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 Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 1:14 pm
39 things you should know by now
1 . Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance
7 . Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a beer in each hand
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that
word would be "meetings".
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. People who want to share their religious views with you never want you to share yours with them
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual
baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,gender,religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside,we ALL believe that we are above average drivers and have a sense of humour
37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
38. Your friends love you anyway.
39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic
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Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 3:09 pm
15 is a lie! What if a guy's cleaning the dishes, and a hitman blows his brains out?
Killer dishes! eek
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Keep Calm I am The Doctor
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Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 3:33 pm
that's a poor excuse! just remember those rubber gloves we saw in Woolworths razz
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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 12:08 pm
Poppetta that's a poor excuse! just remember those rubber gloves we saw in Woolworths razz I'll say this for him, he knows how to show a girl a good time... 3nodding
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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 1:18 pm
hey! i took him in ALL the best stores in town!
i seem to remember him saying 'don't you DARE' to me about the pink, fluffy rubber gloves too ninja may have to do a little shopping tomorrow cool
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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 2:23 pm
georgehippo I'll say this for him, he knows how to show a girl a good time... 3nodding Georgey, there's something about you saying that, while dressed as you are... razz lol
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Keep Calm I am The Doctor
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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 3:53 pm
Poppetta that's a poor excuse! just remember those rubber gloves we saw in Woolworths razz When I saw them, I thought "Oh my God, Chavy AND typical!" George my friend, I always show people a good time. cool All the best stores... Like the place with that crazy woman that screamed when you pushed the gear stick? rofl
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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 4:59 pm
SHH!! don't mention that! i was going to buy that for Hippo for Christmas, it reminded me of his driving ninja
and let's not forget that damn giant chicken!! gonk
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 9:00 pm
alteyra georgehippo I'll say this for him, he knows how to show a girl a good time... 3nodding Georgey, there's something about you saying that, while dressed as you are... razz lol  jellysundae SHH!! don't mention that! i was going to buy that for Hippo for Christmas, it reminded me of his driving ninja Look, i had 3 fully grown females and a cat in the mini that day...it was affecting the aerodynamics of my vehicle...i put it to you that this is the reason you were feeling a bit green 3nodding
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Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:50 pm
jellysundae and let's not forget that damn giant chicken!! gonk I still say it wasn't watching you. Hey, atleast I told you to duck and stood in the way! And that ugly doll... Still, it was pretty cool how the dog bed sat perfectly in its way. Remember the rapping bear? rofl
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Keep Calm I am The Doctor
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Keep Calm I am The Doctor
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Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:51 pm
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Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 1:52 pm
rofl you hustled me away and wouldn't let me play with that! scream
ninja
*wonders whether she dare send him one for Christmas* cool lol sweatdrop
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Keep Calm I am The Doctor
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Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 4:24 pm
Poppetta rofl you hustled me away and wouldn't let me play with that! scream ninja *wonders whether she dare send him one for Christmas* cool lol sweatdrop You played! It started rapping, you started laughing, so I left you to it. I still say you shoulda let me go down the last Isle. So what if it was full of sex toys? ninja
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Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 4:57 pm
Ranu Blackheart So what if it was full of sex toys? ninja um...which shop was this then?
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Posted: Thu Dec 14, 2006 12:38 pm
a skuzzy one that's the other side of the pub next to me.
my Mum tends to dessert me when i start laughing my head off at merchandise in shops too ninja
the way i see it, if people are going to sell cheap tat they should expect it to be laughed at!
and i wasn't stopping you from looking at the sex aids, i think you were afraid i'd start poking you with them rofl
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