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 Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:12 pm
 Well. Here we are years later. He hasn't changed a whole lot and I still like him one long break and another look later. Buckley's character really intrigues me. Feel free to leave comments/questions/crits, what have you! <3
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:21 pm
 Table o' Contents
o1. The Intro
o2. The Table of Contents
o3. The Mythos
o4. The History
o5. The Profile
o6. The Guardian
o7. The Family
o8. The Gallery
o9. The FAQs
1o. Credits
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:24 pm
 The Myth
There are three forms of Liderc, but I chose the most traditional form with a few tidbits from both of the other two for Buckley, the ‘miracle chicken’. A Liderc is a demon that hatches from a tiny egg laid by a black hen. These, you see, are very rare, making a Liderc something of a treasure himself. It must be kept under a human’s armpit or in a pile of manure before it will hatch.
When the creature hatches, it will take on the opposite gender of its master, the person who hatched it. A Liderc can take the form of a chicken or a human, but it will always obtain a goose's foot. It will become their lover, but sometimes it will just fondle, sit on the master’s body or even suck their blood and the master will become ill after a period of time. According to the third version, not only will he cause sickness, but he will also spread doom to all those in the household. Interestingly, the Hungarian word for ‘nightmare’ literally means Liderc pressure, referring to the pressure on the master’s body while the demon sits on it. The master would indeed suffer terrible dreams and wake up ghostly pale, exhausted and weak. The same thing will happen night after night until the unfortunate master ends up dead.
A Liderc hoards gold, making its master rich. He also gives his master the ability to preform amazing feats. It is said this is because the Liderc has stolen his master's soul. The demon, however, must follow its master’s commands. If it's not kept in constant work, he will start to nag for work. The demon needs his master to command him, he needs his master to bring gold. A Liderc does not act on his own, for his own. To kill a Liderc of this nature, it must be persuaded to perform an impossible task, such as carrying water in a sieve or starting fire with ice, or it must be locked in a tree hollow. Having finally destroying the creature, the master's soul will be freed and his body will be saved from ravage.
Liderc Websites - [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:26 pm
 The History
Nénike, as fate would have it, was nearing the end of her life. Her beloved husband had long since past and her son had moved far away from the placid countryside to marry the girl of his dreams. The neighbors would walk by her run-down shack and shake their heads, pitying the poor woman who spent what little money the local perish gave her on chicken feed and black hens. Every day and every evening she’d check under the hens for a tiny egg, and every day and every evening she’d come up empty-handed.
Imagine everyone’s surprise when Nénike sauntered into the village with a handsome young man trailing behind her. The elderly woman and the dashing follower were decked in some of the finest clothing anyone in the village had ever seen. It quickly became clear that Nénike absolutely adored ‘Tyúk’, treating the young man as well she treated her own son. A few gossipers couldn’t help but wonder where such a handsome lad came from, why he was with such an old hag, and for that matter, where on earth she had suddenly obtained such ridiculous wealth. When Nénike fell horribly ill only a few weeks later, the whole town started to take notice of the bizarre circumstances. As human nature would have it, rumors flew and soon reached the neighboring city where Nénike’s son, Fiú, resided.
Alarmed by tales about his mother, her sudden sickness and the mystery ‘suitor’, Fiú rushed to Nénike’s house. He found his mother deathly ill and a peculiar young man hovering by her side. Unable to deny his insatiable greed, the demon lifted the coins hanging around in the stranger’s pockets. Enraged, Fiú dragged Tyúk out of the house despite his mother’s protests and pummeled the squawking Liderc. The panicked demon made a wild attempt to break free, striking at the attacker’s face only to find a dagger dragging across his cheek, neck and shoulder. The louder he screamed, the harder his master’s son fought. Never before had he felt such excruciating pain! By the time Nénike was able to pull her son away from her darling companion, Tyúk had a plethora of wounds marring his face, torso, and upper arms. His injuries were so violent they never completely healed, leaving obvious scars as telltale signs of the vicious attack.
