Welcome to Gaia! ::

The Seireitei (A Bleach Roleplaying Guild)

Back to Guilds

A literate roleplaying guild based on Bleach by Tite Kubo. Password required to join. 

Tags: Bleach, Roleplaying, Literate, Non-Stat Based RP, Semi-Literate 

Reply Grand Library (Thread Archive)
Application Thread Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2 3 ... 8 9 10 11 12 13 ... 16 17 18 19 [>] [»|]

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Shinmei-Jigoku

Dapper Businesswoman

5,550 Points
  • Autobiographer 200
  • Person of Interest 200
  • Cart Raider 100
PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 9:44 am


Well I did this on no sleep and I dare say I'm proud of my work, although Spell Checker is the only reason any of it would be coherent.

OK that sample more than likely sucked...

Name:
Zankairou Barragielle Den'Jaron
(Pronounced: Zan-kai-row Bar-ra-gi-el Den-ga-ron)

Number:
10/82(?)

Aliases/ Nicknames:
Zan, Kai, Zankai

Physical Description:
Zankairou stands at 10" tall as something of a tall-giant. With pure black hair that looks something in similarity to a lion's mane, instead of covering around his head however it has been pushed back and only furthers out behind him until ending in a point around waist length. His eyes are a light blue colour across dark-tanned skin.

Zankairou's body is fairly buffed up and his appearance seems to want to flaunt off having muscles as indicated by his upper clothing being nothing more than a vest fashioned in the style of the Arrancar uniform - the vest is white across the most of the vest with black outlining the main details would the golden embroidery of two dragons making there climb up from the bottom of the vest to the shoulders where the heads stop - embroidered in a motion as if they are going to jointly bite Zankairou's neck - the back of the vest is completely plain for whatever reason, the vest length stops just after Zankairou's chest leaving the lower part of his upper body completely revealed (probably to flaunt the muscles on his body as said above).

On his arms Zankairou wears wrapped up bandages on his hands as makeshift fingerless gloves which stretch over his hands, covering his wrists and stopping a short ways up his arms. While the remains of his hollow mask sits on the left side of his chin going around to just below his ear. Although none of the teeth from the mask are present a large fang (in resemblance to a Saber-tooth Tiger's fang) reaches off of the mask coming below Zankairou's chin by a few centimeters.

For his lower body Zankairou's garments are something most would consider unconventional, wearing armoured leggings and boots that is white with black out-linings and golden links passed through the chain mail that bears itself visible on the back of the knees of the leggings and at the crotch area - as underlay for the rest of the armour. On the back of his lower body he wears a kama following the same white and black motif with more golden embroidery this time the embroidery is in the shape of Kirin with smoke coming from it's nostrils.

Zankairou is always seen standing or sitting up right, commonly with his arms crossed or his arms folded over his back with his Zanpaku-tou being held in between his arms and the back of his neck. When in combat Zankairou always wields his Zanpaku-tou with his right hand regardless of which state it is in, in some cases when his Zanpaku-tou is in Resurreccion he will wield the halberd with both hands at the bottom end as if it is a rather-lengthy sword, he usually does this when he wishes to ensure the attack will have some range and that both his hands can be used to put force on the attack.

Zanpaku-tou & Resurreccion:

Sanguijuela de Almas (Leech of Souls)



Release Command: Feed, Sanguijuela de Almas
Sanguijuela de Almas in it's sealed form takes the form of a normal katana. With a squared guard that is black and outlined in a dull-gold colour, the sheath and hilt are a bright red with links of chain attached to the bottom end of the sheath that is re-connected at the top end. The Zanpaku-tou is usually worn on Zankairou's back from the left side with the links of chain worn diagonally across Zankairou's chest.

When Sanguijuela de Almas is released the weapon become a large Chinese Halberd. With the shaft being a bright red like the hilt and sheath in it's sealed state. The blade comes out in a sort-of box like appearance the center blade being where the other parts extend and return from. At the starting of the blade it crosses out much like a cross-bladed spear the two crossed blades fold around up-words and and then fold inward to meet the center blade once again - where the blades folded into meet the center continue up for a final bend in meeting the blade just before it's peak at the tip.

On his body the bleached-white bone-like Hollow material that makes up the mask of a Hollow covers his entire right arm. On his hand and wrist it looks an armoured-gauntlet while the rest of the arm looks pretty plain up until it reaches the shoulder where it extends out as a pauldron with two spikes protruding from it. Four thin curved points extend out from the arm and onto the chest curving around and stopping near the stomach area.

The reformed mask covers up Zankairou's entire face with right-angled triangle openings for the eye holes. The teeth on the mouth area are mainly rectangular except for the two lengthy fangs from the upper row that come down and pass by the jaw for a few centimetres. Up above the eye where the eyebrows should start is a group of three triangles in a deep green colour that form a larger triangle with noticeable spaces in between each of the three triangles. The top of the mask comes up over Zankairou's head stopping just after passing over the top of his forehead.

Absorción (Absorption):


The main ability of Sanguijuela de Almas is that it absorbs the Spiritual Energy of the enemies it cuts. Specifically the wound must draw blood and the blood must at the very least be visible on Sanguijuela de Almas' blade. Once blood has been drawn Sanguijuela de Almas' blade will begin to radiate a deep green glowing pulse (the pulse beats every few seconds), the pulse shows the fact that an invisible link has been formed between Sanguijuela de Almas and the wounded enemy's body. Sanguijuela de Almas slowly starts to absorb the Spiritual Energy from this link and will not be stopped unless Zankairou's Resurreccion ends or the opponent is sapped of all of there Spiritual Energy and is killed. The absorbed Spiritual Energy is sent up his right arm and through one of the five thin curved point to produce different effects.

It should also be noted that multiple wounds will increase the speed of Spiritual Energy absorption but it all depends on the amount of wounds inflicted and they must all draw blood from the opponent, this is more than likely a common thing as the process of absorption is really slow and can be quite ineffectual at a lone pace.

Evolución Forzada (Forced Evolution):


Evolución Forzada is one of the effects that can be created through the use of Sanguijuela de Almas' Absorción. Evolución Forzada is used by the way of Zankairou absorbing the Spiritual Energy completely to increase his own power, this is arguably the the rarest of the effects Zankairou is likely to use with Sanguijuela de Almas due to the fact Evolución Forzada is a possible way for Zankairou to become stronger without the use of training (as long as his current ability could defeat an opponent his power could continually be increased making him stronger without any effort other than beating his enemy once), this is something Zankairou frowns upon because he prefers physical training - with the belief that effort is the only way to get proper results.

Reparación Maldecida (Cursed Repair):


Reparación Maldecida is one of the effects that can be created through the use of Sanguijuela de Almas' Absorción. Reparación Maldecida can be used when Zankairou incurs an injury and needs healing. By transferring the absorbed Spiritual Energy into his body and focusing it on his wounds Zankairou can heal his wounds completely making the wound disappear - however the ability can only heal something in direct proportion to the amount of Spiritual Energy that Sanguijuela de Almas has absorbed, making the ability's use a rather complicated one and in some cases useless.

