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 Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:14 pm
Last night as I was going to sleep, I was staring at my Erik plush doll which sits right by where I put my glasses every night. I started, in my half sleep-madness, talking to him and telling him things that one often hears from a parent. When I regained myself enough to close my eyes and settle down, I thought of something.
Plenty phans here have read the Kay novel, and know just how badly she portrays how Erik's mother treated him. Even those who've read the original novel by Leroux can recall the passage where Erik spoke of his mother and her fear of him, how all she ever gave him was his mask.
But, what if we, not as phans, but as people had an Erik? Not saying we had Erik as our child per-say, but a child like him. A skeletal little thing with sunken in eyes, twisted lips, barely any hair, and skin pulled so tight you could see the veins and outline of their skull.
What if you had a child that looked that hideous? This is modern day, so naturally we're a bit more accepting, but how would you treat them? Would you give them away or keep them just to save the world grief? Just how would you raise this child, with plastic surgery not an option and facial transplants still not out of the testing phase?
Would you, like Erik's mother, shun him and make them cover their face? I want honesty in these answers. No one is going to bash you if you say you would get rid of them or make them wear something on their face. It's human nature to feel that way.
What I want to know is, if we had the chance, how would we treat a child just like Erik? How different would our parenting be from his or how similar?
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 3:12 pm
Wow. I would probably be scared. I mean you couldn't really send him to school because everyone would make fun of him and that would be horrible. I would probably home school him and love like any other child I could have. I mean he's still my kid. I might keep him home and away from the outside world until something could be done because I wouldn't want him to be hurt by others staring or rude comments. It's what most everyone would do, right?
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:33 pm
Kuraire Wow. I would probably be scared. I mean you couldn't really send him to school because everyone would make fun of him and that would be horrible. I would probably home school him and love like any other child I could have. I mean he's still my kid. I might keep him home and away from the outside world until something could be done because I wouldn't want him to be hurt by others staring or rude comments. It's what most everyone would do, right? Well true. But keeping him shunned from the real world doesn't give him people skills and he ends up socially retarded, as they call it. He won't know how the world works the moment he gathers the guts to go into it. I think homeschooling during childhood and much of adolescence is needed, though. The cruelest ones are almost always the children. They'd crush him to nothing and probably hurt him. However, I think when he can come to some terms with his face I would go with him outside to do things such as see a movie or go shopping. As well, I'm not too sure how a mask would go over well in public nowadays. He might get just as much ridicule, though less disgust and hatred. It really is a tough choice, but it was one I felt needed to be asked.
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:15 pm
It's a very good question, Uta...
In all honesty, I'd probably be terrified of a kid like Erik. I'm afraid of children anyway, but one that looked like a living skeleton? Eeuh... Which isn't to say I wouldn't love him if he were my son, but I think I would be just a little uncomfortable.
Natural instinct would be to keep him home all the time and away from other people until he's old enough to handle it, but look how well that went in SK... It's cruel to keep a kid locked away in the house until he's 15 just because you're afraid he might get hurt. Besides, you'd have to let him get teased a little when he was young or he would never learn how to handle it.
Thought: What would you tell him about his face? Would you got the SK approach and try to keep him from realizing anything was wrong, at least while he was little, or would you be open about it?
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:38 pm
PhantomoftheFox It's a very good question, Uta... In all honesty, I'd probably be terrified of a kid like Erik. I'm afraid of children anyway, but one that looked like a living skeleton? Eeuh... Which isn't to say I wouldn't love him if he were my son, but I think I would be just a little uncomfortable. Natural instinct would be to keep him home all the time and away from other people until he's old enough to handle it, but look how well that went in SK... It's cruel to keep a kid locked away in the house until he's 15 just because you're afraid he might get hurt. Besides, you'd have to let him get teased a little when he was young or he would never learn how to handle it. Thought: What would you tell him about his face? Would you got the SK approach and try to keep him from realizing anything was wrong, at least while he was little, or would you be open about it? Very true. Taking him out for a while would be healthy and let him get a tough skin on him so he wouldn't crumble when he was an adult. However, I wouldn't trudge him about town and torture him like that. Just let him interact with others at a limited level to get his bearings and have it done with. On the facial issue, I would wait until he was about 9 until I let him see it. I don't think showing him such a sight at an early age would do him any good. Look at SK!Erik. It scarred him and he couldn't cope with it well. However, unlike SK!Erik's mother, I would be supportive and tell him I loved him anyway, even if inside I was scared. That would soften the blow of his features and in time he would come to accept them, I would hope.