His mistress’ son did the best he could to explain to his mother why owning such a creature was dangerous, but she’d have none of it. Nénike simply couldn’t believe such a sweet creature would take advantage of an old lady such as herself. She was wrong of course, barely surviving Tyúk’s Liderc pressure night after night. In the mean time, Tyúk still hadn’t completely healed from his encounter with Fiú, but had become incredibly hostile when he learned all his money was to be given to the very man who had attacked him.
What’s more, Fiú suddenly found himself having peculiar accidents whenever he was in his mother’s house. He’d fall down the stairs when he was bringing her a blanket, he’d scald himself on the stove when he was making her a warm meal, that same meal he cooked gave he and his mother food poisoning, the list went on. The closer the demon was, the more accidents Fiú and Nénike had and the more dangerous they became.
One could only fall down the stairs so many times before they realized there was a direct correlation between demon and misfortune. Fiú tried and tried again and finally, finally he convinced his mother that it was her pet hurting them, killing her, had stolen her soul. But how to get rid of him? Fiú had already tried stabbing him. Tyúk had endured many more stab wounds then any human should, and all he had to show for it was a couple of scars. Mistress and son determined he would die by now ordinary means, so Nénike pulled out the book that she had discovered the creature in.
The tussle between demon and man was brief. Fiu quickly overpowered Tyúk as the demon’s illusionary powers gave out. Remembering the wives’ tales of Lidercs, shoved him into a nearby hollowed tree as soon as he was back in his chicken form.
Discombobulated and sorely tangled, Tyúk was far more concerned with picking up his scattered gold than with what Fiú was doing outside. Suddenly, everything went dark as Fiú shoved a large rock in front of the opening. Tyúk was trapped and left to die in the pitch dark, alone and knowing full well that Fiú had made off with his treasure. What the man hadn't counted on, however, was the demon's ability to escape through the small hole left between the rock and the tree wall. Hollows were pretty big, after all.
The next day, Tyúk returned. Thinking quickly, the son had Nénike order her demon to bring her a gallon of water…in a sieve. So she did. It just couldn’t be done, but he couldn’t tell her no. Tyúk traveled down to the well with the sieve and only made it half-way back to the house by the time all the water had drained out, and right back to the well he went. He couldn’t do anything else until he fulfilled his master’s wishes. He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t even take a sip of water until he brought his master a gallon of water in a sieve.
On the third day, dehydrated, starving and completely exhausted, Tyúk dropped dead. Nénike was free and her soul was saved.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:36 pm
 Meet Him
Nickname: Buck (But you can try Bucky, Buckwheat or Buckethead and see where that goes.)
Past Name: Tyúk
Gender: Male
Mythbase: Hungarian Liderc
Appearance:
The Big Three
1) Buckley’s Hair: Buckley has a long black ponytail, he never lets it down. His hair color is a leftover from his past life, the same color of the hen that spawned him. The only reason his hair's so long is he won’t let anyone near him with scissors. Buckley’s hair is also littered with black chicken feathers. Working them into his hair is a very painstaking process, so he only replaces them when they are ratty beyond reason or have fallen out. There is, however, a stripe of red hair on the top of his head that refuses to fit in. It’s naturally fire-engine red and it just won’t grow long enough for Buckley to pull it back into his ponytail no matter what he does. Instead, it sticks up and flops over to one side under is own weight, resembling a c**k’s comb.
NOTE: As an infant, Buckley’s hair is blondish-brown and fuzzy, just like a
chick. (And just like a chick, he’ll grow out of it quickly.)
2) Rooster Tail: As Buckley grows, he grows a long rooster tail. It has a greenish-black sheen. It’s much smaller, and much less elegant, when he’s a child. Please don't pull it, though. That hurts. His tail is a source of pride, he values its beauty and would be absolutely scandalized if anything happened to it.