Cero Fundido (Fused Cero):


Currently not achieved

Cero Fundido is one of the effects that can be created through the use of Sanguijuela de Almas' Absorción. Cero Fundido is a rather odd type of Cero, created by using the absorbed Spiritual Energy and then focusing it into a Cero - the reason it is odd is due to the fact that it like Reparación Maldecida gains strength in direct proportion to the Spiritual Energy that has been absorbed and focused into the ability. Meaning that the Cero Fudido could be a 100th stronger than the average Cero or at it's best almost as twice as strong, but this all depends on the Spiritual Energy absorbed. While Cero's normally fired by Zankairou are a light blue in colour, the Cero Fudido is a red-ish orange, it should also be noted that the Cero Fudido is a lot thinner than the average Cero making it rather easy to dodge but making it's abilities at piercing someone a lot more effective as opposed to simply blasting them away (or in some cases apart).

La Mímica Física (Physical Mimicry):


La Mímica Física is one of the effects that can be created through the use of Sanguijuela de Almas' Absorción. Through the use of the absorbed Spiritual Energy Zankairou can use it as a means to mimic his opponent by focusing the energy back into Sanguijuela de Almas the mimicked ability (if requiring a Zanpaku-tou) can then be launched from Sanguijuela de Almas to perform it's own function against it's original master. This power however is very taxing and often times requires a specific amount of Spiritual Energy to mimic the amount that the original user would have to use to fire the bare minimum of the ability, meaning if Zankairou uses less than the required amount the technique is more than likely to back fire on himself.

Special Accessories:
All of Zankairou's clothing can be considered outside of the norm from the normal Arrancar uniform especially because his entire lower body apparel is armour, the alloy for the armour however is very light making the weight gain on Zankairou quite a bit less but this also makes the durability of the armour fall short on practical terms making the armour seem barely anything than more for appearance.

Abilities:
Physically Zankairou is all about upper body strength, He often "tests" his enemies by seeing how the with stand attacks from his fists before using his weapons, giving him abnormally strong hands.

Personality:
Zankairou is something of a wild animal. Being reckless and hot headed, he is always seen with a toothy grin on his face, while he eagerly awaits the next time he gets to partake in battle. Despite being an Arrancar he does have some degree of fairness against his opponents and even in his own abilities often disregarding the fact he could absorb the power of his enemies to further his own growth as well as holding back his full strength unless he's sure his opponent has the ability to kill him in an equal standing. Even though he seems to only live for the next battle he is severely loyal to those he calls friends and will forsake his own safety to protect them - this is only made a more sturdier part of his personality by the fact he doesn't care about other opinions degrading or otherwise.

Biography/History:
Zankairou was something of a cross between a Bear and a Sabertooth Tiger as a Hollow (Pre-Shinigamification). He was often found wandering between hiding place between hiding place making his presence known as he devoured other Hollows. Of course even he hid from the Arrancars but this was because he knew they were the level above him and that he would fight them on equal terms once he hit that level as well. Sure enough the time came but not how he had expected, he was made as an artificial Arrancar. Zankairou at first disagreed with it but quickly grew to stop caring and then even accepted the transformation - he had done his fare share of evolving through devouring other Hollows and he was rewarded even if it wasn't natural evolution. Now Zankairou works to prove that he can become the best of the Arrancar through sheer strength no matter how long or bone headed it may seem

Powers:

Cero: (sero; Spanish for "Zero," Japanese for "Hollow Flash," "Doom Blast" in the Viz translation) are high-powered energy blasts that can be fired from various body parts, such as mouth, tongue, hand or fingers. Only Gillians, Adjuchas, Arrancar, and the Vizards have so far been shown to use Cero attacks, and it appears that stronger entities can use it more efficiently.
Colour: Light Blue

Bala: (bara; Spanish for "Bullet," Japanese for "Hollow Bullet") Bala is an Arrancar alternative to Cero. The technique hardens the user's Spiritual Pressure and fires it like a bullet. Although it is weaker than a normal Cero, it moves about twenty times faster and can be fired at a much higher rate, but the damage is much the same. Stronger Arrancar can also fire a more powerful Bala, while retaining its twenty-fold speed.

Garganta: (garuganta; Spanish for "Throat," Japanese for "Black Cavity") is how Arrancar and Menos-class Hollows move to and from Hueco Mundo. Kaname Tōsen and Kisuke Urahara have also demonstrated the ability to use the technique. It literally tears open the dimensional fabric separating the worlds, revealing a tunnel of whirling, torrential energy that must be focused and solidified to create a discernible pathway.

Hierro: (iero; Spanish for "Iron," Japanese for "Steel Skin") refers to the hardened skin of the Arrancar, which is a result of their compressed spiritual power. While their skin is strong enough to block even released Zanpakutō bare-handed, it is by no means impenetrable. Stronger Arrancar generally have proportionally stronger skin than usual.

Pesquisa: (pesukisa; Spanish for "Inquiry," Japanese for "Probe Circuit") is the Arrancar equivalent of the Shinigami ability to sense Spiritual Pressure. It functions very similarly to sonar.

Sonido: Sonído (Spanish for "Sound," Japanese for "Sound Ceremony") is the Arrancar equivalent of the Shinigami Flash Steps and the Quincy Hirenkyaku; it allows the user to travel at incredibly high speeds for short distances. Use of Sonído is punctuated by a brief static sound, in contrast to the "swish" sound caused by Flash Steps. Zankairou's Sonido is a little slower than most as his forte doesn't exactly lie in speed.

Role-Play Example:
Standing at the center of the main hall, was a tall giant of a man. Staring down on this man was Aizen, sitting on his throne high above the giant. His Arm rested on the arm-rest while his fist leaned into his cheek, Aizen's posture gave it away that he was more than likely very bored but even so the glare in Aizen's eyes looked as if they would peer into the depth's of a mans soul. "Who might you be?" Aizen asked even his tone carried the weight of how bored he seemed but the tall man that was being questioned had yet to stop grinning his toothy grin. "I am Zankairou Barragielle Den'Jaron, but other than names I'm more interested in that glare of yours. It's like your peering deep into my very core - it gives me goosebumps" The giant identified as Zankairou started his voice was rough and gritty but none the less it carried the tones of an excited barbarian. "Those goosebumps, there making me all excited. All you have to do now is point me in the right direction and I'll slaughter it!" Zankairou spoke his tone lifting in height as his excitement grew. Fear with Zankairou didn't often work well, fear only served to garner excitement within the tall built man as he knew it was a sign of someone who could easily provide him the greatest of challenges. "So wha'dya say?! care to let the beast loose on your enemies?" Zankairou asked in response at last which only served to garner a laugh from Aizen. "Very well, show me what you can do" Aizen waved his hand as a large group of Hollows poured into the chamber - ranging from your average Hollow to Adjuchas-Class Menos.

