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| Family Guy!! |
| HALARIOUS!! |
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95% |
[ 45 ] |
| SUCKS!! |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| So/So |
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4% |
[ 2 ] |
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| Total Votes : 47 |
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 Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:39 am
Peter: You know, some people think that dandlions are weeds, but, you know, I always think, who the hell decided tulips were so great?
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Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 7:41 am
Brian (at the Quahog county trailer park): You're really going to take back donated presents on Christmas Eve?
Peter: Yep, now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air contitioning duct here. Now there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches from the floor, so you'll have to compress your body to the size of an ordinary household sponge and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin.
Brian: Can I buy some pot from you?
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Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 1:05 pm
remember when The Grifins became superheros?
*A large tank full of toxic waste lies on the grifins lawn with Toxic waste in giant letters written on it.*
Peter:Wow.I wonder what's inside...
Chris:Maybe its candy!
*He runs off and starts pulling at it trying to open it.*
Lois razz eter stop him!
Peter:Let him dream....
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Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:01 am
Stewie: Uh, there's a half-dead-fat-man eating a dead-fat-man...am I the only one who realized? Oh, okay...
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Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:08 am
God: Here, let me light that for you, babe.
(Zap with Thunderbolt to the cigarette)
Girl: Hey, thanks!
God: Yep, magic fingers (chuckles).
(Zap with Thunderbolt to the girl incinerating her.)
God: Jesus Christ!
Jesus: What?
God: Get the Escalade! We're outta here
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Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:11 am
Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
(They all drink.)
Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
(Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
(Only Quagmire drinks.)
****About 33 drinks later****
Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence.
Quagmire: Oh God.
(Quagmire takes a drink.)
Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on!
(Quagmire drinks again.)
Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.
Quagmire: Oh God this is ridiculous. You guys suck! (Drinks more and passes out.)
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Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:12 am
Peter: Oh, Lois, you are so full of (BEEP)! WHAT?! Now I can't say (BEEP) in my own (BEEP)ing house?! Great, Lois. Just (BEEP)in' great. You know, you're lucky you're good at (BEEP) my (BEEP) or I'd never put up with ya. You know what I'm talking about, when you (BEEP) lubed-up (BEEP) toothpaste in my (BEEP) while you (BEEP) on a cherry (BEEP)Episcopalian (BEEP) extension cord (BEEP) wetness (BEEP) with a parking ticket. That is the best!
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Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:13 am
Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!
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Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:14 am
(Peter has to come up with a fake name on the spot, so he looks around the room to get inspiration)
Peter Griffin: Uh... my name is...(he sees a pea)
Peter Griffin: Pea...
(he sees a woman crying)
Peter Griffin: ... tear...
(he sees a Griffin fly by)
Peter Griffin: ... Griffin. Peter Griffin
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Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:15 am
Lois: Peter,why are we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter for God's sakes she's havin' a baby!
Peter: Oh that's right...and a kid's meal... and uh,I, I guess I'll have fries...if I have fries is anyone else gonna have any? Cuz,uh I don't wanna be the only one eatin' them... I'll feel like a fatty.
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Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:16 am
Peter: Sometimes it's appropriate to swear
(Peter is in court)
Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you god?
Peter: I do........You b*****d
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Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 11:19 am
Peter: Don't worry Chris. Sometimes it's good not to fit in. (Flashback to Veitnam)
Peter (dressed in a clown suit): You guys are stupid. Their gonna be looking for army people.
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Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 5:41 pm
Tom Tucker: Because of an accident today at the Quahog cable company, all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course, no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets, how about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well, Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
Camera man: Hey guys, we're still on in Boston.
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Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 5:44 pm
Tom Tucker: Well Diane, that last report was so good I think you deserve a spanking.
Diane: Oh Tom, I don't think your wife would appreciate that.
Tom: Haha, that frigid old cow lives in Quahog she can't hear a word I'm saying.
Camera Guy: Actually, we're back on the air in Quahog.
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Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 5:45 pm
Peter: Lois, you've got a sick mind!
Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.
Peter: Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
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