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 Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 3:50 pm
 Hello! Welcome to my quest thread!
Feel free to take a seat, and drop a critique if you feel up to it! 
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 3:53 pm
XXXI. Intro.
XXXII. Navigation.
XXXIII. Fel Essence(s) Concept Idea(s).
XXXIV. Soul Concept Idea(s).
XXXV. Raevan Concept(s).
XXXVI. The Guardian.
XXXVII. Her House.
XXXVIII. Blank.
XXXIX. Blank.
XXXX. Credits.
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:04 pm
[ Healthful Asbestos ]
Asbestos is a mineral known for its sound absorption, tensile strength, and its resistance to fire, heat, electrical, and chemical damage. The mineral’s resistances have made it a good insulation material, but prolonged inhalation can cause lung diseases such as cancer, mesothelioma, and asbestosis. This specific piece of asbestos, however, does the reverse. Instead of causing serious diseases, it heals those that breath it in and completely neglects the cancerous components it once bared.
• [ Healing ]
• [ Enhanced Resistance ]
• [ Sound Absorption ]
[ Brain Storm ]
TEXT
• [ Control over Electricity? ]
• [ Mind Powers ]
• [ TEXT ]
[ Eyeful Potato ]
TEXT
• [ 360 degree field of vision ]
• [ TEXT ]
• [ TEXT ]
TEXT
• [ TEXT ]
• [ TEXT ]
• [ TEXT ]
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:05 pm
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:09 pm
Theme Semi-Custom
Name:
Gender:
Fel Essence:
Soul:
Alignment:
Personality:
Power:
Food Souce:
Guardian:
Killer Whale & ??? Semi-Custom
Name: Duet
Gender: Female
Fel Essence:
Soul: Killer Whale
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Personality:
Power:
Food Souce:
Guardian: Raz Piper
Crow & ??? Semi-Custom
Name: Forte
Gender: Male
Fel Essence:
Soul: Crow
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Personality:
Power:
Food Souce:
Guardian: Raz Piper
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:11 pm
 NAME : Raspberry “Raz” Piper.
GENDER : Female.
AGE : 34.
OCCUPATION : A clerk in a music store located in Barton Town, and is one of the guitar tutors at the establishment.
RACE : Human - Chinese/European.
LIKES :
Music, singing, dancing, eye candy (both genders), dark chocolate, heartbeats, being active, sunny weather, and hanging out with people in general.
DISLIKES :
Being looked down on, silverfish, rotten flowers, being nagged at, being immobile for long periods of time, seagulls (RATS WITH WINGS), fruit punch (DON’T DRINK THE KOOL-AID), rainy autumn days, and Jalapeno peppers.
LOOKS :
By the look of her hot pink hair, and the horribly sly grin on her face, you wouldn’t think Raz is anywhere near innocent. Standing at 5’9, Raz spots a muscular build from the regular routine of going boxing. Her skin isn’t fair, a little tanned and occasional scars from past conflicts run across her arms. Thankfully, those days have long past, and all the more recent injuries are kitchen related. Her usual outfits consist of a variety of form hugging clothes, and heels. There’s always a jacket on her be it thin or thick depending on the temperature.
PERSONALITY :
One look at Raz, and immediately you can see she’s a blaze. Confident, loud, and flirty, Raz stands tall and proud of what she is and isn’t afraid to shout it. The feeling of intimidation she radiates at first glance is only a reflexive posture from her past, and means no harm. She’s actually really relaxed and a lovely person to be around, charming in her rough around the edge ways, and a lover of good company. She’s a good and loyal friend to have, protective of those close to her. It’s rare for her to be hesitant but when uncertain, Raz has been known to be moody and turn tunnel vision. She is firm in her beliefs, but if the argument is sound she will change her opinion. She has learned to talk over arguments and issues, instead of resorting to aggressive behavior. Yet, there are still occasions where her fiery temper gets the best of her as she's not about to take any s**t from anyone, especially if they're being an a**. Raz might not seem it, but she does have patience – mainly with children and adolescents. She’s less explosive, and has a more playful demeanor. If they need her, she is there to help with emotional issues and always willing to listen. Most of her customers find her friendly, and barely a handful had complained of her rolling her eyes at their redundant questions, but her service record has been good.
HISTORY :
Born to Cyril and Aude Piper, Raz was given the name “Raspberry” because of Aude’s fondness of them during pregnancy. Sadly, Aude passed away when Raz was 3 in a traffic accident which forced Cyril to be a single parent. He tried his best, yet Cyril never saw the problems Raz had to face at school. She was being bullied for being a tomboy, called names and eventually forced into peer isolation. Raz concluded that she must fight back (literally), which became an issue as she had started getting suspended for fighting on multiple occasions. She was nearly kicked out of school when her father finally asked where he went wrong. Raz never realized she was putting stress on her father as the man had never broken down in front of her, and seeing him like this scared her. She never wanted to hurt him, so she stopped. The aggression didn’t leave, but the two found her a new method to release it – Music. Her first guitar was given to her by Cyril, and he taught her how to play. From there, her love of music grew. Now she's working in a music store, living comfortably on her own in a two-bedroom apartment, and her relationship with her father remains as close as ever. Recently, she has been a little irritated as her father been asking about her love life, and whether he'll have grandchildren in the near future.
Text
Pictures
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:15 pm
PENDING
Resides in Barton Town in a 2 room, one bathroom, one floor apartment. The living room and kitchen are joined together.
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:16 pm
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:17 pm
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 4:19 pm
 
[LAB 305] © Kyoupiruchi
Raz Piper © FallenSiren
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Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 3:16 pm
[ Updates ] Year [2015]
STILL TRYING
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Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 9:10 pm
Hello there! I saw you were open for crits and decided to drop by and take a look see. I'm gonna break this critique into parts starting from the top and working down. n.n Hope you don't mind.