"With pleasure Aizen-sama" Zankairou turned to face the horde of Hollows with no signs of drawing his weapon. As Zankairou let out a deep roar he leapt forward launching himself at the lower class Hollows with nothing but his fists. Once he had closed in Zankairou's feet landed on the floor and skidded across the ground the metal alloy of his boots creating a deep screeching sound as sparks flew out. Following this was the echo of Zankairou's fist meeting with the first Hollow's face sending it flying into other members of the horde. The Hollows instinctively moved to attack Zankairou now, this hadn't changed his stance however and he simply started pushing into the groups of Hollows with his large fists. Grabbing one of the Hollows by there throat he used it as a makeshift weapon while beating into the other Hollows - but recklessness and brute strength would only get him so far and one of the Hollows had got Zankairou from behind. The pain didn't seem to matter more over it was the principle that he was injured by one these weaklings that annoyed Zankairou enough to used his Zanpaku-tou. Spinning around he crashed his fist into the Hollow that had attacked him while throwing the Hollow he was using as a weapon away.

Pulling out his Zanpaku-tou from it's sheath on his back. "No more holding back, you all die!" Zankairou roared as he slashed a swathe through a group of the Hollows. Out of the space created by the now dead Hollows was an attack from an Adjuchas, Zankairou easily blocked the attack with his blade and quickly counter attacked smashing his head against the mask of the Adjuchas which proved Zankairou's head was stronger - no doubt the strength of his head was a metaphor for something he was lacking in. After headbutting the Adjuchas, Zankairou followed up the attack with a vertical slice from his Zanpaku-tou. The battle would continue for several more minutes but by the end of it the horde was decimated and Zankairou had barely even broken a sweat. "Got anymore I can kill?" Zankairou asked his grin had never left his face during the fight and was still apparent now. Aizen slowly clapped a few times in approval but spoke no words.
PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:35 pm


Very nice. Realize, of course, that no one's going to let you suck them dry of spiritual energy unless they plan to let their character die wink

Also, one thing I didn't quite understand was your Forced Evolution technique. What does it actually *do*? Your description is a bit vague.

Anyway, you're accepted. Please post your profile or a link to it in the Profiles and Journals thread.

Jes-sama


Shinmei-Jigoku

Dapper Businesswoman

5,550 Points
  • Autobiographer 200
  • Person of Interest 200
  • Cart Raider 100
PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:47 pm


Yes I know... damn them never standing still!

It's something akin to Arturo Plateado's ability to absorb the spiritual energy of anyone he defeats to increase his own Spiritual Energy. I've always had trouble explaining this one lol.

Now if you excuse me *Happy dance!*
PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 4:37 am


=D You like my sample? Thanks!
-does the superman pose- Off to post my profile!


mochilli



SpokenSoftly

Ruthless Elder

8,000 Points
  • Tycoon 200
  • Wall Street 200
  • Bidding War 100
PostPosted: Mon Feb 01, 2010 1:30 pm


Name:
Maguda Shivedul (mah-GOO-dah SHE-veh-dool)

Number:
13

Aliases/ Nicknames:
'Mercury'

Physical Description:
Maguda is an Arrancar of average height who wears nothing but a white lower-body wrap that looks as if it were blasted all along the edge with a shotgun. He goes barefoot, and his chest is uncovered, exposing the large Hollow hole through his sternum. Strangely, there is no sword in the sheath at his hip, and aside from his blood-red waist-length hair and the smooth white knife-shaped mask fragment covering his lower jaw his entire body is smooth and mirror-reflective, as if coated in mercury. His posture is impeccable and when standing still he stands up straight with his hands clasped behind his back, his heels together and his toes facing slightly apart, and his head slightly inclined.

Zanpakuto & Resurreccion:
Ojos de Dios - Maguda's Zanpakuto is in its natural state a liquid that coats his flesh, making it seem as if he were made of mercury, or more accurately encased in a human-shaped mirror. The sword is unable to enter a blade-shape, though the coating is as hard as steel while at the same time being as flexible as cloth. Due to its high level of reflectiveness it can be used as a mirror, albeit a warped one, and any energy-based attack (such as fire, wind, et cetera) that is not corporeal has a small chance of being reflected back at the attacker. The stronger the attack the lower the chance of it being reflected, and without releasing his Resurrección it is impossible for Maguda to 'reflect' Bankai attacks or a shikai attack by a Captain or Lieutenant. Any purely light-based attack of any strength is automatically reflected, as well as blinding anyone in the immediate vicinity. This ability also functions automatically whenever Maguda is in direct sunlight unless he has applied his special salve.

Resurrección - "Reflect the eyes of man, Ojos de Dios!" - Maguda must have eye contact with his opponent for this to function. In his original Hollow state Maguda's form would change to perfectly match the outward appearance of any other Hollow he could see. This ability now functions with any spiritual being he makes eye contact with when activating his Resurrección. If the target is smaller than he is the mirror coating around his body flows away from it and into the hand his opponent is using to wield their weapon, forming an exact and perfect physical copy. If the target is larger it explodes as his body grows beyond the constraints of the shell, and then re-forms as an exact perfect physical copy of their weapon.

There are restrictions on this ability, however. Maguda's mask fragment grows to cover half his face if he shrinks in size, though it shrinks to a mere scratch if he grows, and his red hair remains no matter his form, though the style of it will change to match his opponent. Also, and importantly, Maguda can copy only the physical appearance and abilities of a weapon, not its Kido abilities. Were he to copy, for example, Wabisuke, he would wield only a rather oddly-shaped sword, being incapable of duplicating Wabisuke's weight-doubling. However, Zabimaru's Shikai extension and retraction abilities would transfer perfectly, since they are a characteristic of the weapon construction itself and not a Kido spell.

Resurrección: Segunda Etapa - "Calm yourself, Infinitos Ojos Deífica" - Similar to Ulquiorra Schiffer, Maguda can enter a secondary Resurreccion state. This state allows him to copy not only the appearance and voice of the target but also their memories, reiatsu, and any abilities they may have. However, Maguda has never used this ability for extended periods, and using his Segunda Etapa for more than a very few seconds would be certain suicide. (0% chance of survival, if he uses this I really will have him die afterwards.)NOT YET ACHIEVED

Special Accessories:
Maguda's Zanpakuto makes him an extremely noticeable being, and in direct sunlight a blinding one as well. To counteract this disadvantage Maguda carries a small bottle of salve with him. One drop on his 'armor' will spread over the whole thing like an oil slick over water, dulling his appearance until the coating seems to be made of slightly tarnished steel instead of polished platinum. Its defensive and offensive characteristics are unchanged, only its reflectiveness is altered. One bottle contains fifty doses of the salve.

