[FIN] Homeward Bound

[TawnyAngel]

Stairs sounded difficult, but privacy was tempting. Extremely tempting. "Ah... Yes, upstairs." Zevran opened his eyes again and smiled wryly at Abel. "I think perhaps we will have to put off shooting with your father to another day. If I must humiliate myself I would prefer not to do so in front of him." He was showing enough weakness by walking around with a crutch, he couldn't allow himself to be seen collapsing and... and whatever else that flash of the past had been besides unpleasant.

Zevran took in a deep breath through his nose and tried to focus on the here and now; he knew that the kitchen still smelled of breakfast and it smelled of coffee and a little of dish soap, he thought he could catch wisps of it in the air but the smell of the tanneries was still dominating. He was still shaking. At least his breathing was slowing a little, that was good.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Ah, yep, bedroom was better. "Upstairs sounds good to me." As he spoke he gave Zev's shoulder a gentle squeeze, his other hand moving to trace soft little circles over his cheek. "And that's fine. We can always do it tomorrow or the day after, or any day we're here in fact, he can wait. Handling firearms is probably not the best thing to do when you're not feeling well, anyway." And feeling so out of it he forgot where he was or who he was talking to, and expected to be hit for something. He hadn't even moved to fight back, he'd just sat there waiting for it and trying to shield himself. Why? Why did his past have to be so awful, full of such awful people who'd done such terrible things to him -- made him expect them, made him just sit and take whatever they threw at him? The knowledge made his heart ache, made it hurt.

His embrace grew a little more protective and his voice dropped down to a soft, quiet murmur as he said, "I've got you." Whether he said it to reassure Zevran or himself was another matter entirely, one he wasn't sure of.  

[TawnyAngel]

Zevran hummed agreement and tilted his head on Abel's shoulder to make it easier for him to touch his cheek. "That feels nice," he murmured softly. It was innocent and intimate, something he couldn't have imagined a year ago when he had first been getting to know Abel. Had he known him so little time? It felt as though he'd known him forever.

When Abel held him a little tighter he sighed softly, uncurled a now steady hand and laid it over his boyfriend's heart. The steady beat was reassuring, grounding. "I know." Even as weak as he was he was safe with Abel; Abel would protect him if he needed that, and he would do the same... Once he was capable of such things again.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Oh, did it? A soft, fond smile curved Abel's lips that crinkled his eyes at the corners, and he kept rubbing gentle circles over his boyfriend's cheek. His own heartbeat had calmed considerably, and the hand over his heart prompted warm, fuzzy feelings to bloom in his chest. Hopefully Zev felt at least a little better now, but he had no doubt he'd feel infinitely better once they went up to the bedroom where they could sit and talk in peace and privacy. Or cuddle. Probably just cuddle, now he thought about it. Zev looked like he could use it. "I love you," he murmured softly before pressing a kiss to Zevran's hair again.

Joanna continued to sweep up the broken glass as quietly as she could.

---

Early afternoon the next day, Abel headed downstairs to grab a couple drinks for him and Zevran to ejoy upstairs. His mom was busy tending to some laundry down in the basement while his dad was out tending to the ranch with Taavi and Aaron -- or so he'd thought, until he stepped into the kitchen and saw his dad there getting a drink for himself too. It was particularly warm out that day though, so he could understand the desire for a cool drink. He'd come in to get some for Aaron and Taavi too, he'd said, and Abel was content to chat idly for a few moments... until his dad broached the subject of his boyfriend.

"So Zevran seems... nice," Daniel said a bit awkwardly over his drink.

Abel smiled over his, warm and fond. "He's great." If that was all it was, then that was probably--

"So uh," his dad went on, "how long were you planning to... you know. Uh.."

"Planning to...?" Oh boy. Of course they couldn't have a nice conversation about this.

Daniel gestured vaguely with his free hand as he floundered for a good way to phrase the question. "To date, I guess. I mean he seems nice and all, don't get me wrong," he hastened to add, "it's just he's not really... well," he gestured again, floundering for the second time, but Abel cut him off with a frown, his lips set in a thin line.

"He's not really what?"

