|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 3:54 pm
I have been thinking lately about why I have never dated. I know I am still young, being only seventeen, but all of my friends (thinner friends) have at least dated, or been in a relationship. I think the reason why I have not ever dated is because I allow my weight to be more of a problem than it should be. I am 190 pounds, at 5'6", and I have a lovely shape. However, I am often so dead set into thinking that I am not nearly attractive enough to find a boyfriend. I am fixated on beauty = thinness. I know that this is not true, but I just cannot seem to train my mind into being less focused on being thin to be attractive.
My dislike for my body probably excudes from me as a negative aura, which probably scares off guys. My mother has told me that having confidence and being aware of what flatters your body is the most attractive thing about a woman, or a man. Recently, I have become okay with my body. I'm not happy with it, nor am I loathing it. I am at a standstill with my feelings.
As far as weight loss goes, I want to lose at least forty more pounds, but losing weight is a long, difficult road to travel.
In the meantine, I think that the only way I would ever be able to get over my self esteem problems would be to look at myself in a much more positive light. If I change my opinion of myself, I will probably attract someone to me, do you not agree?
Is making my weight into more of a problem than it should be a good explanation for why I have never dated?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 4:15 pm
It seems like a good explanation.
Extreme sense of self-loathing and lack of confidence can make you paranoid or defensive. Maybe you've recieved a number of invitations or advances but interpreted them through a haze of self-disgust as tricks or sarcastic insults. There's also a certain degreee of radiating emotional toxin that can be a bit of a turn off, and it's very hard to hook up with somebody who angrily refutes any complements.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 5:18 pm
well some people arent attracted to shyness. so if you are not confident in yourself, you are less likely to get a date. From the sounds of it, there is nothing wrong with how you look--just the way you feel. Loose the weight if you want too--but gain confidence. What i think you should do is find something youre good at, and then join a club. Not only will you be active in being confident with your skills it will spill over on to being confident with your body. plus--you might discover people have liked you the whole time. just get out there honey.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 6:04 pm
Fuzzy Necromancer It seems like a good explanation. Extreme sense of self-loathing and lack of confidence can make you paranoid or defensive. Maybe you've recieved a number of invitations or advances but interpreted them through a haze of self-disgust as tricks or sarcastic insults. There's also a certain degreee of radiating emotional toxin that can be a bit of a turn off, and it's very hard to hook up with somebody who angrily refutes any complements. Sometimes I wonder if people are sending me subtle clues to let me know they may be interested, and I just either flat out miss them, or I get confused by them. It's difficult for me to read guys. I mean, are they trying to communicate with me when they glance at me or in my general direction at least a couple times during class? I don't know. But as far as compliments go... sometimes I just accept them with a blushing smile or I just wave them off. I don't necessarily angrily refute them, but I don't exactly encourage them, either. Joss-Box: Yes, I've definately realized that. Lack of confidence is such a hindrance to working up the nerve to ask someone out. I've wanted to, but I was so scared to. >-< I'm so terrified of rejection. I think it would just send me spiraling down into a fit of depression. o-o Sound dramatic, but it's true. I also don't think I'm attractive enough sometimes. Perhaps that's just my insecurity showing through. I'm not the most social person, so being more involved with school would probably help out a lot.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:23 pm
You madame, have a VERY good excuse. If you can call it that
I guess... You really need to be at least pretty comfortable with yourself before you get into a romantic relationship. 3nodding
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:28 pm
Adzumi You madame, have a VERY good excuse. If you can call it that I guess... You really need to be at least pretty comfortable with yourself before you get into a romantic relationship. 3nodding I don't exactly consider it an excuse, as more of a big freaking hindrance. x-x I've realised that, and it's a very good point. I am slowly working to accept myself for me. That being the MOST important goal right now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:34 pm
I think you are dead on.
I was almost the exact same way, although I was bigger than you at that age.
I was so convinced nobody could find me attractive, I didn't notice any of the signs except for two instances, and I screwed up my chances with one guy by trying too hard. The other guy I think was intimidated by me because he knew I was confident with myself and not needing a boyfriend... so I think he was too scared to even try getting me because I wasn't as needy or desperate as his ex girlfriends and the girls he tended twoards.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2007 4:47 am
I believe that guys are fairly easy to read, but then maybe that's because I'm a guy.
