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 Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 6:39 pm
The scenario (which is long):
You have a friend that you've had for several years, and you know each other fairly well. You both became interested in the same hobby at about the same time, which is how you met each other.
After not having contact with the friend for a few months, you bump into each other and start talking. At some point, the conversation turns to the hobby, and you ask the friend if they've been working on the hobby at all lately.
They tell you that they haven't, and that they're glad as there's so many more talented people doing the same thing that they doubt anyone would want their stuff.
You tell them that they should only do it if they enjoy it.
They respond by saying that's the only reason they'd do it, and continue by saying that what've they've done has been alright, but it frustrates them because the results never match what's in their head.
You then say that everyone has their strong points & weak points, and that they need to find out what theirs are. You continue by saying that practice is the only way to get better.
Their response to that is that that's true, but that practice can only go far if the talent isn't there to begin with, and that they are aware their talent lies in other directions.
To which you reply that they should go do something with that talent instead, because they don't have to do the hobby.
They say they realize that, but they see the things you create, and wish they could do so as well. They go on to tell you that they compare their work to yours, because they look to your work for inspiration.
At this point - what would your reactions be to the conversation? What do you think you'd be feeling or thinking?
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 7:40 pm
Hoooo boy, I wish I knew. I'm usually the friend in that scenario, going by the conversations I've had with a friend of mine.
Is like you come across looking for validation/approval/compliments that you know you don't deserve. Is kind of like self-punishment for sucking, in my personal 'been there, will continue to do that' opinion. razz
If it happened to me I'd be feeling awkward and unsure of my footing. They've complimented you, which is great, but if you agree you give their ego a blow and if you kind of shrug it off and say you don't deserve it, etc, it comes across like you're trying to make them feel better.
Advice?
Don't touch it with a ten foot pole. sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 11:47 pm
I'm usually on the other side of the conversation...
Downing my own work...
So I wouldn't know what to do with someone like myself!
lol
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Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 4:44 am
Ugh. I can't take a compliment to save my life. I've been getting better at it recently, but still. And with the guilt factor (your stuff is better than mine, which is why I am quitting) that's a bit much to take. To be truthful, at that point in the conversation, I'd be stammering and say something stupid. I don't know what to say to make it work out decently.
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Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 12:33 pm
I'm often in a similair situation. In this case, I would probably tell them again that trying their best is what's important - and maybe my work is good to their eyes, but this is, after all, a hobby; and I would say that I think their work is just great (whether or not it was), but that there's always, in such matters, more that one can do. But after all, it's doing your best, not being the best, that really matters - and what matters more is having fun doing it! I'd also blush & stammer a bit, lol.
Mostly, though, the situation I'm in is more academic, so it's more difficult because with math, science, reading, & etc., it is the grade that counts. Some situation that are awkward for me are, for example, when a friend doesn't do well due to a fault of their own, but they start insulting the teacher ... and I'm torn between defending the teacher and not hurting my friend's feelings.
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