Oh, hey there.
Yeah.
I go hard.
Thug nasty
Somewhat not ridiculous picture of me this last summer.
Lots has changed.
I guess I'm kind of a man now. It's weird to think that I first joined this guild when I was thirteen. Wow.
Now I'm in college, I live in Arkansas, I'm getting my bachelors in International Relations, I'm 17, I'm a year sober as of two days ago, and I have two amazing best friends.
I don't really have any really concrete musical tastes anymore. I still love metal and punk...but that doesn't mean I cant listen to some hip hop or jazz or folk.
So yeah.
Still dealing with self loathing though. Ya' know. I never did drugs because I thought they were fun. When I was at a train station in Martinez, CA doing heroin I wasn't thinking about how much fun it'd be, I was thinking about how much I hated reality. Everyone gets high in one way or another. I just use drugs and alcohol and when I can't get those, I get the second best thing: sex and porn. It's all an escape.
It makes me think. If we're all trying to escape from reality, there must be something about reality that isn't right. It shouldn't be this way.
My story speaks for itself.
A year ago today, I was in jail in Northern California looking at quite some time in prison. I remember thinking about my future and how I'd join the Aryan Brotherhood for safety. No sixteen year old should ever have to think that.
But, somehow, I'm here. I'm free, all charges expunged. A man who, one year ago, couldn't look at a fellow human being without feeling deep bloodlust and murderous urges. Yet, I can now look at a person I don't know and honestly say that I love them.
How is that possible, man?
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