3) Heel Spurs: Like any rooster, Buckley has 'claws' and a spur on each heel. He has chicken feet, scales and all! Because of his feet, he cannot wear shoes or socks and the heel spurs usually ruin the cuffs of his pants. He has them all his life. He starts to walk on the balls of his feet when he gets older.
Abilities:
Sticky Fingers - Ever since he was a child, Buckley’s been bringing home odd change and trinkets. It was passed off as a shiny object catching a child’s eye, but when he started bringing home pockets full of gold, Zackary couldn’t help but realize this wasn’t one of those normal child things. He grew from pick-pocketing the inebriated to pinpointing the exact location of a person’s valuables (he’s only had a few errors in judgment) and nab it in less than fifteen seconds. Value.
The Golden Compass - Buckley formed an innate sense for finding treasure sometime around the same time his guardian realized how easily he could locate it on a person. (By treasure, we mean a large amount of gold or other valuables lumped in one place. For example, a large jewelry shop would catch Buck’s attention.) When he was younger, Buckley could not point the way to a treasure in the distance without a compass. (A “distance” would be considered about a mile or so.) This sense did not mature easily as the first, as it is hard to practice. He can only find the general direction without a compass, not the exact location and he has to use his compass unless he’s in isolation. Value.
Liderc Pressure – Physical contact with Buckley may or may not result in suddenly feeling ill or weak. He can’t control the effects and they are usually as intense as the contact. The older he gets, the more powerful the effect becomes. Thus, sex and intimate contact don’t really happen for Buckley, but the boy’s learned to deal with it. Treasure’s a better comfort anyway. Buckley never makes himself sick, only others around him. Liability.
Bound by Words – Just as a Liderc cannot disobey his master even if it will lead to his demise, Buckley will keep his word to his guardian no matter what. Even if he does not want to make good on a promise, he cannot complete another task until he’s fulfilled his pledge. (As he gets older, he learns to deal with promises made regarding future events; he’s able to live life regularly until the afore mentioned event occurs.) If he does not say the words ‘I promise’ or ‘You have my word’, he is not bound, though he is highly compelled. As soon as he utters those words, he’s stuck with no way out, so he tries to avoid them at all costs. Anyone can reap the benfits of such a trait if they get his guardian to manipulate him.Liability.
NOTE: Only his guardian can bind him by words.
Little Dark Cloud – Bad luck follows Buckley around like a rain cloud. The bad luck intensifies with age. It’s unpredictable and uncontrollable, though it is usually triggered by violent emotions. Hatred, terror, or sorrow tend to bring out the most severe, dangerous bouts of misfortune that could be categorized as ‘doom’. Less strong emotions (anger, fear, or general sadness) lead to much less dramatic spells. He doesn’t learn how to control it until he’s a teen and even then, it’s only half-way developed. He can purposely set bad luck upon his peers, but he can’t control its severity or how it manifests itself. He also can’t control it in times of extreme emotion, and probably never will. His bad luck will never effect him, only those around him. Liability.
Personality:
Infant – As an infant, Buckley is very grabby. He likes to grab on to people’s clothes and tug. While he’s a pretty quiet sleeper, he’s always awake at dawn. He loves warm things and the light, especially to sleep in. The nighttime terrifies him; he’ll wail and wail if his room’s completely dark. Similar to a baby chick, he peeps and cheeps instead of making typical baby noises.
Toddler – When he grows into a toddler, Buck has started taking an interest in picking up shiny objects such as spare change or a pretty marble. He takes things without asking and doesn’t usually return it unless he’s forced to. He always does as his guardian says and does so with minimal complaint. Buckley’s horribly afraid of the dark as well as small places; he still screams his little head off if he’s left alone in a dark room even at bedtime. He loves playing outside and he wants to be with the other children. He also still has an affinity for sunlight, warm things and soft objects. He seems to be a natural liar, his talent put to good use keeping him out of trouble. Buckley's found if his guardian can't figure out where his new treasures come from, he can't make him give them back.
