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 Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 3:32 pm
In a little over a year when I graduate, I plan to move into an apartment near my college with my boyfriend of three years. I have spent much time looking into practically everything I'll need to take care of before I move, calculated about how much money we'll need beforehand, I love the city I'm moving to and have always wanted to live there, etc. -- yet my family still highly disapproves of this decision, except for my grandma, who is convinced it'll "blow over." I hope she's right. But my parents are convinced that I'm basically "ruining my life", because:
a) They don't think the college I've chosen is good enough, even though it has a strong program in exactly the major I want, and I'm going there on a full scholarship. They think - at least my dad seems to - that I'm not serious about my major, elementary education, I'll change my mind, and I would have been better off going to another college on my scholarship list (my scholarship covers all public universities in Florida).
b) They don't think that moving in with Billy is a good idea right now, because I guess they think I'll get pregnant, thus "ruining my life" as my mother likes to say.
c) They're not convinced that we can handle living on our own, even though we've discussed a lot of issues thoroughly (more than a year in advance) and are learning everything we need to, Billy has a job and I'm in the process of getting one, and we're planning accordingly.
I overheard my dad tonight saying that he thinks "It's about time we call Billy's parents and sort this out." He didn't say Billy's name, but I knew what he was referring to. I'm worried that contrary to his usual empty threats, he will actually follow through with this one and mess up my plans. I have wanted to move out of my house since I was a small child and I'm really freaking out that my parents are reacting this way.
Billy's parents have acknowledged that it's our life, our decision, but I'm worried that my parents will have an influence over them if they talk. Has anyone here been in a similar situation? I really need some help.
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 5:41 pm
Once you're both graduated and 18, it's neither set of parents' business what you two do--UNLESS they're footing your bills and you're not completely independent of them, then they still may have say about it. Regardless of whether or not they like your decision, they can advise on what to do but that's it. You have no reason to be afraid as long as both you and Billy are independent enough to say, "I love you, but it's not your call," and then do what you feel is the right thing to do.
So really, you have nothing to be worried about. Your life, your decision and if they can't accept that, it's really too bad. It may not seem like it now, but they'll eventually come around.
My husband and I got that same rheotoric from his mother shortly before we got married, so I know the tune well. rolleyes She was convinced that if we got married neither of us would ever go to school again, we'd work low paying jobs, have tons of kids and be on Welfare. And she actually *said* this stuff. It was the same YOU ARE RUINING YOUR LIFE spiel. I am happy to report that four and a half years later, she was wrong. We are not on welfare, we're both going back to school this fall and we have one child who is very well provided for.
At the time I was really upset and much in the same place you are now, but now I realize that she was afraid for Chris and his future which makes mothers/parents a bit irrational. I think parents get so engrossed in making all the decisions for their child's life and trying to make it as smooth as possible that anything that deviates from what they think should be done is cause for Chicken Little Syndrome. When you talk about it, stay calm and rational and address their concerns. Even if they don't seem to be acknowledging it, they'll see that you thought it through and will calm down when the world doesn't end in days/weeks/months after you move out. It'll be OK. If you get upset and lose your cool though, you're going to be reflecting back to them that you aren't mature enough to handle this.
And if you do get pregnant while in college, life still isn't over. rolleyes Many people continue their education with children. If it comes to that, you do your research and prepare for it like anything else. It really saddens me that people talk about children in such a negative way. I'm willing to wager the number of people whose lives come to a complete hault and can't cope is far fewer then the ones who adapt and keep going. I personally think it's a scare tactic.
But anywho, try to stay calm and keep a level head. smile
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:58 pm
Like you and Pirate, this is all very familiar to me. My mother refused to talk to me for a full day after we announced that we were getting married. And when she finally did say something, it was "I suppose you're expecting me to cook something?" in a really nasty voice.
My father, especially, was mortified. He was convinced that I would drop out of school, that I would get pregnant right away, and so forth.
Well, I'm a little over a month from graduating from university. We're paying all our bills just fine and we haven't had so much as a pregnancy scare. My parents are still a little anxious, we can't mention anything about babies (or even remark that a baby is cute in the presence - even if it's my own little cousin), but it's largely blown over. My mother warmed up to the wedding once we got closer to the date and, in the end, actually hired a caterer without telling me and raised the quality of the food by quite a bit. She got really excited and she had a lot of fun.
I think you're grandmother is right. You've been planning, you seem responsible, you'll do fine. Work hard, get good grades, and don't forget to put aside some fun time for you and your boyfriend. It will blow over eventually.
As for majors, it's quite possible that you will change your mind once you are there. I changed my major three times in my first semester alone! That's just part of growing up. But you know, all this posh school business is fairly overated. Within reason, you can go almost anywhere and have the same opertunities if you are confident and work hard. Even if you do decide that you want to change your career path, it's not the end of the world. It's natural for parents to think that it is because they love you and they are scared that you will "mess everything up" (seems like a contradiction, don't it?), but you are old enough to realize that's best for yourself and go for it regardless of what they think.
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 10:37 am
I think this should be between you & your boyfriend, you're old enough to make your own descisions, whether or not your or his parents agree with them smile
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