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 Posted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:07 pm
Fighting Fefnir Alright, the two new applicants.
Kanzuki, you're unseated until we can get your actual writing up to a higher level. Before that, I can't justify giving you a seat. In the future, please do not do things like post your profile before you're accepted into the squad. Also, I'm fairly sure you're going to need a once-over to make your profile acceptable, because even though Aizen is a canon character, he's the big bad of the show, and your character will likely NEVER be that powerful, especially not in shikai alone.I'll get back to you about edits.
Animi_luver, I have a feeling you're one of Meluk's alts, since your account has been active for 16 days, it seems, and your writing style is near identical. However, I'm nice enough, and I could be wrong. You'll be given no seat either, but that's just a precaution. I'll move you up when you are deserving of a spot.
COV, In my absence, can approve people to join the squad. That should help with keeping things moving.
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Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 8:22 am
Fighting Fefnir Alright, the two new applicants.
Kanzuki, you're unseated until we can get your actual writing up to a higher level. Before that, I can't justify giving you a seat. In the future, please do not do things like post your profile before you're accepted into the squad. Also, I'm fairly sure you're going to need a once-over to make your profile acceptable, because even though Aizen is a canon character, he's the big bad of the show, and your character will likely NEVER be that powerful, especially not in shikai alone.I'll get back to you about edits.
Animi_luver, I have a feeling you're one of Meluk's alts, since your account has been active for 16 days, it seems, and your writing style is near identical. However, I'm nice enough, and I could be wrong. You'll be given no seat either, but that's just a precaution. I'll move you up when you are deserving of a spot.
COV, In my absence, can approve people to join the squad. That should help with keeping things moving. Identical, never knew?...Let me see.Oh it kinda is smile
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Posted: Sat Oct 31, 2009 10:25 am
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Posted: Thu Nov 12, 2009 8:47 pm
Kurotaka , Sky Profile  I`d like to join and below will be my sample of rp. This is third person and i was taught. It can also be in first person if it must. She begins to dash up to her enamy. Pulls out her Zanbakto and swings it at her enamys left arm. She jumps up from her enamys attack. Slashes her enamys left arm. Blood slides down his left arm. Her enamy throws a knife at her leg stabing her leg. She pulls the blade from from her leg, wrapping her leg she begins to limp away. Throwing a smoke bomb onto the ground she vanishes. The enamy is confused and lost at were she has gone.
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:20 am
There isn't a profile link, first of all.
Your sentence structure is extremely archaic and the grammar is equally lacking. I don't see much I can call positive in this sample, especially considering the correct way of spelling "enamy" is "enemy". I'm gonna stamp this at face value, since that would be the merciful thing to do, and say I'm sorry, but I cannot accept this sample for moral reasons.
Please, for your own sake, find a tutor and have them show you how to properly the basics of English.
Better luck next time.
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Posted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 10:04 am
Veron Mortison ProfileRp sample sad sorry if my grammar sucks, but I've been away from gaia for a while so naturally my skills took a hit. Enjoy!) Veron stared at the arrancar to his left, and at the arrancar to his right and very quickly decided something in his head. Veron ran like hell. Veron was fast, not shunpo fast, but still pretty damn fast. As the two recovered from the momentary shock and started chasing him, Veron jumped into the dense brush of the trees, hid his reietsu, and began heading in a completely different direction than where they saw him going. He was sort of like a startled deer, didn't really care where he was running. He only cared that he get as far away from those two as possible.
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Posted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 6:39 pm
I see great potential in your rekindling of roleplay ability, but I am unable to allow you entrance to this Squad. Your profile is really lacking around the simple explanation of his background and skills. All shinigami, regardless of squad or seat automatically have kidos 1-10. I will admit that your use of the PTSD Amnesiac profile is amusing, but it doesn't cover his personality very well when you only describe him as "that creepy dude". Little cliche, but we're all probably running around in that circle of conformity so no big worries other than it's very 'eh' in its one worded-ness. Also, just noticed this again after forgetting it, props on the Viggo Mortensen reference whether it was intentional or not.
I think that's about it. I would suggest going after Squad 7 like you planned for your contingency. I don't see our captain being as patient, nor leniant, enough to help rekindle your skills. Best of luck, though, man.
Edit: This s**t keeps getting stuck at the top of the damn page...wtf.
I took the liberty of helping translate your shikai, but it might be changed , the form, not the name.
