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 Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 12:54 pm
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Was she seriously going to do that and run? No. Nuh-uh. It didn't work like that. Enough trolls had run away already.
Luxara tore after Etsali, and as soon as she was definitely distracted, jumped on her with the intent of knocking her to the ground with Luxara on top. She was the hunter. The one who tirelessly had to chase down her food and sit on it if she had to while finding its throat to cut it open.
"Even if he DID stop, it wouldn't matter! He's not some frickin' criminal MASTERMIND who ORGANIZED any of this! Like if -I- stopped, it wouldn't matter! So maybe he DID stop, or if he DIDN'T, then I'm going to give him a MAJOR TALKING-TO. If YOU were a rebel and someone told me to report you, I wouldn't!" She was so, so tempted to punch Etsali. The little orangeblood didn't know what she was talking about, and was frankly being a huge a*****e. Luxara's patience was at its literal limit. "AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I'M A GOTDAMN TUNNEL SNAKE, AND DON'T YOU SAY I'M NOT!" she screamed, tears in her eyes. "I'm still HERE, still BLOWING THINGS UP, still HELPING with this stupid, stupid fight even though I only signed up to fix the city, not BOMB it to nothing! If that's not good enough for you, I don't know WHAT is. So, SORRY for staying around for YOU GUYS even though I could've LEFT at ANY TIME."
With that, Luxara got up and stormed off, not giving a singular s**t that she made a spectacle of herself. For emphasis, she jumped on Stagdad, who sped her away even quicker. She wasn't going to let anyone else yell at her. For now, she was just going to hide in the base at the fisherman's market, their first coordinate, back when everything had still been...okay. Yeah, it wasn't their ORIGINAL base anymore, but...it was something.
She hid in there during the ceasefire and planned to stay there for a little while after. Luxara still had her radio, and even as difficult as she wanted to be, she WOULD answer if someone tried calling for her.
She doubt that they would, though. Or if they did, they'd be mad because she attacked Ets. Her problems didn't matter because her captain was a rebel.
It wasn't that simple, wasn't that SIMPLE.
And all of her sacrifices...what good were they? She broke her buddy and another friend was mad at her. What was the ******** POINT?
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 2:41 pm
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Etsali didn't even see Luxara coming, she hadn't even thought to expect it. One moment she was breathing a sigh of relief that the Barge was standing and the next she was being hit full force by a tackle. For one tiny little second she thought 'Oh, this is what Keeper meant' and then that little bit of calm gave way to terror and she let out a horrified yelp as the greenblood's weight settled on top of her. She squirmed, scrambling for just enough purchase to shove her teammate off, but it was futile. Luxara was the hunter, and Etsali was weak. "Get off, get off! Keep-!"
Before she could even get the choked cry for help all the way out, Luxara was yelling at her, no, screaming, and the thief closed her mouth out of some misguided hope that if she just kept quiet and endured this she wouldn't be hurt. And just like that, it was over and Luxara and her lusus were speeding away before she could even- Feeling tears welling up, the orangeblood pressed her palms to her eyes, slumping fully to the ground now that there was no pressure to fight. "Keeper!" There was the familiar press of her lusus' nose, a questioning growl, and she let out a pitiful little whimper. "Keeper, I messed up."
Her lusus urged her back to her feet and, once she'd rubbed at her eyes some more, they started slowly back on their way towards the Barge to regroup with Forera and Vulpin. Team Tunnel Snakes, all except for Luxara, because Etsali had been so stupid. She still wanted to blame that rebel, and to be honest a large part of her still would, but she knew she'd just made things worse by getting angry. Maybe if she'd had more experience with this kind of stuff...But she didn't, so she was just going to have to improvise. She was supposed to be good at that.
Thinking it over, the arguments she'd made and the things that her teammate had been so upset about, she guessed she could see at least one of the problems. She did kind of understand, more than she'd thought she did. They weren't rebels or anything stupid like that, but she had been worried about keeping her teammates safe, hadn't she? That was why she'd run here. And she guessed, if one day after this they were rebels, she wouldn't want to report them, either, would she?
