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 Posted: Sat May 05, 2007 2:01 pm
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I've got a girlfriend. She's a pretty girl, though insecure and abused. She may not be the brightest crayon in the box and we don't share a lot of interests, but I have given her my word that I would never leave her and so I stay with her regardless.
Another girl in in love with me. She's pretty, insecure and abused (Wait...does that sound familiar at all?). She's able to converse with me much more readily and does so at any convenience. She's broken and I wish I could put her back together.
Them two don't get along too great. Girl #2 dislikes girl #1 because #1 is my girlfriend. #1 doesn't trust #2 because #2 is NOT my girlfriend and I love talking to her despite myself.
Compounded throughout all of this is the fact that my first girlfriend raped me, so I've never felt really worthy of anything pure and good (but I'm getting over that). I've never had a time off of having a girlfriend since my first girlfriend so I haven't had a chance to heal.
My word is my bond, but it traps me in a relationship with a girl I don't really want to marry, even though she thinks that's a given. Granted, I don't really want #2 either, but she doesn't seem to know that, even though I can literally feel her emotions and physical pain and sometimes vice versa.
So I watched Bridge to Terabithia with my girlfriend (don't nobody say they liked it. I done get enough of that elsewhere.). I cried. All this has been pent up in me and the needle of that emotionally powerful movie exploded me. #1 asked me to tell her what was wrong. I honestly couldn't say. I just needed to cry.
I don't want either of them. There's a #3 that I don't really know. I've met her 4 times and barely spoken to her, but there's such a connection there that I can not only feel it, I can almost taste it. #1 knows about it, but isn't worried given the infrequency of how often I meet #3. #2 knows. She is also not worried as my love for #3 is godly and pure. I can't even fantasize about kissing #3, so do I respect her.
I beg God sometimes to let me meet #3 again. I sometimes wonder if she thinks the same type of things about me that I do about her.
I love #1. There is no doubt. I would never hurt her.
I love #2. There is no doubt. I would never hurt her.
I love #3. There is no doubt. I would never hurt her.
I am not IN love any more. I am right now ripping holes in three people's lives. Once #3 starts going to my college...
...I pray it will never become four.
#2 has been broken so many times. She really does love me. I hate that I had to hurt her like I did, but I told her the truth about being scared of her and asked her to keep her promise of being my "best friend" forever.
#1 is terrified of losing me. She always has been. She's afraid that I'll break my promise to her and leave her like everyone else has done. We've come close enough to breaking God's laws regarding sex before marriage in the volume of our temptation (which we've resisted), she's scared of that, too.
I really would like some advice here.
And prayer, but that goes without saying.
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Posted: Sat May 05, 2007 4:30 pm
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Posted: Sat May 05, 2007 5:53 pm
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Posted: Sat May 05, 2007 8:11 pm
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Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 10:15 am
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Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 12:11 pm
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promised_child o_O The Face says hi. The stress is getting to me. I pray for Godshields for each one of us. May they guard our hearts from Satan's wiley tricks. Death by snicker-snag. be honest. what is snicker-snag
I heard it on MST3k.
"Death by snicker-snag!" -Mike Nelson
See? Right offa the screen. :XP:
Maybe...Riding With Death? I can't remember which episode. |
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Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 1:31 pm
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Posted: Sun May 06, 2007 9:04 pm
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I am being.
#1 knows about #2. I've even showed her a picture (one that looked kind cruddy so she could be confident that #1 herself was prettier). #1 knows about #3, but she's not worried because I meet #3 so rarely.
#2 knows about #1. Why would I hide the fact that I'm locked in a relationship? #2 knows about #3, but she's not worried either because my love is Godly and pure.
I've met her rarely and have pure, Godly love for her. Why are they not more scared of THAT factoid?
I've told #1 that I love #2, even though I am not IN love with #2. She also knows I love my best friends too, so she's not worried.
#2 knows for sure that I love her only as a friend right now and she knows that I do love #1, otherwise I would not be so keen to spare #1's feelings.
