What's In A Name?
The Celestial Plane felt alien to Lithian.
So many months — over a year now, he realized — had passed since he last set foot there, and as he walked up the dock onto the shore, he marvelled at feeling like an outsider in his homeland. The sky looked strange, empty without a sun, and the air tasted strange, unsalted by the desert sand. Not to mention, too still. Even the temperature struck him as off — ‘perfect,’ but almost chilly compared to the heat he had now grown fully accustomed to.
Shaking his head, Lithian turned his attention to the task at hand. He paid for travel into the city, and once there, took a walking path along the outskirts, a route to his home so familiar, he could have followed it in his sleep.
He was twenty-two years old, had been in love with his best friend for at least seven of those years, arguably nine, sleeping with him for four, and engaged to mate for nearly as many. He shared a house with Casseth, built from the ground up and nearly complete, ran a business of his own, and was now supporting himself without his parents’ upkeep.
It was high time he let his family know of the nature of his relationship.
He had put it off, in various forms, for years — first to avoid telling them of his preferences in romantic partners, then to avoid telling them of his romantic partners, and up until this moment, to avoid telling them of his specific intentions to spend the rest of his life with not only a man, but a hybrid of predominantly oblivionite blood. The pattern had to stop somewhere. In the end, Lithian wanted his family to know. He wanted them at his mating ceremony. He wanted them to meet Casseth, and to come see the house they were building together. He wanted to share the life he was making with both his parents and his siblings, and he could not do that without coming out to them.
Such desires did not stop his pulse from picking up as he approached the familiar grounds of his family home. It felt almost surreal to him, to look on it now. Preserved. Pristine. Beautiful. Caught in eternal spring, as all of the Plane was, his home looked exactly as he had remembered it. Shaking his head to dispel deja vu, Lithian opened the gate, and stepped onto the grounds of the Bhardvaris estate.
His parents had been informed of his intent to visit. They lived alone, now, for the most part, all of their seven children — including Lithian’s youngest sister, Iwana — having grown to an age of relative independence and moved off to tend to their own affairs. Lithian supposed it worked for the best, providing him with an opportunity to speak to a limited audience first, and spread the news later to his siblings.
His father greeted him.
“Lithian! By Abronaxus, have you gotten tall…”
Lithian flushed as he approached, accepting the hug invited by his father’s open arms and privately noting that his father, on the opposite end, had seemed to shrink since their last encounter. More troublingly, though inevitable he supposed, the man simply looked older. It was strange for Lithian to think of his parents growing old, but he shoved the thought away, turning his attention instead to his father’s words.
“Come inside, come inside…of the seven of you runaways, I would swear in writing you’re the one who avoids this house the most. Who would have guessed?”
“I’m sorr—”
“No, no, no,” his father said, waving of his apology mid-word as they stepped inside. “It’s the burden of every parent. You’ll understand one day. Maybe even one day soon, mm?”
Lithian winced in spite of himself, but thankfully his father’s gaze was directed forward, and he had already started off down another topic. When he made it into the main room, his mother rose from where she’d been seated — still tall as ever, but grayer — and greeted him similarly. Topics remained light, at first. His minimal baggage was deposited, and Lithian found himself still putting off the purpose of his travel, listening instead to tales of what his parents had been up to, where all his various siblings had gone off to, and so on. It wasn’t until hours later, seated at the long dining table — which, once appropriate when filled with seven children, now felt overly large and empty — that the topic drifted back to him.
“You came all this way, Lithian,” his mother said. “And here we have been talking nothing of you. You tell us so little, these days. Surely you have at least one good story under your belt by now, after so long spent on that wild desert continent? What in this world have you been up to?”
“I—” Lithian’s heart hammered messily into his throat, and he flushed, swallowing it back down and willing his nerves to calm as he resisted the urge to tuck his fingers in his lap. “I’ve actually…” He hesitated. “Well. I have…a lot of good stories…”
“Splendid!” his father said, and Lithian forced himself not to fidget.
“But I actually…I came, mostly, to tell you something very important…” Wincing at his own wording, Lithian glanced up to find that he abruptly had the full, serious attention of both of his parents. After only a brief pause, his father cut in.
“Lithian, is something wrong?”
“Is someone threatening you down there?” his mother asked.
“Or do you need money?” his father added. “You don’t need to be ashamed—”
Lithian’s face heated, and he shook his head. “No — no, no it’s nothing like that, I—I’m fine. I’m healthy. I’m making enough money. I…” His heart threw itself against his ribcage, and he swallowed. “I’m…engaged to be mated…?”
Silence.
Silence.
“Abronaxus protect us, Lithian, you had us worried,” his father blurted. “No need to look like you’re headed to a funeral.”
“This is wonderful news,” his mother agreed. “But why wait to tell us? Is this new?”
“You met her on Eowyn, I assume?” his father asked.
“What family is she from?”
“I—ah…” Lithian drew a breath. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. “H—” He cleared his throat. “His name…is Casseth. Fedele.”
Silence.
Lithian shut his eyes, and began counting to ten. When he reached seven, he opened his eyes. When he reached ten, he opened his mouth.
“He—”
“He,” his mother repeated.
Lithian failed in his efforts not to wince. He opened his mouth again.
