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 Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 10:58 pm
I'm getting divorced.
I have no doubt many of you who read this will say "How could she be so blind?" or "What an idiot." Its not like I haven't heard it recently so go right ahead.
I found out the past two years of my relationship with AJ has been nothing but lies. He's been lying, cheating, stealing, etc. All without my knowledge.
He's been without a job for a almost a year now, all the while telling me they fired him cuz he's in the military or he never got the job. I have now gotten calls from 3-4 jobs that would've paid almost 4k a month + benefits asking me why he never showed up for work. Calls from his various lovers asking where he is. People calling asking when they're going to get their money returned because AJ borrowed it for his "habits". Money that he could've used to take me to the doctor. OH! There's the kicker, money he could've used to take me to the doctor or for my medicines that cost a maximum of $4 each! But no, I had to DIE first. Yes literally die. I had to be revived and put in the hospital, etc. The whole gambit so he could sneak around and lie and cheat, and everything else!
And if that's not enough, AJ and his father tried to run over my mom with the van because she asked him to return the extra baby bottles!
Now I have to work nights so I can support the baby and myself, I can't put him to bed at night or feed him his cereal. I have to rely on my mom to do it all. And I hate it!
I just want a break.....I want it all to stop. Can't something good happen for once for us?
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Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 9:32 am
First of all, YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT
You are a very smart young woman for taking the steps necessary to get yourself and your child out of a really bad situation
Cheesy as this sounds, hang in there and believe that things will get better
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Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 9:43 am
No one is going to call you an idiot or demean you. Be GLAD you're getting out of his psychotic sight. I'm glad you're ok! I know it doesn't make it any easier on you or the baby though, and he'll see what a strong mother he has.
Just focus on yourself and your baby. Take time for YOU. Have you talked to a lawyer? Judging from the sound of his behavior, I wouldn't expect much, but at the very least it'll be piece of mind.
And like icebrat said, it WILL get better. I know it's cliche, but it will get there. We can dig up links and information if you need anything. I am glad you have family to help.
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Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 9:50 am
First, I just want to say that you're not an idiot and I'm deeply sorry for all the trials you've been having lately. Sometimes, it seems like life gives us nothing but more trouble and burdens, so I hope something good will come and help lighten your mood and outlook. Hang in there and keep fighting. Good things will come. It can be hard to see when we're in the midst of our own depths, but keep looking for the good and it will come. If we focus too much on the negative, it's all we'll seem to get in return.
You shouldn't feel stupid, from the sounds of it, AJ is a con man. The con stands for 'confidence' because they usually build peoples' trust and they won't see anything coming until it's too late to do much about it. This doesn't sound like it was just a sloppy lie that was easy to see through. So please don't beat yourself up thinking you could have done any differently then you did. You can't change the past, but you can have a say in the future and how it goes.
My thoughts are with you and I'm wishing you luck in the future months.
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Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 5:54 pm
Firstly, you are not an idiot. You are very bright to take the proper steps to get a new life. I know a few people who should do that, but they don't, for fear of never being loved again. If anything, AJ's the idiot for doing that to begin with. I've been divorced twice and I know what it feels like when that happens, if you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I'm always there to listen to people and help as much as I can. wink
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Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 8:58 pm
Yeah I have a lawyer, I meet her tomorrow. UT has a system in place to aid abuse cases. And I'll be fighting for full legal and physical custody of Anson. And hopefully supervised visitation, but that will be harder to get.
Its hard to keep seeing or hoping for the good things to happen; I've been holding on to the good things that were supposed to happen for almost a year and he ripped all of it away in a matter of 48hrs.
Emotionally, I'm so exhausted.
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 10:23 pm
Wow...
I don't think you're an idiot. He seemed to have spent a lot of time fabricating this whole little thing. I guess he didn't count on people calling him one it.
I hope you get custody of Anson. I really hope things turn around for you soon.
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:50 pm
The judge dropped the protective order I had against my husband in exchange for a mutual restraining order in the divorce.
My biggest issue right now is his visitation rights. DCFS won't help when it comes to Aj negleting the baby or his family neglecting the baby. Nobody is taking me seriously about the abuse; everyone (minus my family and the domestic violence clinic) thinks I'm just a vindictive wife making allegations to get even with her husband. I could care less about getting even with him! I just want to know that my son will be okay when he's with his father!
If the baby is fussy then AJ doesn't want to deal with him, and his family won't touch him. If he spits up they yell at him. And they let AJ look at child porn on their computer. But no one will frickin' do anything to help my son!
.........And I'm worried about him when he starts having to go to Aj's home.
I'm so scared all the time. Now that the protective order has been lifted I keep getting all these nasty and threatening phone calls from him. My lawyer said to just ignore him and his family for the time being, but I can't do anything. I'm scared to leave my house or pick up the phone anymore.
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 2:54 pm
Document everything. That's all I can think to advise you to do for now. sad If it's something you can photograph, I'd do it. Just keep track and someday it may be able to help you.
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Posted: Fri Feb 16, 2007 3:01 pm
Pirate Dirge Document everything. That's all I can think to advise you to do for now. sad If it's something you can photograph, I'd do it. Just keep track and someday it may be able to help you. Agreed, documentation and conversing back and forth with your lawyer is your best bet. Save those messages on your machine. Report the child porn if you can. Don't respond to him or his family, don't fuel his stupidity. If there are no court ordered visitation rights, then keep it to a bare minimum, I wouldn't let him take the baby alone or unsupervised if you can manage. Just make a big of a stink as you can, media, paper, anything. One step at a time, hopefully they'll push at LEAST for supervised visitation. edit: Good site for info: http://www.womenslaw.org/UT/UT_how_to.htm#denied Look into a stalking injuction as well.
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Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:50 pm
How are you stupid?
Stupid is the person who finds out and then is too afraid or too hung up on the guy to leave. Stupid is the person who forgives over and over again until her kids die because he wasn't watching them when he was supposed to.
You're the smart one. You're getting a divorce.
It's a shame he has to make things so hard for you. I really hope it all gets sorted out. Definitely don't respond to him. Don't give him ANYTHING that he could use or spin to make you seem like the bad guy. I totally agree with Luna and Pirate. Best of luck to you! Make sure you give us some updates, let us know how you're doing.
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 10:40 am
Awww, hun, things will be hard for a time, but they WILL get better, you just have to be strong, if not for yourself, for your child heart
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2007 9:32 pm
He's petitioning for full custody saying he's been the primary care giver since the baby was born. I don't know where the hell he got that idea. Its amazing since he was gone 85% of the time off doing whatever obviously not working; and the other 15% of the time he was home I still took care of the baby because if the baby was upset he wouldn't touch him.
I'm so angry all the time. And I'm normally a very sweet, silent person. I don't get angry like this very often. Now I just want to rip his head off all the time.
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 11:08 am
Have you got much evidence against him for all of the things you said in the first post? Anything you can get your hands on. Collect information from his previous employers/possible employers etc etc. The more you can build up your case, the better your chances are.
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Posted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 10:28 pm
Just pointing out something:
In a restraining order, that generally means no contact OR third party contact... by calling you, he's breaking the law. You can call the police.
If you can get him for harrassment, especially if he leaves threatening messages, that will look that much better for you in court.
You can't record phone conversations without his knowledge, but it is obvious to anyone that you're being recorded on an answering machine, so that is usable in court.
If you can get him saying anything threatening, vulgar, or anything that is not looked kindly upon for someone fighting to be a parent, USE IT.
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