Abilities:
Advanced Resurrección - Maguda can activate his Resurrección at will and without speaking its release phrase. However, if he does this he cannot change his size, copy any weapons, or change his eyes, which remain as silvery mirrors. This ability is also difficult to maintain and he cannot keep it up for more than a few minutes on the hour.

Infiltration - Maguda has very little skill in combat, but the defensive abilities of his Zanpakuto more than make up for that. Its surface is semi-frictionless, allowing him to move with perfect silence over any surface, and in any monochrome room its reflectiveness is such that he becomes all but invisible. To be clear, his combat skills are deficient only in open-combat situations. Assassinations are perfectly within his range of specialization.

Personality:
Maguda shows no emotion at any time or under any circumstances. When using Ojos de Dios he will show emotions that the target of his ability has displayed.

Due to his advanced age among Arrancar, Maguda has ceased to care what happens when he carries out his orders. He will carry them out, avoiding confrontation when it is possible to do so, and will then return to his room in Las Noches.

Biography/History:
Maguda Shivedul was a unique Gillian-class Menos who survived one of their feeding frenzies and became stronger than average. Over the years he ate more and more of his kind, retaining more and more memories, until he evolved into an Adjucha-class. However, his appearance was different from the other Adjucha. While most of them had body-wrap-esque skins his was mirror-reflective and smooth, at least until he saw another Adjucha. When he did his body changed into theirs, and he gained all of their physical abilities. Over time he consumed so many Hollows that he evolved into a Vasto Lorde. However, his bad luck came with his timing: he eventually found Las Noches, where he willingly submitted his body to the Shinigamification process, becoming an Arrancar only a few months before Aizen came with the Hyogoku. With the new artificially-created Arrancar he became a Numeros, granted the number 12. He did not protest this, as he knew he had been lucky to survive the Hollowfication process with his mind intact. Now he serves Aizen as an envoy to the Hollows who have not yet undergone Shinigamification.

NOTE: Maguda Shivedul is infamous among the Numeros for having killed the most opponents without being detected. Despite his skill in assassination and stealth (not to mention advanced age) he has specifically requested that he not be promoted to Espada, since he has said, "I do not have the physical prowess to become one of the Espada, and if I were promoted to one of those lofty positions I would undoubtedly be targeted by Numeros seeking to make a name for themselves. I am content to keep my number 12 as the second-oldest Arrancar left in Las Noches." Despite this, he has said that he will relent if Aizen (or one of the other Lords of Las Noches) presses him on the matter, but that he would prefer as low a number as is possible, again to avoid ambitious assassination attempts.

Powers:
Basic powers - Maguda has mastered all basic Hollow techniques and several advanced techniques thanks to his advanced state (Vasto Lorde-class Menos) upon Shinigamification, to wit:

Gemelos Sonído - A technique that he copied from Zommari Leroux, Maguda's semi-frictionless armor allows him to use this ability to create up to three afterimages while not in his Resurreccion state. When using Ojos de Dios he is unable to utilize this technique. This is very physically draining on him, and he risks breaking his legs if he uses it more than once in a battle.

Hierro - Maguda's armor provides total-coverage protection against sword strikes and most any other attack, though it is not invincible. He has never bothered to learn how to use Hierro, since he does not often face an opponent who can break his armor. As a side-effect of his overreliance on his armor, Maguda's skin burns if exposed to direct sunlight if he is not using Ojos de Dios.

He also has several other abilities that are not traditionally associated with Hollows:

Swordless Armor - Maguda's Zanpakuto manifests as a sheath without a sword, since the 'sword' is spread over his skin, forming a clothlike material that is roughly as strong and as reflective as polished steel.

Reflectivity - When not in his Resurreccion state, Maguda's skin is so reflective as to be blinding, causing acute ocular pain to anyone who can see him when he stands in direct sunlight. this also confers a chance to reflect any noncorporeal energy-based attack (fire, light, wind, or other energy-based attacks) back to the sender. The stronger the attack the worse his chance of reflecting it, and at his current power level he is unable to reflect any attack as strong as or stronger than a Shikai or stronger attack from a Lieutenant or any attack from a Captain.

Weakness - Maguda's skin, having been covered for so long by its reflective armor, is harmed by the slightest exposure to light of any kind. If the armor is broken by an attack (entering his Resurreccion state doesn't count, as the armor merely changes shape) the area of skin exposed will immediately burst into flame unless the fight is in absolute darkness.

Constant Copy - One distinct downside of Maguda's Resurreccion is a voodoo-like effect: His Resurreccion constantly copies the appearance of whomever it is targeted at. As a result, any wounds sustained by the target are immediately added to the appearance of the armor. This does not work in reverse, and any wounds Maguda incurs while in his Resurreccion state stay unique to his form. copied wounds do not hurt him, being as it were a part of his body.

Frictionless Material - The armor that coats Maguda's body is semi-frictionless. When traveling he makes no sound unless he wants to and cannot be tracked by any physical means unless he wishes to be tracked. His reiatsu, however, is twice as easy to sense as any other being's, since his entire body is covered by what amounts to a constant-release Kido-type zanpakuto.

Perfect Recall - Maguda has a flawless memory and can instantly quote any words he has ever heard.

Perfect Mimicry - Maguda's voicebox is constructed in such a way that he can alter his vocal patterns to imitate any voice he has ever heard. This does not allow him to reconstruct their vocal cadences (the unique patterns of microvocalization that naturally enter any person's voice) and so is only perfect if he quotes someone, in which case his perfect recall allows him to also duplicate their vocal cadences. Thanks to this ability Maguda is sometimes called upon to give evidence in a judgement against an accused Arrancar in Lase Noches.

Multilingual - Maguda can speak most languages commonly spoken in Seireitei, Hueco Mundo, and Earth.

Combat Weakness - Maguda is more suited to infiltration and assassination than sustained combat. While he can kill almost literally any opponent if he has long enough to study them and find weaknesses, he describes himself as 'piss poor at real-time combat reasoning.' The highest Shinigami rank he would be able to hold his own against in a sustained fight would be a third-seat.

Assassination Expertise - Maguda is an expert assassin. Studying opponents for weaknesses is what takes up most of his combat time, and he rarely if ever fails an assassination. He prefers not to kill if he can help it, being essentially pacifistic by virtue of his age. He will always go for paralyzing/knockout/otherwise disabling attacks if he can, killing only as a last resort. He will kill without pause if ordered to do so, but in combat to repel intruders (for example, during the Las noches invasion) he will either knock opponents out or hit a paralyzing nerve and then drag them outside the walls.