Buckley is beginning to become a very social creature. However, he's quiet, not a natural leader by any means. If all the other kids went and stood out in the middle of the road, Buckley would follow them without a second thought. In fact, if the leader told Buckley he had to go stand out in the middle of that road, Buckley wouldn't even ask him why. At this point in his life, the Liderc's drive to follow orders is a huge factor in Buck's submissive behaviors. Buckley does as he is told, period. This being said, his preference of flight over fight makes perfect sense; he has no desire to land himself on the bottom of the pecking order.
Child - By the time Buckley reaches childhood, he’s realized his touch can make people sick. He’s also realized that bad luck seems to follow him but it never effects him, though he hasn’t noticed the correlation between intense emotion and the frequency of his peers’ ‘doom’. He’s starting to avoid people, his presence and it’s consequences generally make people cranky. Aggravated people frighten him, his will to survive starts to overpower his want to be social. In turn, Buck’s developed some sort of follower complex. When he is out, he clings to the leader of the group of playmates and does exactly as they say, rarely asking why. If he does what they say, they can’t get angry with him, right? In the same mentality, he frequently makes promises without thinking about it; he just wants to please people.
He’s started stealing small objects and doesn’t seem to understand why such a deed in shameful or why he should regret it. He always follows him impulses. He tends to do dangerous things without thinking about it because he doesn’t understand the concept of consequences. Therefore, he gets starts getting angry, upset, or frightened for something he's done wrong. He hasn't put two and two together yet.
Buckley is still incredibly afraid of the dark and small spaces. He will have acute panic attacks if he’s locked in a small place or he’s suddenly left alone in the dark. He frequently suffers night terrors, a combination of his fear of the dark and a side effect of the Liderc pressure. That power is still in the flux. He’s also starting to show a fear of sharp objects, like knives, but it emerges rarely enough that no one pays it any heed. He refuses to admit to these fears, simply because they could land him at the bottom of that dreaded pecking order. Buckley wants to be liked. Buckley wants friends. Little kid fears are not okay.
Buck has started crowing at dawn. He loves warmth, sunlight, fluffy softness and he now really, honestly enjoys the company of friends as well as his family. Interestingly, he appears to have a miraculous knack for gambling, despite the fact no one formally taught him.
Teen – As a teen, Buckley has done a 180 and gone from shy and holed up to incredibly reckless. His impulses are always getting the best of him. While he now understands consequences (or at least alludes to the fact that he does), he doesn’t appear to care and continues to be incredibly impulsive to the point where some people have to question his mental capabilities. He proves to be something of an irrational thinker and he always wants instant gratification.
Now that he’s older, Buck is incredibly tired of trying to please everyone. He just doesn’t care anymore. His apathy keeps bouts of ‘doom’ to a minimum and it makes his strange abilities easier to deal with. Hey, if they get sick being around him, if they have bad luck, that’s their problem. They knew the consequences, so he isn’t going to bother feeling guilty about it. He’s sick of being submissive, but instead of being rebellious, he’s started to get wily. He tries to avoid making promises at all costs. He gets aggravated when his guardian cons him into things and know prefers his friends’ company to that of his family.
Buckley’s become a very social animal and thus, he's starting to get frustrated with his Liderc pressure, especially with those hormones in full gear. He wants to touch his friends, but he can't. He can't even give someone a hug or he'd risk giving them a fever.
