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 Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 6:18 am
I'll close my eyes...
*sigh* I'm still a little upset about this entire ordeal, but I'll try to stay calm and collected.
Well let's start with the quick basics. For many years I've had to hold within who I really am, because of my family. But now that I am in college, I have the chance to be free and be myself. A few more things: I have this strange obsession with blood. It doesn't interfere with my relationship with God, so I see nothing wrong with it. I just like the sight of blood. I also enjoy pain - but i do not inflict pain upon myself (or others) and it does not interfere with my relationship with God. So again, I see nothing wrong with it.
I recently left my church, on grounds that 1: I'm never there, 2: I don't feel comfortable (not in the conviction sense, because I know what that is, but because of the people), 3: and I feel that God wants me to be somewhere else. Not to mention I live an hour away and I'm staying up where I'm at during the summer (so for the next 3 1/2 years I'll be living here). It's just not the place for me.
Well, my mom found my myspace (and I'm 18 - 19 in only 9 days - so I don't see why she can't just get out of my life and why she can't just stop snooping around - if she wants to know something she can come to me and ask, and I'll give the answer that I feel fits). I had just recently changed my layout, and it pertained to blood. Well my mom freaked out and sent me a message via my sisters myspace (because she was on which is how my mom saw my myspace).
Well now my mom thinks that I'm going to the 'dark' side (probably because of the goth thing too - and I've told her what a true goth is already but does she understand? No! Because she doesn't care! She just wants me to conform to be the stereotypical Christian!) She thinks that I'm not on track (for some unknown reason. We just recently talked about my plans for life and where I was headed and such and I know I'm on track but for some reason being Goth and liking blood and pain hinders that? I don't see how) Well she's flipping out, and so am I.
So it comes down to this:
I go back to pretending that life is peachy, that I'm someone I'm not to make my family happy again and possibly slide back into depression (because I'm getting this feeling that that was why I was depressed for 4 years)
OR
Be myself and really who I am and possibly loose my mother in the process.
(Oh yeah - and tack on that a very recent development of being diagnosed with epilepsy)
...let the whole thing pass me by.
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 8:09 am
If I were you, I'd talk to my mother and explain that I was still a Christian and that I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I like the darker side of life more than the light and fluffy side.
If she doesn't understand then she doesn't. There's really nothing that she can do at this point since you are at college, not living at home, and an adult. If she continues to freak out, continue to love and respect her.
Call her every few days and try to explain again. Try to get her to see that it's really not bad, you're not hurting anyone and that this is just something that you like. She will most likely come around and accept who you are. If she doesn't then there's not much you can do besides continue to try to explain and/or not be yourself around her.
Sorry if this didn't help much, you've probably tried all of this already. But I hope that some of it helped.
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 11:16 am
morsusmihi If I were you, I'd talk to my mother and explain that I was still a Christian and that I wasn't doing anything wrong, but I like the darker side of life more than the light and fluffy side. If she doesn't understand then she doesn't. There's really nothing that she can do at this point since you are at college, not living at home, and an adult. If she continues to freak out, continue to love and respect her. Call her every few days and try to explain again. Try to get her to see that it's really not bad, you're not hurting anyone and that this is just something that you like. She will most likely come around and accept who you are. If she doesn't then there's not much you can do besides continue to try to explain and/or not be yourself around her. Sorry if this didn't help much, you've probably tried all of this already. But I hope that some of it helped. This helps me a lot. Thank you so much for your help. smile
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 5:12 pm
I guess I'm lucky. I'm a single mother living with my mother. She is helping me go back to school, not with paying my way, but she is finding people who know how to get grants and what not. She understands i like to shop sometimes at hottopic or torrid. Torrid mostly since well even at my thinest i'm a 12 with a "getto" and a "bubble" booty. (Yes I say booty, or bum.)
if it were me in that situation i would do the same, talk to her about it, and if she deosn't understand then ask her to at least respect it. I may be different but I am me and that's all I want to be.
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 9:50 pm
I'll close my eyes...
Thank you both for your advice.
My father called tonight, and I ended up talking to my mother.
The issue has been resolved and a middle ground was found.
smile God is good.
...let the whole thing pass me by.
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Posted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 10:55 pm
You be yourself. If your mother has doubts about YOUR spirituality then she'll find out what you're into when she takes a deep look at your testimony. Spread the gospel, pray for your friends, take them to church or wherever else you're seeking God. When she sees that she'll be so sure you're still a christian.
Remember: "by their fruit you will recognize them" Matthew 7:20
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:14 pm
I agree with the above stated and I do understand the situation because this has happened to me.
