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 Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 4:35 pm
I've got some serious trust issues that I'm trying to deal with, have been trying for nearly two years. I feel like it's affecting my relationship with the best guy that's ever happened to me. We're very serious about each other, he's aware of my trust issues, and recently I've been considering giving him oral and manual sex, and eventually sex. He means quite a bit to me. I was planning on giving him oral sex yesterday, but when I thought about it as we were making out, I burst into tears.
I'm deathly afraid of giving him any sort of sex, because I'm afraid he'll leave me once I do. Now I know he wont, he's not that type of guy. But theres a little gnome in my head that whispers "What if?"
We've been dating 6 months and we're both 17, by the way.
My question is, how can I get over my trust issues? How can I convince myself he's not using me? I already know 90% that he isn't, but I'd rather be 99%-100% sure.
Here's an explanation of why I have trust issues if you want to know.
About two years ago, I started dating a real a*****e. To me at the time, he wasn't, he could do no wrong, but looking back on it, he was the biggest jerk this side of anywhere. Love is a big part of my life, and he knew that and fully took advantage of it. He would say those things like "If you love me you would ___/let me ___." He even called me a slut sometimes. He was the first guy to finger me, and I honestly did not want him there. But he would sweet talk me and say "Babe, I love you. If you loved me..." and look away pretending to be hurt. This went on for about a month or two until I went away with my family for fall break. He called me the night before I was due to come back and said "We're done." I get back to school and hes already dating some slutty freshman. Turns out he had been seeing her behind my back, along with a bunch of other girls.
This messed me up. Bad. For a long time. I wouldn't open up to any guy. I still dated guys, but just because I knew they wanted to date me. I had a stone heart for a while.
Then I went and visited my dad in California for summer break. I do this every year, and I basically only have two friends out there. One of which I had been head over heels for since second grade when I first started going out there. The summer before last, he took me to a movie before I had to come back to Texas. I thought nothing of it, we were best friends, you know? Well this past summer, as soon as I got out to CA, he came up to the park I always hang out at and asked me to a movie. This went on all summer, we'd go see 1-3 movies in one day, or go to his house for pizza and video games, and of course some light making out. It was a fun little relationship. Then he started asking me for hand jobs and blow jobs. I started getting nervous, I declined each time. He started getting calls when we were out in the neighborhood market. I started hearing him whisper "Baby" into the phone during these calls. One night on the phone, he called me Rachel. My name is DesiRee. Hell, even his dad called me Rachel once. But I was blind and thought nothing of it. My Dad kept my interests in mind. He would ask me each time I came back from one of our dates: "So has he actually asked you to be his girlfriend yet?" Or tell me "I know it seems like a dream come true babygirl, but look at it from the outside."
I come back to Texas and find him on myspace. It says "In a Relationship." He has hundreds of comments from the same girl. She's calling him "Baby" and telling him she loves him. Shes his number 1. Her name is Rachel. Big suprise there. I confront him about it, and he blocks me. Haven't heard from him since.
So yeah, those two guys sort of ruined my ability to trust anyone who says "I love you" to me.
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 11:34 am
Don't rush things. If you don't feel like you can trust him with sexual things, or that you can't trust guys in general with sexual things, then just don't be sexually active. It will come with time. Let him show you that you can trust him, and in time you should be able to trust him with those sorts of things.
I have pretty big trust and privacy issues (both made worse by my most recent ex), especially with the trust issue, and I just let it come on its own. There is a guy I like (no we're not sexually active yet), but each time we meet up to hang out or talk, he shows me that I can trust him by how we talk and interact and treat each other. If/when we are ever sexually active together, I will probably take things slowly, and just be at a level I am comfortable with. If it takes 6 months before I feel comfortable giving head again, then it takes 6 months. It's not something that should be rushed.
At some point, you will have to stop letting past experiences control your present and future relationships. At some point, you'll have to take a chance and trust your partner that he won't hurt you or leave you. But again, that'll come with time and with your boyfriend showing you that he does care, that he won't leave, and that you can trust him.
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 10:15 pm
I would agree, really don't rush it. I'm also recently with the best guy for me ever (after about 2 jerks sad ) and he's really respectful about the fact that I'm not ready to have sex with him even tho we are so serious. just do what makes you feel comphertable, don't be forced into anything and all will be good smile
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Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 11:41 am
First of all if you're not ready to do it DON'T DO IT! Obviously you do not trust this guy because you have not engaged. You say you do, but you don't. Hard facts sweetie. Truth hurts. Time heals. Love yourself before you love anyone else. TRUST yourself before you trust anyone else.
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