"It's just," he floundered a bit more before sighing, "he's just not your type Abel. You've always loved women before."

Aaand there it was.  

[TawnyAngel]

Abel had been gone a while.

On consideration Zevran decided that the chances of something unpleasant having happened to him were small, which meant that most likely he had been distracted by something interesting. He could just wait for him to come back and ask him what it had been about when he arrived but patience was not something he had much of and so he left Estrella sleeping on the end of the bed with Clara and headed out onto the landing. He left his crutch behind too, he didn't expect to be going far.

When he reached the top of the stairs he heard voices coming from the kitchen, Abel's was one and he thought the other was Daniel's. Curiosity piqued further he started to make his way down the stairs, keeping to the edges where any creaks would not be so loud. He reached the bottom of the stairs without anyone making mention of his approach - which he counted as a minor victory given his current state - and ghosted towards the kitchen. He'd just listen outside the door for a little while and then walk in, they wouldn't know he had been lurking....

They were talking about him.

Zevran tensed and his lips pursed into a thin line. Not his type? Ha! Well well this would be a good opportunity to hear what Daniel really thought of him without it being filtered through politeness, or through whatever Abel might have told him about this later.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Of course. Of course they couldn't have just a nice friendly conversation. Of course his dad had to be a stubborn traditionalist or whatever it was. Of course he did. How did he even... guh. He couldn't even joke about Zev being persuasive. Knowing his dad, he'd probably take it seriously. "I know, Dad, but people change. I've changed. I've changed a lot over the past few years, and the type of people I'm interested was one of the things that changed. Or maybe it never changed at all, maybe I always was but never really realized it until I met Zevran, I don't know," he added, gesturing vaguely and exasperatedly with one hand. Why did his Dad have to be like this? "That's not really important though, what matters is that I love him."

"Well sure, but if you found a nice girl--"

"Why would I want to when I already--"

"Maybe you just haven't met the right girl yet, I know how upset you were after Molly but--"

"Dad I just said--"

"I'm sure it's just a phase--"

"A phase?" Abel set his glass back down on the counter a little harder than he'd intended, and a bit of liquid sloshed up over the side and ran over his fingers.

"--but I'm sure if you just--"

"Dad, no, stop. Time-out," he lifted both hands to gesture in a vague T-shape, and relief flooded through him when his father actually stopped talking for a moment to listen. With his voice a bit calmer he asked, "So all you want's for me to find a nice girl to settle down with, yeah? You don't want me dating him because he's a guy, right?"

"Yes, that's right," Daniel said with a brief nod, sounding just a tad relieved his son seemed to have understood.

"I thought so," Abel noted aloud with a brief nod of his head. Then he waved his hand in the air as if to dismiss the thought, "That's what you want for me, but that's not what I want, Dad. Try try to understand. Please?"

"I know it is, but I just," he floundered again, groping for the right words to use before going on, "I'm just worried you'll realize later that you've made a mistake or something--"

"A mistake?" Abel stared over at his dad, eyebrows raised. Had he heard that right?

"Ah, no, that's not what I meant," the word he found was obviously not the correct word, "I just--"

No, no, that was quite enough. "The only mistake I've made," he practically spat, his voice, his posture, his expression tense and furious as his volume started to rise, "was thinking you wouldn't be such a stubborn a** about this. I don't know what I was thinking."

The abrupt change in tone ruffled his father a bit, who responded with his own frustrated demeanor, "Now wait just one minute--"

Quiet, neat but muffled footsteps ascended the stairs from behind the closed door in the hallway, not too far from where Zevran stood. Neither man in the kitchen seemed to notice those, either.  

[TawnyAngel]

A 'nice girl.'

A phase.

A mistake.

Zevran didn't often find himself angry but right now his blood was boiling. He could have accepted Daniel being sceptical or even outright disapproving because of his personality or because of his suspiciously unspoken-of history, but for it to be because of what he was? It was completely ridiculous, and more importantly it was utterly insulting to Abel. Did Daniel think his son did not know his own mind?

He was sorely tempted to barge in and give the man a piece of his mind but he resisted the urge, the moment he entered the room the dynamic would change....

Perhaps it was about to change anyway.

