Welcome to Gaia! ::

I guess this is a continuation of the conversion thread, but on a much more personal level (for me at least). I’m not quite sure of the purpose here other than to share, so please be patient.

As some may know (I believe it’s mentioned in my profile) I’ve got some fairly high political aspirations (first Jewish overlord President of the United States), and I like many politicians read the infamous The Prince, by Machiavelli. I took its lessons to heart at a young age, and became one of the most sneaky political bastards you’ll ever meet.

Over time I’ve done some very very bad things to people, things that no one should have to suffer through. At the time I rationalized it by telling myself, “if I don’t prepare now, I’ll never be able to destroy my enemies in the political arena. I have to distance myself from my family, friends, and religion”. After each act of cruelty, though, I felt an immeasurable emptiness in myself, and I knew that what I did was wrong. I still continued on my destructive path for years, disdaining any hints that what I did was wrong. I even tried to discard my moral values because I thought they were in the way of success.

Well, recently, I did join this guild (well, became active at least), and started looking into the faith that I had long ago discarded. Thanks to Divash and everyone else here, I took up a keen interest and actually dug beneath the superficial stereotypes that I’d had about my own people. And in my digging I came to realize something; although I had jumped from religion to religion, none had been able to satisfy my spiritual needs, but Judaism had already done so. All the things that I felt right doing, G-d had already told us were right; all the things I felt horrible for doing had already been identified as things to avoid.

I came to the realization that I had wandered from home at an early age, lured by the promise of success, wealth, and power. Through the years I’d known that I wanted to be home again, and tried to find a new home, failing each time. And now I’m home again, back where I should have been all these years. I haven’t given up my goals, but I now understand that embracing G-d, and spirituality, will help me get where I want to be, not hinder me.

This isn’t really a conversion, since I’m only coming back where I belong, but I don’t know what else to call it.

She's only copying my superior style.

Besides, she's not very left.

Dis Domnu, I'm so glad for you. Believe it or not, there's a name for what you're feeling and what you're doing. That's cool because when something's got a name, you know it's common enough that someone thought, "We ought to have something to call this phenomenon." It's called being a ba'al teshuvah (female = ba'alat teshuvah), or "master of return/repentence." It's a hard thing to do sometimes, but it's very worthwhile. Welcome back home.

By the way, if you're wondering, there have been many, many famous ba'alei teshuvah over the centuries. Among them was King David, a murderer and adulterer, who managed to make such a marked return to Torah living that he was honored by being made the progenitor of the messianic lineage. Another was Yonah, who first disobeyed Hashem because he couldn't see a way for a wicked group of people, such as the ones from Nineveh, ever embracing the ways of Hashem. He refused to teach them, until Hashem threatened his life. (The belly-of-the-whale story, I'm sure you've heard.) Then, with actual FEAR of Hashem heavy upon him, he went to Nineveh and preached. The folks of Nineveh became ba'alei teshuvah themselves, thanks to this teaching, thus proving Yonah's original anti-Ninevite prejudice wrong.

You're in very good company. No one is as powerful an influence on the wicked as one of their own who has reformed. May you use what you've learned, and may it make you a blessing to the world.

The Kosher thing isn't a commandment.

However the shabbat thing is. How have you been doing with that?

I try to not go out or do anything really strenious on shabbat. I still have a different interpretation of Electricity than some others. I just usually enjoy my hobbies and try to cook something interesting for my crazy people family. I can't wait to move out on my own again.

I've never observed Shabbat before in my life. This week's will be my first ever.

I don't have one.

The extent of what I have: A small metal-bound copy of the books of Moses, and some dreidel.

Christian father, so no luck there. Agnostic mother who celebrates Chanukah, but only because my dad and siblings celebrate Christmas.

I think that being in a Jewish community certainly helped. Before this guild, I had never been part of any Jewish community, online or off.