Coming to a sudden stop, the thief pressed one hand into Keeper's fur for support and used the other to grab her radio. "Hey, Luxara? If you're there, I um-" It felt awkward saying things to someone she wasn't even sure was listening anymore. "I just wanted to say that I wouldn't either, if you were, you know. If you were a rebel. Sorry I didn't get it before, I just-" And ugh, the other two were probably listening and this was so weird. "Sorry." She fidgeted another few seconds, then decided to finish quickly and be done with it.
"If you wanna come back, I won't say anything about it anymore. Promise."
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 4:06 pm
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If she were a rebel. Ha haaaa...hopefully Etsali didn't suspect. Even so, Luxara could trust her, right? Since she apologized and all? Though, really, she should keep details like that on the downlow...at least for now. Until they weren't reporting to a royalist base, anyways. Sighing with an inkling of relief, Luxara picked up her radio, trying not to sniffle yet again. "Hey, Ets. Thanks. I'll...try to come in a bit. It feels really nice to just...sit back in here for a while. But let me know if anything comes up or you guys need me, okay?"
It felt like she hadn't gotten to relax in FOREVER. They had been running around all night...again...for how many nights in a row. And when they WERE going to relax, problems would pop out of nowhere. This base was fortified, safe... Luxara sat back into Stagdad's fur. He had sat down behind her, as he did. She had no idea what he thought of any of this. But he'd probably give her some sort of indication eventually. He seemed happy enough that she was still alive, given how he licked her more often these past few nights than he had her entire life otherwise.
Nestled into her lusus's side, Luxara drifted off into a quick nap.
While it was only half an hour tops, it felt like forever to her. She stood and stretched, taking her time, wondering if she could round her team up to head back to the mess hall. Luxara stepped out of the base, rubbing the sleep off of her face. She stepped to the side and held the door open for her guardian so he could duck out.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 5:24 pm
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When some of his sense had returned, Kursha realised he had been heading south. Bad decision. He had last seen Ganyma at the Flea Market. Yet he was afraid to backtrack. Supposing someone came after him, that would be the path they would take. Kursha would only run into them. Uncertain, he settled for a more easternly course.
He had no idea whether he was in rebel or royalist territory. He had neglected to take his radio with him (also a bad decision, he realised in retrospect) and could not remember the positions of the different coloured pins on the map. Aside from a few bases he was certain had not been attacked, he was travelling completely blind. It was dangerous and very, very stupid, but there was nothing he could do about that. Danger waited for him on every side.
Kursha had entered an unfamiliar setting. It was marked by a tight streets and empty stalls. In several places, walls had been blasted apart and black scorch marks smudged the pavement. Up ahead there was an empty clearing, for a square or something. Eager to be gone, Kursha picked up his pace.
Then he saw it. A new construction. It was easy to tell that it was new because the rest of the buildings were black with soot. Someone had build a base here. That was potentially very good or very bad. Kursha hung back. A figure had appeared at the entrance to the base. It was small, smaller than himself, dressed in a large trenchcoat, and one of its horns had a kink in it.
Kursha rushed forward, ripping off his mask. “Luxara!” he called. He tossed his mask to the ground behind him. “Luxara! It's me! Kursha!” He was so relieved to find a familiar face that he honestly did not care that they were supposed to be on opposite sides.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 5:47 pm
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She knew he was there before she heard him; as Stagdad came out, he squinted at something in the distance. Warily. Luxara turned, immediately on alert herself. Stagdad had slowly been getting used to her team, or at least wasn't GLARING so bad, but this was a deadlier look than what he gave Ganyma. Well. Before the big galoot had lifted the girl by her coat.
Luxara was still amazed the guys hadn't ended up tussling. Anyways.
She was prepared to sink back into that realm of fear, but the voice was...familiar, despite the dumb get-up. And once the mask was off... "Kur? KUR!" Luxara smiled her first REAL smile for the first time that night. "It's been FOREVER! You're out here, too? In the rebel get-up, huh?" Had he...been a rebel before? Or not? She couldn't remember. Details failed her if they weren't on the same team. Luxara barreled on, obviously not caring about the side he was on. "How long have you been out here? Are you okay?"