“Are you quite serious, Lithian? Because if this is an effort to shock us, you should know there are men out there like that, and it is not a thing to joke about.” A pause ensued, after which, her frown deepened. “Lithian—”
“I’m quite serious,” he said, voice soft. The tension in the room felt as though it were smothering him.
“Well.” His father shifted in his chair, eyes flicking between his mate and his son. “Casseth. It’s…not a terrible name, I suppose.”
“Nevhin,” Lithian’s mother clipped, and his father frowned.
“Give the boy a break, Ahtti. Perhaps he’s experimenting. Did you never experiment when you were younger?”
The chill in his mother’s expression was palpable. “Not like you.”
Nevhin Bhardvaris visibly stilled. He opened his mouth, but shut it again, and his mate spoke up first, her attention darting back to Lithian.
“Fedele,” she repeated. “It does not sound dovaa.”
“There was a Federi family,” Nevhin piped back up. “Or Fed—Fer…” He hummed, thoughtful, and seemed to pointedly ignore his mate’s ‘look.’ After a pause, he shook his head and glanced to Lithian. “What’s his clan?”
“Gaili,” Lith answered. It felt mechanical, his tongue dry and throat sore as though bruised by the intensity of his pulse there as the discussion wore on. Figuring it best to speed things on, however, he forced himself on. “And it is not a dovaa name. Fedele is the surname he took from father.” Thud. Thud. Thud. “His…oblivionite father.”
Ahtti’sha Bhardvaris stood. Nevhin moved all but immediately after, stilling her before she moved to Lithian. Lithian sat frozen, eyes shutting as his parents exchanged a quick hiss of words. Sharp whispers back and forth. Audible, if he had listened, but he did his best not to. It resulted in fragmented bits and pieces making it to him.
“—can’t just—”
“—hybrid, Nevhin—”
“—would you have me do?”
“—is dangerous—”
At length, Lithian stood. “If you would like me to leave…”
“Stop.” His mother, ignoring his father’s look, moved forward. Where once, she towered above him, Lithian realized now, they stood all but even in height. She held his stare squarely. “You will cease seeing this man immediately—”
“No.”
She blinked, visibly taken aback. After recovering, her expression hardened. “It was not a—”
“I will not stop seeing him,” Lithian said, and watched her bristle further, wings stretching.
“Whatever you think you feel—”
“I do not ‘think’ I feel things, mother,” Lithian cut her off, again. “I know have cared about him for nine years, loved him for seven, been sharing his bed for four—” As his mother’s eyebrows shot up, his father coughed, “—and when he asked me to be his mate, I said yes. We live together. We work together. We are planning a future together, and I came here…” Lithian swallowed, willing his hands not to shake, “…because I want you to be a part of it…”
Ahtti’sha’s eyes held his. Earth brown. Rock solid. Unmoving. “You know the laws of our people, Lithian. The laws of our god. If you do this…”
“I am doing this.”
“…then your name will be stricken from the records of this family.”
Lithian felt his gut sink, his breath leaving him, cold, as though being stolen from his lungs.
“You will be listed a traitor, banished, and not permitted to walk within the walls of this city lest you clean your name. We will not take you in. Or hide you. To do so would not only slander the reputation of the Bhardvaris name, but endanger the safety and livelihood of all your brothers and sisters as well. Do you understand what you are sacrificing, Lithian? Think carefully before you throw it away.”
Lithian shuddered, shoulders sinking as he swallowed. “Mother—”
“Not,” Ahtti’sha interrupted him, “if you do this. Do you understand.”
Not your mother.
Lithian stared, speechless for an extended moment, staring down the granite woman before him. Finally, something in him hardened. His eyes stung — bleary and hot — and his throat hurt, clenching so tight it felt as though he were trying to choke himself. But he understood. And he raised his chin, squaring off his shoulders to meet her look just as rigidly.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said. “I understand.”
For the first time in his memory, Lithian watched something in his — former — mother’s resolve fracture. Like watching a heart break across someone’s face. She had not expected him to hold ground, he realized.
“Lithian,” she said.
He tilted his head. “Ma’am?”
And her eyes glistened as her expression, too, hardened. She turned sharply away. “If you have nowhere to stay, you may sleep here. But pack your things by morning and find a return boat as early as you can manage. The House of Titles will be contacted tomorrow to strike your name from the record and reflect your choice of loyalties.”
Lithian dipped his lashes. “With all due respect, ma’am,” he said, “I will find somewhere else to stay tonight.”
“If you need coin—”
“I have coin.”
“If you’re hungry—”
“I am not.”
“Lithian.”
He glanced up, meeting her gaze.
“Stop this.”
He held her stare for some time, but eventually shook his head. “You and the rest of…” He hesitated, “…your…family are invited to attend my mating ceremony. It would please me to see you, and my siblings, there and introduce you to the man I fell in love with.”
“Lithian—”
Lith turned and moved past her, fetching his things, and moving out of the house. Before the door was closed behind him, his parents were arguing, and his throat bunched. Guilt. Hurt. Loss. The weight of the circumstances rolled over him in waves, like a tide that just kept coming, and coming, and coming — swelling in over him without ever receding. By the time he managed to purchase return tickets for the following morning and close himself away in a rented room for the night, Lithian felt as though he were being broken apart from the inside, his bones and organs as physically bruised as his heart.
After bolting the door behind him, he collapsed to the inn’s mattress, and cried.
Word Count: 2,169