Zevran turned to the stairs, face flushed and posture tense. When Joanna appeared he pressed a finger to his lips and jerked his head towards the kitchen, hopefully she would take that as a hint not to mention he was standing here.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

When Joanna appeared at the top of the stairs, her own face was hardened and her lips pressed into a thin line, her expression positively frigid, extremely unlike the warm, welcoming, encouraging person she normally was. Zevran's gesture more than his presence gave her pause - she'd opened her mouth to say something but closed it instead - and after she gave him a gentle pat to his shoulder. At least her touch was still the usual gentle one she gave; it contrasted sharply with her appearance at the moment.

In the kitchen Daniel and Abel's argument continued. "--that's disrespectful--"

"I don't want to hear a damn thing about being disrespectful, Dad--"

"Daniel." Joanna's voice sliced through the argument with the ease of a finely sharpened knife cutting through nearly anything, not from her volume or anything but because of her tone of voice. Hard, tense, carefully controlled, and commanding; it left no room for question or doubt about who had just usurped control of the conversation.

Both men went silent for a moment, but Daniel didn't seem to quite grasp the situation and went on, "Joanna! Did you hear what he said? He--"

"I heard everything you both said," she informed him smoothly, her practically fierce tones never wavering, "and I'm surprised he didn't say it sooner. I think you left something in the barn, dear," unlike how it usually sounded leaving her lips, the word was positively frigid, "you'd better go out and get it."

Daniel paused. A moment later he hazarded a guess, finally seeming to pick up on the change in the atmosphere, "Ah... I don't think I left anything out there...?"

"You left plenty out there," Joanna replied heatedly, fury lacing her tones now since it was clear it was needed. "Your hospitality, your respect for others, love for your son, your sense of decency and so much more than that -- you ought to be ashamed of yourself Daniel, goodness knows I am. Go on, go out to the barn this instant; I don't want to see you back in this house until you've come to your senses, and not a minute sooner."

"But I--"

"No, out!"

Daniel floundered a little, gesturing with his occupied hand, "But what about--"

"Oh give me that," Joanna huffed, deftly relieving him of the glass in his hand before he could even think to argue over it, then jabbed her finger towards the door. "Out!"

Daniel floundered for words for a moment before he gave in and hastily departed, while his wife glared at the door with a force that could've set fire to it.  

[TawnyAngel]

While he was glad - more than glad - that Joanna had stood up for Abel but he was still seething inside as he heard the door close. Abel wanted him, not any woman! And nobody else in the world could love Abel, could understand Abel like he did! What were the chances of two people with such messy pasts meeting one another in the rain, deciding they wanted to meet again and then slowly learning more about one another and....

Of course Daniel could never know any of that and nor could Joanna but Joanna could see they were happy. Could Daniel not do the same? Perhaps he could not.

Zevran exhaled softly through his nose, sent his tension and tense expression along with it, and breathed in again....

Ah, inhaling deeply still hurt; good to know!

Egh.

"Well." Zevran stepped into the doorway and smiled brightly. "That was... illuminating." That had probably not been the thing to say but he didn't know how to be sincere and gentle with Joanna present. "You were very fierce mi amor," he added, and he hoped that the endearment would somehow say what he couldn't. He didn't know what he would say even if Joanna wasn't here, but at least he would be able to say that he didn't know what to say.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

After his father left, Abel stood there with his hands flexing into fists repeatedly. That was... that was.... something. He didn't really know what it was, just that it left him feeling angry and upset, and it hurt. Did his own feelings matter so little to his father?

Zevran's words startled him out of his reverie and he turned to look at him with eyebrows raised in surprise. "Oh," he said for lack of anything better to say, and then when he'd struggled to find some more words one hand lifted to rub the back of his neck. "I didn't know you were there.." s**t. And it sounded like he'd heard everything. Wonderful. For lack of anything better to say - again - the taller blond sighed quietly and walked over to wrap his arms around his boyfriend -- his love, his sweetheart. Nothing and no one would ever change that.

Joanna stood in the middle of the kitchen and pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment or two, and when she lowered her hand her furious demeanor had evaporated, leaving her looking disappointed. "I'm sorry honey," she said with a sigh, setting Daniel's unfinished drink down on the counter. "I talked to him and I thought he'd be fine, but I guess not. I'll talk to him again after dinner."  

