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 Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 5:05 pm
Ok, so...here's something I'm scared to tell my closest irl friends...but, first, a bit of a story ^^
i started Gaia over 2 and a half years ago. I found my way into an awsome little thread, and made tonnes of friends. a few months after I started, i met this guy. at first, it was just random chat, but, I liked him, so I PM'd him and we started to get close. I don't remember how long we'd been tlkaing, but, at some point, he tells me he likes me...alot. I said I did too, and we just continued to be close friends, 'cos he was already with someone else from the thread.
A length of time later...he tells me he loves me...and i'm sorta freaked out...i was 15, and I had no idea what love was and i'd never had anyone tell me before. He's still with his girfriend at this point, but, we get closer still, and I start to feel more and more for him, but the fact he wasn't single kept eating at my mind and I couldn't shake it off.
Eventually, one night after we'd been chatting on MSN, we say goodbye, and he says "love you" as he'd grown accustomed to doing...and, I find myself thinking "I love you too..." so, i stop and think for a bit...then I tell him. BUT he was still with his gf, and he didn't want to just give up on her, even though they'd been having problems. I must've really loved him, else I woulda given up...but, i didn't want to lose him, so I just stuck with it. i remember something he said to me..."If i was with you I know one thing...nothing could make me happier..."
Some time last September, i was down at my aunt's without regular internet access...though, i come home to find they've split up. i felt guilty for being relieved, but quickly got around to being supportive, and the good friend that he needed.
I have to say, now that we're together, things are not much different, except we talk alot more about the future.
Now, onto my problem. None of my close irl friend are members of sites like Gaia...i don't know if they'd approve of what me and him have...i've told online friends, and one friend from where I used to live...but, i can't pluck up the courage to tell my friends v.v i feel bad...like, maybe i need to tell them, or else it means I'm ashamed of having an online relationship...but, i'm not...he means everything to me...
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 7:00 pm
Internet relationships are becoming more and more acceptable these days as apposed to how it used to be regarded. When my friends found out I had an internet relationship (this was a while ago) they were totally fine with it. My parents, however, didn't feel that way, but you know how parents are--very traditional, usually.
If they're true friends, they will support you no matter what and always love you. That's what best friends do. So, find a way to tell them, and if they don't approve, understand that they may just be trying to look out for you and protect you because they care about you. In order for them to be understanding, you have to be understanding. Patience is also key.
Good luck with that. I hope my advice helps.
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 11:02 pm
If they're your true friends, they'd understand.
When I was going out with Kai [he was an internet relationship], he was the sweetest person ever.
He still is, though we're not together.
Tell your closest friend who'd still be your friend no matter what.
Then gain the courage to tell your other friends.
It worked for me.
Good luck.
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 12:50 am
Ahhh, I use to have the same problem cause i accidently fell in love with my current bf who is three and a half years younger than me in some random msn chat. Well that love developed over weeks for him to realize he loved me and years for me to realize i loved him back. Well i knew i cared about him but i thought i didn't know what love was and i thought he didn't know what he was talking about. We were best net friends for the longest time though and my mom really likes him. My irl close friends like him too even though they haven't met him. Wanna know my secret? All I did was start talking about him as a friend. Like i would talk nonstop about him, like he said this or he said that or i agree or i disagree or we fought over something stupid so i'm mad at him sort of thing. Truthfully i waited until i was 18 to tell my mom about Jif and how we were just friends and like between that time and when i'm now 23, i had my mom get to know my boyfriend through my eyes. Like when we spoke on mic, he would tell me to get her so he could chat with her for awhile or like when mum would tell me things like thats not such a good idea i would laugh and say jif said the same thing. I guess slowly both my mom and my close friends accepted my online relationship because they saw how happy he made me. Yeah we're still together but casually talk about him as if he's just a friend, let them know him the way he know him 3nodding As of now, i don't care whether people disapprove of my long distant online relationship or not because it is my life and not theirs and i want to spend my life with the person i love.
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Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 5:28 am
wow, that's really good advice...
my dad knows about him, and that we're friends...'cos he sent me some gifts this past Christmas. He's so far away, though, that it's hard to arrange to meet...i mean,w e haven't yet, but, hopefully in October, once I'm in Uni...
One of my friends knows about him, I think...yeh, i mentioned I had a few friends online from around the world and his name came up, so, she knows we're friends...
thanks alot, that really helped 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:57 pm
Well that's a good start. It's fun sending presents to friends you made online ^^ though i recently learned that sometimes, friends you make over the net are just best to remain friends over the net and you definately should never automatically move in with them cause that itself can ruin the friendship x.x Ah but i'm sure me and her will work things out, we have been close friends over the net for the past five years so like even though i'm mad at her, i still really care about her. And yeah, he wasn't able to come see me until last year and we've known each other for a good couple of years. He's suppose to visit me again in about two or three months. I hope all goes well for you 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 5:48 pm
I believe (because I like to isolate myself quite a bit from my friends)...
That you're not obligated to share everything that's happening in your life with your friends, regardless if they're your closest friends ever.
I also do believe that, if it's bothering you, you should tell at least one of them, or ask their opinion of online relationships-- even if they don't go on sites like Gaia; knowing their opinions would help you to make a decision whether or not to tell them.
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 9:14 pm
I don't really believe in the "True friends are always behind you" idea, they can disagree with you and try to convince you others, and still be friends.
However, I do think that it would be a better idea to tell them. The worst that can happen is...really, not much.
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 8:04 am
ok...i told them...what was the solution (for me, anyway)?
GET DRUNK! lol...might not have been ideal, but, they know now...
one of them kinda all ready knew! I told them and my friend, he was like, "Is his name [insert his name here] by any chance?" and I was like eek "How'd you know?!"
so...s'all good, s'all good...i just made sure they remembered in the morning <3
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Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:18 pm
*told another friend yesterday since she wasn't at the barbecue*
why the heck was I so nervous? D:
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