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 Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 7:47 am
for quite a while now i've wanted baby no2. charlie is nearly 2, and i've been longing for the second since he was about one. its not a silly thought, i've processed it and analysed it. but my partner, james, didint want another for a while.
so, i swallowed it. i got depressed and angry, i didnt want to make him miserable, and i wasnt going to trick him or guilt him into a baby. we only want two, ever, and he wasnt uber-happy about charlie (till about the last month of pregnancy, now he loves being dad), and i want to make sure this time around, he's happy, and excited like me.
well, that was a year ago. and now, with communication between us and sensible plans, he has said yes! we are both ready for baby number 2! we will start trying after charlie's 2nd, in july.
i cant tell you how happy i am. i feel like i'm flying! alot of people will think we are stupid and young (we are both 19), but we are positive this is right for us. we have planned and spoken and thought, desperate to do the right thing by all, and we are ready!
plenty of people will judge us, but thats just dandy. all that matters is our unit. jim works hard for us, and i work hard on our home and for charlie. we may be young in age, but we are as good and decent as couples double our age, and alot more mature than any other teen parents we know.(my sister is nearly thirty, and the worst parent in the world. she does drugs, calls her children awful names, and lets her husband beat her. our hearts bleed for the kids, but we've been cut off, and social services wont do anything. but cos of age, people will immediately judge ME. its unfair).
i'm hoping for a girl this time. but a boy will be just as loved and wanted. oo, god, i'm so excited!!
so...in a few months, lets hope i get to post an announcement!!!
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Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 12:25 pm
Congrats, sweetheart! I wish you the best of luck. Thank you both for being devoted and caring parents. All kids should be so lucky.
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Posted: Wed Apr 25, 2007 12:31 pm
thanks for your comment. im glad that you feel that way, enough people would stick a label on teenage mums, just because of the bad ones, but me and james try hard, and provide so well for our son.
and thanks for the congrats...cant wait to start trying!! wink wink
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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 10:59 am
Well congratulations. And even more congrats for raising a baby at 17!
I'm twenty with my first son and I don't think I could've done it at that age. It's hard, and in some many ways that older famillies don't realize.
Over the past year, I've developed an entire new set of friends, which of course are all older. My life is so much different then that average 20 year old woman. I have uni classes like everyother young person. But then I have dirty diapers and night wakings, bottles of formula instead of bottles of beer.
Personally, right now I don't want another child. I need to get through my BScN, and then work for a bit. By then I will probably have forgotton what it's like to wake up 5 times a night.
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:27 am
Being new here, I don't want to sound like a doubting Thomas, but I have a question...
What about getting married before baby #2?
I cannot judge you, I do not know you, but I was a young single parent, the first when I was 19 and the second at 22... But, it is hard being young and having children, why not find out if a marriage will work before adding another child?
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 1:25 pm
erm, well, i see your veiw point but i feel its very outdated.
marriage is a piece of paper. it will not make our parenting or our social standing better.
i never once worried about being a parent out of wedlock, because basically marriage is something from the dark ages, something pushed upon us by religion. i'm sure its lovely, and maybe one day jim and i will tie the knot, but i dont feel its necessary to marry before having children at all.
single/unmarried parents are no different to married ones. its an unfair judgement of today when people frown or hiss at the fact that you are an unmarried parent. today we have same sex couples, couples with ivf children, threesome relationships and all sorts. jim, i and our child/ren will be happy and healthy regardless of our marital status.
**to married couples: please dont reply, taking offence to my statement that marriage is outdated, because im entitled to my opinion. i feel marriage is something pushed upon us by church, and im anti-organized religion. if jim and i marry, it will simply be because of security for the future. sorry if you disagree, but thats the way i feel.
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Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 1:24 am
Congratulations on feeling ready for number two. That is exciting. My second daughter just turned one and I'm not ready for more any time soon.
I agree with with Lil-Jo, there are benefits to being married. I also agree that you are entitled to your opinion. Though I've never personally been a single parent I have friends who have/are. I have to disagree with you there. Raising a child on your own is quite different from rasing one with a partner.
As long as you too take no offense to those who believe in marrige... wink
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Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 3:44 am
i never said there was no difference between single parents and married ones i said there was no difference between MARRIED parents, and a couple with children who arent married.
i know its hard to be a single parent. my sister, my mum and my aunt are all single parents and i know how it is for them. i'm simply saying marriage isnt necessary in these days. 50 years ago an unmarried couple with a child were shunned and hated, but i just dont think its that big a deal today.
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Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 11:29 am
Well, for arguement sake, I must agree and disagree with both of you.
Marriage is an old tradition that has become blown out of it's traditional customs and meanings to become merely a giant party in which one girl gets to wear a big fancy $3000 dress and drink so many cocktails that her entire honeymoon is used to get rid of a nasty cosmopolitan hangover.
