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 Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 12:07 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 1:05 pm
Ooooh! This your english lit gcse creative writing coursework? (Just realised how long that is... xp ) It's WAAAY better than mine, and I still got an A for it... xd
Just a couple of suggestions if you want them;
"having picked the habit of using that..." could be "having picked up the habit of using the spanish word for "what"..."
Don't use momentum and friction so damn much! gonk Use a thesaurus damnnit!
Cut out some of the description at the beggining. It jsut gets in the way when there's too much of it.
I'm not entirely sure what Yarris is... an underwater temple? Try to descirbe that a bit more.
Great ending and build up in wherever it is! Loved reading it!
(sorry, I can't help doing that... xp Hope it's helpful)
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Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 1:30 pm
angryfisheatenbycat Ooooh! This your english lit gcse creative writing coursework? (Just realised how long that is... xp ) It's WAAAY better than mine, and I still got an A for it... xd Just a couple of suggestions if you want them; "having picked the habit of using that..." could be "having picked up the habit of using the spanish word for "what"..." Don't use momentum and friction so damn much! gonk Use a thesaurus damnnit! Cut out some of the description at the beggining. It jsut gets in the way when there's too much of it. I'm not entirely sure what Yarris is... an underwater temple? Try to descirbe that a bit more. Great ending and build up in wherever it is! Loved reading it! (sorry, I can't help doing that... xp Hope it's helpful) I haaate people who use the theosarus. As my first ever English teacher said; "If there's a shorter or more practical word, for heaven's sake, use it!". My current English teacher said there wasn't enough description in my first draft, and I only added a line in this one. cool
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Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 1:39 pm
Mwa I haaate people who use the theosarus. As my first ever English teacher said; "If there's a shorter or more practical word, for heaven's sake, use it!". My current English teacher said there wasn't enough description in my first draft, and I only added a line in this one. cool A theosaurus doesn't just have long words in it! gonk xd I meant the concentration of descriptive words in one scentence. I guess I phrased it wrong... domokun
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emily swashbuckle Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2005 10:14 pm
Well, colour me confused! *Suddenly finds self being coloured on with marker* ... ... *Gonk*
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 7:22 am
The Satah Well, colour me confused! *Suddenly finds self being coloured on with marker* ... ... *Gonk* *points to Satah's arm with a pen in her hand* Look! sparkley green swirls! surprised What're you confused about?
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emily swashbuckle Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 7:57 am
angryfisheatenbycat *points to Satah's arm with a pen in her hand* Look! sparkley green swirls! surprised What're you confused about?
... Oh, and Mwa's story. o.o
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 8:44 am
The Satah angryfisheatenbycat *points to Satah's arm with a pen in her hand* Look! sparkley green swirls! surprised What're you confused about?
... Oh, and Mwa's story. o.o... YOU ACHIEVED YOUR GOAL OF THE ACE OF SPADES!!! blaugh CONGRATULATIONS!
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emily swashbuckle Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 6:12 am
angryfisheatenbycat YOU ACHIEVED YOUR GOAL OF THE ACE OF SPADES!!! blaugh CONGRATULATIONS!
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 4:08 am
The Satah angryfisheatenbycat YOU ACHIEVED YOUR GOAL OF THE ACE OF SPADES!!! blaugh CONGRATULATIONS! Yeah, but I havn't been the most observant of people lately... sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 2:08 am
angryfisheatenbycat The Satah angryfisheatenbycat *points to Satah's arm with a pen in her hand* Look! sparkley green swirls! surprised What're you confused about?
... Oh, and Mwa's story. o.o... YOU ACHIEVED YOUR GOAL OF THE ACE OF SPADES!!! blaugh CONGRATULATIONS!
*just noticed*
D:
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Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 2:51 pm
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 2:12 am
Coursework for what, Mwa? surprised
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 2:32 am
Candy Ipo Coursework for what, Mwa? surprised GCSE english... language I think. Which meeeaaans; final two years of high school, english. The one where you write stuff, not the one where you study already done writing. Ok, so you do both in both, but.. myeah.
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 2:39 am
My last two years of high school English didn't envolve anything very meaningful. X_X
I was too lazy to stick with "AP English"
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