Role-Play Example:
The Captain finally slid to a halt after crashing through a dozen walls, her opponent appearing in front of her in a buzz of Sonido, his waist-length red hair flowing out to one side in the wind generated by his rapid movement. The Captain's Shikai wavered at her side, the air blade sputtering fitfully as her strength waned. "Your name, Shinigami."

The Captain spat out a glob of blood and cocked her head to one side. The latest attack from her opponent had busted one of her eardrums and seriously damaged the other. "What?"

"What is your name, Shinigami? I wish to know the name of the one whom I am about to kill."

The Captain gritted her teeth and charged at the Arrancar. "Die at the hands of Captain Araki Mikotsuwa, Arrancar!"

The Arrancar held up his hand as the air blade soared towards him. "On the whole, I rather think not, Mikotsuwa Araki-san."

The mirror-like material stopped the air blade, which was visible as a thin blue line in the air, as if it were nothing more than a pinprick. The blade glinted as it wavered, then a blue line appeared across Captain Araki's chest, the reflected slice cutting through her shishakusho and into her skin, severing some of the muscles in her chest and ruining her left arm. "It is not I who will die here, Mikotsuwa Araki-san. It is you."

There was a buzz of Sonido and he appeared behind her, his white mask mocking her with its blank expression, his guard down as she swung at his neck. "Incorrect, Araki-san."

As her blade impacted his neck it glowed again and a blue line appeared across the neck of Captain Araki Mikotsuwa. "There is armor there, as well."

As her lifeless corpse fell to the ground it shattered into millions of pieces, quickly followed by the setting itself. Maguda turned to face the white throne of Las Noches and its inhabitant, whose Shikai was only now re-sealing itself. "A weak opponent, Aizen-sama, makes for a weak battle. She would not have earned her Captain's seat were she real. Perhaps a third-seat, maybe less. I could have beaten her even after releasing Ojos de Dios."

Aizen's lips curved upward in something that no-one would ever mistake for a smile. "Whoever said she was not real? Araki Mikotsuwa is your next assassination target, Shivedul."

Maguda bowed to Aizen, acknowledging the command, and disappeared in a buzz of Sonido. as the small plume of dust from his departure cleared, Aizen sat back and mused. Shivedul had completed that illusion's test, and he had meant for it to kill the Arrancar. No Numeros should have survived...

Perhaps he was what was needed.
PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 2:59 pm


All right.

I'm seeing some good ideas here, that's for sure, but I feel like you don't fully understand the mechanics of power levels and just starting your character out. You've established this history that you're-- as of now-- not qualified for. I'll address each concern one at a time:

You can't claim Vasto Lorde class unless you do a special PRP for it. If at all interested, please check out my own Vasto Lorde RP. I'm showing my own not necessarily to show off but to let you know that everyone -- with no exceptions-- has to go through the same processes of achieving power. Also, the first post is really the most important section of my thread. It'll give you instructions to help you do the PRP correctly. You can read through mine if you'd like to get an idea of what's required, but there are many ways to do the PRP and you needn't follow my example. There are many others to look at in the Hueco Mundo subforum.

There's also the question of your power claims. You are a Numero, not an Espada. Establishing that you've been offered a promotion and then denied it brings up a couple of problems. First, that history establishes you as somehow more powerful than any other starting Numero. That's not fair, no two ways about it. Believe me when I say that *everyone* in Las Noches who has a position of power has started out as relative nobody and they received their powers and positions based upon merit. I'll have to ask you to remove this part from your bio as it sets you apart in terms of power level and that's not fair to the rest of those around you. Diligent, skillful RPing is the way to gain power, not a pre-established history. In addition, I might note that it seems strange that you would turn down a promotion. That would make people think you *don't* want an Espada position and you'd be passed over in favor of other characters. Not only that, but if a competition were ever held to determine Espada placement, it would be rather out of character for Maguda to participate. Of course, that's a more secondary concern versus my initial objection.

Now, for powers. Like I said, you have a good concept here, but it certainly needs some tweaking. The first part that seemed strange to me was the following: "The stronger the attack the higher the chance [of being reflected], but only up to a point,"

That's extremely paradoxical. Shouldn't it be, "The weaker the attack the higher the chance [of being reflected], but only up to a point,"? The other one is oddly contradictory. It would suggest that weak attacks will strike you easily and that low ranks will be able to harm you while higher ones will not. It doesn't make sense.

Your Resurreccion ability looks just fine. It has some interesting quirks that make it more personal than most other copycat techniques, and that's nice to see. Unfortunately, you can't have a Second Resurreccion form. There are only a few people who have a second form, but they're extremely old members of the guild who have RPed for quite some time and were able to develop those powers. To give you an idea of how rare it is, even I don't have a Second Resurreccion. I'm pretty sure Temor doesn't, either, and we're easily the two strongest ranked Espada. Only two or three people have a second form (at the most) and they're more or less inactive. Before you object, please do know that I have denied people a second form before and will not make exceptions.

You can redo parts of your Resurreccion to have aspects of your second form, but nothing too overpowered. Also know that I am still considering bringing the Second Resurreccion in for all of my Espada, so it's not completely off the table. You would need to become and Espada to gain that power, but it still *is* a future (albeit currently remote) possibility.

On to your Hollow powers. The standard abilities are fine, but your others, not so much. No one may have a Gran Rey Cero who hasn't trained for it. The only ones who *do* have a Gran Rey are Temor and Rakey. Even I haven't got it because I haven't completed my training. You're only eligible to train for the Gran Rey (or any other specialty cero) if you gain Espada ranking. I'll let you have the Gemelos Sonido because you used your copy abilities to imitate another arrancar.

A note on your armor/hierro comment-- Maguda's armor may be quite strong, but it is not impenetrable. Thus, it can provide significant protection from sword strikes and many other attacks, but it cannot provide total protection.

Also, in regards to his ability to reflect attacks, your wording is strange. There's that "he's more likely to reflect stronger attacks" thing and there's also that he can't reflect anything stronger than a Bankai or Shikai from a Lieutenant or higher. I'm concerned with this primarily because, for all shinigami, there *is* nothing stronger than Bankai. Your wording suggests that he can deflect Bankai, but that's nearly impossible. Secondly, you make the claim that it can deflect attacks from anyone except a Captain or Lieutenant. That leaves about 26 people in the whole of Soul Society who can hurt you (many of whom are not super active). This is a ridiculous power level for an arrancar who's just started out, and you'll need to fix this.

He can be tracked through use of pesquisa or other reiatsu-sensing techniques. In addition, I would imagine he has a scent of sorts and would leave footprints in sand/dust.

He cannot killed even high-ranked Espada. Especially not in a single hit. He's simply not that powerful. He can have the ability to easily detect weakness and seek to exploit them, but his ability to kill can't be so absolute.