He kind of looked like hell, to be honest. He looked like he had some of the misery she and her team mates had in their faces. She came closer, fussing a little. "You didn't get caught up with any royalist attacks, did you?" God, she hoped she hadn't blown him up without thinking. Not another friend! She already hurt Gan, For...not him, too! Who would be next, Did? Actually, she doubted he was in something like this. He HAD to realize that a war like this wasn't worth being on the front lines to write down everything. He couldn't be THAT dumb.
"I could get you some rations from the base. Or- or something." Hopefully he wouldn't hate her like Gan did. She'd do anything to avoid that.
"No one's fighting anymore. We could talk or something, i-if you'd like. No one should be coming, I think, and if they did..." She turned up the volume on the radio before putting it on the ground, showing him that she didn't intend to use it. "We'll be able to get you out if here before they get here!"
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 6:48 pm
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When Kursha heard Luxara's voice, something inside him broke. Despite everything, despite his previous attitude towards her, despite the fact that they were on opposite sides, she sounded genuinely happy to see him. He could not answer her questions right. Instead he broke into a run and full-on tackled her to the ground. Then as they rolled across the pavement, he hugged her. If asked about it later, he would deny it with single-minded fury. Usually even just the mere mention of her name was enough for him to make a face and roll his eyes. Hugging her? Completely out of the question. He would rather be dead.
Kursha grinned down at Luxara. “Of course!” he exclaimed, finally releasing her. “I wouldn't miss out on anything as exciting as this!” He was surprised at how easily his confidence returned to him. It was like Luxara had chased everything awful out of his thinkpan. She did have this kind of overwhelming, invasive personality. He offered a hand to help her up.
“Don't be ridiculous!” Kursha chid, when Luxara asked if he had been attacked by royalists. “We were too good for them to ever catch us! I mean...” His voice trailed. He remembered who he was talking to and waved a hand. “Whatever. It's not important.
“Anyway, I don't need your help. Or your charity.” His haughtiness had returned. Truth be told, he was starving but he was not so completely out of his mind that he would admit it. “How have things been going on your end? Don't worry, I'm not here to spy on you or anything. I'm done with this whole conflict. All of it. It's so stupid.”
As if it was that easy to suddenly back out of something like this. He had made his choices and the consequences would hunt him down and find him eventually. Once more, he imagined Ganyma and was forced to suppress a shudder. He did not want to think about it anymore. Even as he tried to chase the memories away though, an idea sprang into his thinkpan. For a moment he looked at Luxara with troubled, thoughtful on his face. Then it was gone and he was grinning again. Unless things got worse he did not want to have to make that sacrifice.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 7:13 pm
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Friends? FRIENDS. THEY WERE STILL FRIENDS EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE OKAY. She went down with an "Oof!", and giggled uncontrollably at being hugged. Her smile was almost too big to be contained by the time he pulled her up.
"Well even if you don't NEEEEED it, it's still an option," she said, rolling her eyes. Yep. He was snobby old Kursha again. Luxara was still grinning, though, and sincerely, to boot. "I'm glad you guys haven't gotten caught or anything! Though I don't think...anyone's been caught on either side? At least...I haven't heard anything about prisoners or anything." She rubbed the back of her neck, thinking about it. HOPEFULLY that was the case. If any rebels got taken back to the base...there was no hope left for them, not with how a**l that blueblood captain was.
"Oh, well thanks for not spying on us, Kur. I mean the fighting's OVER so you're not gonna get much out of it anyways." Another eyeroll. "But thanks. It's nice that we don't have to be enemies or distrust each other or...hate..." Her face drooped for a second. "Oh? What have -I- been up to? Uhhh...my team's mainly been building. ...Destroying." she added with a wince, but the smile was back, at least, if a bit strained. "I've MAINLY been finding places to do stuff this whole time. It's lonely, but helpful! I've found most of the places we put our bases on mySELF." She puffed up in pride. A helpful team member, it was her!
"But...yeah...this fight has been so, so dumb. We're supposed to be building a CITY, not blowing each other up, you know? Guess I should've listened to that rebel note, but...welp." She shrugged with a sigh. "I'm hoping to make BETTER decisions after this and hopefully I can find Gan again and fix things up with him... And with For, too. This whole war blows, Kur. Maybe we can get ice cream again and just kind of forget about it for a bit." She was tired. So, so tired. Tired of screwing up her friendships, tired of fighting for something she didn't believe in... But at least Kur was okay, right? His momentary change of expression made her wonder, even getting her to raise a brow.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 7:54 pm
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“Mostly over,” he corrected. “On my way here, I still saw some fighting in the streets. It's almost like some people don't want it to be over.” He scoffed as though disgusted. The truth was, until a day ago he had been of the same mind. It was just another game that he was determined to win. Now he only wanted out.
