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Let's make a list of the values we have learned from Hellsing.

1) Keep an eye out for people who dress like pimps they might just be the worlds greatest vampire.

2) Don't undress in front of your black dog. It could be Alucard in disguise.
LittleDemonMegami

3) Eating vampires is always dangerous but if your freaky enough it can be done. "Gorenza"

4) Air vents are always big enough to crawl through. And they always lead to where you want to go. "Ace of death"

5) The people you least expect are the ones who will betray you.
"Ace of Death"

6) Don't confuse cat ears with dog ears.
"Ace of Death"

7) Never dash into any situation, you get killed no matter what
Girlycard1959

cool Never think you're going to get help from someone, most likely they'll hang you out to dry. Girlycard1959

9) Bigger gun equals bigger death or near death experience. Girlycard1959

10) Don't try speaking dog to a werewolf, you get blown in five parts.
Girlycard1959

11) When you're in trouble, don't go to the Church. You'll always get killed.
Ophiuchus

12) When in Doubt....blow it up! " Lt_pandora_hawkeye"

13) If something or someone is in your way, even vaguely threatening, or otherwise irritating, blow their head off! "Ace of Death"

14) Bigger is better "LittleDemonMegami"

15) If you have more than two vampire friends chances are you are a nazi.
"Gorenza"

16) When in a dire need of escape, escape in the weirdest way possible, even if it confuses your allies along with your enemies XD
Girlycard1959

17) If you are human, and part of any millitary organisation whatsoever, you will always eventually be killed and eaten if you go after vampires.

1 cool Never, EVER insult or disrespect a mysterious man who wears blood red Italian suits and a large toothy grin. Those suits used to be black. Fenris Von Uberwald.

19) If a vampire takes you hostage against another vampire...you're not getting out alive. Ace of Death

20) Forget about stakes! Big pistols can do the job just fine.

21) If you see a 6'7" Catholic priest with huge bayonets, run for your life.

22) Alarm clocks are deadly.
"Shira Valios"

23)never expect support form your enemy, even if he tries to seduce you into trusting him. Girlycard1944

24) Women who smoke cigars should be treated with the utmost respect.
Gorenza

25) Don't go tearing off the moment you see the enemy come for you,
then gets you a negative respect points. Girlycard1944

26) Don't win the hearts of the reader, you're going to get killed in the next few books for sure. Girlycard1944

27)Pistols are for men and cannons are for girls. "Gorenza"

2 cool Make sure to be prepared for anything, this includes being attacked by Bruce Willis. "Girlycard1959"

29) Butlers can kick your ***... no matter how decent they look and act

30) Everybody has guns "Yukiko- Keeper of Dreams"

31) You CAN run a Government Organization at the age of 12

32) Uncles are bad. Don't have one.

33) Death is relative

34) You never need to worry about refilling your gun until the really big, badass bad guy shows up. In which case, it runs out at the worst of moments (if I recall correctly)

35) If you see a purple Nudist, Run.

36) Fun things only happen to Orphans
Rhia-chan

37) Don't underestimate old people.

3 cool Nazis and vampires are a good combination.

39) If someone is willingly shot to a bloody mess, they never die from it.

40) Don't mess with people who like to fight.

41) Big boobs=big guns.

42) Dracula is hot in every story ever written. Ever.

43) If someone boasts about their power, they won't live.

44) The more people cuss, the shorter their life.

45) Never underestimate a catholic.

46) When people turn into zombies, SHOOT THEM.

47) Becoming a vampire makes your boobs HUGE.
Bloody Shadow

4 cool Boob size is directly proportional to how powerful you are right now.
Zahmira

49) Apparently lethal wires can be used as floss.

50) Butlers that floss keep their natural hair color no matter what state they are in.

51) People in suits and gloves = armed and dangerous.

52) You CAN survive as a vampire without drinking blood.

53) Lovers of females with large breasts don't live for long.

