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 Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 9:42 pm
"Heres the first poem,
~Untitiled~
Sometimes you can't hae what you want. Life has a funny way of ******** things up. Somethings are ment to be and some things are ment to suck. Love means nothing. It's just a word. The feeling you have is reall what it is. Like a buring flame it can spit and fume, it can also turn up and bite you in the a**. If there is a god he must hate me. My life is good but my mind is bad. I am satisfied but I am mad. All he ever ment to me was absolutly nothing. I know who i am and i know who he is, I wish for this love and i wish it well, but somthing keeps it away from me. If satan is real he must be laughing at me. Demons carve the floor i walk on. The light cracks the stairs beneath and the moon guids my way, but with the help i have i still mean nothing. Walking past him causes e to hide, i just don't understand why. The war of emotions inside me aches everyday, this love that misleads me makes me believe even more. This lost faith hates me, so, theres nothing more and theres nothing less."
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Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 9:44 pm
"Another poem,
~You Killed Me~
The stars are falling, I am dieing, I can't fall under the steps for hiding. My life is lieing and my bones are begging to be wrought up from the grave. Your words are written across my face and my sorrow is the only thing that o' death can replace. What is it like to die alone? Black pedals fallen on my grave. Not a single tear shed that day, for me, anyway. Tormants I meet never cease for they are to strong to bring to my heart. O' my heart it aches for the rain that will send me salvation and keep me awake. I feel the suffication brought to releave me, but is this truly even me? My ghastly face reaches out to caress my race of infatuate human beings. I hate them all, I wish them death! There society kills the better of me. What will kill them before time? Them, themselves, it's suicide!"
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Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 10:07 pm
I can tell you have put some feeling into these poems.
The first one you seem to kinda jump around in it.
Poems can describe a person, A feeling, a Thing, or a scene...but if you're going to put them together you can mix them up. It seemed a little too jumbled.
The second one had more sense to it, but it went from 'you' to the 'people'...the poem should be about one or the other or reword to make it sounds like You're saying what their suicidal fate is.
But I'd give these a poems a 8.3/10
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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 7:43 am
Mayonaka Taiyo I can tell you have put some feeling into these poems. The first one you seem to kinda jump around in it. Poems can describe a person, A feeling, a Thing, or a scene...but if you're going to put them together you can mix them up. It seemed a little too jumbled. The second one had more sense to it, but it went from 'you' to the 'people'...the poem should be about one or the other or reword to make it sounds like You're saying what their suicidal fate is. But I'd give these a poems a 8.3/10 Well put.
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The Committee Staff Spotter
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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 10:33 am
"I just write what comes to my mind...lol To me it means something but to others it could mean nothing and to me it is ok if you don't under stand and it is 'jumpy' but i will work on it so everyone can understand. I am very bad at fixing my poems...It's just kind of like a spur at a moment kind of thing...Ahwell thanks for the critisism."
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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 10:36 am
you coud try to spell some words better... i give you 7.9/10
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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 5:12 pm
I'd like them a little better if you arrange them differently. What I mean is, take them out of paragraph form and let it all flow from line to line. That's my opinion, anyway.
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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 11:31 pm
ummm... i'm saying this in the name of Foamy the squirrel, Get a life. Find a hobby besides this crap. people get depressed, people can go insane, and i dont care about that unless they tell everyone about their sorry pitiful life. Yet in my words... i feel sorry for you.
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 9:05 am
"What? eek I am not depressed you have it all wrong. I was really just writing about love and how evil it is, in one poem and in the other well just ideas i mooshed together...I'll post some more poetry."
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 9:22 am
"O I found one of my poems I had done awhile ago, I shall post it."
~I Do Feel~
I hope you can sleep with your eyes peeled back, because if you turn around I could be in the black, watch where you go, I can be anywhere, anywhere for you.
I do feel love
I do feel love
You hadn't noticed me and now I am not free for I can't see what's ahead of me. All I do is believe in this faith that isn't even real. It just seems like one big lie. I hate lies and i hate life, i feed from the dead and i live for death. The only thing that can save me is this pain that goes on.
I do feel hurt
I do feel hurt
You may love me but i don't love myself. This constant rythem in my head, my heart beating in my throat. I can't stand this torture! What did I do to deserve this? Fill my lungs with this blood, stuff my face with the flowers of faith, It's time to get this on. Let's finish what we start.
I do feel hate
I do feel hate
I am the epitome of dark. I am evil and betrayed and bewitched. Stab my name in my face, let the blood lead you, My name is the only thing I have left, the only thing I stand by. I am not afraid to die.
"This is a bit of a personal poem. I worked hard on it. I remember that I got inspired by a song to write it, I just don't rememeber what one heh..."
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 9:36 am
~Mealstrom~
We stand in the darkness forever,
Descending into the mealstrom.
Twisting words of despair wrap around me,
The light is nowhere.
The insects fill our mouths
Our breaths are short and drear.
The mealstroms twsiters land onto Earth with tears.
THe waves crash down the clapping of it's watery jaws bring my down below.
I wait in the channel of unforgiving fate.
I raise my hands up and hope for faith.
I know, I know I will not survive.
The shimmering of lights seeps through the
Watery sky and penetrates the sea below.
I can't look up, I won't look up, the blinding rays fill my eyes
But I turn and hide.
The tears I wept and the happiness I left
Have come back to remind me.
The darkness consumes me.
The mealstrom still withholds me.
I have no allies.
I have no friends, I am here alone, in the mealstrom's home.
"I wrote this poems for my poerty project for school. I am relly not sure what I was thinking when I wrote it."
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 12:31 pm
hey kie hope ya dont mind i really could find a poem thing for the guild so ya here check this out
soul fire
Fire burning in my mind
Scorching my memory burning all my Dreams
Looking for new stories to replace the Scorched earth
Trapped in a dream land an illusion
Soul detached from the body
Floating in a void of black and white
Ripped from sanity love is lost in the
Heart of the loved one the heart of the loved one
The sound of flapping angels wings
Collecting souls of the departed
Two lovers lost looking for each other
Despair of being separated from their love
Helpless not able to move to find their love
Hearts a blaze full of passion for their lover
Sand slipping through the fingers of time
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 2:26 pm
"I like that poem 3nodding It's cool. I like the sand slipping through teh fingers of time. Maybe I should call this thread poems by me and my friends lol. If you have more tho wolfie go ahead and post. ^.^"
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 2:43 pm
Kie Lah "I like that poem 3nodding It's cool. I like the sand slipping through teh fingers of time. Maybe I should call this thread poems by me and my friends lol. If you have more tho wolfie go ahead and post. ^.^" ok thats a big ten four actuly i have another some where around here
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 3:05 pm
ok this next on i was thinking of someone i was dating we just broke up today i mean we are still real good frieds but its nothing to big to bother me
A rising sigh of relief
A loving howl of pleasure
A light seen in the dark
Broken by skeleton butterflies
Flying against a ghoulish red sky
This light oh this light
it turns this sky a mellow blue
the butterflies are revealed as
angels who wings shine with
the dew of souls it brings life to
the trees and plants which bare fruits
this howl brings life to all its light dose reach
a melodious song is the howl
it dose not fall to any song that oppose it
taboo is the song to those who turn against
this howl is to a mate with love.
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