Kursha flopped down on the ground. It felt weird just stand around chatting, and besides he was tired. As Luxara talked, he gazed up at the stars, his face inexpressive. “The rebel note...?” he repeated after a moment. “What do you mean? This is exactly what they wanted.” He sat up, gesturing to the ravaged streets. “The whole point was to take out the military and anyone who supported the empire in order to supposedly reform the system. The rebels started this fight for that. But if you ask me, it's just an idiotic power play.”
Kursha stiffened when Luxara mentioned Ganyma's name. “All of us? That... might not be possible,” he responded uneasily.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:12 pm
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"Dummies," Luxara huffed. "Only dummies would want to keep THIS going..." She watched him sit, but since she had just napped, she wasn't horribly interested in plunking down herself. Luxara did step closer though, putting her hands in her pockets as she followed his gaze up to the night sky. "That sounds like something they would do, but...even so. Rebels are honest. Or they're more honest than the royal flier I got. The troll in charge was all about searching for rebels and reporting any suspicious activity from the get-go, so it's almost like they were looking for an EXCUSE to fight, too. So the choices are pretty n' scary liars or harsh n' mean truths. Makes me just wanna grow up and get off this stupid planet." Luxara grumbled.
She was still looking at the stars when Kursha froze up, not noticing that little act. Either way, she just chuckled sadly. "No, not all of us. I know better than THAT. Gan probably hates me, For's...a mess. She needs her space. It's not gonna be one happy grou...wait, what makes you think so badly about that idea?" His hesitant tone clued her in. This couldn't be him just cribbing off of what she said before. He didn't even ask after any of that, so how could he be so pessimistic so quickly? Something didn't add up. "Have...you...seen either of them or something?"
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:59 pm
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Luxara just kind of blinked down at him when he commented about For. Guess Kursha didn't like her tealblooded best friend. Thinking about it, Luxara...could...kind of understand why. Forera DID tie trolls up for makeovers, after all. Maybe he had dealt with something similar? It made her a little sad that not everyone could get along, at least among her friends, but she couldn't expect everyone to gel all the time. Maybe someday...
She did side-eye her fellow greenblood when he started and stopped about Ganyma. There was something there. Absolutely. And with how he tried avoiding it...she wasn't sure if she WANTED to know, but figured she'd NEED to know if it was something even Kur wanted to tip-toe around. Maybe she was overreacting, but even so.
It didn't help that he changed his tune so quickly. As much as she tried to see the best in others...this was...very not Kursha. At all. But she'd play along for the time being. Hunters did best in two situations: attacking unawares, or cornering their prey.
"We sure do have rations!" At least he was willing to EAT, thank GOD. Shoot, he was going to pull her away from her radio. But if she tried to pocket it, would it scare him off...? She decided to leave it for now. It was loud enough; if someone needed her, she'd hear from their base.
With the weight of Kursha's arm over her shoulder, Luxara ambled towards the base. "I'mmm not sure if I remember who built it? I know it was blown up once. It was our first base, then! I don't...think I remember who built our first one, either? It was either Ets or For. They most of the building." She had been off running around, finding new places at the time. "This new one is SUPER nice compared to the old one! But, y'know, first bases will never be the prettiest."
She ducked out from under his arm, watching Stagdad continue to stare at them warily. Speaking of, where WAS Kursha's lusus? This was...odd. Hm.
After looking around quickly as she contemplated, Luxara opened the door for her friend. "There's not a WHOLE lot of space, but there should be some food packets either in a corner or on the table." Said table was literally a couple of pieces of asymmetric wood nailed together amateurly. This was a war zone base, after all. Couldn't afford nice furniture in something that could get blown up at any time.
She held the door open for him and everything. Had to make sure he went in first, after all.
