|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 5:38 pm
I'm not to sure if this is where I should post this, but I'll post it here anyways. If its in the wrong place, I'm sorry.
I need some advice on breaking up when theres a small child involved.
I've been with my boyfriend a few years and we have a 4 month old daughter. We arent married but we live together. I'm currently a homemaker and never graduated from high school, he's a first year electrian. And I think its over.
I qwont get into the emional stuff right now, I just need some information.
How do you deside who moves out?
How do you figure out child support/visitation?
How do you support yourself in this situation?
Thats all I can think of right now... But any stories/examples or advice would be helpful...
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 6:51 pm
Well, I've not been in this situation myself but the first two things (visitation/child support and who moves out) are usually decided between the couple. If he doesn't want to pay support or if he's unreasonable, it will have to be decided in family court.
As for support, you'll most likely have to find a job. Even a crappy one is better than nothing at this point, right? Do you have family you can stay with until you get a job going and a place setup? (in case you have to move) because even if he leaves and you get to keep the place your living in, will you be able to pay for the bills/rent/ etc?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 7:42 pm
First, let me say that I know how hard this is, and if you need to talk I'll be glad to lend a non-bised, non-judgementa ear, I know what your going through... I went through this myself in late may, early june with my ex.
How do you deside who moves out?
It depends, if he's paying all the bills and rent and everything then he may end up being the one to stay. If you can handle that then it has to be decided between you two. It might be easer to move, there's not as much memorys in a new place, and it won't feel as bad. I recomend trying to stay with family for a while. Plus if you move then you can get a place the right size for you daughter and you, one you can afford. If you can afford it and it's not to big, it would be less of a hastle to stay. It also depends on if the lease is in both of your names, or just his.
How do you figure out child support/visitation?
Well, babys need a lot of medical, and if you don't have a job then you'll have to be on medicaid (good state run program, pays 100% of most things) but they have mandatory child support. That is one way to take care of that buisness. Visitation, you have to work out, maybe see a layer about it, also you may want to get coustody in writing, so he can't take her later, if it's in writing, legaly noterized then he can't fight it so easly later.
How do you support yourself in this situation?
You'll have to get a job, apply everywhere, take the first one that comes your way, but keep applying, that way you can get the highest paying job you posably can. I know it sucks, but wallmart and Sam's club have very good starting wages (here, for wallmart night crew it starts at 7.50 an hour, and Sam's is better, but harder to get on.) If your not already, go down and get on WIC, it will help with grocery bills, and I beleive it's for the first year of the baby's life (longer? ) What you get depends on how your feeding her, but it will help either way.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jan 25, 2007 8:12 pm
*hugs* I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this. http://www.storknet.com/cubbies/parenting/finances.htmThat site has a lot of links to financial resources for you. For child support and visitation, while agreements verbally aren't bad, it's best to get the legalities sorted out by talking to a lawyer. It may cost money, but well worth it. There are pro bono lawyers as well that can let you know your rights and lead you in the right direction.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 1:46 pm
Thank you for all the information and support. It does help. I have to admit that right now I'm very confussed, and unsure of things. I, in alot of ways, don't want to give up on my realtionship, but If things don't change I know I can't stay.
I have no family near me. I moved some five hours away from them for him... (dumb I know). My mother has already tld me though that she can help me and wants too. But I don't want to move down there with her. I don't want to make it where Jason can't be near Sage. He's a good father when he's around and plugged in. And I'm afraid that if I try to leave I will be pressured by his family. I'm a bit afraid they may try to take my baby away, thinking its for the best... They all have more money then my mother and I combined, in the eyes of a court they might be able to support her better...
There's just alot going on... But I'll defently look into all the stuff you guys kindly showed me.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 2:19 pm
I know the predictiment you are in, I'm in a similar one as well -- my own suggestion is - try to leave on good terms, when you leave if you leave, try not to argue overtop of each other - it will make your situation worse, as for your family - do use them as much as possible - if they know where you are coming from - it'll help you get where you are going.