Fel Essences---It's good to see you've come up with a small handful of them, but I'm sad to say your first two don't fit the bill. Firstly, 'Mysterious Puzzle Piece' is not a Fel Essence. A Fel Essence is something in nature that just does not happen like smoke that lingers even after the fire is gone (Ebony Shade's Raevan's Essence) or fire that does not die out even when doused with water (Kyou's Raevan's Essence). A puzzle is a man-made thing, so it cannot be an Essence. Secondly is your 'Half A Heart'. Kyou has made it known that body parts like hearts are a big 'no' when it comes to Essences, so that one is out too. Your last Essence is rather nice, but the way it came about is similar to Aphismet's Raevan's Nocturne Rock Essence. His Essence was a piece of the night sky that broke and fell to the ground, so it conflicts. My advice to you is to go to the shop thread and read over the front page on Fel Essences again, as well as look in the guild's Gallery and at the quest threads to make sure whatever you come up with isn't stepping on any toes. :3
Souls---Again, rather nice assortment but your first two have some faults. I'm not sure if you're aware, but bird Souls are highly frowned upon in the Lab, so it's rather unlikely you'd be able to get this particular one. Your second one confused me at first, mainly because the Wiki link you provided leads to a page that has no information on the subject. When I Googled the Soul and read a bit, it seemed to say that Anubites were just priests in jackal masks. That might make them regular humans and again is a large 'no' here. The other two are fine, but I can't help but have a feeling someone is already questing a koi Soul. You might want to check the quest threads just to make sure.
Concept---You said you couldn't remember what the difference between a semi and a full custom was, but that you were going for a semi-custom Raevan. Getting a semi means you are allowed to pick the Soul of the Raevan, its Essence, Gender, and Alignment. Nothing else. A full custom would allow you to choose every single detail of the Raevan from those four mentioned above to every aspect of its appearance.
Guardian---I only have a couple of real qualms about your Guardian. The first is how you call her 'an average girl'. You say she's 'average', yet she has a rainbow dyed into her hair. That wouldn't really be seen as 'average' in this setting. The other two things that get me is her lack of a personality listed (it is very important for a good character, as well as explaining her average-ness!) and her vague history. You say she's in college right now as well as working part time, but what happened in her past? Which of the Gaian cities/towns did she grow up in? Is she the middle of three kids or is she an only? Was there anything special about her childhood that shaped her into the woman she is today? Any pets at all? It takes a history as well as a personality and looks to make a solid character, so I'd think about those questions and more in order to flesh her out a bit. But just remember, the Guardian should NOT outshine the Raevan!
I hope that helps you out in creating a Raevan concept and Guardian, FallenSiren, and sorry if it's a bit long. n.n If you need any sort of examples for a Fel Essence or a fleshed out Guardian, you're more than welcome to take a gander at my quest thread, which is located here. Good luck!
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Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 9:58 pm
Thanks for the crit Ravina :'D
As per all crit, I edited a few things and am pretty sure no one has gotten the spider web yet...I think...I'm going to look though most of the other quest threads again just to check but...yes I'm going with the spider one until I can think of some more.
I rewrote Adil's history but her personality well have to stay as undecided because I'm the type of person to create a character's personality over Role play.
I also finished the Lutica one. Lutica's a type of spider...though they're more in the desert areas.
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Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 10:15 pm
Critique Round Two! X3 Again, broken up into sections.
Fel Essences---*thumbs up* I like the cobweb idea, very cool and fits the definition of Fel Essence. There was one...Kinda two...Things I forgot to mention in my prior critique and it sort of falls into your Concept area as well. Fel Essences are responsible for many of the powers your Raevan has and also dictates what they eat. For example, I'll use one of my Essences; 'Sober Liquor'. In the powers category this Essence of mine is pretty blank for now (powers can be a bit tough to come up with), but what it does have listed fall into two categories; Passive powers and Active powers. Passive powers are just there and happen on their own, like my Essence's power called 'Filter'. Active powers, on the other hand, are ones the Raevan will control like his feeding technique and his second Active power called 'Identify' (though that one's kind of in the air where it goes, I just stuck it there). For feeding, my Liquor Essence feeds off the intoxication of drunk people, making them sober but making him drunk as well. There's a couple more pros and cons, but if I list them out here it'll get really long. n.n; Just remember, Fel Essences play a really big part of your Raevan; especially in the powers and feeding department.
Souls---Again, nice. You got rid of the ones that wouldn't work and added in a new one. For the Lutica, since the Wiki page is very small information wise, I'd look at different sources and link to them, as well as find a small, but nice picture. That way people know what it looks like, since Wiki is pretty thin on that one.
Concept---You added both a semi form and a full form, so that's really good to have, especially if you choose to go one way but decide on the other. No qualms here other than the powers and food source you have listed, but I already pointed that out up in Fel Essences. Just remember, Raevans in Frei and Sigel stage have no digestive systems, so they can't eat food like you and I do. They rely on whatever their Fel Essence dictates to survive. Also, don't forget to take your Piece of Sunset/Koi form out so you're not cluttering your post! n.n
Guardian---Good to see you added a history and personality. :3 I saw what you said about her personality and that's fine; Guardians as well as Raevans have to have room to grow. History could use a bit more work in my opinion, but if you're happy with the way it is and no one else has any qualms with it, that's perfectly okay.
*looks about again, just to make sure* Nope, I don't think I missed anything this time around! Good luck!
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Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 10:19 pm
Thanks Ravina xD -shall go think some things over-
I'm going to need some help with the 'food' part but...I can probably work with the power part since I need to think of something xD
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