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 9:58 pm
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Kursha felt a surge of relief when Luxara went along with the subject change. However he was uncertain whether he had actually sufficiently distracted her or if she was attempting to appease him. The former seemed unlikely. It was better operate under the assumption that she knew his game. Still, her idle chatter proved a nice diversion from his own thoughts.
“Of course an idiot like Forera would do construction,” he said with a mean laugh. “When we were out in the desert, all she could do was squeal about how great Alifax was, all because he could swing a couple of balls around and smash stuff. To be honest though, I'm surprised she didn't go into demolition.” Even though Kursha had a pretty good idea that Luxara was friends with Forera he could not help but s**t-talk. It was just what he did.
“Ours was at the shipwreck. Our first base I mean. After it got destroyed, we rebuilt it—better than the first time—but we never really came back to it...” How long ago had that been? It felt like sweeps. Sweeps and sweeps ago. When they first started out, things had seemed so simple. They were all comrades, united under a single cause: win. Not to mention, with everyone having different strengths, they were virtually unstoppable. Stryke gathered intelligence and rallied troops, Kursha destroyed enemy bases, and Ganyma constructed friendly bases over their remains. Yet somehow, they had fragmented. What should have been a perfectly cohesive group had failed.
It was Ganyma's fault. He had lost heart in the middle of it. Then he had the gall to question Kursha's methods. It was not like Kursha had ever stood around and told Ganyma that he was building the foundation wrong. The tealblood should have kept his ******** sniffnode out of it. Instead he... he...
Kursha killed that train of thought. He had other things to focus on right now. Luxara mainly. “Your table sucks,” he said with a grin. It looked as though it had been haphazardly thrown together. “I like it though.” He strode inside, confident. While he was not totally oblivious to the fact that Luxara might be planning something, he felt like he could take anything she throw at him.
Outside, high above the clearing, the Colonel wheeled in the sky, watchful. When Luxara turned her back, she suddenly dove down and grabbed the radio in her talons. She did not break it, but she did retreat to a rooftop with it. If Luxara had been planning on making any calls, she would have a bit of a hard time...
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Posted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 10:42 pm
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"Forera ISN'T an idiot," Luxara was quick to defend her friend. "Being impressed by people doing simple stuff isn't DUMB, it's just not being a total SNOB," she said, looking pointedly at Kursha. "I mean, I enjoy the little things in life, too. I don't see what's wrong with that." Luxara shrugged. "We all did a little bit of blowing stuff up. I'm not proud of it, but that's just how it went." Everyone had their strengths, but when they had to pitch in for something they didn't usually do, it still went well. ...Except for maybe throwing TNT at the barge. That was stupid.
"You guys built on a shipwreck, huh? I don't think I checked that out during any of my scouting missions." And there were a LOT of those. It was amazing that she hadn't gotten injured despite how much territory she crossed over the many nights they had been out here. A lot of it wasn't friendly at all. And the demolition she was definitely present for...it was incredible that they were all in one piece, really.
"We haven't really been back to this base much, either. We've been all over the place. Never really stayed in one spot for long. Well, except Vul and his crypt. THAT place was SUPER creepy. And he somehow made the NICEST base over there. Such a weird kid," she shook her head at the memory. Moving on from that, Luxara smiled at Kursha's compliment-slash-insult about the table. "Hey, at least this one has a table! I bet the bases of ours that keep getting blown up and rebuilt don't have anything in them at all. Too pointless with the odds n' all."
The door clicked shut behind her. Stagdad had to watch from outside; it'd be too cramped with the two of them AND a wary lusus. She didn't trust him keeping himself from trying to intimidate Kursha. "I think we have fruit snacks, granola bars, beef jerky maybe...nothing like a full meal. That'd be at the mess hall. Oh, yeah, do you guys even HAVE some sort of cafeteria at the main base? Err...if you have one...?" Would the rebel force bother with accomodations like that, or did they only care about messing with the status quo?
Stagdad heard something behind him. He turned around in time to see another lusus come down from the sky and take Luxara's radio. He squinted. Something was afoot. Part of him wanted to go after the walkie talkie, if only to possibly appease his charge, but if this was some sort of trap, she'd need him here. He just watched the Colonel fly off in the meantime.