"Viral Fog" - Noumu no Uirisu (Thick fog of virus)
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Posted: Sun Nov 29, 2009 3:20 pm
Thank you for your help. And actually I did put a personality thing, Im not that clueless.... It just didn't post it along with some other changes I made to it and I didn't catch that. Thank you for the translation!
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Posted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 12:01 pm
Lulz, anytime.
And Good Luck!
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Posted: Wed Dec 30, 2009 10:10 pm
Axius Freidirt Profile http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=17855351I wish to join and here is my rp sample I know it seems kind of long but once I got into it I couldn't stop sorry. Rp Sample Axius walked alone through the thick forest that seemed to stretch endlessly around him. There was nothing in this foreboding night to light his way accept for the stars hanging above him. Even the moon seemed to hide itself tonight. The environment seemed so surreal to Axius, so he couldn’t help but be on edge. As he kept his pace going Axius felt a strange uneasiness seem to crawl up his spine. He started to quicken his pace in short burst trying to get out of his strange surroundings. Axius clutched his sword hard as he walked even faster ready to break into a run. Small beads of sweat began to drip down the sides of his face, and his heart started to pound like an uneasy drum. Out of no where Axius heard a strong ear shattering howl burst through the trees. Axius knew it could only be one thing and broke out into a run. It felt like he was running for an eternity when really it was only a few seconds and then he saw it. Axius came upon a large clearing and running through the clearing was a the soul of a small little girl running toward him. “Are you okay little one? Come here let me help you.” The soul’s face was so full of terror Axius almost couldn’t pull his face away from hers. There was another loud howl and he looked up and saw a large Hallow running at him as well and knew now why the girl was so fearful and where the uneasiness he felt before came from. Axius guided the girl behind him and launched himself at the Hallow. He then pulled out his sword in its sheath and slams the bottom of it into the Hallows mask staggering it a little. The monster regained its footing and swung a large arm at him attempting to smash his body. Axius jumped over the Hallow’s large arm and wacked it in the knee cap hard with his sword still in its sheath. The monster’s leg buckled as he dropped to one knee. Taking the chance that was now there Axius jumped on the Hallows knee and the jumped at its mask and grinded his sword into the inside of his sheath and pulled the sword out with increased force giving it and extremely fast and strong swing slicing though the Hallow’s Mask with ease. As Axius landed the Hallow faded into nothingness. The soul of the little girl came out after totally amazed at what Axius had just done. “It okay you’ll never have to worry about him again or any others like him where your going.” Axius twirled his sword and gave the girl a reassuring smile then he tapped her forehead with the bottom of the hilt leaving a mark on her head. The she disappeared looking like she turn into a bunch of bright blue sparkles. Axius started to walk though the clearing to the woods on the other side and sheathed his sword. As he made it to the other side he stopped and looked up at the night sky and smiled ”This is going to be a long night.” With out a sound he disappeared into the forest.
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Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 4:25 pm
Accepted.
Just a few things to note: Try toning it down with the third person use of your character's name when not identifying with others, like in the first portion of your sample. Instead a simple 'him', 'his', 'he' philosophy helps dilute the redundancy. It's "Hollow", not "Hallow." They hold totally different meanings. Try to keep your actions in the past-tense or future-tense. Present-tense really doesn't hold the same flow to a narrative roleplay and can drop your character's post dead. Also, and I must stress this because it's something that needs to become an absolute habit even outside this roleplay because of its importance in your life, try to be consistent with your punctuation as much as you can. I see you already have a wonderful handle on it, but little things here and there tend to slip through the cracks so just make sure you re-read your posts before you submit them.
As for your profile, and I'm not going to really delve deep into this as I don't hold jurisdiction, go ahead and take out the entire section about your bankai for now. The construction of it has to be discussed with a captain when it comes time to achieving it. If you're going to do the whole two post thing with your profile, make sure you have your character's info in one and all of your zanpaku-to's info in the other. Keeps things from looking messy.
But, yeah, I think that's all I wanted to say. Welcome to Squad 1! Go ahead and post your profile in the profiles thread and edit your profile thread to include you as now being part of Squad 1, unseated member of course. I look forward to rp'ing with you. ^^
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Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 4:34 pm
Awsome ^.^ Thanks for the advice. Anything to make me a better role player smile and I spelled hollow wrong? 0.0 O my god whats wrong with me hehe I'll get right on everything you said.
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