54) Never disturb the Major at meal times.

55) Guns solve everything.

56) If you see a long-haired archbishop and you're not Catholic--run.

57) You CAN hide large clevage behind a suit.

5 cool People with muskets, long black hair and suit should be avoided.
Onyx_Fire

59) Old men with long white hair are fugly... and they're mean.. so stay away from them.

60) Glasses = Strong.. in most cases..

61) Boys in beanies don't get what they want and they die early..

62) The longer the hair on a girl, the more intelligent she is. Real short hair= ditz and weak, too long of hair= weak. In the middle =Smart and verrry cleverrr...

63) Big bows = sexier appearance..

64) never trust a very overweight man, with glasses and a suit that is
clearly too tight for him.

65) Never get too close to a butler with a monocle(sp?)

66) Don't boast.. or have an ego.. cause you'll die..

67) Always run from naked boys that turn into demented things with sharp teeth..

6 cool Don't underestimate the French..

69) Never let a crazy, blood-hyper vampire on an airplane.. they'll have too much fun..

70) Little boys that happen to be crossed with wolves actually are cute and annoying.

71) Dogs are scary..

72) You can smoke eight cigars a day and not get lung cancer.

73) Never trust a woman with an alarm clock.

74) Sexy vampires can have dreams that no one thought were possible.
xdark-weeping-angelx

75) crazy Catholics with big knifes can regenerate.

76) never call a prodistant woman a sow.

-77) be wary of blond British woman who wear glasses and green suits.

-7 cool the queen is easily angered.

79) vampires with enough strength can cause fires.

80) men who throw cards are not scary.

81) red is the sexiest color there is.

82) Nazi vampires with freckles like to sing.

83) magic bullets are very dangerous.

84) never underestimate the power of a one man battalion.

85) extremely strong vampires wear leather body suits under their clothes.

86) the stronger you get the longer your hair gets.
UtaNeko

87) The fewer troops sent out against you, the more likely it is that you're going to have your *** kicked
Nienna of the Valar

8 cool you may have random dreams where your guns talk to you

89) The only way to run an organization when you are 12 is to smoke cigars as if it was your lifeline!!!!

90) If you are the living dead and your master is a blond women, that wears suits and smokes alot.....you were better off just being dead.

91) if a dog has more then 2 eyes, dont bring it home and ask your parents if you can keep it.
freak0592

92) Vampires often work for Vampire killing organizations.

93) Vampires are sex symbols.

94) Non-Hellsing Organization Snipers WILL Die.

95) Don't mess with butlers.

96) Good Male Vampires treat blood as a drink, like a Capri-Sun pouch.

97) Good Female Vampires treat blood as soup, to be eaten with a spoon.

9 cool Humans dying is GREAT TV.

99) Teenage Vampires do naughty things while they kill people.

100) Releasing Controls on Alucard=Cromwell Initiative.

101) Cromwell Intitiative=Mass Killination.

102) Naked people are bad news.

103) Artificial Vampires suck, and will die.

104) If your name literally means nothing, you become nothing.

105) You can stab yourself through the neck and survive if you fight, thereby transcending your humanity.

106) Catholics can regenerate.

107) Anything Can Be Solved with a gun that shoots an explosive armor-piercing round that's made of silver, has a cross melted into it, and has been blessed.
Jared Cervantes

10 cool You can have a vampire for a servant.

109) Priests with Scottish accents are scary.

110) You can do the Sex Beam on whoever you want.

111) You can never out-curse someone who has at least 6 piercings on his face.

112) Hellhounds make great guard dogs.

113) Avoid nuns with dual personalities.

114) Women who smoke cigars are rare as diamonds.
Shira Valios

115) Your undead life can be more exciting than your living one.

116) The Angel of Death works in hardware.

117) There IS another good reason to remain a virgin.

11 cool Guns with silver bullets are more fun, and more effective, than wooden stakes.

119) Vampires like wearing sunglasses.. and death to those that step on them!