I think that you can only try to reassure her so much, since you're away, but that might mean that you should try to call her as much as possible (i do ralize a college student's busy schedule). during those conversations point out thatthe things you enjoy do not interfere with your relationship with the Lord.
If she still doesn't get it after that, then, you sould tell her if she doesn't already know, that pretending to be someting you're not hurts you.
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 9:15 pm
In my particular case I gave up trying to explain with words, so now I explain it through facts 3nodding Remember: human mind is like a maze. (trying to explain might get it more confusing)
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Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2007 6:54 pm
SaiBlackNight I'll close my eyes...
*sigh* I'm still a little upset about this entire ordeal, but I'll try to stay calm and collected.
Well let's start with the quick basics. For many years I've had to hold within who I really am, because of my family. But now that I am in college, I have the chance to be free and be myself. A few more things: I have this strange obsession with blood. It doesn't interfere with my relationship with God, so I see nothing wrong with it. I just like the sight of blood. I also enjoy pain - but i do not inflict pain upon myself (or others) and it does not interfere with my relationship with God. So again, I see nothing wrong with it.
I recently left my church, on grounds that 1: I'm never there, 2: I don't feel comfortable (not in the conviction sense, because I know what that is, but because of the people), 3: and I feel that God wants me to be somewhere else. Not to mention I live an hour away and I'm staying up where I'm at during the summer (so for the next 3 1/2 years I'll be living here). It's just not the place for me.
Well, my mom found my myspace (and I'm 18 - 19 in only 9 days - so I don't see why she can't just get out of my life and why she can't just stop snooping around - if she wants to know something she can come to me and ask, and I'll give the answer that I feel fits). I had just recently changed my layout, and it pertained to blood. Well my mom freaked out and sent me a message via my sisters myspace (because she was on which is how my mom saw my myspace).
Well now my mom thinks that I'm going to the 'dark' side (probably because of the goth thing too - and I've told her what a true goth is already but does she understand? No! Because she doesn't care! She just wants me to conform to be the stereotypical Christian!) She thinks that I'm not on track (for some unknown reason. We just recently talked about my plans for life and where I was headed and such and I know I'm on track but for some reason being Goth and liking blood and pain hinders that? I don't see how) Well she's flipping out, and so am I.
So it comes down to this:
I go back to pretending that life is peachy, that I'm someone I'm not to make my family happy again and possibly slide back into depression (because I'm getting this feeling that that was why I was depressed for 4 years)
OR
Be myself and really who I am and possibly loose my mother in the process.
(Oh yeah - and tack on that a very recent development of being diagnosed with epilepsy)
...let the whole thing pass me by. I am very sorry to hear that things are going badly for you, and I understand where you are coming from. I have been married and out of my parents house for about three years now, and I still get ragged on all the time for it. My mom just recently found out that I play DND and World Of Warcraft, and she nearly had a heart attack. Apperently she thinks this sort of Fantasy roleplay thing is "satanic". I tried to calm her down and explain it to her (Dungeons and Dragons is only as "evil" as you make it to be) But she woulden't even listen to me. Needless to say we spent a lot of time at my Inlaws house this Christmas. We were actually sleeping at my parents house, and that made things very awkward. As the weeks went by however, she kinda got used to the fact that I played these and even started to ask questions out of curiosity. My best advice is to just be yourself around her, eventually she willl she that you are still the same person inside, and that your interests are nothing to be worried about. I struggle with depresson also, and I found that once I got married and move to Cali with Ryan all of a sudden I felt a lot better, and I realize now it was most probably my stressful home situation and not being excepted there that caused much of it. I also like the look of blood a lot, it's a pretty color, and I use it a lot in my artwork. Have you thought about pointing out to your mom that blood is an integral part of our Faith? After all, it is by His blood we are saved.
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Posted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 5:39 am
Alaundria SaiBlackNight I'll close my eyes...
*sigh* I'm still a little upset about this entire ordeal, but I'll try to stay calm and collected.
Well let's start with the quick basics. For many years I've had to hold within who I really am, because of my family. But now that I am in college, I have the chance to be free and be myself. A few more things: I have this strange obsession with blood. It doesn't interfere with my relationship with God, so I see nothing wrong with it. I just like the sight of blood. I also enjoy pain - but i do not inflict pain upon myself (or others) and it does not interfere with my relationship with God. So again, I see nothing wrong with it.
I recently left my church, on grounds that 1: I'm never there, 2: I don't feel comfortable (not in the conviction sense, because I know what that is, but because of the people), 3: and I feel that God wants me to be somewhere else. Not to mention I live an hour away and I'm staying up where I'm at during the summer (so for the next 3 1/2 years I'll be living here). It's just not the place for me.
