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 Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:23 pm
I am 18 years old now and out of high school. Though still from guys I am looked passed on,because of my weight. I met this guy on my senior trip and we started to talk, hang out, and I was getting excited. Though then my one friend came along..and she is so pretty. So of course I was pushed aside and now those two are going out. I just feel very unwanted and I thought I had a shot. Sometimes I think it's just me, but I really do think it's my weight half the time, cause he says things now like I can hug her, but I can't fit my arms around you. So that just pisses me off when he thinks it's all fun and games. I'm getting really sick of this kind of stuff happening to me and I just feel unwanted.
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 12:07 am
one thing with people in our age group (im nearly 20, so im not that much older than you.) is that we still hold onto the high school/media/whatever you want to call it ideals of what makes a person attractive.
its not a bad thing, but it causes people to gloss over those that we feel compatable with for those that their friends will like.
it really sucks a**. especially when you yourself dont have that mind set or just want to be accepted by your peers.
luckily i realized alot of that changes when you get into college. over time, people start realizing that what they truely want and what was expected of them (to date, to have, to work, etc) most of the time isnt the same. Then you start meeting truely worth while people and hopefully, you and someone will get together and you realize 'to hell with what others think.'
It sucks, i know. I havent had luck for over a year in finding any girl my age that wants to keep me around after a night of hanging out or talking becasue 'even though you are a great person that i like and can relate to, i want to hold out for the impossible' (paraphrased XP )
it does get better, unfortunately nothing in this world is immediate so you gotta keep yourself up. be happy for your friend for finding a guy (sucks how that happened though) because soon enough youll have someone who you do just about all those things you want to do.
dude kinda seems pretty shallow though from the comment about the huggnig thing. you sure you wanted someone like that?
i hope that makes sense...i really feel for you and im tired as well...and if i didnt type this out sooner i would have forgotten it haha. sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 8:31 am
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but based on my experiences, it doesn't get any better in college. I'm almost 22, and have never had a relationship. While it could be my personality, the fact that I have had many male friends in the past suggests that I have no problem connecting with the opposite sex. One of them even went to far as to say that I was "a beautiful person... on the inside". So, I'm guessing it's the fatness. Which sucks.
But, on the plus side, I've come to realize that I am how I am, and I would rather wait for a guy who loves me like I am than settle for one who uses me until he finds something better. Don't try to define yourself by relationship success, it'll just bum you out. Only thing you can do is be yourself, be confident in who you are, and hope that eventually some guy will see that you're more than your exterior.
And, as a side note, the guy you mentioned must have really short arms, because I have no trouble getting my arms around larger people, and I have what my friends like to call "Jurassic Arms". Or, he's just being a d**k.
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 2:03 pm
I never understood why the common person finds larger people 'ugly' or watever. There really is nothing unsightly about it until it starts getting really bad. But most of the people here are pretty, and it sucks to hear that you're all being mistreated. sad
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 6:39 pm
pawntakesknight one thing with people in our age group (im nearly 20, so im not that much older than you.) is that we still hold onto the high school/media/whatever you want to call it ideals of what makes a person attractive. its not a bad thing, but it causes people to gloss over those that we feel compatable with for those that their friends will like. it really sucks a**. especially when you yourself dont have that mind set or just want to be accepted by your peers. luckily i realized alot of that changes when you get into college. over time, people start realizing that what they truely want and what was expected of them (to date, to have, to work, etc) most of the time isnt the same. Then you start meeting truely worth while people and hopefully, you and someone will get together and you realize 'to hell with what others think.' It sucks, i know. I havent had luck for over a year in finding any girl my age that wants to keep me around after a night of hanging out or talking becasue 'even though you are a great person that i like and can relate to, i want to hold out for the impossible' (paraphrased XP ) it does get better, unfortunately nothing in this world is immediate so you gotta keep yourself up. be happy for your friend for finding a guy (sucks how that happened though) because soon enough youll have someone who you do just about all those things you want to do. dude kinda seems pretty shallow though from the comment about the huggnig thing. you sure you wanted someone like that? i hope that makes sense...i really feel for you and im tired as well...and if i didnt type this out sooner i would have forgotten it haha. sweatdrop it is indeed painful how the media terrorizes us all, especially when i live in a sub celebrity neighborhood, where theres it literally no fat girls! while on the other hand ive become taken now, i wont say that getting taken is easy, for 16 years i felt i was too skinny and not buff enough or just some guy on a magazine cover for anyone, indeed waiting for the best, or just taking what you can is a personal choice, some amy call it "experience" but i just see it was taking you time to find someone you can actually have a sucessful relationship with
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 9:43 pm
I know how you feel, sister. I'm 19 and have had few relationships. My last relationship, the guy didn't really seem to mind my weight so much. He was a very confident person, and didn't care what anyone else said. He liked me for my personality, and I liked him for his. Maybe you just need to find someone like that. I know it's rough out there, and it will take a while to find someone worthwhile. But hey, they'll be worth it when you do! And until then, we've got all these lovely gentlemen to keep us occupied. wink heart
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Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 10:17 pm
I seem to find guys that like me for me, but then someone pretty comes along and then they are gone. I just don't get it. Like..answer this for me men. Is a pretty girl worth it if she isn't truely smart/no common sense and hugs and touches, and flirts with every guy? Is she worth it?