[TawnyAngel]

Zevran sighed contentedly as Abel reached out to embrace him, a gesture he was more than happy to return. "I'm sorry as well, that he seems to have so little respect for your thoughts and feelings." He wanted to say something like 'I don't know why you chose me, but you did, and that matters so much', but with Joanna there the words stuck in his throat and warped into; "But I will try to take your mind off it by being completely terrible." Actually he would have said that too, except he would have said it after the meaningful part. He hoped Abel still understood, he wanted to be a good partner and not only when they were alone but he didn't know how. Could he really be with Abel forever if he couldn't manage that?

...Forever?

He'd had the thought before, or a similar one, but in the wake of Daniel's dismissal of their relationship the word burned in his mind and his heart. He didn't want to let go.  

[BlackFireKitsune]

Thankfully Zevran didn't mind the hug-- Why wouldn't he? He always loved to hug him, why wouldn't he want to now? The strangle little thought pestered him regardless as he hugged his boyfriend tight. He didn't really know what to say in response - he didn't really know what to say at all about anything actually - so for the moment he merely hummed a noncommittal, "Mmn." That wasn't that good though. Zevran was trying to make him feel better, he was sure, so he offered him a ghost of a smile. "I love you." It didn't feel right though. He didn't feel right.

His heart hurt, and not in the same way it always did whenever things connected to Zev's past came up.

"I'm sorry to you too dear," Joanna said, smiling sadly at Zevran. "I wanted you to have a nice, relaxing time here, but I don't know if you've really had that so far. Why don't you two go on upstairs? You probably want to talk about things now, I'm sure."  

[TawnyAngel]

Love undeserved, yet greedily grasped at and gratefully received.

...Did Abel feel the same sometimes? He had said he felt he didn't deserve him, but did he feel this? It was like the pain in his chest sometimes, hot and sharp. Loathing. But he didn't hate himself, why should he? What choice had he ever been given? It wasn't his fault.

But how much responsibility had he ever tried to take? How much did he taken even now? What about those two kids?

"Ah, don't say that." Zevran smiled warmly, by all appearances genuinely at Joanna even as his stomach churned. "Meeting you has been wonderful, and Alex too. Aaron is," he chuckled, "charmingly shy and awkward, I am sure we will get along soon. I expected to be disliked to be truthful, just not quite for the reason that Daniel has taken against me. I hope he will come around. For now though..." Zevran gave Abel's waist a squeeze and looked up at him, his smile softening to something gentle and rather private. "I would like to go upstairs with those drinks and relax, if you would too?"  

[BlackFireKitsune]

"Oho, don't tell Aaron that," she teased with a small smile - still a bit strained, not quite as warm as usual - as she turned to pull two new glasses out of a cupboard so she could pour the drinks for them since Abel's first attempt at doing so had been completely derailed. "But really, I'm glad you've been enjoying some of your visit, at least. I'm sorry about Daniel though, he's... Well he means well, he's just... not always good at articulating it. But don't mind him, I'll talk to him. You two go on upstairs," she said gently, picking up both glasses once she'd finished and handing them to the pair of them.

Abel took his almost mechanically, but at Zevran's gesture and his mother's prompting, he leaned in and pressed a fond kiss to his boyfriend's temple. "Yeah, I think going upstairs is a good idea. Thanks Mom," he added, though she just smiled and patted him on the arm with her free hand.

"Of course dear. Go on now, off with you!" Unlike with Daniel, her shooing this time was entirely good-naturedly and done with a smile.  

[TawnyAngel]

"Gracias." Zevran accepted his glass with a smile and a nod and reached for Abel's hand with the one he still had free. "I don't understand why he finds this so strange but I hope he does come around, because I'm not going anywhere."

A couple of minutes later they were back upstairs - he a little out of breath - and settling into their room.

"Well." Zevran eased himself down onto the bed and smiled uncertainly up at Abel. "That... could have been better? It could have been worse though, he could have heard me recite poetry. The symphony I see in thee?..."