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 Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:27 pm
 Ausi’s eyes widened as she slowly sat herself down. Her stomach had been hurting her all day and now the pain seemed unbearable. She couldn’t concentrate anymore, or think, all she could do was sit as her whole body ached. She felt sick; and her stomach churned as she winced and curled herself into a ball. She had grown again; she could feel it all through out her body. She was taller and faster, and her body was plump, supple. She had also found out that Fedha liked her change… because he was spending a lot more time with her and even started to sleep with her at night.
And sometimes he would even sleep right next to her... it was nice; it was different… it wasn’t him at all. And though she liked to believe that he did it because he loved her... apart of her knew... apart of her could see that it wasn’t. Fedha didn’t love her; and if he didn’t... Ausi never saw it. Though she spent all of her life with him - so far -, never once did she feel loved by him. He cared for her; she knew this... but love... was simply out of the question, right?
Well, so she had thought. He had come onto her once, sweet talking her in an odd fashion and Ausi found herself stunned in complete happiness. He didn’t really talk... it was more along the lines of... a psychical love. She loved it nonetheless... and it made her believe that for once he loved her in return; he loved her too.
But... Right now she couldn’t think of anything but the ache within her stomach as she felt another wave of pain hit her; wincing deeply she felt tears lace along her narrowed blue eyes as she gasped and mewed to herself. She had to stay quite... Fedha would hear her if she made too much noise and she didn’t want to wake him. He would ask her too many questions that she simply couldn’t answer right now.
Moving herself to her paws she slowly dragged away from him and hid herself at a safe distance. There she slid back down onto her side and groaned. She felt like dying... why did she hurt so much?
She felt sick.
Hours had passed now and within this timeframe Ausi found out what losing a cub felt like. She had been heavy with child, about 10 weeks in... but her body was just too young to keep it... and she had a miscarriage. By this point she was beside herself in tears; hunched over into a small ball. She had moved many times during the night to keep her noise down... but... all attempts seemed pointless. Her sounds would soon wake Fedha...how on earth would she explain this to him? Honestly.
She understood... parts of it, but still she couldn’t grasp what had happened... not fully. Mewing softly to herself the blue-eyed lioness slowly moved herself back to Fedha’s side and with soft sobs nuzzled herself into his chest.
“Fedha..."
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 2:47 am
Fedha could not understand the dream he was having. Ausi was in great pains... mostly he could not understand why that was hurting him so much. Even in his dream his heart seemed to be stretching at the point where it would tear three times just to relieve itself the pressure.
This, obviously, called for a rather fitful sleep but Ausi (whenever she did get too loud) had not been heard. When she nuzzled herself into him he flinched and his eyes fluttered open, looking puzzled. Fedha.. why was she crying! Since when did you worry about stupid crap like this... Groggily he wrapped his paws around her, almost encasing her with his own body.
"Ausi... what's wrong?" He breathed, nostrils twitching. She certainly smelt... different. Not a smell he liked, either.
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 4:15 pm
At first she let herself rest within his warmth as soft gasps passed her opened maw. She felt so trapped... and her head spun around... making her feel even sicker then she had before. Within the back of her mind though she found herself blaming him... he was a seer... yet he didn’t tell her of what would happen to her? He didn’t care to explain that she would have to go through such a thing?
A deep snarl passed her as she pushed herself from him and gazed at him with cold blue eyes.
”You- You- you! You knew what would happen to me, didn’t you? What have I done to forsaken you? I have given you all that I am... yet still--”
She paused with a soft chuckle. Her sobs only growing deeper.
“Yet... still I get nothing. I want to be here... I want to! I do! I’d give everything to just to be with you! But you... when was the last time... you said you cared? When... when did you go out of your way to make me feel loved? WHEN FEDHA!?”
She was hysterical right now, ranting on and on in no real direction.
“AND LOOK! Look at what happened now! Are you happy now!? I can’t even carry your child Fedha...”
Tears slowly ran down Ausi’s face as she slowly dragged herself from him and spoke.
“Is this fate... punishing me? What... what did I ever do...?”
Slowly the lioness slid herself down and held her body against the earth in both pain and anger. She wasn’t trying to hurt him, but she was. She was blaming him for something he couldn’t control. It was unfair… but she did. She felt so overwhelmed and confused.
Why did she yell at him like that?
Without any other words spoken she cried softy to herself and kept her eyes closed. She was a mess.
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 4:58 pm
Fedha grunted and backed away from her, frowning with unease. She hardly ever acted this way with him, what the hell was biting her tail?
What... what was she talking about? What was he supposed to be seeing? "Ausi!" He snarled, trying to get her back under his command. It was terrible that he thought this way, but he did. "It doesnt work tha..." He froze. What? She ... he... he'd impregnated her?
Why did he have to make her feel loved? His eyes narrowed and he looked away from Ausi. Dammit, what was he supposed to say or do?
"Ausi.." He said softly, trying to edge closer to her. "Ausi no.. you're just too young.." He breathed, whispering it to her. How was he supposed to show he cared, that she was his and he hers? It's not like he ever practiced any of that emotional crap.