Well, my mom found my myspace (and I'm 18 - 19 in only 9 days - so I don't see why she can't just get out of my life and why she can't just stop snooping around - if she wants to know something she can come to me and ask, and I'll give the answer that I feel fits). I had just recently changed my layout, and it pertained to blood. Well my mom freaked out and sent me a message via my sisters myspace (because she was on which is how my mom saw my myspace).
Well now my mom thinks that I'm going to the 'dark' side (probably because of the goth thing too - and I've told her what a true goth is already but does she understand? No! Because she doesn't care! She just wants me to conform to be the stereotypical Christian!) She thinks that I'm not on track (for some unknown reason. We just recently talked about my plans for life and where I was headed and such and I know I'm on track but for some reason being Goth and liking blood and pain hinders that? I don't see how) Well she's flipping out, and so am I.
So it comes down to this:
I go back to pretending that life is peachy, that I'm someone I'm not to make my family happy again and possibly slide back into depression (because I'm getting this feeling that that was why I was depressed for 4 years)
OR
Be myself and really who I am and possibly loose my mother in the process.
(Oh yeah - and tack on that a very recent development of being diagnosed with epilepsy)
...let the whole thing pass me by. I am very sorry to hear that things are going badly for you, and I understand where you are coming from. I have been married and out of my parents house for about three years now, and I still get ragged on all the time for it. My mom just recently found out that I play DND and World Of Warcraft, and she nearly had a heart attack. Apperently she thinks this sort of Fantasy roleplay thing is "satanic". I tried to calm her down and explain it to her (Dungeons and Dragons is only as "evil" as you make it to be) But she woulden't even listen to me. Needless to say we spent a lot of time at my Inlaws house this Christmas. We were actually sleeping at my parents house, and that made things very awkward. As the weeks went by however, she kinda got used to the fact that I played these and even started to ask questions out of curiosity. My best advice is to just be yourself around her, eventually she willl she that you are still the same person inside, and that your interests are nothing to be worried about. I struggle with depresson also, and I found that once I got married and move to Cali with Ryan all of a sudden I felt a lot better, and I realize now it was most probably my stressful home situation and not being excepted there that caused much of it. I also like the look of blood a lot, it's a pretty color, and I use it a lot in my artwork. Have you thought about pointing out to your mom that blood is an integral part of our Faith? After all, it is by His blood we are saved.
Wow, I seriously had not thought about that last point. (I used to play the card game Magic with my Ex, and though I don't play it now I would never have told my mom because she too thinks that it's satanic) I've talked to my mom, and we're starting to come to terms. There is a middle ground that I never thought existed.
I've been letting my friends know about my love of blood, and some of them have freaked out. I understand, but I go to explain that I simply find an art in it where other people don't. One friend seems fine with it, as long as I don't show it around her (she's squeamish). They are all really accepting, or as accepting as someone who doesn't love blood can be.
In fact, things with my mom are going great. Now, it's problems with my boyfriend. It doesn't even have to do with things in this area though. I don't want to start a new thread really so I'll just give a little info here (and if anyone comments, great.) It's not problems in this area, because he is really accepting with everything. It's other problems. I'm not really sure how I feel about him. We've been dating for almost 2 months, and I'm questioning my feelings. Just recently (this past week) he's really been getting on my nerves (I'm up here at school and he's down in his home city 45 mins away)...and I'm not sure if it's because he genuinely annoys me or if it has to do with the fact that I'm here at school for a semester class crammed into two weeks (4.5 hours straight for 9 days). I was thinking about it last night, and I want to talk to him about my feelings. But in a way I dont because I really think that part of it has to do with this class. I've already had a seizure because of all the stress from all this (it was 40 mins long - the longest one I've ever had), and I've gotten physically sick because of it (just yesterday morning actually -- I felt sick all day long and I still feel sick now) But there are other things that make me wonder if I really like them, things that don't relate with being up here for this class. Even before, when he would get onto a subject that I didn't care about...I would listen/hear but the entire time i was thinking "shut up, please" and I don't think that I ever did that with my ex. I don't know. He's like my dad in the aspect that sometimes he starts talking about a subject and you're sitting there thinking "When will this be over?" I feel so bad thinking that thought! He's so sweet, such a gentleman, but I have a few things wrong:
I don't know how strong his faith is (he's baptists - goes to school with me)
He boarders the line of being too nice
He's spontanious, but calm and collected (I want some crazyness in my life, because I'm crazy and I enjoy that...but he's just not the type of guy to be crazy)
I know I'm not bad, and I don't do bad things...but I'm not an innocent flower either. And he's just so sheltered and innocent - it drives me crazy sometimes.
