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 Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 2:07 pm
Well...since it looks like no one is using the prayer sticky anymore (by the way Paulkee...I think we need to fix that...feel free to move this post or delete it if you clean things up) I think I'm gonna just put this here and pray that someone knows some way to help me...beyond prayer and telling me to keep holding on (I already have about 7 people who talk to me daily about staying strong...but prayer is always nice and appreciated). If you want a better background of what all this is about (I copy/pasted from my other post in another guild) please check my prayer request in the sticky.
*sigh* Well I suppose I should update...but it's not looking good.
My friend's dad needs to go in for major surgery soon and his condition is looking terrible. They just need a lot of prayer.
My mom may lose her job right when she has to move out of here. SOOOO not good. Bad credit + no job = virtually impossible to find someone who will rent to you. Plus she won't open up to the Lord still. Scares me.
My 2nd mom just got in trouble at work. I don't know what exactly happened, she can't tell me due to patients' privacy, but whatever happened is making it so she's not allowed to work overtime anymore which is bad. She's been working about 72 hours or more a week, most of it overtime as you can imagine, to pay off her bills. But now that she can't...I don't know if I'm going home or not. I don't know if she's gonna be financially sunk again or not. And I really don't know if my ex will be able to fly again or not.
Still haven't heard from my ex. Wrote him a letter which he read but I don't know how he reacted. I'm pretty sure if I don't get home I'll never hear from him again, let alone have him as a boyfriend again. Which is a real pity...he's the best I can think of for me. Specially spiritually. Everything I lack spiritually he has, meaning he helps support me in my weak spots.
My "other boyfriend"...I emailed him a while ago (he's on a fishing trip for work right now) telling him I might stop talking to him indefinitely because the sin is getting to be too much. I told him he can either try to shape up and get back in gear with the Lord or lose me as a friend. I cherish our friendship but not enough to fall under Satan's rule for it. I really hope he decides to turn his life back to the Lord in every way instead of just the ones he chooses.
As for myself...I don't know. Things are so hard. I wanna go home, I'm still not sure what will happen with my schooling if I don't go back. I have a friend who might be able to get me there, but there's no place for me to stay and I don't think school has occured to her yet. And it's not the same as being HOME home...you know? Same place, different family...just...I don't know. I'm not one to be picky right now with my situation sweatdrop I'm getting really tired of having to be so patient and strong too. This situation is really wearing me down, I can't take it anymore. But I have to, I'm forced to, cuz God won't relieve me of it yet. And I can't get past my ex. I don't know why. Everytime I'm about to (and note: I pray for help getting over him if he's not in God's Will for me, so I'm not trying to be stubborn...whether I am being so or not I don't know) I somehow get this major hint saying "DON'T GIVE UP HOPE YET!" Like, right when I'm about to forget him entirely I'm bombarded with things that remind me of him and only him. Some things are common, most aren't. So I don't know if that's me just being stubborn or if God is sending me subtle hints to keep staying strong in my love for him...despite him not talking to me for months...I really don't know. I'm hurting so bad from everything going on in my life I ultimately feel as if God has preordained me to live a life of sorrow and pain cry
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 9:22 am
i hear your cry and want to help... i will pray, for that's all i can do at the moment... i pmed you to talk, if ya want to..
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 10:12 am
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 12:06 pm
I'm prayign for you too biggrin
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 2:04 pm
no problem sis. always there to help as much as i can..
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 4:26 am
I'll be praying for you, as always. As to the prayer thread, nobody uses it. Everybody disrespects it. I've been thinking about doing away with it altogether. Maybe we should just make a huge banner that says IF YOU HAVE PRAYERS, POETRY, SONGS, TESTIMONIES, INTRODUCTIONS, OR PICTURES PLEASE REMEMBER TO POST THEM IN THE CORRECT ANOUNCEMENT OR STICKY. DO NOT POST THEM IN THE GENERAL TOPIC AREA. Do you think that might work? xd
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 9:19 am
Paulkee I'll be praying for you, as always. As to the prayer thread, nobody uses it. Everybody disrespects it. I've been thinking about doing away with it altogether. Maybe we should just make a huge banner that says IF YOU HAVE PRAYERS, POETRY, SONGS, TESTIMONIES, INTRODUCTIONS, OR PICTURES PLEASE REMEMBER TO POST THEM IN THE CORRECT ANOUNCEMENT OR STICKY. DO NOT POST THEM IN THE GENERAL TOPIC AREA. Do you think that might work? xd Hahahaha sadly no because there are still those select few (meaning about half the people I know who join guilds) who REFUSE to look at stickies and stuff lol.