"Lots of bases have been up and down, and I don't think THAT much time has passed. It's ridiculous." She scofffed. "I know for sure the crypts were never touched because it was Vul's pet project or something. The arena wasn't really touched, either, I think... Those were some of our first ones." Luxara paced, arms folded, as she listed different locations. "I know there were fights for the Mall, too. Once we won, another time we lost REALLY badly. I was there when we knocked it down. It was in such a bad way that I could just kick it and BAM. Down." She inhaled. Exhaled. "Gan was there, too. And I know he's still a rebel." Like you are. "You've seen him while all of this has been going on, haven't you? Did something happen? I've never seen you act so WEIRD about talking about someone." He either easily handwaved them as if they didn't matter or talked crap on them. There wasn't any of this scaredy-cat stuff. It was...pretty weird. And worrying. "I don't know if you're scared or have bad news or what, but it's making me worry. About the both of you guys. Cuz you're my friends, y'know?" She didn't mean to grill him, but she WAS concerned. The wound over Ganyma was still fresh, and she would feel absolutely AWFUL if something happened to him, or them, because of her. Or because of her side, really. This was dangerous, and she had helped in the med bay. She KNEW how bent out of shape trolls could get out here.
"I just...I just want to make SURE that everything's okay, I guess. And if it...isn't, for any reason, I like to think you can trust me so then I can HELP make things okay. If I can. I'd just...like to try, y'know?" She was wringing her hands now. That nervousness was coming back. About being yelled at, maybe, or ruining the mood. She'd been good at making both happen as of late. Hopefully he'd understand her intentions...?
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Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 1:13 am
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For the most part, Kursha dismissed Luxara's reply about Forera. He had mostly said it to annoy her. As the door clicked shut behind them, Kursha caught a glimpse of Luxara's lusus. He seemed pissed for some reason. Moreso than usual. Kursha could not help himself. When Luxara looked away, he made a rude gesture at the stagbeast. If there were buttons to be pushed, he just had to push them.
“That's fine,” he said when Luxara apologised for her offerings. Prowling around the table, he sat down and grabbed a handful of dried fruit and a granola bar. The moobeast jerky he avoided. Moobeasts were weird looking and Kursha did not trust them. He did not trust the milk they produced or the meat the provided. And who could say what part of the moobeasts the jerky came from? It could have been from their gross, jiggling utters for all he knew. Besides they were probably poisonous.
Kursha threw a dried apricot into his mouth. “We do. Or they do,” he said in between chewing. He shrugged. “It's off in the deep end of the woods. They served crap though.” He felt no real shame in revealing the location of the rebel base camp. He had not been that committed to the cause to begin with. While he doubted Luxara would report it, especially with how she had expressed an interest in switching sides, he would not lose any sleep over it if she did. He had no ties to anyone back there.
As Luxara went on to talk about the various states of their bases, Kursha continued eating, content for once to listen. He stopped though when she mentioned Ganyma again. Damn it. She knew. He flicked a raisin across the table, trying not to let it show how much her words needled him. At the word 'friends' though, he flinched. That was what Stryke had said. Or almost said. Subconsciously, Kursha moved to hide his right hand with his left. The blood had long since come off, but it still stained his memory.
Kursha regarded Luxara, his eyes steely. The female greenblood stood before him, wringing her hands anxiously. Could he trust her? He did not know her that well, he realised. They had played together in the unearthed tomb, and encountered each other several times after, but that did not change the fact that he did not really know her. He had no idea what her goals or what her motives were. Was it even feasible for him to trust her?
Kursha averted his eyes. “He's alive, if that's what you're asking,” he said coldly. There was a long pause. The troll propped his forehead on a hand. He tucked his chin towards his chest and his hand slipped through his hair.
“Luxara, have you ever felt like complete trash before? I don't mean like if you've had an off night or you feel like you aren't getting anywhere,” he said quietly. “I mean, actually worthless. Like some sort of pathetic marchbug slowly being crushed under someone's frond nub. So insignificant, you almost seem like a joke and everyone looks down on you like you don't deserve to exist. Two night ago, I...” His words caught in his throat. He tightened his fingers around his hair.
“I can't tell you what happened,” he finished weakly. “I just can't. But it was awful. It was awful and it was the worst I've ever felt. Though maybe that was last night. It's hard to tell.” Absently, he began to toy with a raisin, rolling it back and forth across the table.
