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Finally. He'd talked to a lot of children, some older than him, a few that were younger. And it had been strange, uncomfortable, miserable at times. He'd been called crazy. He had been looked at with blank disinterest. Yet somehow, he'd still gotten recruits. He'd done it, just as he had said he would. He'd pulled together a unit, or at least a group that agreed to consider being a unit, once he gave them something to fight for. And through it all, he'd wished that the job had fallen to anyone but him. Now, more than ever, he desperately missed the comfort of leadership.

But, at least he had Kian. Kian, who more than any of the others he had talked to, seemed to understand what they needed to do, and why. Seemed to understand what it meant to be a kite with no string, cut and left to drift at the mercy of the wind. He was going to change that. And here he was, to tell Kian of that change.

He'd taken the bus most of the way, and then skated the rest of the way to the house. And on that trip, he'd managed to hit a rock and fall, awarding him with one bloody knee, and stained jean shorts. But Autsu was used to it. He barely needed to look at his skin hard to bruise it.

So he stood, slightly bloody but none the less proud, and knocked on the door that he knew led to Kian's house. He kept one foot on his skateboard, rolling it idly back and forth while he awaited an answer.

This, at least, would be easy.

Emotions moved rapidly across Autsu's face as the door opened. Hope became disappointment, which gave way to irritation. With Kian's appearance that irritation faded, replaced by what might pass for warmth, though Autsu didn't smile. It was rare that he ever did, outside the company of his family. Even now, in the presence of a friend, he stayed serious. His purpose, was, after all, serious.

"Anne. You as well. And more suitably." He meant that Kian's build was more useful than his own long, delicate form, but the explination would require too many words. Looking at Kian... well... it almost hurt. The other boy was so much more of what he felt he should be. "I can... fall softly. And glide, some."

Kian's nearness pushed him quickly into soldier mode, into old habits, and so Yashima was mostly ignored. But newer rules forced his eyes to toward the other boy, forced him to nod a suitable greeting, before dismissing him altogether.

"Ally, can we talk?"

Invited to ignore the other members of the family, Autsu did just that, following Kian without a word or glance toward anyone. He fell, as he had before, into guard mode, walking a pace or so behind Kian, and to his left. His gaze roamed actively, mapping the house like enemy territory. Not that he didn't trust the others family, but old habits died hard. Within his own house, he let his guard down some, but anywhere else was treated as possibly dangerous.

Autsu's room was warmer than Kian's in terms of personal influence, but he didn't mind the sparceness. Lavish decorating would have made him uncomfortable, but this simply felt utilitarian. He could understand, and accept that from his friend.

He looked briefly at the chair indicated, and then took a seat crosslegged on the floor next to it, his oversized wings making anything but a stool a bit of a problem. Sure he could sit forward, or open his wings just so, but the floor was easier. He folded them neatly as he sat, and set his skateboard next to him. His still fresh scrape was oozing, slowly, but the blood had yet to make it onto the carpet. Autsu had already forgotten about it.

Looking up, he opened his mouth to answer the other's question, and... choked. Quite literally, as an attempt at speech became a gasp, and the two conflicting actions confused his throat and left him coughing to clear it. Which was probably for the best, because quite abruptly, Autsu was refusing to lift his eyes.

Maybe it was the thing that the other did with his tail, a movement familiar, if only in memory. Perhaps it was the particular angle that he was now looking up from, which brought back memories of kneeling to Narin. But Autsu had looked at Kian and seen, in a flash, both himself (his true self) and Narin in his friend's form. And his young teenage body, not knowing what else to do with the confused rush of emotions, mingled them with hormones, to create a wave of desire that was both completely appropriate for his age, and completely inappropriate for his mental state.

Done coughing, Autsu cleared his throat and kept his head down. "I've been recruiting." He would finish this conversation if it killed him.

It's worth noting, at this point, that while Autsu could understand, logically, what his body was doing, the experiance was new to either of his lifetimes. His species were not born with a sex. Instead, the body grew more masculine or feminine over time, dependent on socialization and environment. Full sexual development was usually reached as a late teen, sometimes later. And with the arrival of male or female bits, came the desire to use them. It made sense.

Here, the bits had just... been there. And now, without any real fore warning, came the desire to make use of them. Had Autsu been what he appeared, a young teenage boy, and a sheltered one, it might not have bothered him to have Kian on all fours in front of him, even with the sudden arrival of a sex drive. But Autsu had a whole lifetime of experiance, had lived in a military barracks, and could think of plenty of good uses that could be made of someone in such a position.

Oh god, he wanted to kill himself. How could he be thinking any of this? What about Narin? Narin. The thought helped a little. Pain was grounding. He dug his fingernails into his palms. Grounding.