This also relates to his Assassination Expertise. You may want to be the resident assassin in Las Noches, and that's fine with me, but you can't go around killing people as easily as you claim. You can kill NPCs to your heart's content, but you cannot one-post kill anyone in this guild (first because you can't kill without consent, but secondly because that's just too strong). Also, the way you have your assassination abilities set up makes absolutely no sense. You make it easier to assassinate a captain than it is to kill a random seated officer. Even if you change this to make sense (it should be harder, not easier to kill a Captain or Lieutenant).

As for the rest of your assassination ability, I can honestly say I don't understand it. Or maybe I do, but I foresee a lot of problems with it. Let me see if I have this right: say you're targeting Joe the Shinigami. Joe has a full profile, so after you post for the first time, he has a chance to detect you. You can see the pitfall, can't you? The minute ANYONE discovers that you're targeting them for assassination, you'll be detected in a heartbeat, no matter how good at hiding you say you are. You have to take into account how others will respond to these powers, not just what you want out of them.

The RP sample was well-written, though. Of course, you're taking it for granted that you're super powerful and able to stand toe-to-toe with a captain when, at this level, you're really not. But it was still well-written.

Sorry for the big, long objections, but, like you said, you start out big and grandiose and I'm just trying to whittle it all down to acceptable limits.

Jes-sama


SpokenSoftly

Ruthless Elder

8,000 Points
  • Tycoon 200
  • Wall Street 200
  • Bidding War 100
PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 3:41 pm


If I may take this a step at a time, and I'll edit the parts of my profile that are objectionable once this post goes up:

Jes-sama
All right.

I'm seeing some good ideas here, that's for sure, but I feel like you don't fully understand the mechanics of power levels and just starting your character out. You've established this history that you're-- as of now-- not qualified for. I'll address each concern one at a time:


Jues-sama
You can't claim Vasto Lorde class unless you do a special PRP for it. If at all interested, please check out my own Vasto Lorde RP. I'm showing my own not necessarily to show off but to let you know that everyone -- with no exceptions-- has to go through the same processes of achieving power. Also, the first post is really the most important section of my thread. It'll give you instructions to help you do the PRP correctly. You can read through mine if you'd like to get an idea of what's required, but there are many ways to do the PRP and you needn't follow my example. There are many others to look at in the Hueco Mundo subforum.
I'll get right on it. As a side note, your PRP has an interesting writing style. If Maguda spars with Jes I think it'll be an intense fight, or at least a long one.

Jes-sama
There's also the question of your power claims. You are a Numero, not an Espada. Establishing that you've been offered a promotion and then denied it brings up a couple of problems. First, that history establishes you as somehow more powerful than any other starting Numero. That's not fair, no two ways about it. Believe me when I say that *everyone* in Las Noches who has a position of power has started out as relative nobody and they received their powers and positions based upon merit. I'll have to ask you to remove this part from your bio as it sets you apart in terms of power level and that's not fair to the rest of those around you.
I'll do this right away.

Jes-sama
Diligent, skillful RPing is the way to gain power, not a pre-established history. In addition, I might note that it seems strange that you would turn down a promotion. That would make people think you *don't* want an Espada position and you'd be passed over in favor of other characters. Not only that, but if a competition were ever held to determine Espada placement, it would be rather out of character for Maguda to participate. Of course, that's a more secondary concern versus my initial objection.
this is exactly what I want to bring across. Maguda has the number 11, which taken in conjunction with Shawlong Qufang's canon comment about the Numeros numbering system would make hiim the oldest Numeros alive in Las Noches. And he really doesn't want an Espada seat. Some people just prefer to serve rather than to lead.

Jes-sama
Now, for powers. Like I said, you have a good concept here, but it certainly needs some tweaking. The first part that seemed strange to me was the following: "The stronger the attack the higher the chance [of being reflected], but only up to a point,"

That's extremely paradoxical. Shouldn't it be, "The weaker the attack the higher the chance [of being reflected], but only up to a point,"? The other one is oddly contradictory. It would suggest that weak attacks will strike you easily and that low ranks will be able to harm you while higher ones will not. It doesn't make sense.
Actually, this could make perfect sense. The armor's reactiveness is similar to the resistivity offered by a mixture of cornstarch and water. If you gently apply pressure to a dish of the mixture you can easily touch the bottom of the tray, but punching it will cause the protein molecules to group together, hardening the surface of the material and preventing you from penetrating it. Hitting it with a sledgehammer (for the purposes of this analogue, the equivalent to a Bankai attack) would still allow you to reach (and break) the dish below.

Jes-sama
Your Resurreccion ability looks just fine. It has some interesting quirks that make it more personal than most other copycat techniques, and that's nice to see. Unfortunately, you can't have a Second Resurreccion form. There are only a few people who have a second form, but they're extremely old members of the guild who have RPed for quite some time and were able to develop those powers. To give you an idea of how rare it is, even I don't have a Second Resurreccion. I'm pretty sure Temor doesn't, either, and we're easily the two strongest ranked Espada. Only two or three people have a second form (at the most) and they're more or less inactive. Before you object, please do know that I have denied people a second form before and will not make exceptions.
No objections. I honestly expected that to be denied.

Jes-sama
You can redo parts of your Resurreccion to have aspects of your second form, but nothing too overpowered. Also know that I am still considering bringing the Second Resurreccion in for all of my Espada, so it's not completely off the table. You would need to become and Espada to gain that power, but it still *is* a future (albeit currently remote) possibility.
Would you be okay with me putting it as 'not yet achieved?'

Jes-sama
On to your Hollow powers. The standard abilities are fine, but your others, not so much. No one may have a Gran Rey Cero who hasn't trained for it. The only ones who *do* have a Gran Rey are Temor and Rakey. Even I haven't got it because I haven't completed my training. You're only eligible to train for the Gran Rey (or any other specialty cero) if you gain Espada ranking.
Again, I expected this proposed power to crash and burn. No surprises.

Jes-sama
I'll let you have the Gemelos Sonido because you used your copy abilities to imitate another arrancar.
Thanks.

Jes-sama
A note on your armor/hierro comment-- Maguda's armor may be quite strong, but it is not impenetrable. Thus, it can provide significant protection from sword strikes and many other attacks, but it cannot provide total protection.
I made sure to emphasize that. No matter how complete it is (as evidenced in my RP sample, it's absolute coverage) he's still only Numeros.

Jes-sama
Also, in regards to his ability to reflect attacks, your wording is strange. There's that "he's more likely to reflect stronger attacks" thing and there's also that he can't reflect anything stronger than a Bankai or Shikai from a Lieutenant or higher. I'm concerned with this primarily because, for all shinigami, there *is* nothing stronger than Bankai. Your wording suggests that he can deflect Bankai, but that's nearly impossible. Secondly, you make the claim that it can deflect attacks from anyone except a Captain or Lieutenant. That leaves about 26 people in the whole of Soul Society who can hurt you (many of whom are not super active). This is a ridiculous power level for an arrancar who's just started out, and you'll need to fix this.
Perhaps what I should have specified was he can't reflect anything "as strong as or stronger" than those levels. A Shikai or stronger from a Lieutenant can break through his armor, and any attack from a Captain can do the same.