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Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:00 am
personally?
no. the ones other guys deem pretty but have no personality i quickly find annoying.
and they tend to lie more often than not. and i cant stand that either.
at the same time, the girls i like tend to go for the guys that are just like said females.
i guess they like feeling like the smart one sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:33 am
Shampoo_0405 I seem to find guys that like me for me, but then someone pretty comes along and then they are gone. I just don't get it. Like..answer this for me men. Is a pretty girl worth it if she isn't truely smart/no common sense and hugs and touches, and flirts with every guy? Is she worth it? I'm bi, and I have to say scream NOOOO scream
If a guy really goes for girls like that, then he's not the kind of guy kristinarr was talking about. Simple as that.
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Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 7:16 am
You'll find a better mate than you possibly could have in high school out in the real world. Trust me. I'll bet I'm bigger than you, and I'm married and I get guys hitting on me a lot. It's not about your weight, it's about your confidence!!! 3nodding
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Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 8:37 am
I think you are projecting some of your problems onto the world at large. If a guy meets you and hooks up with another girl, it's not necisarily because he's a shallow p***k. It could be because you tend to radiate an aura of unavailability. If it takes weeks before you get past saying "hi" to him, then he might read that as you not being interested in a relationship.
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Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 9:10 am
fuzzy does bring up a good point.
my best friend does the same thing with guys.
shes a big girl and gets hit on frequently (shes a very social girl) but puts out this very intimidating vibe to most guys unintentionally, especially those she's into. and that tends to drive off the ones she wants and attracts the ones she doesnt.
then the wonders why she has a problem finding a good guy. xp
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Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 8:38 pm
pawntakesknight fuzzy does bring up a good point. my best friend does the same thing with guys. shes a big girl and gets hit on frequently (shes a very social girl) but puts out this very intimidating vibe to most guys unintentionally, especially those she's into. and that tends to drive off the ones she wants and attracts the ones she doesnt. then the wonders why she has a problem finding a good guy. xp That's kind of my problem.
<.<
I tend to be very outgoing and outspoken, very social, funny and semi-flirty at times.
Just very playful, political, and witty especially when my friends are with me.
The good guys see that and get scared off, while the guys that aren't the best for me get attracted.
This has led to problems with me.
I have ended up dating some real creeps.
I scare off good guys and the good ones who try to ask me out I end up unintentionally shoot them down somehow.
My told me I have no 'date-dar'.
Thankfully my boyfriend got the courage, three times, to ask me out.
My mom told me I was scary to guys, and I never understood why.
Then I asked my boyfriend and he said I intimidated him with my very bold attitude and my brains, that's what made him reluctant to ask me out...
So maybe you just are too much for them to handle, Shampoo.
Not in the size department, in the personality department.
Like, too outgoing or smart.
Or socially.
(I dunno how social or non-social ou are. <.<)
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Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 4:39 am
I don't think I'm too much for a guy can handle. Your talking to a girl who didn't talk to the male race till this year. I think it is the other way around in which I don't do enough. Though it doesn't mean I don't. I know I used to be really shy, but now I'm not, but I don't think I'm too much to handle.
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Posted: Sat Jun 23, 2007 12:36 pm
Shampoo_0405 I don't think I'm too much for a guy can handle. Your talking to a girl who didn't talk to the male race till this year. I think it is the other way around in which I don't do enough. Though it doesn't mean I don't. I know I used to be really shy, but now I'm not, but I don't think I'm too much to handle. Well, my grandma is recently divorced and doesn't know how to meet guys... She won't really go out there and try to meet anyone and it's getting her nowhere.
Maybe the problem is that you need to do more.
Like asking someone out that you gte to know and like before they get taken.
Sometimes guys like it when the girl takes the initaiative.
I think.
I dunno.
It's an idea.
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