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 7:03 pm
Ooh.. what a question.
If I did have a child that looked like that though, of course I'd keep him. I like to think of myself as less shallow than the majority of the world anyhow. As for his face, I'd make sure to keep plenty of mirrors around so that he could see himself, even as an infant. That way he wouldn't have to go through such a traumatising experience..
As for public, I think maybe I'd find something for him to wear.. a mask seems a silly option now, but.. hey, I'm getting stuck here. I'm not sure what I'd do. If I seriously couldn't find an answer, I think I'd have to keep him home.. there's no telling what cruel things people would do.
I'd show him so much love, though. Homeschooled, probably. I'd try to find him a few friends.. maybe a friend of my own's child? It depends what they'd be like, I suppose.
I guess now I realise how hard it must have been for his mother. So many decisions..
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 9:05 pm
At first instinct, if I knew pre-natally, I would probably abort the child. Which sounds cruel and unusual, but especially at this moment when I'm still in highschool I could never take care of a normal child. But if it was like Madelin in Susan Kay's novel, and I was married and old enough, I probably would break down crying all the time, simply because I would know what a difficult time he would have, and if his disfigurements would cause him to be unhealthy.
I would probably grow to be really overprotective, making sure that he never got hurt, and telling him I would always love him. I would probably make sure that he had a fewplaymate since birth, that way the kids wouldn't see the problem with his disfigurement seeing it as normal, always growing up with him. I would spoil that kid rotten, and maybe be a bit too indulgent.
If we had to go out in public, I might make him wear a surgical mask or bandage him. But I'd probably continually ask him if he felt old enough to take it off in public, and it's his choice if he wants to do it. I'd take him out alot though, try and get him interested in different things. -shrug- I don't know.
I can only hope that he would turn out fine.
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 9:21 pm
Rhyala! Yes! You're in.
*Ahem*
Okay, first you have to keep in mind that I do not like babies. I do not like to be near them, touch them, whatever. I always feel like something bad will either happen to me or them if I do so. Same for very small children. They creep the hell out of me, though, perhaps not as badly as babies.
Also, I cannot relate to babies and children the way I can relate to somebody older. See, if I simply met someone who looked like Erik...sure, the first few times I was with him, I'd be first heart-stoppingly shocked, and then uncomfortable, and then I'd probably try to befriend him because that's the way I am. Now if it was a baby...that I had...god, I don't know. I'd probably freak out like I knew the world was ending tomorrow. I'd know that there was something in my genes that could have caused this, maybe something that could affect me. And that would scare the s**t out of me. I'd be scared, because as creepy as babies look when they're normal, they're not supposed to look all shrunken and skeletal. It would be like seeing an alien of some sort.
To tell the truth, I don't know if I'd be able to keep it. I'd feel bad about not keeping it, but it would still be a constant reminder of what life might be like for both of us, for who knows how long. I'd always remember that there may be something seriously wrong with my genes, that the baby might grow up retarded, and if so I'd have to take care of it for the rest of my life, and all that. I doubt that I could ever bring myself to care for a baby like that.
However, if the doctor said that there was no brain damage, that the baby was perfectly healthy, just terribly deformed, that would be a different story. I would probably get over my initial fear, simply because it was mine, and I'd want it to live and have the happiest life it could.
In raising, I would keep him isolated for a while, but slowly bring in people I trusted to meet him, and warn them, of course, about his appearance. I would probably homeschool him, but, horrible as this may sound, I would expose him to other children. No, not all the time, and again, I would work slowly, bringing in the nicest child I could find first, and work my way through little by little. Why? Mainly because of my own experience. I was a complete outcast in gradeschool years, and very possibly the one that everyone went after. Sure, this was very traumatizing and upsetting, but you know, it made me stronger, and better able to deal with social situations than practically anyone I know. I would raise him in a similar way. Slightly more cautious about the outside world, of course, but since he can't be wrapped up in bandages like a mummy for the rest of his life, he'd best learn how to deal with others, and to use what he has. It may sound a bit cruel, but it works, and I'd want him to be able to survive out there, above all. I never held it against my mom for not defending me against everyone. I think it would have hurt me more if she had.
As for his face, I wouldn't make an issue of it before he got introduced to people other than me. If he knew he looked like that from the very beginning, he wouldn't be afraid of his own face. He would only know it was different from mine. Later on, I'd teach him that many people are scared of differences, and not many people look like him. It wouldn't be made into anything negative to look like him, but it would be made into a point. And I wouldn't tell him that people would make fun of him, but I would be there for him when they did, and I would make sure others would as well. It would never turn into something that would hurt more than it would help, if I could manage to do whatever my mom did.