Jes-sama
He can be tracked through use of pesquisa or other reiatsu-sensing techniques. In addition, I would imagine he has a scent of sorts and would leave footprints in sand/dust.
Reiatsu tracking, obviously, since his entire body is covered in what amounts to a constant-release Kido-type zanpakuto, but he wouldn't leave footprints unless he wanted to. It's... hm... to draw an analogy between his ability and Dungeons and Dragons v.3.5, the Druid's "Pass without Trace" ability is a good example, or the tracking immunity of incorporeals. He could deliberately leave footprints, but under normal circumstances his movements can't be tracked. (if he stands still, the effect deactivates.)

Jes-sama
He cannot killed even high-ranked Espada. Especially not in a single hit. He's simply not that powerful. He can have the ability to easily detect weakness and seek to exploit them, but his ability to kill can't be so absolute.
Another ability I expected to be red-marked.

Jes-sama
This also relates to his Assassination Expertise. You may want to be the resident assassin in Las Noches, and that's fine with me, but you can't go around killing people as easily as you claim. You can kill NPCs to your heart's content, but you cannot one-post kill anyone in this guild (first because you can't kill without consent, but secondly because that's just too strong).
I hate one-hitting and godmodding in general, which is why I put in the detection clause (PCs can find out where he is)

Jes-sama
Also, the way you have your assassination abilities set up makes absolutely no sense. You make it easier to assassinate a captain than it is to kill a random seated officer. Even if you change this to make sense (it should be harder, not easier to kill a Captain or Lieutenant).
I think you've got it a bit backwards. Captains are treated as a First Seat, Lieutenants as Second Seat, etc. and the baseline is eleven posts minus the seat number, so a Captain would need to be watched for ten posts, a Lieutenant for nine, etc. down to tenth seat, where they'd only need to be observed for one post.

Jes-sama
As for the rest of your assassination ability, I can honestly say I don't understand it. Or maybe I do, but I foresee a lot of problems with it. Let me see if I have this right: say you're targeting Joe the Shinigami. Joe has a full profile, so after you post for the first time, he has a chance to detect you. You can see the pitfall, can't you? The minute ANYONE discovers that you're targeting them for assassination, you'll be detected in a heartbeat, no matter how good at hiding you say you are. You have to take into account how others will respond to these powers, not just what you want out of them.
Again, you seem to have got this a little mixed up. If Joe the Shinigami is a Ninth Seat or Tenth Seat he won't have time to detect Maguda. Anyone above that gets one post to detect, plus one post for every two ranks up (eighth seat and up gets one post, sixth Seat and up get two, etc.) in this pattern:

Maguda
Maguda
Shinigami
Maguda
Maguda
Shinigami
etc.

And they have to have a concrete explanation for seeing him, which will be difficult if he's using his Resureccion to copy someone (for example, using a shinigami assumed form to track another Shinigami, the target would need to notice something about Maguda that isn't the same as the copied Shinigami). Detection is automatic if he's within a hundred feet and not in his release state, since a humanoid made of mercury is pretty easy to spot.

Jes-sama
The RP sample was well-written, though. Of course, you're taking it for granted that you're super powerful and able to stand toe-to-toe with a captain when, at this level, you're really not. But it was still well-written.

Sorry for the big, long objections, but, like you said, you start out big and grandiose and I'm just trying to whittle it all down to acceptable limits.
Thanks for the feedback, I'll edit all the stuff above that I expected to be shot down on, and await further feedback on my reasoning for the ones that I've kept.
PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 5:09 pm


OK. So it's come to my attention that your abilities are *really* scarily similar to those of the arrancar Bikou, an active member of Las Noches. This *does* present a problem, but I don't want to take your Resurreccion completely away from you. Could you please talk with him so you can both hammer out what's acceptable?

Jes-sama


SpokenSoftly

Ruthless Elder

8,000 Points
  • Tycoon 200
  • Wall Street 200
  • Bidding War 100
PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 5:53 pm


I have PMed him about it.
PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2010 7:47 pm


After an extended discussion he has consented to allow the power to remain unchanged so long as I avoid using the term "mirror-skinned." Given this (and the fact that I've done all the changes I promised in my long post above) is he approved?

SpokenSoftly

Ruthless Elder

8,000 Points
  • Tycoon 200
  • Wall Street 200
  • Bidding War 100

Kuroiame2413

4,450 Points
  • Beta Citizen 0
  • Beta Contributor 0
  • Beta Forum Regular 0
PostPosted: Sun Feb 07, 2010 3:42 pm


(Edits are made, and open for more edits!)

Name: Kuroiame Takahashi (Kuroiame: Black Rain)

Number: 15

Aliases/ Nicknames: Kuroi, Kuroi-sama, Kuroi-chan, etc. Takahashi-san, etc.

Physical Description: Here
5' 8" in height, her apperance age is around 18. She is swift in her movements, not using any unnessesary movements. Hollow hole is located immediantly below her rib cage. Tattoo is on her right back shoulder. Has navy markings around her eyes, but they dissapear when Resurreccion is activated.

Zanpacto & Resurreccion:
Zanpakuto name: Agua Bestia (Water Beast)
Resurreccion phrase: "Ahogar, Agua Bestia"- Drown, Water Beast
Resurreccion description: Once activated, her mask expands to her spine, and forms a tail, entirely out of bone. Her white hair grows longer, and a pair of canine ears appears on her head.
Resurreccion abilities: Her Resurreccion gives her control over massive amounts of water, even the water in the air. This ability gives her the ability to create clones out of this water, though she usually creates wolves to attack her targets.

Attack no.1: "Fuerza Devastadora "-Devastating Force: Encasing her body in Reaitsu and water, combining her Sonido and strength, she is able to strike her target, which could result in serious injuries.

Attack no.2: "Cañón Azul"- Blue Cannon: Charging her Reaitsu through her Zanpakuto, she is able to release said Reaitsu in a form of a blast. The blast can change in size and strength from different strikes of her Zanpakuto.

Attack no.3: "Lágrimas Misericordiosas"- Merciful Tears: Using a massive amount of Reaitsu and water as a sort of sacrifice, she is able to completely heal either herself, or another person(s). If this is used, she cannot use any other attacks from her release.

Special Accessories:
Her mask hangs down at the base of her neck, it is the jaw bone of a canine. She has a habit to where she often wears a sort of scarf.

Abilities:
Her fighting skills mostly focus on long distance fighting, but her hand-to-hand combat skills are not to be underestimated. She's better known for her strength than her speed, she chooses not to focus on speed abilities, but to create new forms of attacks to make up for her lack of speed.