Even as a teen, he hasn’t outgrown his love for naps in the sun, the outdoors and the soft fluffies of life. (He tries to keep such embarrassing things hushed up.) Buck cares more when he’s made fun of for things he can’t control, such as his chicken-like traits or his claustrophobia, than when he was a child. His fear of the dark has actually subsided with age as well his fear of sharp objects. He can deal with the dark and only becomes a little shaken up after long periods of darkness. He can handle also sharp objects now, but he still gets restless if someone, especially someone he doesn’t trust, has one in their hands, or even in their general area. However, his claustrophobia hasn’t improved at all and it might have even gotten worse. He has hysterical panic fits that can be very detrimental to his health (He may hyperventilate to the point of not being able to breath, pass out or even fall into a catatonic state. Fortunately, these responses only happen in the most extreme cases of fear.) Buckley tries to avoid all situations that could possible lead to being locked in a small space, even if the chance is remote. He’ll never admit it, but Buckley would still choose flight over fighting.
Buck’s greatest passion in life is gambling, be it with cards, on races or on fights, legal or underground. He’s earned an incredible amount of wealth this way. He’s a master at all sorts of card games and has a knack for picking the winner. In fact, gambling has become Buckley’s defining trait. Addicted? Definitely. If there’s a way to work betting into a situation, Buck will do everything in his power to make it happen. He wants the most treasure he can find, and he’ll be damned before he stops stealing from anyone and everyone; with his newfound power over controlling other’s bad luck, he’s able to rig all games in his favor. Since physical contact (and thus an intimate relationship) is out, gambling has become his main source of pleasure. Buckley’s guardian is well aware of his addiction, but she doesn’t have the time or energy to make him break it. In truth, bringing Buckley to her job as a child is probably what got him hooked on betting in the first place.
Buckley’s family is poor. Despite this, Buckley does not use any of his winnings from gambling or any of the objects he’s stolen to help the family’s situation. It may simply be that he is a very greedy creature and that is just what Lidercs do. He keeps his treasure hidden, and absolutely no one knows where Buckley hid it.
As Seen in the Mythos:
Appearance – Buckley’s hair is black, just like the hen he was spawned from. He also keeps the feathers woven in his hair, feathers from a black hen. He’s got feet like a rooster, with scales, talons and the heel spur. He also has his red mohawk-like thing, greatly resembling a c**k’s comb. Finally, he has the elegant tail of a rooster, something he is very proud of.
In Buck’s personal myth, he receives scars after a vicious assault, which he carries on to his next life.
Personality – Buckley’s aggression is directly related a rooster’s. If he feels challenged or feels his ‘brood’ (treasure in his case) is being threatened, he’s not afraid to attack, even if it is clearly not the best choice. He’s afraid of being at the bottom of the pecking order, so he does his best not necessarily to fit in, but at least please the crowd enough to keep their distaste away from him. He’s very passive-aggressive. Chickens are pack animals, and so is Buckley. He wants to be outside and he wants to be with his friends, but he can’t be at the bottom of the pecking order.
Buckley’s most important features, his drive for treasure, his greed/selfishness and his urge to follow orders can be directly attributed to his past life as a Liderc. The demon was supposed to serve his master’s every wish, even if it destroyed them, and the Liderc hoarded gold. These days, thievery is much harder than it was in Buckley’s past life, so instead of outright stealing, Buck resorts to swindling (with the occasional pickpocket).
In Buck’s past life, he was brutally stabbed, leaving him with an unexplained fear of sharp objects. He was killed via suffocation, locked in a tree hollow to die while someone stole his treasure. Now he fears the darkness and small places. While he eventually puts the fear of darkness behind him, small places will always bring thoughts of an unpleasant death and the loss of all his hard work, and they will always bring on panic attacks.
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:43 pm
 The Guardian name; kinsey finch
nickname; none to date
age; early twenties
gender; female
birthday; may 13th
occupation; k9 officer
skin tone; medium coffee-brown
eye color; blue…just blue
hair color; very dark violet
markings; three red rubies under her left eye
enjoys; people; little kids; dogs; baking; bonding time; fish; bright colors; accessories!; accessory shopping; dirt boarding; biking; outdoors; playing rough; competitions
dislikes; being alone; having to work; living by herself; eating fish; losing; people pointing out her lack of chest…
hobbies; hiking; fishing; jogging with ford
personality; Kinsey likes to play rough. The oldest of seven, she really knows how to take charge of a situation…at least, with kids. She’s not quite as good with people older than her, and she’s especially not good with guys. Well, the ones she likes. But anyways. Kinsey doesn’t take crap from anybody, and she’s usually pretty gung-ho and blunt. She usually opens her mouth and gets herself in trouble…and keeps digging her grave until the hole is too big to get out. (She means well, though! Really, she does.) She used to dealing with brothers, after all, sass and sarcasm can weasel their way out before she gets a chance to engage her brain if she’s not paying attention.