“Sometimes you just get carried away, you know? You're in the moment and nothing else matters. It almost feels like you're watching a movie. No matter what happens, everything will turn out all right. You're unaccountable. But then you remember you're not. Reality comes crashing down with a ******** vengeance and you find yourself trapped in a corner.” He rolled the raisin too far. It fell off the table and out of reach.
Kursha's face crinkled. He looked anywhere but at the troll who gazed at him from across the room. “I think... maybe I'm a bad person, Xara. I beat the s**t out of my own team-mate and I don't know why. Something he said just pissed me off. But he didn't deserve it. By the end of it, he kinda looked like a mashed peach.” Kursha gave a humourless laugh. It died halfway in his throat.
“I think he's all right,” he continued. “I mean, it looked bad but there was someone else there to patch him up. I left. I couldn't stay. I knew that when Ga... when he found out...” His voice trembled. Tears had begun to gather at his eyes. Kursha gestured towards them, half-hysterical. “And this keeps happening! It's so stupid. I can't stop them. They just keep coming no matter what I do. And in the meantime all I can think about is what he said to me. If I screwed up again, if I stepped out of line even once, I'd have to answer to him. But I did that awful thing, I hurt Stryke, and now he knows and... oh god, Xara.” Kursha met her eyes, tears streaking down his face. “He's going to kill me. He's going to find me and kill me!”
Kursha fell over the table, burying his face in his arms. His shoulders shook as he wailed helplessly.
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Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 12:37 pm
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This was...a lot to take in. Way, WAY more than she had expected. Things weren't as bad as they could've been, but they were still worse than what she was hoping for.
Didn't help that Kursha's ramble about feeling like absolute scum punched her right in the gut. "Kur, I-"
Then, everything he said after that. Her words caught in her throat as he detailed what he could about what he'd done. Kursha could be impatient sometimes, not that she wasn't or anything either, but...violent? To the point of beating someone to a pulp? Yes, trolls were violent, but...if he didn't even have a reason for it...
On top of that, he was afraid of Gan. Truly. Officially. GAN, of all people. Had she broken him? Had...THEY..broken him?
Luxara swallowed. "I-I don't really know where to start. There's just so much and a lot that I'm just...I guess I'm at a loss or something. But, I CAN say that, yeah, I understand feeling like total trash. I hurt my captain, then I hurt my team by feeling bad about that. And I really don't understand how that could make things WORSE. Like no matter what I do, it'll be the wrong choice. All the good I've tried to do has kicked me in the butt, really. So I feel small. N' cornered. I was happily doing whatever, y'know? Not THINKING about anything...and..."
You could have killed me! You could die! Luxara, you could die! What the hell is wrong with you?
"Everyone-" she inhaled a choking breath. She needed a second to calm down. It wouldn't help if she started crying, too. "-makes bad decisions, I think. We all screw up, you know? And...and even if it's really, REALLY bad...I think there's still room for forgiveness. You can do bad things, but not be a bad person. Right? Because you REALIZE it's wrong, and you REGRET it, and want to make up for it." She stepped forward, and very carefully started stroking his hair, trying to help calm him down that way. "That's why you're crying, Kur. And it's better that you cry than if you didn't. It sucks, but, well...you're safe here. You can cry as much as you need to. You're scared. And obviously upset. And mad at yourself. I'm the same way about me. So I really, REALLY get where you're coming from.
I don't know what's happened with Gan, but if he DOES try to find you and...do stuff..." She obviously didn't want to believe that the large teen would try to hurt one of his acquaintances, but then he had been rough with HER, and they were FRIENDS, so...weren't basically all bets off the table? "I'll do my best to keep you safe. I don't know if I'd be able to STOP him if he came around, but maybe we could hide you for a bit? I don't know HOW exactly, but...I'm not going to let him hurt you. Okay? There's GOTTA be a way to keep you guys away from each other until he calms down or something." As she continued trying to soothe him, she looked out the window. Stagdad wasn't taking up the whole space anymore, so she could keep a look-out...
God, when had Ganyma become the freaking BOGEYTROLL of all things? How did everything get so ******** up and topsy-turvy?
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