The Potato: 9-13-06 The Final Issue?

[Richard Rider]

The Potato

It's War, Men! War!


Richard Rider, Publisher
Bernard Dillon, Editor-In-Chief
Roger Cooper, Staff Writer

The Women of Kapow! Part One: KittyPryde
Katherine Pryde, aka Shadowcat, is a true Renaissance woman. A talented dancer, computer programmer, martial artist, spy and superhero, our publisher sat down with Kitty to discover more of this lovely heroine.
Richard Rider: How does Colossus feel about Ayers?
Kitty Pryde: Well? Thing is... Pete doesn't really know about Jaeger. It's none of his business.
RR: But you work with him in Astonishing. How can he not know?
KP: Simple. I never said anything to him. I mean if he asks I'll tell him but last time he came across a guy I was dating, Wisdom ended up in a wheel chair.
RR: Fair enough. Next question: who are your heroes?
KP: I guess I would have to say Logan and Ororo.
RR: Ororo's taking a lot of heat from the fans lately because of her upcoming nuptials to T'Challa. What do you think of that?
KP: Kind of upset that she hasn't asked me to be part of the ceremony. But really, I guess I haven't given it much thought. She and I were close years ago but it's gotten strained. She's still one of my bests but she's not the mother/older sister figure she used to be for me.
RR: Superhuman Registration Act: for or against?
KP: Against
RR: If you never were an X-Man, where would you be now?
KP: Well, according to the House of M, teaching in Ohio. I guess I would be either a dance instructor or working with computer engineering or robotics.
RR: This next one's a bit hard to ask... You've always been a bit thin, but recently you've bulked up a bit, including...up there. Was that natural, or some kind of mutation?
KP: Well, being a dancer and then the martial arts that always kept me in shape. Very thin shape. I guess I would have to say that with the time I took off from being an X-Man and going to school, I wasn't as active as I was while training so I was able to grow some curves.
RR: From what I hear from Bernie and Roger, they're very nice curves. I wouldn't know of course, since I don't really look. Well, that one time, but that was the only exception.
KP: Gee thanks.
RR: It's not like that! I have a girlfriend, and I try not to look too close at anyone but her.
KP: As it should be.
RR: Moving on, how do you feel about Kapow?
KP: I love it. It's a great place for the various heroes (and villans) to kick back and not worry about the outside pressures going on in the person's universe.
RR: And lastly, do you have any advice for any young girls going into this business?
KP: Don't go in blindly. It's a tough job. It's not all glitters and gold. There is great satisfaction from helping others but it's not without it's costs. I've lost many loved ones (and had a couple come back from the dead or the "dead".) Just, know the risks before you dive off the deep end.

Superboy: 1993-2006
Conner Kent, aka Kon-El, died last week after helpng to thwart the schemes of Superboy Prime and Alexander Luthor. He is survived by his brothers Kal-El and Mon-El, and his adoptive parents, Martha and Jonathan Kent.

Mindwipes A-Plenty in Identity Crisis II: Electric Jiggleboo
Yet another controversy has rocked the Xavier Institute. Details are sketchy, but an inside source has let the Potao in on one of the bigggest secrets ever in X-Men history. A mutant known as Vulcan has been tormenting the X-Men, and claims to have been an X-Man before Wolverine, Nightcrawler, Storm, Colossus, Banshee, Thunderbird and Sunfire were recruited. He also claims to be Cyclop's younger brother, Gabriel. So far, Banshee and a Sentinel pilot have been killed by Vulcan, and he kidnapped Cyclops and his daughter, Marvel Girl and told them his story. Two things that are most most damaging are the apparant mindwipes of Cyclops, who met Gabriel before being captured by Krakoa, and that Emma Frost, who supposedly met the X-Men for the first time as the White Queen. Both can almost remember Gabriel, but not quite. There has been some speculation that Emma may have been attracted to Gabriel, and after the mindwipe, became attracted to Cyclops instead. No one has been able to reach Charles Xavier to confirm, but a tape of Moira McTaggert confessing that Vulcan and three others were sent to rescue the original X-Men from Krakoa has surfaced. Also, it's known that Emma at the time of the original's team's kidnapping was a stripper an exotic dancer at the Hellfire Club who stole money from her customers with her telepathic powers. How would she have known Gabriel?

Miguel O'Hara: Reality Repairman
The Spider-Man of 2099 had a decent life. A girl, a nifty costume, some allright powers, and a job that paid well. Then he lost it all. Why? The Exiles came to his timeline. In a whirlwind of violence, cookiness and baking recipes, Miguel lost his job, and his secret identity was exposed. Now he's stuck on a team of strangers, jumping from universe to universe chasing a disembodied reality-changer with a Scottish accent. "These guys make the Defenders look coordinated, and that's saying something." O'Hara's disatisfaction isn't lost of his new teammates. "It's a rule now that anyone we meet while we're trying to catch Proteus has to join the team. If he doesn't like it, he can kiss my a**," said Victor Creed.

Kapow! Vault Looted, Guild Captain Assaulted
On Saturday April 8th, Wally West was found unconcious in New Orleans, dressed only in his underwear and with a serious concussion. West was due to open the guild vault that day and transfer the funds therein to the Gambino bank. However, according to our publisher, the funds wern't there. Whoever stole the money took Wally out that day. Over a dozen suspects have been identified in the case, and Bigby Wolf is currently investigating.


Got questions, comments, suggestions? PM our publisher or email us at potato_staff@witty.com.