She spent most of her life at home, helping her mother with her siblings, so she never really had a lot of 'hang out' time. She's a little socially challenged sometimes, yeah, that's what we're trying to say. She gets frustrated easily and is not very likely to 'talk it out'. That's okay, though. She'll feel guilty later. Now, though, she's finally moved out, on her own (freedom?). She finds she kind of enjoys the space...and misses the constant contact. Or she did, until she became the guardian of one very feisty Raevan by the name of Varun. Kinsey works quite a bit now; she’s still in training as far as being a police officer goes, but she’s expected to be at the station daily and is also charged with the care of her partner, Ford, a year-old German Shepherd. She expects to be out of training by the time Ford is also trained, in about a year or so.
theme song; rebel girl - survivor
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:51 pm
 Family
Race: Raevan
Personality: Varun is a very proud animal. He carries himself with a very strong sense of who he is and speaks with authority. While he sometimes comes off as brusque, it's just his speech pattern. He likes words a great deal and is doing his best to learn as many new words as possible. Of course, Varun wants to learn all this own his own. Varun wants to do everything on his own because he doesn't need anyone else! Problem with authority? Oh yes.
And what else is our youngling showing a strong distaste for? Other males. Varun seems to have a bit of an alpha male syndrome and often finds other males to be some sort of threat to him, especially when a female is involved. He is hyper-protective of his guardian and absolutely does not approve of other males who try to take his spot. Or harm her. And he doesn't like them getting to close to her, either. He's certainly not afraid to fight, even if it's not in his best interest. As he gets older, he'll certainly put a few tricks up his sleeve, so watch out!
Will he have conflict with rooster-boy Buckley? Certainly. But that's what makes it fun!
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 7:53 pm
 The Gallery A gift from Chibi! heart
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 8:01 pm
 Ask AwayHi! Why a chicken?I don't know. Why not? I know he seems weird at first, but trust me, he grows on you. He's really quite cute. (At least, I think so, but that could possibly just be my biased opinion.) Wasn't his original guardian a pirate?Yes, yes he was. Why did he get replaced?Would you give a Fa'e child to a pirate? Honestly now. I realized how silly that idea was and simply had to change it to something more believeable. I really did like the pirate, but he just didn't make sense. Besides, I think Buck the gambler is actually more interesting than a pirate. ...you seem to have a rather...small mythbase.Um, yeah. I'm not gonna lie. His mythbase is tiny. I can't help it. Chibi and I have searched high and low and the Liderc is just an obscure myth. There really isn'y much out there. However, I feel I have enough to give him a pretty soild character. Hey! You're toe-stepping!...am I? I've already chatted with Arrien, Aki Ani and Puchiko about possible issues. But if there's something else that's bugging you, please, tell me! Got anymore questions? Please feel free to ask!
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Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 8:05 pm
 Take Your Bow!Anya! XD - The incredible creator artist of the Fa'e! Thanks for giving me a short little critique. See how much he changed? Chibi Sheepcat - Oh, Chibi, how I love you. heart Thank you for all your help and support. I'd never have seen this place if not for her. She made me my lovely banners too and helped my find a myth. Love for Chibi! Lucifer Force - Thank you for your donation and all your plotting-ness with Chibi and I! Just having someone to talk to went Chibi went missing was a huge help! Black Duvet - Thank you for the critique! Arrien, Aki Ani and Puchiko - Thanks for working with me on that bit of toe-stepping! Liderc Websites - [x] [x] [x] [x]Base for Pixel - [x]Luff to you all! heart
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Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 6:00 pm
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 5:01 pm
ok well chibichi has BULLIED ME FORCEFULLY to review your quest so here I am
I AM THE GREAT QUEST POOH-BA
By the way I might be a little mean, but I know you're a newb so I'll go easy on you ok? ok.