He's too reserved!
So there is my problem...and I don't know what to do. I decided last week that I was going to break up with him, but I don't know if thats really the solution to this problem. Help!
...let the whole thing pass me by.
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Posted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 12:27 pm
SaiBlackNight Alaundria SaiBlackNight I'll close my eyes...
*sigh* I'm still a little upset about this entire ordeal, but I'll try to stay calm and collected.
Well let's start with the quick basics. For many years I've had to hold within who I really am, because of my family. But now that I am in college, I have the chance to be free and be myself. A few more things: I have this strange obsession with blood. It doesn't interfere with my relationship with God, so I see nothing wrong with it. I just like the sight of blood. I also enjoy pain - but i do not inflict pain upon myself (or others) and it does not interfere with my relationship with God. So again, I see nothing wrong with it.
I recently left my church, on grounds that 1: I'm never there, 2: I don't feel comfortable (not in the conviction sense, because I know what that is, but because of the people), 3: and I feel that God wants me to be somewhere else. Not to mention I live an hour away and I'm staying up where I'm at during the summer (so for the next 3 1/2 years I'll be living here). It's just not the place for me.
Well, my mom found my myspace (and I'm 18 - 19 in only 9 days - so I don't see why she can't just get out of my life and why she can't just stop snooping around - if she wants to know something she can come to me and ask, and I'll give the answer that I feel fits). I had just recently changed my layout, and it pertained to blood. Well my mom freaked out and sent me a message via my sisters myspace (because she was on which is how my mom saw my myspace).
Well now my mom thinks that I'm going to the 'dark' side (probably because of the goth thing too - and I've told her what a true goth is already but does she understand? No! Because she doesn't care! She just wants me to conform to be the stereotypical Christian!) She thinks that I'm not on track (for some unknown reason. We just recently talked about my plans for life and where I was headed and such and I know I'm on track but for some reason being Goth and liking blood and pain hinders that? I don't see how) Well she's flipping out, and so am I.
So it comes down to this:
I go back to pretending that life is peachy, that I'm someone I'm not to make my family happy again and possibly slide back into depression (because I'm getting this feeling that that was why I was depressed for 4 years)
OR
Be myself and really who I am and possibly loose my mother in the process.
(Oh yeah - and tack on that a very recent development of being diagnosed with epilepsy)
...let the whole thing pass me by. I am very sorry to hear that things are going badly for you, and I understand where you are coming from. I have been married and out of my parents house for about three years now, and I still get ragged on all the time for it. My mom just recently found out that I play DND and World Of Warcraft, and she nearly had a heart attack. Apperently she thinks this sort of Fantasy roleplay thing is "satanic". I tried to calm her down and explain it to her (Dungeons and Dragons is only as "evil" as you make it to be) But she woulden't even listen to me. Needless to say we spent a lot of time at my Inlaws house this Christmas. We were actually sleeping at my parents house, and that made things very awkward. As the weeks went by however, she kinda got used to the fact that I played these and even started to ask questions out of curiosity. My best advice is to just be yourself around her, eventually she willl she that you are still the same person inside, and that your interests are nothing to be worried about. I struggle with depresson also, and I found that once I got married and move to Cali with Ryan all of a sudden I felt a lot better, and I realize now it was most probably my stressful home situation and not being excepted there that caused much of it. I also like the look of blood a lot, it's a pretty color, and I use it a lot in my artwork. Have you thought about pointing out to your mom that blood is an integral part of our Faith? After all, it is by His blood we are saved.
Wow, I seriously had not thought about that last point. (I used to play the card game Magic with my Ex, and though I don't play it now I would never have told my mom because she too thinks that it's satanic) I've talked to my mom, and we're starting to come to terms. There is a middle ground that I never thought existed.
I've been letting my friends know about my love of blood, and some of them have freaked out. I understand, but I go to explain that I simply find an art in it where other people don't. One friend seems fine with it, as long as I don't show it around her (she's squeamish). They are all really accepting, or as accepting as someone who doesn't love blood can be.