#3 is fortunate. #3 might be a serial killing, obsessive, compulsive, whiny, controlling b***h. She doesn't have what I would consider classical beauty (flat-chested, very slight ponch, less than curvy, broad shoulders), but I see something in her. Something like God's light shining off her like a mirror.
She doesn't know about ANY of this. That's how she is fortunate. She can't know. I have her number, but it would be really creepy if I called her since I didn't get it from her or any of her friends.
"How'd you get my number?" "I looked you up with my dashboard tool on my Mac." "You what?" "I was bored and thinking of you." ~click~
Can't hurt #1 'cause I love her and don't want her to hurt. Ever.
Can't hurt #2 'cause I love her and don't want her to hurt. Ever.
Can't hurt #3 'cause I don't have access to her heart (thank God).
Praise God in his infinite goodness! PRAISE HIM FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!
You know...in the midst of all this...I cannot help but Praise the Lord.
~does a little dance at the goodness of the Lord~
LOL! ~just thought of how paranoid #2 has been about being someone's #2 choice~ :XP:
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 10:26 am
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 4:12 pm
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 4:31 pm
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 4:58 pm
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Posted: Mon May 07, 2007 7:20 pm
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Speaking from experience, I think it would be best to let #1 go. She is going to get hurt...there's no way around it.
My experience is on the other end...being the girl that was (apparently) in love. I thought that maybe it could work. I'm not broken or abused or anything...but everyone has their issues. When he ended it...I was torn. He lived almost two hours from my house so we didn't see each other very much, but we were coming up to the summer and we would literally see each other every day. We were to be working at a camp, and he would be my boss. He kept talking about how excited he was about the summer and stuff.
Then, a month before summer was to start, he ended it. I was so confused and broken. I can't even tell you. I struggle with my self-image, and to me it was a huge blow. I don't have what you called 'classical beauty' either, and it's something I've struggled with. He told me when he broke up with me that he had to do it now before the attachment got any worse. I pleaded with him to wait a little longer...so that we could make it work. He said that it would only be harder for me in the long run, if I put more of myself into the relationship.
At the time I wanted to hate him...I couldn't 1. because it's not my disposition and 2. because he's the sweetest, nicest most level-headed guy I've ever met. The summer was extremely difficult. Seeing him everyday was killer. Especially because he told me that he still had feelings for me, but he knew that it would never work out.
It took me nine months to get over it. He was my first boyfriend, and I really struggled with a lot of things (that plus the fact that I despise change, and every change that seemed possible happened within two weeks of him breaking up with me). But finally I met with God. I mean, I really met with Him. It was so amazing what He did for me...the healing he brought and the release He gave me. I'm getting more confident in myself and I'm trusting God more, and I'm definately seeing the benefits.
So the point of that little (long) story is that you do have to let her go (prolly both of them) because if you don't do it sooner than later, it will be even harder for the both of you. Of course, I know nothing of your relationships other than what you've said, but you just have to trust that God will keep her in His sights, and no matter how broken she is He will take care of her. He will restore her and He will bring her someone that will be able to do for her what you could not, despite the fact that she probably will not be able to see this for a while.
And as much as you'll want to save her, you'll have to give her room. I remember wanting him to talk to me and stay away from me at the same time. Girls are weird....
So yeah...that went a little longer than I had hoped, but I hope you can get at least a little something out of that...
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Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 12:31 pm
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Yes, and I commend you for that. It is very noble, and not a lot of people grasp the binding power of words.
However, we are human, and we do make mistakes. Sometimes we say things, with fully good intentions, and it just so happens that we find we cannot keep them. It's just a fact of life.
Now, that doesn't make it any easier, lol. You'll just have to make a decision. Because obviously you know that you are not the one for her, or else you would not be having this problem. Perhaps she'll see this also...hopefully before it's too late. Because God has someone lined up for her, can you take that from her? Can you take it away from your future wife? Can you sacrifice your joy in life because of something you said? Just some food for thought, that's all.
However, God's Will will prevail, just as long as you don't take things into your own hands. He sees the end and the way it is now, and He will provide a way for everything to fall into place. I won't tell you that no one will be hurt...God sometimes allows for that to happen. But He always knows what's best.
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