This, of course, is written assuming I'd have no outside job, and knowing that I have had no experience in child care, so it's all purely assumption.
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:40 am
I would love my child no matter what. I wouldn't make him wear a mask, that would be cruel. However, I would look into special schools in which I can enroll him at least for elementary. The social skills definately need to be developed but if he is shunned by other people or home schooled and had no interaction only a negative result would occur. However, if he had been in surroundings with people like him then perhaps socialization could begin to grow. Also, education would be very important. For all children yes, but I would make sure he understood more than arithmatic and literature. Social learnings and understanding of himself would be highly regarded. Also, the ability to feel confident in who he is would be very important. Sacrifices would be made and other things as well, but it would all be for the better. After all, if plastic surgery would only help how the child would look does that fix how they feel about themselves? It would not, because underneath the face he would still be that person. To make him confident enough not to want plastic surgery would be a great goal to aim for.
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 1:22 pm
Re: Masks
The funny thing is, you never know with kids... My cousin wore a Spider-Man mask every time he went outside for two months, and he's perfectly normal looking. Your little Erik might think it was cool to wear a ninja costume to the movies or the park or whatever.
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 8:26 pm
i'd get that kid into a theater club once he was old enough. i'd probably home school him and of course i would love him to death. sure, i'd tease him a little, but an affectionate teasing, you know? and of course i'd be a little frightened at first, but it wouldn't last very long. above all, i'd make sure he knew that he wasn't a freak, he was just different. eh, i guess i'd use the word "special," well, maybe "unique" instead. he'd have a sibling. no wait, maybe a sibling wouldn't be such a good idea...
he'd have a playmate, anyway.
but yeah, about the theater. honestly, i think he'd love that most. from my experience, people in the theater are very accepting. he'd make a lot of friends, for sure. and as soon as he had friends, i'd see about getting him to a regular school. it's easier if you have good friends to hang out with. i know if i saw a kid like erik at my school, i'd hang out with him. but that's just the kind of weirdo i am xd but since i know there's people like me out there who would think he was awesome, i would feel better about sending him to school.
we would find ways to laugh about his deformities. not laughing at him but laughing with him. he'd know he was loved.
that's another problem. love. well, i guess everybody's a victim of unrequited love at some point. but his first crush would be devastating, i know. i guess i'd have to keep that PotO dvd away from him, it might give him ideas xd
so i guess im finished now. taking the time to think about all the trouble and fun made me actually want an erik-like kid for a second there. hehehe.
whoadang, i just had deja vu... really bad... sorry that was pretty random of me sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 8:39 pm
I hate the words "special" and "unique". They sond so condescending, especially when used on children.
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Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 5:05 pm
I doubt I would have kids at all because there seems to be a cycle of bad mothers that run through my family, but if I did and it turned out to be Erikesque...At first, I'd be terrified out of my mind. I mean, imagine the first image of your child seeming like something out of a horror movie.
But I would get over it, because I would be his mother. I'm not saying that in a "I gave birth to him, therefore it's my requirement to show him that I care" way, because that's false. I would love him in a true mother-son sense.
But considering I'd probably be completely inadequete with regular children, I might have a nervous breakdown and scar/scare him just as much as Erik was. >.>
As for regular life, like Painted Black said, I'd be overprotective. People stare at the smallest, things so I'd be very wary of other people being around my child.
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Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:22 am
If I had a child like Erik... Well, I'd probably think he/she's adorable, really.
I'd love the child oodles; postulating I ever have a child.... domokun Of course the child would be home-schooled, as if I ever have a child it will be- only because I absoloutely hate schools.... >___> As I hate "assuming I have something that's highly unlikely for me to ever have," I'm just going to stop now. :3
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Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 10:15 pm
Thorn Venatrix I hate the words "special" and "unique". They sond so condescending, especially when used on children. I have to agree. Think about it...when is the last time any of you used to word special to denote a kid in a positive light? yeah, thats what I thought. I think because of my PotO obsession, I'd keep the kid. I don't think I would name him Erik, though (I do want to name my kid that) because that might be a little cruel. I'd probably be shocked and worried for the kid's health, both physically and socially. I mean, kids are little bastards, really. I'd send him to normal school, though. No sense in making him ugly and socially retarded. Oh, and would most certainly NOT make him wear a mask. Thats just...cruel. Unless its his idea. Then a ninja mask would be in order,d efinintely.
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