In fact, things with my mom are going great. Now, it's problems with my boyfriend. It doesn't even have to do with things in this area though. I don't want to start a new thread really so I'll just give a little info here (and if anyone comments, great.) It's not problems in this area, because he is really accepting with everything. It's other problems. I'm not really sure how I feel about him. We've been dating for almost 2 months, and I'm questioning my feelings. Just recently (this past week) he's really been getting on my nerves (I'm up here at school and he's down in his home city 45 mins away)...and I'm not sure if it's because he genuinely annoys me or if it has to do with the fact that I'm here at school for a semester class crammed into two weeks (4.5 hours straight for 9 days). I was thinking about it last night, and I want to talk to him about my feelings. But in a way I dont because I really think that part of it has to do with this class. I've already had a seizure because of all the stress from all this (it was 40 mins long - the longest one I've ever had), and I've gotten physically sick because of it (just yesterday morning actually -- I felt sick all day long and I still feel sick now) But there are other things that make me wonder if I really like them, things that don't relate with being up here for this class. Even before, when he would get onto a subject that I didn't care about...I would listen/hear but the entire time i was thinking "shut up, please" and I don't think that I ever did that with my ex. I don't know. He's like my dad in the aspect that sometimes he starts talking about a subject and you're sitting there thinking "When will this be over?" I feel so bad thinking that thought! He's so sweet, such a gentleman, but I have a few things wrong:
I don't know how strong his faith is (he's baptists - goes to school with me)
He boarders the line of being too nice
He's spontanious, but calm and collected (I want some crazyness in my life, because I'm crazy and I enjoy that...but he's just not the type of guy to be crazy)
I know I'm not bad, and I don't do bad things...but I'm not an innocent flower either. And he's just so sheltered and innocent - it drives me crazy sometimes.
He's too reserved!
So there is my problem...and I don't know what to do. I decided last week that I was going to break up with him, but I don't know if thats really the solution to this problem. Help!
...let the whole thing pass me by. I really wish that I had good advice to give you on this, It seems recently all my friends have been coming to me with boyfriend/breakup advice, and well... the one serious realtionship I had ended in mairrage, so as far as breakups go I have no clue. However, there were times I seriously thought about breaking up with Ryan when we were dating, and I am very glad that I did not. when you say that he starts talking about things and you just wish he wold stop, do you mean because what he is talking about is uncomfortable/controversial to you, or does he just bore you to death? My husband and I have slightly different world veiws on some things. but we still get along great because we have very compatible personalities. I would say wait till you are done with your classes (if you can wait that long) and see if he still annoys you afterward. If you honestly can't stand him then maybe hes just not for you.
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 8:26 am
Alaundria I really wish that I had good advice to give you on this, It seems recently all my friends have been coming to me with boyfriend/breakup advice, and well... the one serious realtionship I had ended in mairrage, so as far as breakups go I have no clue. However, there were times I seriously thought about breaking up with Ryan when we were dating, and I am very glad that I did not. when you say that he starts talking about things and you just wish he wold stop, do you mean because what he is talking about is uncomfortable/controversial to you, or does he just bore you to death? My husband and I have slightly different world veiws on some things. but we still get along great because we have very compatible personalities. I would say wait till you are done with your classes (if you can wait that long) and see if he still annoys you afterward. If you honestly can't stand him then maybe hes just not for you.
No, it's not that it's uncomfortable for me. It's just, there are times when he starts talking about things...guy stuff and I'm just like thinking 'I have no idea what you are saying!' and that's usually when I want him to stop talking. I guess that makes sense though. And I guess because it's a guy thing that it's something I have to learn to tolerate. My patience is very small, and I guess I need to work on that too.
...let the whole thing pass me by.
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Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 9:05 pm
SaiBlackNight I'll close my eyes...
No, it's not that it's uncomfortable for me. It's just, there are times when he starts talking about things...guy stuff and I'm just like thinking 'I have no idea what you are saying!' and that's usually when I want him to stop talking. I guess that makes sense though. And I guess because it's a guy thing that it's something I have to learn to tolerate. My patience is very small, and I guess I need to work on that too.
...let the whole thing pass me by. Ya, the "guy talk" is just something you are going to have to get used to I am afraid. Fortuantly me and my hubby share most interests, I do have a friend who is married to a football fanatic, she cant stand football, but has learned to tolerate it and even watches it with him. One of the big signs that a guy is for you is that you can learn to tolerate and even support his interests that you do not share. you could try to tell him gently that you really dont share an interest in what he is talking about, or try to change the subject. It is always best to be honest, if he really loves you he will understand.
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Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 1:10 pm
My recomendation would be to be true to yourself. prove to your mother that the light of God can still shine out of a goth. as long as God is still in your life. as for the blood thing., i have no idea. i mean i'm a big fan of pain and i actualy get into the vampire drinking now and then. that may be an issue between me and God that i'll have to look into.
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