Personality:
Kuroiame is very calm and collected, though she has a terrible temper, and is very violent when enraged. For the most part, she doesn't like to fight, she won't engage in battle unless challenged, attacked, or commanded by a higher status to do so. She mostly ignores the others, and only carries out orders from those above her. She mostly keeps to herself, but will talk to others from time to time. She's very loyal, and has a sharp tongue, but she loves chaos to erupt.

Biography/History:
Kuroiame was born as a dorment hollow in a Shinigami named, Shiroihana. As the Shinigami grew older and grew more powerful, Kuroiame fed off of the Shinigami's dark emotions; fear, hate, sorrow, etc. and in turn, grew powerful as well. One day, the Shinigami grew weak after a battle, and the despair from the loss of allies consumed the Shinigami, and Kuroiame took her chance to take over. One by one, she slaughtered the Shinigami's fellow comrades, enjoying her newfound freedom. Her thirst of blood filled, she went to Hueco Mundo, to further shed the blood of anyone before her.

Powers:

Cero
Bala
Gargantua
Hierro
Pesquisa
Sonido
(For details on each ability, Click here and scroll down.)

Role-Play Example:


Dunes of sand that seemed to stretch on for miles and miles laid before her, only a few withered trees could surface, one of the only things found in the vast plains of Hueco Mundo. She walked silently, staring up at the pale cresent moon that loomed above, her feet moved on, dragging sand along with her. Oh how she hated sand, the dry grains irritated her, for it was all she'd seen for a while, other than an occasional hollow, but they had all fell before her. She stopped abbruptly, and turned her head, a large white building... simply sitting there. How long had that been there she wondered, staring blankly, her mind was dull from boredom. Having the fleeting thought of curiosity, she Sonidoed towards the building, the sand exploding in clouds as she leapted along the dunes.

The structure soon towered above her, she touched the white walls of the building, and smiled. Above her, another person had appeared, and they watched from atop the walls. She lost her smile and stepped back a few steps, and looked up, at the person, who she could tell was a man, and he had a sly grin as he returned her look. He wore white clothing, and he looked oddly familiar, but she didn't know where.

Kuroiame called to the man, "May I ask who you are?"

He kept that grin on his face as he answered, "Before I tell you, what brings you here, Arrancar?"

"Simple curiosity, perhaps boredom."

"Ah, curiosity," he said, "I am Soskue Aizen, and you are?"


"I knew that I had seen you before; Captain Soskue Aizen, the infamous traitor of the Gotei 13. Well then, I can do nothing but answer your question. I am Takahashi Kuroiame," she answered, moderately entertained that the Shinigami's memories were useful this time.

"You must have been born of a Shinigami, Kuroiame. Am I right? How interesting..." he suddenly disappeared, and reappeared behind Kuroiame, sword against her back.

She stood still, the blade barely touching her, and spoke, "My my, Aizen-sama, you are quite correct," she said, swiftly spinning around in her place and matching his blade with her own, "May I have the honor to serve under you?" She looked at Aizen, his grin now showed his contentment at her question.

"You certainly may, Kuroiame Takahashi," he replied, and in a second's blink, his blade now pointed at her throat, but she didn't flinch, this caused him to smile further, "Be warned, however, that a single waver of loyalty will end your life."

She returned his smile, "I wouldn't have it any other way, Aizen-sama,"

Aizen returned his sword to its sheath, and with a single flick of his wrist, the an entrance opened in front of Kuroiame, "Welcome, Takahashi Kuroiame, to Las Noches."
PostPosted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 5:05 am


Your RP sample reads very well, but there are a couple problems we need to iron out for your character. These problems hinge mostly around relative power levels and the way this particular guild does thing. Please don't be offended/angry when I tell you that you can't have certain powers because you aren't of appropriate rank.

You can choose any Numero that hasn't been taken. Off the top of my head, I know 11, 69, er.. 11 (gotta fix that -_-; ), 82, 12, 23, um... 23 again ><', 84, 32, another 82 (my goodness... this is scary), and 66.

All right, that was a really horrible example not only of my organizational skills but also of how you're *not* supposed to have the same number. I guess I'll have to fix that. Anyway, please pick a number that's not 11, 12, 23, 32, 66, 69, 82, or 84, and you're good.

Now, I'm not sure how accurate you want to be with your Spanish, but there's a bit of subject-verb agreement that needs a bit of tweaking (if this really matters to you). If it doesn't, please do disregard the following:

Devastating Force = (La) Fuerza Devastadora
Blue Cannon = (El) Cañón Azul (plural would be Los Cañónes Azules)
Merciful Tears = (Las) Lágrimas Misericordiosas

The articles in parentheses are optional.

Okay! Now powers. You can't have a Gran Rey if you're not an Espada and you haven't trained for it. Since you'll be starting out as a Numero, you'll have to drop the Gran Rey from your power list.

Also, very few people (if anyone) have a second release. To put this in perspective for you, maybe two or three people at the most have ever had it in this guild. None of them are active. It was more or less deemed too stupid-powerful for most of the arrancar to use, so we haven't brought the issue up in a while. As of now, no one (not even Temor or myself) are allowed to have it. Considering the ridiculous amount of power most shinigami are wielding these days, this policy could change, so don't discount the ability entirely and do keep it at the back of your mind. Still, at the current time, it's not allowed, so it'll have to be dropped from your power list. To compensate, you're certainly allowed to add more moves to your Resurreccion.

That seems to be all that's really a problem. If you could edit and post again to let me know you've done so, that would be great. Thanks ^^

Jes-sama


starmaidplace

Shirtless Lunatic

7,300 Points
  • Person of Interest 200
  • Hygienic 200
  • Tycoon 200
PostPosted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 6:00 am


http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=18205019

well the host character is complete. I have not done the puppets, but will get to it. One thing of note, which many Rpers will like is these puppets can die since can interchange them so therefore the individual may never be constant and I can allow an opponent to never hold back in a fight. If I need to have all the puppets done prior, will try to get done within the week.
PostPosted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 4:09 pm


Edits have been made, and I've never been very good at Spanish, so I can't do much about that. And much of the things that I put wasn't as great because I had no idea what what open or what to aim towards. As for the second release, I will keep that in mind, and I won't bother you about it. Again, if there's anything else, please tell me.

Kuroiame2413

4,450 Points
  • Beta Citizen 0
  • Beta Contributor 0
  • Beta Forum Regular 0

Jes-sama

PostPosted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:41 am


Looks good, Hikyirou 3nodding

Go ahead and post a link to your profile in the Profiles and Journals thread. Please be sure to note your number below your name in that thread.

You can start posting ASAP ^^

@ Aurilin-- I still need to read yours to approve it. Haven't gotten around to that yet.
Reply
Grand Library (Thread Archive)

Goto Page: [] [<] 1 2 3 ... 8 9 10 11 12 13 ... 16 17 18 19 [>] [»|]
 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum