mother was a wretched woman that cared only about herself. His father was a great ninja who was the right hand of the Origaki clan . He had a beautiful life with his girlfriend , Denisee. She was born into the Kuzuki clan , who are the enemy of Euklid 's family. Fate bought them together , that is until Denisee's uncle , Totem (an assassin trained to kill in order to live with his gang.) , was ordered to kill Denisee in front of Euklid.
Wow, that was tough. That above was just me editing the grammatical and punctuation errors. There are also many parts within the paragraph that could use a lot more information. For instance, why was Totem ordered to kill Denisee? Why did the two families hate each other? Why was the mother a wretched woman? Etc. etc. etc.
You don't need to make an immensely detailed story however the general rule is "the more, the better". Do not be afraid to sacrifice length for quality. If you only write 2-3 paragraphs but those paragraphs are top quality, you'll pass. If you write 10, or even 15, meh or so-so paragraphs, you'll just barely pass (if at all!).
Also, why can a necklace magically teleport someone to Ame? Lol.
EDIT: PM me if you need any help. Let's try not to clutter the thread too bad.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 9:20 pm
Oddistic Sorry to intrude Proto and Rin, just thought I should comment. I will gladly erase this post if you wish.
Tahong, I think what she meant was not to just proofread about the story but also about things like punctuation, grammatical errors, etc. Take a look at your first paragraph for example:Tahong ng kadiliman Euklid was born a rich kid . He had everything , everything that a man ever wished for. His mother was a wretched woman that cared only about herself. His father was a great ninja who was the right hand of the Origaki clan . He had a beautiful life with his girlfriend , Denisee. She was born into the Kuzuki clan , who are the enemy of Euklid 's family. Fate bought them together , that is until Denisee's uncle , Totem (an assassin trained to kill in order to live with his gang.) , was ordered to kill Denisee in front of Euklid.
Wow, that was tough. That above was just me editing the grammatical and punctuation errors. There are also many parts within the paragraph that could use a lot more information. For instance, why was Totem ordered to kill Denisee? Why did the two families hate each other? Why was the mother a wretched woman? Etc. etc. etc.
You don't need to make an immensely detailed story however the general rule is "the more, the better". Do not be afraid to sacrifice length for quality. If you only write 2-3 paragraphs but those paragraphs are top quality, you'll pass. If you write 10. even 15, meh or so-so paragraphs, you'll just barely pass (if at all!).
Also, why can a necklace magically teleport someone to Ame? Lol. sorry i was busy and my sister keeps bugging me. i was carried away. sorry emo
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 10:04 pm
oh and that necklace part im referring to another world, like the wall between the real world and the gaia world.
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:08 pm
you_are_inferior Here's the finish. Sorry about it not being long enough. Character Name is Nero, and I'm undecided as to what village I will join. RP Sample: Nero kneeled before his superiors and hid a slight smile. While it was true that he was one of the worst students to ever walk these hallowed halls, there was a fire inside of him that burned more than anything he knew. Soon they would all realise that he wasn't just a kid. He was determined to become the greatest assassin in the history of Ninjutsu. As he heard the words "You are now a graduate," the fire inside of him burned brighter than it ever had before. He rose and struggled to keep his demeanor calm and collected. While he strove to show a nihilistic attitude, he was proud of everything he had endured. From the fire that engulfed his village that he knowingly caused, to the struggles and the realisation that he was an insult to his bloodline. Nero stood before his teacher, and with a slight nod, accepted the Kudei mask that marked all graduates of his school. Putting on the mask made him more than just a child. It made him a true ninja. It made him stand just a little taller. It made hiim proud. Above all, it made him confident. Cinfident in his ability. Confident in himself. Above all, though, it made him confident that one day they would all pay for the way they treated him growing up. All those days of taunting and jeering came flooding back into his memory. He vowed revenge, and this was only the first step. His home village would know suffering. It would know fear. It would know his name. And they would remember it untill the end of time. ...pass. Whew, I actually managed to get through reading it... It would've been a very good rp sample, actually - and you did a very superb job with length. Only problem... Try breaking it into paragraphs please? This would really discourage fellow rpers from reading through its entirety. xP
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 3:10 pm
That is fine, you were quite correct after all, Oddistic. What I had meant was the punctuation and grammatical errors that detract from RP quality. An occasional one error is fine, that happens, but when a certain number is...achieved...in a single post, that would discourage other rpers from responding.
@ gyro moto - Lolz, Cy. You pass.
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 9:04 pm
ProtoXtreme That is fine, you were quite correct after all, Oddistic. What I had meant was the punctuation and grammatical errors that detract from RP quality. An occasional one error is fine, that happens, but when a certain number is...achieved...in a single post, that would discourage other rpers from responding. ok then ill try and try until i got it right! 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 5:29 am
my character is Kisa Akagi (no village sweatdrop )here goes nothing...
RP sample:
Kisa lay on the grass that morning when her mother started yelling,"Hurry up or you will be late." Lazily, Kisa came into the house and got ready for her first day in the ninja academy.
As Kisa entered the gates of the academy,she wondered,"what lesson will they teach us first?,who will be my new classmates?".As these questions ran through her head she noticed a small animal,she really wanted to pet it but she held back seeing the sharp teeth and claws instead she picked up her backpack and began walking through the halls and into the classroom just in time for the first lesson
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:50 am
ai_theblack_rose my character is Kisa Akagi (no village sweatdrop )here goes nothing... RP sample: Kisa lay on the grass that morning when her mother started yelling,"Hurry up or you will be late." Lazily, Kisa came into the house and got ready for her first day in the ninja academy. As Kisa entered the gates of the academy,she wondered,"what lesson will they teach us first?,who will be my new classmates?".As these questions ran through her head she noticed a small animal,she really wanted to pet it but she held back seeing the sharp teeth and claws instead she picked up her backpack and began walking through the halls and into the classroom just in time for the first lesson Question marks and commas don't go right after eachother. The questionmark is the end of the scentence, so it would be wise to just use the other questions as their own scentences. Capitalization also needs work. Fix these and we'll see. Kk?
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Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:11 pm
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Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 6:04 pm
Character name: Brooklyn Le'Clair
Village: Leaf
Rp sample:
"Oh good.... Your here...."
"Yes, I was sent by the leaf to help your out with construction I beleive?"
"Oh ho ho!!! No, no, no.... Protection is what we need most young lady...."
She crossed her arms staring at the man in front of her. He stood to be about 6'1 and a bulky build. The busling noise of the construction site didnt faze her one bit. Brown eyes filled with determination. "Thats not what the report says sir....."
"Well this IS kinda top secretive.... Cant tell ALL villages now can we...."
"Guess not.... Depends though if...."
"What? You think were plotting to ATTACK one of the villages?!?! Hahaha!!!! What a good laugh...." The man stood to the side and held his arm out showing the young kunochi the beautiful green scenery and clear, clean, sparkling blue waters. "The village hidden in the sun is not a country of war intentions.... We barely have and shinobi to keep us protected.... Were a small, peaceful country as you see Miss....."
"Brooklyn... Brooklyn Le'Clair...."
"Well Miss Brooklyn, you can tell your hokage about us and that you saw NOTHING wrong...."
She gave him a knowing look. "First I have to see..... You never know what lurks in the depths of shadows..."
"Guess your right....."
"Yes, so were is this IMPORTANT treasure I have to guard?"
"This way Miss Le'Clair...."
"Thank you....." 'Now lets see if the Sun village is what it is SAID to be....' Brooklyn followed him silently in wait....
((hope I did it right biggrin ))
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Posted: Tue May 05, 2009 8:49 pm
Ok my character name is Tame Kaze and I'm a Sound Village Ninja ANBU I think that's the assassin right? He uses puppets as a weapon like Kankuro he's asome. He has 5 puppets their names are Kaze, Hyun Mu, Bak Hu, Chung Ryong, Ju Jak. Kaze is the main puppet used for everything he doesn't like; Kaze was the puppet made for him by his parents who are decased. Hyun is for defence. Bak is for speed. Chung is for Arial attacks. Ju is for reconince. Tame loves puppets and like to make a new one every year.
As Tame walked in to his new Ninja Class of the Legindary Sand Village .
With a frightning look apon his face. eek
He felt afride of the other students.
Tame is a shy little boy who never talks. sweatdrop
His parents were killed in a horrible Village attack. cry
Though is purple hair pined up with a yellow sweat band and purple eyes makes him apart from the other students he does prety well with his weapons.
He wears a long black over coat lined in purple stiching as a Ninja likes the color black. ninja
He carries his puppets every where Kaze is his main weapon of choice made especally by his mother and farther.
The other puppets are carried along his inner pocket of his coat.
So as he walks in to his new class, the students stair at him with fear of what he might do. confused
So Tame just strides right in and says nothing.
He doesn't talk to any student because he is shy. sweatdrop
He pickes a spot in the front row of the class so he can be well taught by the teacher. mrgreen
Hope This was good enough I'm kinda good At this I think atleast I hope so!
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