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 10:26 am
Well, at least I made you laugh. biggrin
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Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 12:09 pm
ScarredImage Paulkee I'll be praying for you, as always. As to the prayer thread, nobody uses it. Everybody disrespects it. I've been thinking about doing away with it altogether. Maybe we should just make a huge banner that says IF YOU HAVE PRAYERS, POETRY, SONGS, TESTIMONIES, INTRODUCTIONS, OR PICTURES PLEASE REMEMBER TO POST THEM IN THE CORRECT ANOUNCEMENT OR STICKY. DO NOT POST THEM IN THE GENERAL TOPIC AREA. Do you think that might work? xd Hahahaha sadly no because there are still those select few (meaning about half the people I know who join guilds) who REFUSE to look at stickies and stuff lol. maybe i should start lookin at the prayor requests.. i usually dont cuz my heart and mind have alot to sort out already, but i usually have time at some points to pray... and i usually do.. so, image, how r things goin for you of late?
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Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 3:21 pm
winder22 ScarredImage Paulkee I'll be praying for you, as always. As to the prayer thread, nobody uses it. Everybody disrespects it. I've been thinking about doing away with it altogether. Maybe we should just make a huge banner that says IF YOU HAVE PRAYERS, POETRY, SONGS, TESTIMONIES, INTRODUCTIONS, OR PICTURES PLEASE REMEMBER TO POST THEM IN THE CORRECT ANOUNCEMENT OR STICKY. DO NOT POST THEM IN THE GENERAL TOPIC AREA. Do you think that might work? xd Hahahaha sadly no because there are still those select few (meaning about half the people I know who join guilds) who REFUSE to look at stickies and stuff lol. maybe i should start lookin at the prayor requests.. i usually dont cuz my heart and mind have alot to sort out already, but i usually have time at some points to pray... and i usually do.. so, image, how r things goin for you of late? I have two weeks to get home if I wanna make it for volleyball try-outs but the mom over there won't even answer my phone calls (left messages too) or emails. And my mom just got all up in my face saying I can't see my best friend just because she thinks all we're gonna do is have sex and screw around which is such nonsense but she doesn't care. So pretty much getting worse and I'm beginning to think suicide-like thoughts again cuz God just plain isn't getting me out of this despite all the trust and faith I can muster being put into Him.
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 9:18 am
PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! Please pray!!! I was just told I can't go home at all. I can't handle that. I can't stay here. There's no way I can stay here. I'm losing everything as it is, but losing all that I had at home too? Please pray hard that I can go home, please please pray. I'm freaking out right now, I've been crying for a half hour and I don't know what to do, I can't go through this. I just wanna go home. cry cry cry
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 11:39 am
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 5:27 pm
Thank you. Much appreciated smile
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 11:50 am
Update:
Not going home. Been trying to see if I could pay rent for living there. Have yet to hear from ex's mom. I think she's officially avoiding me on purpose now. That hurts cry
Dad plead guilty. Looking like 8 years in jail but they're pushing for more. Will definitely lose house in Dec.
Mom is sure she'll get fired soon. They keep firing people from her class on a biweekly basis. They're down to 6.
No clue about school. Mom won't take it seriously even though registration is only in 2-3 weeks (depending on which school I go to, I don't even know if she's considering any!). All I know is it doesn't look like I'm going to the high school here (where I went freshman year and 2 months last year) because it's too expensive just for my mom to let my bro go there.
Deeply in need of God's guidance but it feels like the more I'm guided (as in, I'm pretty sure I know what God wants for me) the more I'm being pushed back by my ex, his mom, my friends, and my family. Like...I know what I'm SUPPOSED to do, I know what God WANTS for me, but everyone else is refusing me it. Which causes me to doubt if it's really God's guidance or not, even though I feel the pull most strongly when I feel close to Him. So I feel screwed over right now.
So yea...that's my update. Any prayers or words at this point in time is welcome. I'm getting closer to rock bottom than ever. sad
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 10:52 pm
I just came close to a panic attack. I'm finally breathing ok again and I can feel things mostly again. Head still loud though. My nose just now stopped bleeding (better than yesterday, it bled without warning).
I'm just freaking out right now about not going home, losing Jon for good, that God isn't gonna take care of me.
My family doesn't have any resources and we only have a few weeks to move (we were jsut notified the other day!!). I just want to go home. I'm so afraid God won't take care of me, that He doesn't want to anymore, that He's enjoying seeing me be in pain and scared like crazy. I hate waking up in the morning because I don't wanna know that I'm alive.
Help...please someone help. I wanna go home, I want Jon, I wanna be ok. I want to be able to trust God but I've been trusting Him this whole time and He's been letting me go...
Help... cry
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