First of all, I can't help but notice that your mythbase is pretty damn short. Is that all you could find? Don't just stick to Wikipedia, scrape Google as well. I mean, it's an interesting concept, maybe you could do something with it if you found enough information, but seriously, if you get stuck or can't find more then find a new base. Even though it's so short it screams TL;DR!! to me - try arranging the information better and maybe elaborating as you can - yes, you're allowed to make things up to some degree so long as they make sense. I think. Just don't go nuts with the sparkly transformation and Saira Myun, plz. Also, post links to your sources.
Okay, your history is fine, you're a good writer, but I have a few points. First of all - uh - how could the air run out in a tree? I mean. It's a tree. SURELY THAT ROCK DOES NOT CEMENT TO THE OPENING. I wouldn't know myself if that kind of thing actually happens but it seems more plausible that he would die from starvation before running out of air.... in a tree.
About his hair, if he had dreads he wouldn't even have to wash, would he? This is once again my uninformed opinion but I think dreads are made with some weird goopy material that will keep the hair in shape but you can never wash it and you'll eventually have to cut it all off cuz it'll get gross. But I really dunno. DREADS. SUP WITH THAT.
Also, if you're going to continue to try for a lost child then you've got to break up the chicken features. You can't just lump three features into one category. I know that it is really, really tempting, but that's... it's just not three features overall. You'll have to cut it down a bit.
Crack of dawn is not a power. It is a trait of his. Powers are magical, traits are just traits. The boy's internal clock is weird, that's okay, but there's nothing magical about it. Cockfight as well. They're part of his personality. There's nothing really very spectactular about it that I think would warrant them being all up in his abilities section.
Careful with his personality, especially from kid up. I know it's hard to avoid it, but you may be stepping on at least Dusty's toes with his "I AM A BIG MEAN BOY" thing. do some research and make sure you're not going to barrel into anyone's turf first. Personality is one of the hardest things to decide on, so keep working at it. The small spaces thing and the knife phobia is good, so keep those, at least.
Okay, this is mean, but Zach isn't really that compelling of a character. At all. He's gay and he cooks. Yay for Zach. Luckily, quality of guardian characters isn't a necessity for getting a Fa'e, so you would be able to squeak by with what you have now. However, is he really going to stand up as a solid character in RP? He's taking care of your Fa'e, for god's sake, he's his first role model. And he's gay and he cooks. Just think about it, okay? If you get the chance, work on him more. It won't hurt your concept, but it definitely isn't helping right now. This goes for the rest of the family as well.
Otherwise, good start. You've got a good base so far. Just keep thinking about where you want to go with everything and change your characters as you see fit.
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 6:15 pm
Thank you for the critque! heart Some of what you have said requires a great deal of pondering and reworking on my part. I appreciate it. biggrin
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 9:42 pm
Hahaha, sorry I was a little cranky when I wrote that, so sad I'm glad it helped you though. A lot of this stuff you just have to sleep on. If you ever want help with some Fa'e basics, feel free to drop me a PM or something.
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Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 6:13 pm
He looks really good! First off, the myth is pretty awesome. biggrin It's great you mangaged to take so much out of it without going into the sexual aspects of it. Good work there. And the backstory is rocking.
I'm not quite sure why his powers, like Liderc Pressure and Little Dark Cloud seem to negatively affect him, unless they're actually weaknesses. Maybe that needs a little explaining, like who do these powers actually affect?
Other than that, he looks really good, though you might want to clarify his abilities vrs weaknesses a little better.
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