For me, I've been married 10 yrs, so I soo can relate - i've got two children - ages 4 & 11 -- so it will effect mine, yours is little - so the pressure on that scenerio is lessened.
Check the city you are in as well - they might have some form of support available for you to go back to school and get subsidy for daycare. Then you show you are making an effort with your life so it looks better for custoday.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Jan 26, 2007 11:40 pm
I'd definitely look into consulting a lawyer about your options. Also, look into any government programs that might offer you aid. Your doctor might know of some, such as WIC. And I know a lot of moms that stay home with their kids, but watch another child for someone for extra income. So if you're good with kids, that might be a job option that would allow you to stay home with your baby while still earning money. There's a site called http://www.divorcenet.com that looks like it might have helpful info. I know you're not getting an actual divorce, but you're going through so many of the same things, if not for that piece of paper. If you need anything at all, just let anyone here know! It's really sad and scary you have to go through this. Is it really over, or do you think there's any hope?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 11:22 pm
Get a job before you do ANYTHING. Just because you're the mother doesn't mean you're the one who gets to live with your daughter by default. The courts are going to see that he has a job and you don't [if you go to court/a lawyer for child support], and will choose according to that who is better equipped to care for your child.
Usually whoever is paying the [majority of] bills stays, or both move out to start anew. But that's entirely a decision made between the two of you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 5:26 pm
I agree with Boombanda. I would definetly try to get myself a job. And make sure that I had somewhere to go and a way yo provide for my daughter and myself, before I did anything.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 8:37 pm
Please let us know how this is going ...
I'm here if you need someone to talk to. PM me whenever. <3
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 2:49 pm
Hope you are doing alright.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 3:12 pm
Jason is going to college for 2 months on March 5 so were going to be taking a break then. We desided, well I desided, he had no choice but to agree, that we would treat this time as a seperation. See how things go. After the two months our lease will be up, and we will desided then if its time to call it quits or make it work.
If things don't work out though I do jave a plan now. I'm going to move to another town which is smaller and the cost of living is less expensive. I'm going to rent or buy a house there with my friends perhaps. That way Sage can still spend time with her family and father. My mother is sending me money to see a lawyer, just to see how things stand, know my rights, answer questions, and all that.
If things do end up working out, well then that would be great too. He does seem to be making more of an effort these days. He's even been as considerate as to move to a place i like more, even if he has to comute to work.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 3:35 pm
Good to hear it sounds like everything is working out so far! biggrin
Let us know how it goes!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:33 pm
I'm glad you're figuring things out.
I'm in a similar predicament right now myself... except I've been married for almost 4 years and our son is almost 3.
Try counseling. One of the best things you guys can do is try and work out your problems as a couple and your problems as individuals. Since there is a child involved, you essentially owe it to your kid to try every avenue before you split.
As far as custody goes, they don't JUST look at money. Like me, for example. I don't have a job, and I haven't in 4-1/2 years. If we divorced, I'd have to temporarily move in with my mother, and probably share an apartment with a friend.
However... my husband is Navy and in the 3 years of my son's life, he's been deployed in 3 month periods for over a year total. I change EVERY diaper, always, feed him everything, spend every waking minute with my son. I have never been away from him for more than 5 hours. I've taken him to every single doctor appointment ever, and he usually goes everywhere with me as well.
In court, I'm more his parent than my husband by a LONG shot. My son would be devastated if he couldn't see me because I was outside, but he's fine with his dad being gone for 3 months at a time.
Court will look at that, and I'm fairly sure it wouldn't be much of a contest to see who deserves main custody.
So, look at your own situation from a similar standpoint if you're worried.
I hope that helps some. I'm in a really bitter, angry mood at this point so giving relatively unbiased advice is pretty tough.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 2:57 pm
Doesn't the courts decide on most of that stuff??? confused
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
