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 Posted: Sat Apr 07, 2007 11:18 pm
This is just sort of a teaser for a story I'm thinking about writing. I'm told it is good by a few friends, but I would really like some outside opinions before continuing.
Even before I first saw his face, before the dreams began, I knew something was coming. I could sense danger; its icy grip filled me with foreboding and impending doom. I should have been frightened beyond imagination. I was not. I never felt the crippling terror one in my position expects to feel. Quite the contrary. The promise of adventure fueled a passion in me that I never knew I possessed. It was nearly impossible to refrain from dropping out of college and immediately embarking on the quest that lay before me, but I managed. For months I enveloped myself in my schooling. Meaningless projects, essays, final exams that merely distracted me from my fate. I determined to ignore him until graduation that May. Him, the man that haunted my dreams, beckoning me into the perilous journey chance passed unto me. The same dream night after night. The same man hidden in the shadows at the end of the bar. The same request. The same pleading voice.
“Help me. Please, help me,” he begged. This phantom being haunted my dreams for months, weak and unable to return to a physical form. He seemed unsure of himself, hesitant to believe I was the one he searched for. Or maybe it was I who was doubtful. But who wouldn’t be. Invading my moment of peace, the refuge from life that sleep once gave me. And with a story so unbelievable. But I did believe him. Hideto. The man of my dreams. I never doubted you.
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 10:41 am
I like it. biggrin You should keep on writing.
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 8:31 pm
darkrose_eve I like it. biggrin You should keep on writing.
Thank you. biggrin I've already written a bit more. I'll post it when I finish the chapter.
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 10:18 am
Ok then. I look forward to reading it.
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 10:41 pm
I'll work hard to get a bit more up. biggrin
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Posted: Mon Apr 16, 2007 10:27 am
This is a great start for your story. There has to be something interesting in the first bit of any story or book that I read, if the writer can hook me, then I consider them a good writer. Please, post more soon, I can't wait to read more.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 9:59 am
merlinblackheart This is a great start for your story. There has to be something interesting in the first bit of any story or book that I read, if the writer can hook me, then I consider them a good writer. Please, post more soon, I can't wait to read more.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 2:12 pm
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 5:00 pm
I wil as soon as I get home tomorrow, I promise! biggrin
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 5:40 pm
YES! I believe you will! Good! *Scratches nose*
Great story by the way, I haven't seen one like it that didn't fall apart after the first two or three sentences with grammar errors. I always have problems with putting the name of a character in two times in two sentences.
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Posted: Wed Apr 18, 2007 9:00 pm
The actual story is written in the third person point-of-view, but you'll see soon enough. wink
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 7:04 pm
Emma closed her journal, wrapping it tenderly in an embroidered silk scarf she happened upon during her journey through Asia many years before. When satisfied with her folding job, the book was placed in one of the many drawers of her desk, carefully hidden under mounds of paperwork, unlikely to see the light of day again for many months. Sighing, she leaned back in her comfortable chair, closing her eyes and allowing her head to flop backwards to rest on the back of her seat. Slowly opening her eyes, Emma took in her surroundings, as if seeing her office for the first time.
The room was dark with heavy curtains drawn tightly shut against the early evening light, and a black leather sofa was positioned directly in front of the closed window. A coffee table littered with magazines, some of which were overflowing onto the floor, caught her eye next, followed by the fleeting thought that her office desperately needed cleaning. The only light in the room came from a small table lamp positioned on her desk. It was not sightly, with its slim black base and tattered lampshade, but it served its purpose well enough. The computer next to the lamp seemed unused, a thick layer of dust coating its surface. Keyboard and mouse were tucked away out of sight. Cups in varying states of emptiness plagued the otherwise unfilled surface of the desk.
The sound of a door opening ended Emma’s inspection of the space. Slowly standing, she gathered several of the cups from the desk and headed towards the kitchen, emptying her load in the sink before heading to the living room where her husband resided.
“You’re home early today,” she stated simply as she lean in the doorway. The television was on in the room, and its light cast an eerie glow on the couple.
“I rushed home from the office today, in hopes that I could take my best girl out for a night on the town,” a male voice responded.
“Is there some occasion we are to be celebrating, Paul?” Emma asked warily. The couple’s relationship had been rocky for months, and it was out of character for Paul to leave work early to spend time with his wife spontaneously.
“No occasion. Is it a crime for me to want to spend some quality time with my wife?”
“Yes,” Emma stated turning and making her way back to her office.
I know this probably doesn't seem to fit with the introduction, but I promise it will soon.
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Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 5:47 pm
As long as you make a connection with the characters later in the story it will be fine. Don't worry about explaining everything right away, that only makes things boring. Keep us guessing and we'll keep reading.
I also have a story up, it's longer, but I'd be honored if you read it! It's called Black Winged Angel.
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Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 7:59 pm
merlinblackheart As long as you make a connection with the characters later in the story it will be fine. Don't worry about explaining everything right away, that only makes things boring. Keep us guessing and we'll keep reading. I also have a story up, it's longer, but I'd be honored if you read it! It's called Black Winged Angel.
I will, just not tonight. I've been gone all day, and I'm exausted. biggrin
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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 11:09 am
Thanks! I know I appreciate constructive criticism of my work!
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