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 7:45 pm
“Don’t you dare tell me what I am!”
She snapped at him as he moved himself closer to her. Anger swept across her face as she gazed upon him with dark eyes. Her nose wrinkled as she snarled and within those few seconds showed him that she was not one to be handled so lightly. Ausi had a darker side, and it was ugly.*=
“Don’t you dare..."
She hissed with a faint tone. Tears still laced along her eyes as she moved herself away from him again she spoke.*=
“I-I would have been a good mother... I would have, I would have.”
As Ausi said this she turned back to him and gazed at him with a dull smile. She was looking for all of her answers to her unspoken questions in his eyes; as if he knew it all.
“Fedha..."
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 3:19 am
He should just leave. Go away until she calmed down. Why wouldn't he turn around? She didn't want him here anyways.. She does want you here... His ears flattened and he flinched and jerked himself backwards at her snarling. She was behaving like a cub! You've behaved that way all your life though... she deserves some credit. He shut his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.
"Ausi.. stop this.." He whispered, again moving closer to her. He didn't care how mad this would make her. "Stop this... you would have made a terrific mother... it just wasn't your time.. it wasn't meant to happen... I'm sorry.." He swallowed. Because she had convinced him it had been his fault. He knew he'd been 'sweet talking' Ausi just for his own pleasure, as much as he'd like to deny that.
"I'm so sorry.." Why did he always have to ruin things with them?
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 4:01 pm
“I don’t know what to do.”
*She whispered under her soft sobs. Ausi was tired and now felt like he couldn’t even fight him any longer. Her blue eyes swelled as she turned herself from him and sighed deeply. Would she be able to fix this? Would she be able to be with him even after this?
If only time could tell, but right now she had no time.
Right now she felt null.
Sitting down Ausi held herself still and gazed at the night sky above. She kept asking herself why, why this all happened. Why she lost her home and mother and sister; Why Fedha lost his home… and mother. Why did life deal them such a bad deck?
Life had never a bed of roses, and tonight felt like things would never get better.*
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 5:39 am
He shut his eyes. What was he supposed to do? What, dammit? He finally moved a few paces away from her and curled up on the ground in a tiny ball. He felt sick to his stomach. He needed to be away from her, from them... from their direction. He didn't want to find his mother, especially dead. He didn't want to be ruled by some stupid king... he didn't want to be some ones mate.
He was feeling selfish and insacure. He wanted his godhood. Didn't those above see how he should be within their ranks? Didn't they think so? Her would prove himself... better than ever before. He wanted, he wanted!
Selfish, little, lost boy.
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 7:25 am
“So… you’re not going to do anything then… are you?”
She muttered at wit ha dull expression. By now her tears had stopped and all that was left was a sad reminder of the night and its events. Her ears pinned backwards as she gazed down at him and sighed.
“I see…”
Her eyes shifted from him to her paws again as she slowly lifted herself from her sitting place. He didn’t own her and he couldn’t keep her, so if she wanted to she would walk away.
“I’m leaving you.”
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 7:28 am
He'd just tried comforting her, hadn't he?! He'd just tried... oh he didn't know what the ******** he'd tried anymore. His ears flicked and he stared at nothing.
I'm leaving you. Pins and needles... his heart strained... what did she just say? He slowly sat up again, staring at her; dumb founded. "Wh..." He trailed off. "Ausi.." He said quietly. She was leaving him? Why did that hurt him so much? "Fine." He breathed, a spark of selfishness and confusion entering his voice. "Fine Ausi, just fine.." His expression look hurt. But what could he do? What had he done?
He looked down at his paws. How was he to fix this? "Where are you going to?" He wanted to be able to find her... she needed.. time.. he needed time..
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 7:33 am
“Away.”
*She stated dully.*
“I am going far away.”
*Ausi’s eyes narrowed upon his from as he spoke. He seemed to be alright with it. He would be, she thought to herself with a soft smirk. Right now she was being very selfish but in her own mind she had the right to be. She didn’t feel the need to even bother seeing how he was… because she was in-fact, even more selfish then he was when it came to emotions.
Maybe this was because she believed that he had no emotions… from his lack of something them. Turning her gaze from him tears slowly started to fill her eyes again.*
“So… just...”
*She stopped. What on earth... could she say?*
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 7:42 am
He slowly rose again, feeling very tired and just.. disgusted. Not with her... with himself. Would she not tell him, or did she not know? He moved foward and gave her a light nuzzle before turning and starting to walk again. Why did he bother? He wanted to throw up. He wanted everything inside him to curl up and die, he wanted peace. "Take care Ausi." He made his tone light, careless. This would be better for her, wouldn't it?
And for him too! He could do what he needed to with out being weighed down by her! Or maybe he was trying to convince himself...
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 7:49 am
“You too, Fedha…”
She managed to cough up as he started off. This really had to be the hardest thing she had ever done. She loved him but she was letting him go. He seemed fine with it… so no harm done right? Moving herself up the lioness gazed back at him and spoke softly to herself.
“I love you - - I will always love you.”
With that said she found comfort in her own words and slowly started to walk away, in the opposite direction.
"I just... couldn't keep you."End.
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