120) The crazier, the better. ^^
Simply Starlie

121) be very afraid of your local priest could be a vatican hitman

122) guns that have blessed ammo solves all

123) nazis make great targets

124) people with muskets love to sing
scipeo

125) Old people make handy shields, distractions, ect.

126) Airships are the preferred transportation for evil undead armies

127) There is aways time for a quick bite during battle.

12 cool Upsetting your boss is fun and profitable.

129) Killing heretics is tiring.
Shimrra the Chronicler

130) Women who let you pay them for sex always lead to trouble

131) Never doubt or think the shadow is nothing and turn your back

132) There never as innocent as they look
Azuira

133) Red eyes are sexiest

134) If you see a guy with a big red hat, you better run

135) knifes are funny

136) Life Sucks if you are not a Vampire like Alucard
Kiaori Moon Warrior

137) If you see a large zepplin in the sky, run.

13 cool A MAJOR can command an entier army of evil undead zombie
vampire nazis, but a general can't.

139) You will NEVER look at floss the same again. EVER.

140) Europe is so much more exciting than the US.

141) Dracula never died (par say).

142) The nazis are still out there, plotting taking over the world with
vampire zombies.

143) Little boys with ears can disapear whenever they feel like it.

144) Never call the major piggy.
gryphon_wonder

145) Butlers shouldn't be trusted

146) If it's in your way, it's ok to blast its head off

147) Assassins can easily be converted to escorts simply by applying some 'tude

14 cool If you can't beat 'em, summon your hellhound and eat 'em
Aceof Death

149) Tearing out pages from a bible and flinging them around you will save your life.

150) The corpse in your basement, when given blood, will turn into a sexy vampire king.

151) Reading people's minds is practical and socially acceptable.

152) Don't grab Seras' boobs, or she'll rip ya a new one.

153) Ditzy girls with big boobs need a huge gun to compensate.

154) Olive is always in fashion.

155) So are police/military uniforms.

156) Big red hats and huge red coats are too.

157) Guns are haunted by a "spirit" and will visit you in your sleep.

15 cool Most people who read scanlations will probably never know what the **** in "Eskimo **** is mighty cold" really said. (Myself included, because it may or may not be in the manga.)
SpasticKitten

159) A real man does not die just because his head is cut off. "Gorenza"

160) No matter what happens, never, ever run away from the zombies screaming...You WILL get caught, die, and turn into one. iStoleYurVamps

161) Die for the vampire chicks. Their hott. iStoleYurVamps

162) French men will always get the girl. But die anyway. iStoleYurVamps

163) Eye patches are sexy. iStoleYurVamps

164) Fat nazis will make you hate nazis even more than you just did.
iStoleYurVamps

165) Copies of an original is about at use full as can of fried monkeys in a fight. There is nothing like the real thing. "Gorenza"

166) The bigger the hat the scarier you are. Unless you're mexican.
(get it? sombraro haha) Purity Uchiha

167) The butler really did do it. Ciepher

16 cool Flintlock muskets are as powerful as any modern gun, and never fail to fire. Ciepher

169) Medieval warlords make good pets. Ciepher

170) Do not trust butlers with dental floss. Especially if they fought in the
second world war when he was thirteen. Purity Uchiha

171) Braids are awsome. Period. Oingo

3) eating vampires is always dangerous but if your freaky enough it can be done.

1 Never dash into any situation, you get killed no matter what

2 Never think you're going to get help from someone, most likely they'll hang you out to dry

3 Bigger gun equals bigger death or near death experience

4 Don't try speaking dog to a werewolf, you get blown in five parts

When in Doubt....blow it up!

Bigger is better. xD

If you are human, and part of any millitary organisation whatsoever, you will always eventually be killed and eaten if you go after vampires.

If a vampire takes you hostage against another vampire...you're not getting out alive.

never expect support form your enemy, even if he tries to seduce you into trusting him