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 Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 5:22 pm
Nelos was utterly, undeniably, completely, hopelessly, cry her eyes out distraught. Her heartached and she couldn't help but feel empty inside. She was crushed, and far too embarassed about it all to even try to explain it to her mother. She felt foolish, and frankly? A little betrayed.
Ok, a lot betrayed.
She'd spent days and weeks and what felt like years getting to Lestat and becoming his best friend. Her crush on him was obvious from the start, the first day even if she really wanted to think about it. Even as a pup she couldn't wait to grow up and start her own family. A happy one. Like her mommy and daddy's.
Everything had been planned out. Every little detail. Practically. Well, the important ones at least. It had occupied her thoughts for as long as she could remember.
But this?
Lestat leaving, and not even telling her? That was most certainly not in her plan. Not even tucked away in a corner. If she had ever had a doubt about him staying with her in Phib's pack, she at least thought he'd tell her and take her with him. Not....leave her.
Was she that easily forgotten?
With drooping shoulders and a heart full of hope the now grown female had waited days and days for him to return. Her mind swarmed with ideas that perhaps he had gone hunting, or went off to visit someone. But after nearly two weeks she woke up one morning after crying herself to sleep, and her hope was gone. Just like him. And he wasn't coming back.
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:34 pm
Times changed. Seasons came and went. A wolf grew, learned, and either survived or died. Lestat knew he'd changed. Perhaps more in the past month than any time in his entire life. He'd grown. He'd learned. Yet while he'd survived, parts of him had died.
His hope hadn't died, it'd warped. His dreams hadn't died, they'd advanced. His love though? It'd split right down the middle and he could feel it shrivelling up.
Had Nelos really meant that much to him?
He knew it wasn't from leaving his father.
How long had it been? Who was keeping track? No, he knew how long. And he knew Nelos knew too. Every second of every minute of every day of every week. He counted. She counted. He knew she'd never forget either, let alone forgive.
Lestat was made up of some good things, and some bad things. Mostly bad things. As a pup he could feel as much. As an adolescent he'd seen as much. As an adult he believed as much. Meskeet was bad. Arguin could be bad at times. He himself had to be bad. There just was no alternative.
Meskeet's pack hadn't seemed all that bad from the outside.
But on the inside he saw a dark light, and that light carried everything horrible Meskeet stood for. Despite knowing better, Lestat intended to release that light. To build it up. To create what his mother wanted. Or at least what he figured he wanted.
Yet his ideals were becoming cruel, his thoughts cold. The little flame in the corner of his mind doubted it all. Unhappy with the new home. Craving love, affection, warmth. Nelos.
Shaking water out of his thick coat, Lestat followed the coastal shore of the Outrider pack. He was not so long ago a member that he feared penalty of returning. Especially with good reason.
He could smell Nelos's scent mixed in with the sea salt. A flash of orange held his eye. Calmly and full of longing, the male padded up to his lost love.
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:43 pm
The ocean always calmed Nelos. Like many others, she was drawn to its cool waters, and hypnotized by the gentle lapping on a warm day. So many times before, she had sat in this very spot. A disgruntled Lestat by her side. Her body felt the lack of warmth against her side. Even her body missed him.
But he didn't feel the same. He couldn't. If he had, she knew he wouldn't have been able to leave her.
"Why do you torment me so?"
The beta hadn't even lifted her head. It was a simple question. Successfully conveying her emotions. If Lestat knew anything, he'd know enough to answer.
She could smell him, different and perhaps for the worse. But him none the less. Her ears quietly accepted the sound of his feet tredding softly through the sand.
When he finally reached her, her head hung low. The expression on her face was one of deep heart.
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:50 pm
Lestat had never seen her so sad in his entire life. Nelos was bubbly. She was happy. Vibrant. Vivacious. Loving. The wolf he saw in her now was beaten and broken. Not enough that she would never heal, but enough that he could see he hadn't made the right decision in not telling her.
I didn't know how to tell you. He thought. I didn't want to see you hurt. No. He was a coward. That was why. No matter how hard he tried, he was a coward in love. And it was in love that one needed most to be brave.
He wanted to ask her forgiveness, his mind stopped him. She could not forgive him. Not now anyway.
"Come away with me."
The male knew full well that this would not work. It simply couldn't work. Everything fought against it. And yet, her company never left him on the losing side.
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:56 pm
Avoiding his glance was something the wolfess had been keen on doing. Infact, she'd been doing quite well too. If she looked at him, she knew she wouldn't be able to hide how she still loved him. But she did not want him to see. Did not want to share this with the one wolf who could cut her so deep.
Many possible answers had swarmed to her mind. He would apolgise. He would argue. Maybe even break down into tears. Well, probably not, but it would have been incredibly sensitive of him. Not a chance in Hell though.
Yet, ask her to leave with him?
No, that had never crossed her mind. Her heart lept at the opportunity, and she couldn't help but look up into his face. Utter hope stared into Lestat's stanch face.
"I can't."
Leave her mother? Leave her father? Leave her family? No. Never. It couldn't be done.
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 9:42 pm
Warmed by her gaze, Lestat's mind exploded with possibilities. Ideas danced in the corners of his mind, and love slipped through his defensese. This was Nelos. This was how she was. Her emotions always obvious and for all to see, hide nothing. Take only what she could give back.
As romantic notions began to float through his mind he was unhappily snapped back to reality in an instant as what she said registered in his mind.
He'd known it wouldn't have worked. But he'd hoped his dreams would be crushed quietly, or by mother nature. Not by Nelos's flat refusal. It hurt. It really did hurt some. Yet, he'd hurt her. So he couldn't really expect much less.
But it couldn't end like this. It just couldn't. Not with Nelos staying behind without him. And he himself off nurturing the infancy of evil. He needed her. Or at least a part of her.
She couldn't leave her. She couldn't leave her family. He'd already left. He lost his right to her. That much the wolf knew. But somewhere deep down he hoped she didn't want to let go of every part of him.
"Nelos, I.."
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Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 9:55 pm
It was all very much happening at once. Not actually happening, because it was plain to see they weren't doing anything. But all at once ideas, hopes and dreams were all being crushed or reformed. Which was, however, plain to see.
"No Lestat." He never was one to talk, even to her. Unless she could really get him going on something. Like betting, dares, or his mother or father.
She knew him well enough to know that all Lestat ever wanted was a family. His own family. He'd seen hers, and she'd tried to welcome him to it. With little success. He didn't have his own, and everyone need a family..
How could she give him one? He'd left her. He'd hurt her. But he loved her. She knew it. She'd known it all along. And it was all she could get from him.
And she loved him back. With all her heart. Like the ocean loves the moon, always reaching for it but never quite making it. Yet loving it all the same. With utter devotion.
"You've left me. You always will. I can't give you everything you need Lestat. I wanted too, but I can't. But I can give you my love, and I can give you something else."
Rising from her nestled spot in the sand she rubbed her neck against his. The wolfess was knew to this all. But she'd seen love in her parents, seen what it could do.
Not everyone could be saved, but with love, Lestat could.
The male followed her silently and with a dawning realization into the shallow rocks with their thick shielding brush.
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