If a guy's staring at you and trying to appear not to, and not laughing or pointing but just giving a look of distant intensity, odds are he's hot for you. If a guy, looking at you, tends to walk into easily avoidable barriers, like bookshelves, that's another clue. If he becomes flustered or has trouble speaking when you talk to him, that's also usually indicitive of attraction.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2007 8:49 am
Fuzzy Necromancer I believe that guys are fairly easy to read, but then maybe that's because I'm a guy. If a guy's staring at you and trying to appear not to, and not laughing or pointing but just giving a look of distant intensity, odds are he's hot for you. If a guy, looking at you, tends to walk into easily avoidable barriers, like bookshelves, that's another clue. If he becomes flustered or has trouble speaking when you talk to him, that's also usually indicitive of attraction.
But most guys that like me tend to be buddies with me. The closest I've gotten is this one guy who got this weird... somewhat compassionate or longing look in his eyes when he talked to me... but we hung out a lot, so I just figured that's the way his eyes are sweatdrop
I think it's partially 'cause you're a guy, it's harder for girls to notice... especially if they have low self-esteem. I mean, the last time my boyfriend visited was the first time I caught him staring at my boobs when I walked twoards him (which we had discussed before that visit...I asked him if he did it a lot and his response was "how many times have you ever walked twoards me?"). He admitted later he tried to do it to where I could catch him a lot of the time because he knew it would amuse me, and he was dissappointed 'cause I still didn't catch him the majority of the time. I've also had guy friends tell me their tricks for checking out girls boobs without them noticing.
Not saying a guy looking at your boobs necessarly means they like you, but guys know how to hide when they're checking a girl out. And I have never seen any guy so infatuated with a girl he stared at her and ran into things... well, one friend, and he basically stalked her and freaked her the hell out... got mad at me when I told him he was stalking her and that he needed to cool down.
I've noticed it varies from guy to guy a lot.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:35 am
Probably. Your low opinion of yourself probably has more bearing on your lack of attracting someone more than your size.
I dated a woman who probably had at least 50 pounds on me, but she was a very friendly, charismatic, and sexy person, with a good head on her shoulders and she never had a problem finding guys.
And another friend of mine is almost twice my size and she gets laid more than I do.
So I think it's definitely an issue of who you are and what you exude, and not so mcuh about what you are.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:08 am
The Dread Pirate Ghosty Fuzzy Necromancer but guys know how to hide when they're checking a girl out. And I have never seen any guy so infatuated with a girl he stared at her and ran into things... well, one friend, and he basically stalked her and freaked her the hell out... got mad at me when I told him he was stalking her and that he needed to cool down. Well, I don't think I know how to hide when I'm check a woman out. >.> If I do, it's mainly on a subconcious level. And I walked into a whole rack of books at the library looking at some girl trying to pull her shirt down over her waistline. I dunno. Maybe I'm just unusually clumsy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 8:07 am
Fuzzy Necromancer Well, I don't think I know how to hide when I'm check a woman out. >.> If I do, it's mainly on a subconcious level. And I walked into a whole rack of books at the library looking at some girl trying to pull her shirt down over her waistline. I dunno. Maybe I'm just unusually clumsy.
I've seen guys obviously stare at a girl, but the girl tends to have no idea she's being watched for whatever reason.... my co-workers have taught me much about guys.
I'm sure there are guys that do run into stuff, I just haven't ever met any or seen it in person. Except maybe last night. My friend and I were at the bookstore looking at manga and this guy walks past us and suddenly we hear all these books fall down like he'd run into it. Well, we hadn't been looking at him... and my friend works at a bookstore so she's used to it... she snickered a bit and I tried not to laugh and then he started going "Thank you, I hope that impressed you" and "Just wait until you see my next trick" and then he picked up the books and walked off embarassed... but my friend went "Was that the guy staring at us in the cafe?" and I was like "There was a guy staring at us? What?" So that possibly was him staring at us running into the books.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 8:03 pm
I think you have a point there. It is my belief that when we feel bad about ourselves, we really do exude that and create an aura of negativity around ourselves that other people will subconciously pick up on. Self-confidence is really important in any aspect of life, dating included. Once you begin to be more positive about your body, it will show, and I'm sure the boys and/or girls will start lining up for you 4laugh
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 12:08 pm
i think its a very valid excuse, to tell ya the truth. i used to be like that, although i'm much larger than you are (about 70 pounds heavier, same height). i hated my body and tried covering it up as much as possible. i think that hatred/self loathing was exuded in my aura, and guys pretty much stayed away from me.
i dont know how i did it. i think its because i'm friends with larger people, and they've learned how to love themselves. being around them, i've gradually learned to love myself too. i'm wearing tighter, more form fitting clothes, and usually have a smile on my face. i love me, and that shows.
plus, i've found the joy in flirting with guys.
4laugh
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