Lifting his eyes, he forced himself to gaze steadily at his friend. He could understand how his sudden shift in demenor might seem odd, even insulting. "You are right. For a moment... you looked much like... like my leader. I am sorry, ally. I am fine, now."

His words were both true and false. Kian did have a very distant resemblence to Narin, at least in terms of skin tone and well, general shape. But that wasn't the point so much as the fact that Kian simply resembled, at least somewhat, a member of his species, and also had the sort of body that Autsu wanted. So want became want and Autsu tightened his fisted hands to clear his mind.

He couldn't think. If only Kian would back away, give him some space, he could figure this all out. He could rationalize it, put it away. As it was, the guilt and desire continued to mingle, and Autsu, the unwilling host of the battling emotions, felt his throat tightening with the threat of tears, and that was more than he would allow. He would not cry. He had not fallen so far as that, yet.

"It is too much, Anne. He was-" A struggle there, to explain without giving away the details of his exile. He did not want to alienate Kian by revealing too much. He might yet disgust the other, should he reveal that he had stepped outside the bonds of tradition. "I was his guard, and so he was all. My purpose. Were it not for him, I would not be here."

Anger now mixed with regret. Why hadn't Narin fought for him? Why hadn't he tried, or at least said goodbye? How could he turn his back on so much? The thoughts served to keep his mind off Kian, enough so to steady his gaze. He was calmer now, and in control, though the newly realized desire was not gone. Simply reined in.

His hands uncurled from fists, shaking slightly from the released tension. "We are allies, Anne. Friends. That gives me more strength than memory."

As control returned, Autsu's hands stopped shaking, he became once more the soldier, the warrior. Funny, he played a more obedient soldier now than he ever had before. Old values mingled with new, and he found himself clinging to the image over the reality. He'd been almost defiant, before. And even if he had yet to learn deference, he had learned respect.

Kian had his respect. And so he listened, silent and stoic, to the other's words. Listened, and smiled, just barely, as he never did. But he didn't say anything in response, he already had. They had both said their piece, reaffirmed their alliance. That was enough.

"Yes, you recieved the list I sent you? I have been visiting those on the list. Asking them if they have interest in forming a..." He hesitated there, not knowing, even now, the word he wanted. Army was certainly too strong, too dramatic. But unit did not seem strong enough, and failed to explain the drive, the reason. It was, none the less, the best he could think of. "A unit. Some were interested. Four."

"Four. It has not been so successful as I had hoped. Many houses where no one answered. They moved, maybe? I will try again." He winced as Kian moved close to him again, his grip abruptly tightening around the ring he'd been stroaking. Hormones again.

Fine. Just fine.

Kian, of course, was not intending to do any of what he was none the less doing. That was not a deliberate little tail wave. Kian was not like that. Was better than that. Would never be stupid enough to let attraction get in the way of more important matters. Let alone be banished for it.

Kian was stronger than he was.

"I spoke to twelve. A few, I would not consider. They were-- not to be trusted." Call it instinct. When that older girl had smiled, his wing feathers had wanted to stand on end, and he had known she was deadly. That her crime must have been far more evil than his own. "More said no. I think some did not like the idea of being something like soldiers."

"The four are Ques, Jera, Lissel, and Avrin." His eyes went distant as he spoke, recalling the conversations. An easier thing to focus on then the other boy. He had goosebumps. Stupid. "I trust them in that order, after you."

"Ques was enthusiastic, Jera thoughtful. Lissel enthusiastic, but gentle in seeming. I don't know how to use gentle. Avrin was neutral-positive. He wishes a clearer goal."

Focus was only getting more difficult as Kian relaxed around him. And it was nice, having his friend, who was perhaps even more reserved than he was, seem so comfortable in his presense. He wanted them to be comfortable with each other. They were comrades, allies, and they needed that trust. He just wished the other boy could be comfortable across the room.

Or, behind some sort of wall. Maybe they could discuss this on the phone?

His breath was slow, controlled and steady. He made each inhale even by counting, and exhaled with equal care. The very persision made it seem natural, instead of an attempt not to hiss everytime Kian's tail touched him.

What was he, thirteen?

Oh, right. He was.

He nodded slightly at Kian's opinions on handling the gentle. He had had little experiance with such people in his own life. The palace beauties had made him impatient and confused, and perhaps that was part of what had drawn him to Narin. Narin had been strong, but also lovely.

"I want something to protect. That's what I do." Speaking threw his breathing off, but that was fine. It wasn't notable when he spoke. "I want us to do something for us, as the man Archie, who found us homes, did. I-- I do not know, not really."