To me, marriage is just a declaration of intent, and a vow that you love, respect, care, honour, and cherish your partner so much that you will make a written contract that you will forever remain solely for eachother. To me, that is why I've been hating weddings for the past few years, because it hasn't been like that at all. So many young women (and men) jump into a marriage quickly, to become even more quickly unsatified.
If you don't feel like getting married. I wouldn't. It's a lot of money that would be better used for a mortgage, RESP, or RRSP. The written paper marriage is only for people that believe in it.
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Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 5:50 pm
frost-bitten-fairy: My apologies, I guess I mis-understood your comment:frost-bitten-fairy single/unmarried parents are no different to married ones.
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Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 6:22 pm
Jenannen frost-bitten-fairy: My apologies, I guess I mis-understood your comment:frost-bitten-fairy single/unmarried parents are no different to married ones. ok, ok, i admit that was misleading. i apologise. xx
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 6:01 am
I recommend getting married, even at a courthouse, asap (that would be a civil union, and it's pretty cheap - possibly free, I'm not sure). That's simply a legal document linking the two of you that is recognized by most other conventional record-keeping. It is the only way you get a legal say in your partner's treatment should he end up in a hospital, and thanks to patient privacy reforms, being a spouse is usually the only way you can even get your loved one's medical records disclosed to you. Otherwise, his parents are his legal next of kin, until he has a child who's over 18.
I'm not arguing moral right or wrong. I'm just saying it's...kind of necessary.
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 9:50 am
Good Luck. Ah a JP wedding. Wonderful, quick and cheap!
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 1:56 pm
Yvaine I recommend getting married, even at a courthouse, asap (that would be a civil union, and it's pretty cheap - possibly free, I'm not sure). That's simply a legal document linking the two of you that is recognized by most other conventional record-keeping. It is the only way you get a legal say in your partner's treatment should he end up in a hospital, and thanks to patient privacy reforms, being a spouse is usually the only way you can even get your loved one's medical records disclosed to you. Otherwise, his parents are his legal next of kin, until he has a child who's over 18. I'm not arguing moral right or wrong. I'm just saying it's...kind of necessary. i dont know where you live but theres a thing here called 'common law'. once you are with a person for 5/6 years, you become their 'common law husband/wife'. this gives you the same rights as being married, except in court. eg if me and his parents needed to come to an arrangement about say..his funeral. by common law, im his wife and i have a HUGE say. BUT if they took me to court, i dont have much chance. i DO agree that, for legal and security reasons, marriage is kind of neccessary. but ultimately its a piece of paper. what i dispute is people saying i need to marry before having another child. having a child in or out of wedlock is no longer an issue for the rational 90% of the world. how long has it been since a child born out of wedlock was shunned or shamed in the wester world? marriage isnt a desperate issue for parenthood. xx
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 3:55 pm
frost-bitten-fairy Yvaine I recommend getting married, even at a courthouse, asap (that would be a civil union, and it's pretty cheap - possibly free, I'm not sure). That's simply a legal document linking the two of you that is recognized by most other conventional record-keeping. It is the only way you get a legal say in your partner's treatment should he end up in a hospital, and thanks to patient privacy reforms, being a spouse is usually the only way you can even get your loved one's medical records disclosed to you. Otherwise, his parents are his legal next of kin, until he has a child who's over 18. I'm not arguing moral right or wrong. I'm just saying it's...kind of necessary. i dont know where you live but theres a thing here called 'common law'. once you are with a person for 5/6 years, you become their 'common law husband/wife'. this gives you the same rights as being married, except in court. eg if me and his parents needed to come to an arrangement about say..his funeral. by common law, im his wife and i have a HUGE say. BUT if they took me to court, i dont have much chance. i DO agree that, for legal and security reasons, marriage is kind of neccessary. but ultimately its a piece of paper. what i dispute is people saying i need to marry before having another child. having a child in or out of wedlock is no longer an issue for the rational 90% of the world. how long has it been since a child born out of wedlock was shunned or shamed in the wester world? marriage isnt a desperate issue for parenthood. xx Huzzah for you! but marriage is not always necessary. There are 3 things you and your parnter need: Life Insurance, Power of Attorney and Wills. The last 2 should be "vanilla" for any attorney and only cost about $50 but the life insurance is crucial if you don't want to pay out of pocket funeral expenses in case anything should happen to you or your partner. It protects the entire family. And there can be no arguement with his or your family regarding funeral arrangements and dispensation of property. I saw a dear friend of mine go through hell when her partner died just before they got married. His family became a nightmare and tried to take over everything leaving her with nothing. She had no legal rights. So do try to find a friendly attorney (yes, they do exsist when you have so simple a request.) and take care of business. The POA is especially critical in a hospital situation for you and your babies.
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